# Blurring the lines of a relationship with stepchildren **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 24, 2013, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blurring-the-lines-of-a-relationship-with-stepchildren/661805 "2013-06-24T17:33:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2013, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blurring-the-lines-of-a-relationship-with-stepchildren/661805/21 "2013-06-25T02:29:17Z")
In my experience, most families have someone who thinks as you do, and makes sure everyone knows how they feel. They don’t tend to be particularly beloved, even in families that readily accept “outsiders” as one of their own. ---
**Author:** ![KSO](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f07891/32.png) [@KSO](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KSO)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2013, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blurring-the-lines-of-a-relationship-with-stepchildren/661805/22 "2013-06-25T02:37:29Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > And I have to say I think you’re full of shit. Family isn’t about who shares a bloodline or who’s got a legal contract with whom. It’s about who loves each other. This +1. ---
**Author:** ![legalsnugs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@legalsnugs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/legalsnugs)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2013, 8:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blurring-the-lines-of-a-relationship-with-stepchildren/661805/23 "2013-06-25T08:14:27Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > … > > MEL: You divorce wives, not children. This, completely, times 1,000. The word “step” just shouldn’t be used at all, IMO. It devalues the relationship and the people (read: children AND adults) in the relationship. Shame on you, SussieQ. ---
**Author:** ![Learjeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/94ad74/32.png) [@Learjeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Learjeff)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2013, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blurring-the-lines-of-a-relationship-with-stepchildren/661805/24 "2013-06-25T12:24:11Z")
> [@legalsnugs](#): > > This, completely, times 1,000. The word “step” just shouldn’t be used at all, IMO. It devalues the relationship and the people (read: children AND adults) in the relationship. Shame on you, SussieQ. I agree with the spirit but not the letter here. There is a difference between stepchildren and legal children. It’s a legal one, and it’s a social one. Clearly, the social difference varies a lot, everyone is different and no two relationships are identical. But there is a difference when someone has legal responsibility versus not. I adopted my wife’s son after we married. Whenever anyone calls him my stepson, I politely correct them. My own father once used that term, and when I corrected him, I said “Dad, I’m adopted too. Does that make me your stepson?” He understood exactly what I meant (and of course, I understood what he had meant too.) My point is that the term “stepson” or “stepdaughter” is a legal term and has meaning. It also makes clear that the person might have yet another parent. It’s not useless. It shouldn’t be implied to devalue the relationship. It can work the opposite way. I’ve known step relationships that were especially close, in which case it adds poignancy rather than detracting. But I bet that it is overused, and should more often be omitted as unnecessary. I’d hate to hear “Your son broke my window with his baseball!” replied with “He’s my STEPson.” The norm should be to omit, and only refine when it explains something (like why Fred only lives here every other week). ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2013, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blurring-the-lines-of-a-relationship-with-stepchildren/661805/25 "2013-06-25T13:13:07Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > Too much concern about actual bloodlines, not enough concern for real relationships, which are not necessarily based on genetic ties. > [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > In the situations you describe, the problem isn’t the "step"ness but the impermenance of the relationships. Story told before. The birthmother of one of my classmates died when she and her sister were very little. Their father remarried a couple of years later; at the time, there was no need for further paperwork for the new spouse to adopt pre-existing children, but out of respect for the deceased, the parents kept the childrens’ old lastnames. In Spain, “step-anything” is pretty much an insult, it implies that the relationship is forced and ugly; Maite always made it clear that she considered her Mom as, well, her Mom, no step-anythings there. Eventually both sisters got their names changed legally, to include their Mom’s lastname. And anybody who sees anything wrong with that… well, I’ll let Maite deal with them, she’s got over 40 years of practice and an extremely sharp tongue. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/blurring-the-lines-of-a-relationship-with-stepchildren/661805.md?page=1)