# Book: "Why Do Men Have Nipples?" **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 5, 2005, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/book-why-do-men-have-nipples/315677 "2005-08-05T04:30:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/book-why-do-men-have-nipples/315677/1 "2005-08-05T04:30:00Z")
Of course, Cecil answered the title question some 26 years ago, but apparently there is a new book that answers questions “you would only ask a doctor after your third martini,” whatever that means. More info here: [http://msnbc.msn.com/id/8798141/](http://msnbc.msn.com/id/8798141/) Anyway, I read the linked article, and it occurred to me that for every question answered in that book, there must be an identical question asked and answered here in the archives, either the Columns or the Message Boards (often, probably, multiple times). So, I ask my fellow Dopers: Have you read this book? Will you read this book? Will anyone here take the time to see if the book answers any questions we haven’t asked yet? Or if its answers differ from the answers that can be found on our own beloved website? ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/book-why-do-men-have-nipples/315677/2 "2005-08-05T12:03:11Z")
The Moderator waffles: Hmm. My first thought was to put this in the forum on Comments on Cecil’s Column, but I’ll agree with **Rufus** that it’s really about this book, so it stays in Cafe Society. (You may ask, why post a statement that I’m not doing anything? The answer is so that no other Moderator comes along and moves it.) ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/book-why-do-men-have-nipples/315677/3 "2005-08-05T12:04:12Z")
My seven year old boy has, for some time, referred to his nipples as his “decorations”. ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/book-why-do-men-have-nipples/315677/4 "2005-08-05T12:08:46Z")
That explains why CNN did a story on why men have nipples this morning. I couldn’t figure out what the heck the point of it was… ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/book-why-do-men-have-nipples/315677/5 "2005-08-05T12:09:55Z")
> [@Tengu](#): > > That explains why CNN did a story on why men have nipples this morning. I couldn’t figure out what the heck the point of it was… This just in… Men Have Nipples! Film at Eleven! ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/book-why-do-men-have-nipples/315677/6 "2005-08-05T15:43:53Z")
Perusing Amazon, I see that the book is $10.36 new, and some of the reviews list the following questions: How do people in wheelchairs have sex? Why do I get a killer headache when I suck down my milkshake too fast? Can I lose my contact lens inside my head forever? Why does asparagus make my pee smell? Why do old people grow hair on their ears? Is the old adage “beer before liquor, never sicker, liquor before beer . . .” really true? What causes morning breath? Why do seeds cause air biscuit floatation? ---
**Author:** ![Corii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/aeb1de/32.png) [@Corii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corii)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/book-why-do-men-have-nipples/315677/7 "2005-08-05T16:52:55Z")
> [@Rufus Xavier](#): > > Why do seeds cause air biscuit floatation? … whaaaat? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/book-why-do-men-have-nipples/315677/8 "2005-08-05T17:41:26Z")
> [@Corii](#): > > … whaaaat? 😕 To “float an air biscuit” = to fart. ---
**Author:** ![Meeko](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e495f1/32.png) [@Meeko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meeko)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/book-why-do-men-have-nipples/315677/9 "2005-08-05T22:40:39Z")
There were certain parts of the book I found informative, others humorus, and others I want to get out of my head. ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/book-why-do-men-have-nipples/315677/10 "2005-08-05T23:40:43Z")
> [@Rufus Xavier](#): > > apparently there is a new book that answers questions “you would only ask a doctor after your third martini,” whatever that means. It means the questions are so dumb, you’d have to be drunk to ask them. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2005, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/book-why-do-men-have-nipples/315677/11 "2005-08-05T23:48:13Z")
> [@ShibbOleth](#): > > This just in… Men Have Nipples! Film at Eleven! On Fox News: “The president’s nipples: how superior are they? Film At Eleven!” ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2005, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/book-why-do-men-have-nipples/315677/12 "2005-08-06T01:18:18Z")
“This is Geraldo Rivera, coming to you live from Al Capone’s secret nipple vault.” ---
**Author:** ![Turek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/turek/32/18782_2.png) [@Turek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Turek)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2005, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/book-why-do-men-have-nipples/315677/13 "2005-08-06T01:59:35Z")
Near future Pit thread: “It’s Bush’s fault men have nipples.” ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2005, 6:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/book-why-do-men-have-nipples/315677/14 "2005-08-06T06:46:05Z")
Only (some) straight guys would wonder why they have nipples. Gay men learned a long time ago they are more then just “decorations”. Don’t need to buy a book to tell me what you can do with them… ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2005, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/book-why-do-men-have-nipples/315677/15 "2005-08-06T07:32:50Z")
> [@DMark](#): > > Only (some) straight guys would wonder why they have nipples. > > Gay men learned a long time ago they are more then just “decorations”. > > Don’t need to buy a book to tell me what you can do with them… It’s always fun to buy books (and movies) that SHOW you what can be done with them, though… ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2005, 8:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/book-why-do-men-have-nipples/315677/16 "2005-08-06T08:06:10Z")
“Martha Stewart’s Guide To Home Nipple Care.” Err… ewww. I’m gonna go wash my brain. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2005, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/book-why-do-men-have-nipples/315677/17 "2005-08-06T11:24:53Z")
> [@ShibbOleth](#): > > This just in… Men Have Nipples! Film at Eleven! No no no, they never give you any substance in the teaser. It goes like this: This just in… Men have something you won’t believe! Film at eleven. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2005, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/book-why-do-men-have-nipples/315677/18 "2005-08-06T14:11:18Z")
> [@Liberal](#): > > No no no, they never give you any substance in the teaser. It goes like this: > > This just in… Men have something you won’t believe! Film at eleven. :smack: You’re right, of course. Our local station would run something like this: What have men got to hide? You won’t believe the shocking truth Alicia Stonewood reveals this week in a special three-part series… ---
**Author:** ![HelloKitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ecccb3/32.png) [@HelloKitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HelloKitty)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2005, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/book-why-do-men-have-nipples/315677/19 "2005-08-06T17:48:28Z")
Is that one of those “Imponderables” books?? (too lazy to click on links or look it up) I got one from the library the other day and felt dumber after having read some of it. Also had a headache for all the :rolleyes: I did while reading the author’s stupid puns and “jokes” that accompanied each “answer”. I’m sticking with the real thing from now on. ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2005, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/book-why-do-men-have-nipples/315677/20 "2005-08-06T23:54:25Z")
The authors of _Why Do Men Have Nipples: Hundreds of Questions You’d Only Ask your Doctor After Your Third Martini_ are Mark Leyner and Billy Goldberg, M.D. David Feldman is the “Imponderables” author. His latest is _Do Elephants Jump?_ [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/book-why-do-men-have-nipples/315677.md?page=2)