# Booking concert at lesbian bar, potentially lots of straight male patrons **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 13, 2015, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/booking-concert-at-lesbian-bar-potentially-lots-of-straight-male-patrons/717545 "2015-04-13T03:23:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Lemmytheseal2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/82dd89/32.png) [@Lemmytheseal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemmytheseal2)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2015, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/booking-concert-at-lesbian-bar-potentially-lots-of-straight-male-patrons/717545/1 "2015-04-13T03:23:59Z")
I’m in a band, and we just played our second gig last night. We’re all pretty excited, and now it seems that if we can throw together a show for the ninth of May, that would be excellent, and here’s why: A friend of mine who once lived here will be back in town for a bachelor party, and he’s organizing the roving party. I should specify that he has a “no strip club” clause for this one. He told me that if I had a gig that night, he could bring between 8 and 24 people all by himself, not all of whom would be part of the party per se. That would be great for turnout! So, I’m scrambling, trying to put out all the feelers I can. One potential venue I’ve considered is a historic, fairly small lesbian bar that sometimes has bands. I dropped in a couple of times when I was trying to find a female drummer, and while I actually found her at a different place, she does happen to be a lesbian. The thing is, what’s the etiquette for this situation? Would it be bad form if a sizable group consisting mostly (but not entirely, one of my friend’s companions will be another lesbian herself!) of heterosexual men all showed up for the gig? I know that the bar would love the business, but I realize that for many people, this establishment is a really dear part of their community, and it’s a space where they can be themselves, and so on and so forth. I want to honor and respect that. So how should I handle this? ---
**Author:** ![usedtobe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ec9cab/32.png) [@usedtobe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/usedtobe)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2015, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/booking-concert-at-lesbian-bar-potentially-lots-of-straight-male-patrons/717545/2 "2015-04-13T03:30:58Z")
Ask the bar? There are no set rules about who is or is not welcome in this or that kind of bar. Find the manager and ask. My gut instinct is a bunch of drunk straight men in a lesbian-dominated bar could still be an issue. How old are these folks? How mature? Unless YOU can be certain that none of these 20-24 will do something stupid (it only takes one asshole to ruin an evening), I’d see if something can be re-scheduled. ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2015, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/booking-concert-at-lesbian-bar-potentially-lots-of-straight-male-patrons/717545/3 "2015-04-13T03:39:02Z")
You’re probably not the first band with male friends to ever play a gig there. If the manager wants you to play there, there’s no reason for you to second guess her. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2015, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/booking-concert-at-lesbian-bar-potentially-lots-of-straight-male-patrons/717545/4 "2015-04-13T03:50:30Z")
> [@Merneith](#): > > You’re probably not the first band with male friends to ever play a gig there. If the manager wants you to play there, there’s no reason for you to second guess her. That’s what I’m thinking, if the manager is okay, let your friends stop in as they crawl past the bar, if not, just tell them [your friends], it’s not going to work, the manger doesn’t want 20 drunks stumbling in at once. A compromise, that you might just want to offer up to both parties right off the bat, is that they _start_ their party there. That way no one (well, mostly no one) is drunk yet and you can tell the manager that that they’re just going to show up at 7, watch us for a few songs and then take off. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2015, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/booking-concert-at-lesbian-bar-potentially-lots-of-straight-male-patrons/717545/5 "2015-04-13T04:53:20Z")
Curious, what songs do lesbians like or dont like. I take it “Stand by Your Man” or “When a Man Loves a Woman” arent favorites. ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2015, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/booking-concert-at-lesbian-bar-potentially-lots-of-straight-male-patrons/717545/6 "2015-04-13T05:57:33Z")
> [@Merneith](#): > > You’re probably not the first band with male friends to ever play a gig there. If the manager wants you to play there, there’s no reason for you to second guess her. True, but I think it’d be good to double check with the manager in this specific situation. There’s a sizeable difference between some guy friends of the band coming to the gig to hear them play (and probably drink, too, of course) and two _dozen_ guys showing up simultaneously as part of a bachelor party bar crawl. The main goal of most of these kinds of bachelor(ette) parties is to get hammered and there’s a good chance they’ll show up already pretty damn drunk. 20-24 drunk dudes coming to a lesbian bar en masse could lead to a LOT of obnoxious behavior or worse – like trying to pick up lesbians or wanting to watch/seeing two women kiss like it’s a performance for the guys, rude comments, etc. NOT saying any of that is sure to happen, but it could ([some of these one-star Yelp reviews of lesbian bars by straights or gay guys are examples of non-egregious-but-still-shitty behavior](http://www.autostraddle.com/excerpts-from-scathing-yelp-reviews-of-lesbian-bars-by-not-lesbians-265417/)). That’s why I’d run it by the manager, just in case. ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2015, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/booking-concert-at-lesbian-bar-potentially-lots-of-straight-male-patrons/717545/7 "2015-04-13T06:03:17Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Curious, what songs do lesbians like or dont like. I take it “Stand by Your Man” or “When a Man Loves a Woman” arent favorites. Shockingly, lesbians are not a Borg Collective. Rumor has it that lesbians – being, y’know, people – enjoy all kinds of music. Crazy, innit? ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2015, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/booking-concert-at-lesbian-bar-potentially-lots-of-straight-male-patrons/717545/8 "2015-04-13T06:15:00Z")
Yeah, there are 2 lesbian (mostly) bands I’ve long enough to have friendships with. You’d know if you talked with them, but listening, not so much. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2015, 11:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/booking-concert-at-lesbian-bar-potentially-lots-of-straight-male-patrons/717545/9 "2015-04-13T11:22:04Z")
Definitely ask the manager. Most lesbian bars wouldn’t have a problem with several straight guys showing up, especially if you’re there and can vouch for them, but a bachelor party might be different. You know these people though, so if they’re unlikely to get obnoxious when drunk then it’d probably be OK. Lesbian bars really do have a problem with straight men showing up and harassing the lesbians there (I’ve had a LOT of hassle from straight men at lesbian bars), so it’s good that you’ve considered it. ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2015, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/booking-concert-at-lesbian-bar-potentially-lots-of-straight-male-patrons/717545/10 "2015-04-13T13:24:49Z")
I agree that a few male friends showing up to watch your band is quite different from 24 bachelor partiers. Think hard about your friends and how they’re likely to act. I’d talk to the guy organizing the bachelor thing,too, and make sure that he’ll shut down or help to kick out any of the partiers who don’t behave. Then I’d talk it over with the bar. Of course, if you do play, I assume you’ll do a [Jonathan Richman](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjFU98mEem4)cover? ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2015, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/booking-concert-at-lesbian-bar-potentially-lots-of-straight-male-patrons/717545/11 "2015-04-13T13:42:43Z")
Sorry the best Jonathan Richman cover for a band is [Pablo Picasso](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kc2iLAubras). Played loud with howling guitars it really moves along. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2015, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/booking-concert-at-lesbian-bar-potentially-lots-of-straight-male-patrons/717545/12 "2015-04-13T14:10:00Z")
Perhaps the bar would want to put up a notice in advance that bachelor party attendees are expected to be there on that evening, so any of the regular patrons who would be offended by this can stay away that evening? ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2015, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/booking-concert-at-lesbian-bar-potentially-lots-of-straight-male-patrons/717545/13 "2015-04-13T14:18:10Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > Perhaps the bar would want to put up a notice in advance that bachelor party attendees are expected to be there on that evening, so any of the regular patrons who would be offended by this can stay away that evening? Seems counterproductive to potentially drive off a hundred customers for the sake of two dozen who will only be there for a short period of time. I don’t know why there are any other answers than “Ask the bar manager”. They’ll know the clientele, they’ll know their own views on the matter, and you’ll probably have to talk to them about getting the band in anyway. If the manager thinks it won’t work out, they’ll tell you. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2015, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/booking-concert-at-lesbian-bar-potentially-lots-of-straight-male-patrons/717545/14 "2015-04-13T14:56:42Z")
You’ve only played in public twice and your following is purely hypothetical at this point. I think your goal has to be to reach out to as many places as possible. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2015, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/booking-concert-at-lesbian-bar-potentially-lots-of-straight-male-patrons/717545/15 "2015-04-13T16:14:50Z")
One or two dozen men coming into a small to mid sized lesbian bar would be awkward for both groups under most circumstances. At that point they are effectively are main energy in the place and this would likely piss off the target clientele seeking to chill in a lesbian centric space. You can do it and they will probably be tolerated, but there are better venues for a roving bachelor party. ---
**Author:** ![Calatin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@Calatin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Calatin)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2015, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/booking-concert-at-lesbian-bar-potentially-lots-of-straight-male-patrons/717545/16 "2015-04-13T17:20:52Z")
A good deal of my friends get upset when bachelorette parties come to gay bars, because the women are usually loud, disorderly, obnoxious, etc. They almost treat it like are in a wildlife preserve, interacting with all the strange animals. It’s not their presence that is bothersome, but just how unruly they can be, operating under the guise of “it’s okay, because we’re girls.” Behavior that might be tolerated in other situations is viewed with disdain, because the other patrons have no intention of trying to get into their pants. That being said, if this place also serves as a venue for bands, I would think that it would be a little more acceptable / understandable if they drew a wider audience. I’d think that, so long as the bachelor party attendees aren’t dicks (no pun intended), it wouldn’t be an issue. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2015, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/booking-concert-at-lesbian-bar-potentially-lots-of-straight-male-patrons/717545/17 "2015-04-13T18:44:05Z")
Is it a lesbian bar or a mixed company bar? ---
**Author:** ![mack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mack)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2015, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/booking-concert-at-lesbian-bar-potentially-lots-of-straight-male-patrons/717545/18 "2015-04-13T20:13:12Z")
All it will take is one or two poorly considered encounters to put a stink on everyone’s good time and possibly get your band permanently 86’d from the bar and it sounds like the odds of that happening are extremely good. ---
**Author:** ![prettydorky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f04885/32.png) [@prettydorky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/prettydorky)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2015, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/booking-concert-at-lesbian-bar-potentially-lots-of-straight-male-patrons/717545/19 "2015-04-13T20:17:04Z")
Nice of you to be thoughtful about it. I’d say find a different bar. ---
**Author:** ![seal\_cleaner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@seal\_cleaner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seal_cleaner)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2015, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/booking-concert-at-lesbian-bar-potentially-lots-of-straight-male-patrons/717545/20 "2015-04-13T22:44:07Z")
It’d be nice to ask management, but some are making it sound like it’s the Crips drinking at a Bloods hangout. I used to live in a town with a large LGBT population, and I hung out with people of all type. Is there typically a hostile reaction to this situation? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/booking-concert-at-lesbian-bar-potentially-lots-of-straight-male-patrons/717545.md?page=2)