# Body Signals and the Fall of Radical Islam **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 9, 2015, 11:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/body-signals-and-the-fall-of-radical-islam/734015 "2015-10-09T11:36:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Snark\_Hunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Snark\_Hunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snark_Hunter)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2015, 11:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/body-signals-and-the-fall-of-radical-islam/734015/1 "2015-10-09T11:36:44Z")
First of all, let me explain what I mean when I refer to the Theory of Body Signals. It isn’t a scientific theory, but rather a spiritual one. I’ve been observing and analyzing the body signals for decades now, and I like to think I understand what they signify and their potential to change human behavior. The theory goes like this: God is able to communicate with all mankind not only through personal revelation, prophets and the scriptures, but also physically through certain “signals” which manifest as itches, muscular twitches, cramps and pains. These signals are not God’s primary means of communicating with us, His children, but are rather supplementary in nature. He doesn’t expect us to watch every little itch or twitch and try to decode them, but they are helpful in letting us know His will in general and work out our problems. Here, then, are what I consider to be the most important body signals: **Left side** of the body symbolizes **evil** **Right side** of the body symbolizes **good** **Legs** symbolize **thoughts** **Arms and shoulder blades** symbolize **actions** **Left ear** symbolizes **God’s justice** **Right ear** symbolizes **God’s mercy** **Cheeks** mean **God didn’t say that** **Nose** means **choose** For example, if I think an evil thought, my left leg may itch or twitch. If I believe something God didn’t say, one of my cheeks may itch when I reference that belief in my thoughts. If I am kind to others, my right ear may itch or pulse. And so on. **…To be continued…** ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2015, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/body-signals-and-the-fall-of-radical-islam/734015/2 "2015-10-09T11:39:30Z")
When you say “cheeks,” do you mean facial or butt? Because my left buttcheek is itching. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2015, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/body-signals-and-the-fall-of-radical-islam/734015/3 "2015-10-09T11:42:42Z")
What does the Symphysis Pubis mean? ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2015, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/body-signals-and-the-fall-of-radical-islam/734015/4 "2015-10-09T11:55:47Z")
> [@Snark\_Hunter](#): > > The theory goes like this: God is able to communicate with all mankind not only through personal revelation, prophets and the scriptures, but also physically through certain “signals” which manifest as itches, muscular twitches, cramps and pains. Those poor suckers with Tourette’s Syndrome. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Snark\_Hunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Snark\_Hunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snark_Hunter)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2015, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/body-signals-and-the-fall-of-radical-islam/734015/5 "2015-10-09T11:57:21Z")
So, if you are a Muslim and you believe that Allah justifies _jihad_ against others in the name of your religion, I challenge you to pray to him about such war, watching the body signals carefully. I believe that Allah will convince you that peace and good will towards all others are His way, and that terrorism and _jihad_ are foreign to His will. Perhaps if all radical Islamists would follow these simple signals, the whole world would be transformed. ---
**Author:** ![Snark\_Hunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Snark\_Hunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snark_Hunter)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2015, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/body-signals-and-the-fall-of-radical-islam/734015/6 "2015-10-09T11:59:40Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > When you say “cheeks,” do you mean facial or butt? Because my left buttcheek is itching. Facial. ---
**Author:** ![Snark\_Hunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Snark\_Hunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snark_Hunter)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2015, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/body-signals-and-the-fall-of-radical-islam/734015/7 "2015-10-09T12:01:04Z")
> [@don\_t\_ask](#): > > What does the Symphysis Pubis mean? I’m not familiar with that term. ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2015, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/body-signals-and-the-fall-of-radical-islam/734015/8 "2015-10-09T12:04:04Z")
You came back after fourteen years to tell us this? What makes you think the code is standardized, and not God’s custom version for you? ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2015, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/body-signals-and-the-fall-of-radical-islam/734015/9 "2015-10-09T12:04:55Z")
> [@Snark\_Hunter](#): > > Facial. Then what is god telling me when he makes my other cheeks itch? Inquiring minds! ---
**Author:** ![Snark\_Hunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Snark\_Hunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snark_Hunter)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2015, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/body-signals-and-the-fall-of-radical-islam/734015/10 "2015-10-09T12:18:39Z")
> [@foolsguinea](#): > > You came back after fourteen years to tell us this? > > What makes you think the code is standardized, and not God’s custom version for you? God is no respecter of persons. I possess the standard human male body, so it stands to reason that it’s like others in nature. Of course I could be a “custom version,” but I doubt it. ---
**Author:** ![Steken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@Steken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steken)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2015, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/body-signals-and-the-fall-of-radical-islam/734015/11 "2015-10-09T12:20:02Z")
Please continue. How does this relate to “the Fall of Radical Islam”? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2015, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/body-signals-and-the-fall-of-radical-islam/734015/12 "2015-10-09T12:20:44Z")
Maybe you’re just itchy? Scabies, maybe? ---
**Author:** ![Snark\_Hunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Snark\_Hunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snark_Hunter)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2015, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/body-signals-and-the-fall-of-radical-islam/734015/13 "2015-10-09T12:22:33Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Then what is god telling me when he makes my other cheeks itch? Inquiring minds! My guess is, buttcheeks = idle thoughts or forgotten truths (I’m not sure so I didn’t mention them). ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2015, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/body-signals-and-the-fall-of-radical-islam/734015/14 "2015-10-09T12:22:55Z")
Your conception of God is that God is insane. God’s almighty and all-knwoing. If God wanted to give me messages through my body, it could speak directly in my ear in unambiguous language. Instead, God decides to send me symbolic signals through itches on various parts of my body, does that for everyone, in a code that nobody except you seems even to realize exists. What possible motive would an all-powerful, omniscient being have for engaging in such a bizarrely ineffective means of communication? I can think of only two motives: insanity or malevolence. ---
**Author:** ![Snark\_Hunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Snark\_Hunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snark_Hunter)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2015, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/body-signals-and-the-fall-of-radical-islam/734015/15 "2015-10-09T12:29:25Z")
> [@Steken](#): > > Please continue. > > How does this relate to “the Fall of Radical Islam”? Just what I said above: if _jihadists_ would actually analyze their body signals, they’d be convinced of the errors of their ways. The same is true of any false beliefs. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2015, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/body-signals-and-the-fall-of-radical-islam/734015/16 "2015-10-09T12:31:43Z")
> [@Snark\_Hunter](#): > > Just what I said above: if _jihadists_ would actually analyze the body signals, they’d be convinced of the errors of their ways. I guarandamntee you that if a jihadist actually believed your system were accurate, his left ear would be itching up a storm. ---
**Author:** ![spifflog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@spifflog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spifflog)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2015, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/body-signals-and-the-fall-of-radical-islam/734015/17 "2015-10-09T12:33:31Z")
> [@Snark\_Hunter](#): > > if _jihadists_ would actually analyze their body signals, they’d be convinced of the errors of their ways. Oh. Ok. Sounds reasonable to me. Can we just forward this link to them, or print the link out and maybe air drop a bunch of notes with the link printed on it? Easy peasy. ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2015, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/body-signals-and-the-fall-of-radical-islam/734015/18 "2015-10-09T12:38:20Z")
This is a trap right? After all, you call yourself a **Snark Hunter**. ---
**Author:** ![Snark\_Hunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Snark\_Hunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snark_Hunter)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2015, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/body-signals-and-the-fall-of-radical-islam/734015/19 "2015-10-09T12:38:45Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Your conception of God is that God is insane. God’s almighty and all-knwoing. If God wanted to give me messages through my body, it could speak directly in my ear in unambiguous language. Instead, God decides to send me symbolic signals through itches on various parts of my body, does that for everyone, in a code that nobody except you seems even to realize exists. > > What possible motive would an all-powerful, omniscient being have for engaging in such a bizarrely ineffective means of communication? > > I can think of only two motives: insanity or malevolence. We are to walk by faith in this mortal lifetime; no one pleases God without faith. Like I said, I believe the body signals are merely supplementary by nature, not intended to be proof of anything. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2015, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/body-signals-and-the-fall-of-radical-islam/734015/20 "2015-10-09T12:40:29Z")
My back is itchy right now in the exact spot that I cannot reach. Tell your god to stop fucking with me. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/body-signals-and-the-fall-of-radical-islam/734015.md?page=2)