# Books never written. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 6, 2016, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-never-written/761958 "2016-08-06T18:00:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2016, 6:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-never-written/761958/41 "2016-08-08T06:43:18Z")
> [@digs](#): > > . . . I’ve been known to make slipcovers for books, with fictional titles. . . . Grin! I do this too! Among my titles are “How to Throw Your Voice” and “How To Get Your Voice Back.” I also dolled one up to be the cover of “Induction of Psycho-Neuroses by Conditioned Reflex under Stress” – the “IPCRESS” of the movie “The Ipcress File” – reproducing the book as seen briefly in the movie. Also the classic Richard IV by Shakespeare. ---
**Author:** ![Sangahyando](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f14d63/32.png) [@Sangahyando](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sangahyando)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2016, 9:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-never-written/761958/42 "2016-08-08T09:43:16Z")
> [@Knowed\_Out](#): > > Flashman in the Civil War > [@Colibri](#): > > I would have liked to see that too. Other disastrous episodes hinted at in his biography that I would have liked to have seen was his service in the Zulu Wars (there is only a brief mention in one of the books), with Emperor Maximilian of Mexico, and during the Boxer Rebellion in China. I’d certainly have enjoyed an account in detail, of Flashman’s doings in the Boxer Rebellion. He’d have been aged nearly eighty then – one assumes, his swan-song as regards taking part in direct military action; unless shortly thereafter, he found himself involved in the tail-end of the Boer War? Something I greatly liked in Fraser’s _Mr. American_ (which novel I mostly find rather lame) – occurs at the beginning of World War I. There’s a vignette of Flashman – the year before his death, at a very great age; still mentally very sharp, and as cynical as ever – imparting to the hero, his opinion that the best thing for the Belgians to do in the circumstances, would be to accede to the Germans’ demand, and let them march through their country in the course of invading France. The Germans would be there for a while, and make life somewhat unpleasant; but in the end, having achieved their objective, they’d clear out, and things could go back to normal. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2016, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-never-written/761958/43 "2016-08-08T12:20:24Z")
I posted: The collected works of **Marshall France** ; _Pool of Stars_,\* Green Dog’s Sorrow\*, and particularly _Land of Laughs_ as mentioned in Jonathan Carrol’s\* [Land of Laughs.](https://books.google.com.au/books?id=dBae3YVgDBwC&pg=PA26&ved=0CDoQ6AEwAg#v=onepage&q&f=false) \* “The Land of Laughs was lit by eyes that saw the lights that no one’s seen.” in the earlier thread: [Help me stock the ultimate (fictional) library](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=705108) ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2016, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-never-written/761958/44 "2016-08-08T13:19:33Z")
Ed McBain who was working on a set of mysteries with alphabetic one word titles (Ax, Bread, Calypso, Doll, Fuzz, Guns, Heat, Ice, Jigsaw, Kiss, Lightning, Mischief, Nocturne, Romance, Shotgun, Tricks, Vespers, Widows ) planned to finish the series, with the last book being his last EXIT. He died before doing it. ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2016, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-never-written/761958/45 "2016-08-08T14:10:37Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > Ed McBain who was working on a set of mysteries with alphabetic one word titles (Ax, Bread, Calypso, Doll, Fuzz, Guns, Heat, Ice, Jigsaw, Kiss, Lightning, Mischief, Nocturne, Romance, Shotgun, Tricks, Vespers, Widows ) planned to finish the series, with the last book being his last EXIT. > > He died before doing it. These are all part of his 87th Precinct series, which also included many titles of more than one word. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2016, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-never-written/761958/46 "2016-08-08T15:21:22Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > Grin! I do this too! Among my titles are “How to Throw Your Voice” and “How To Get Your Voice Back.” I also dolled one up to be the cover of “Induction of Psycho-Neuroses by Conditioned Reflex under Stress” – the “IPCRESS” of the movie “The Ipcress File” – reproducing the book as seen briefly in the movie. > > Also the classic Richard IV by Shakespeare. [Applause] How fun! If you ever market your creations, do include a link here! (Hey, The Onion markets fake boxes for Xmas gift-giving. This’d have year-round application). ---
**Author:** ![Corner\_Case](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/corner_case/32/234_2.png) [@Corner\_Case](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corner_Case)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2016, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-never-written/761958/47 "2016-08-08T18:40:56Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > **The Mystery of Edwin Drood** by Charles Dickens. I hate\* it when they don’t get to complete a mystery _ **Doctor Who: The Unquiet Dead** _ DOCTOR: Right then, Charlie boy, I’ve just got to go into my, er, shed. Won’t be long. ROSE: What are you going to do now? DICKENS: I shall take the mail coach back to London, quite literally post-haste. This is no time for me to be on my own. I shall spend Christmas with my family and make amends to them. After all I’ve learned tonight, there can be nothing more vital. DOCTOR: You’ve cheered up. DICKENS: Exceedingly! This morning, I thought I knew everything in the world. Now I know I’ve just started. All these huge and wonderful notions, Doctor. I’m inspired. I must write about them. ROSE: Do you think that’s wise? DICKENS: I shall be subtle at first. The Mystery of Edwin Drood still lacks an ending. Perhaps the killer was not the boy’s uncle. Perhaps he was not of this Earth. The Mystery of Edwin Drood and the Blue Elementals. I can spread the word, tell the truth. DOCTOR: Good luck with it. Nice to meet you. Fantastic. ROSE: Bye, then, and thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2016, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-never-written/761958/48 "2016-08-08T20:29:55Z")
John Kennedy Toole’s sequel to _A Confederacy of Dunces_. It was clearly written with a sequel in mind, but Kennedy killed himself before writing one. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2016, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-never-written/761958/49 "2016-08-08T20:31:12Z")
Also, the book that I may never finish writing – _Thou Shalt Not: The Slacker Bible_ ---
**Author:** ![MacLir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9e8a1a/32.png) [@MacLir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacLir)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2016, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-never-written/761958/50 "2016-08-08T23:26:55Z")
Louis L’Amour intended to write books in his “Sackett” series bridging times in the Revolutionary and Civil Wars but did not before his death. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![bonzer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/45deac/32.png) [@bonzer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bonzer)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-never-written/761958/51 "2016-08-09T00:01:59Z")
> [@Colibri](#): > > I would have liked to see that too. Other disastrous episodes hinted at in his biography that I would have liked to have seen was his service in the Zulu Wars (there is only a brief mention in one of the books) Is that quite true? In the Kindle edition at minimum resolution, Fraser’s account of Flashman at Isandlwana in the title short story of _Flashman and the Tiger_ runs to about two dozen pages. Arguably the tantalising loose end therein is the far more startling claim that he was also at Rorke’s Drift, which I’m not sure is referenced anywhere else in the papers. (Startling, because the running joke is that Flashman is a key participant in every military disaster of the 19th century: the retreat from Kabul, the Charge of the Light Brigade, Harper’s Ferry, Pickett’s Charge, Little Big Horn etc. That he’s at Isandlwana is utterly natural, but Rorke’s Drift was a bit less likely. Even though one presumes he just found a corner to hide in.) On **Sangahyando** ’s point about Fraser never writing the US Civil War novel, I’ve been pretty comfortable with that. It was surely always in the nature of the project that his death would leave gaps. Which could always fit the conceit of the meta-narrative he had constructed around the discovery of the papers. Deliberately leaving an obvious major gap, while dropping lots of hints, then seems entirely in his style. He teased. To throw in an example myself, is [David Peace](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Peace) ever going to finish his _Tokyo Trilogy_? In most cases, I like to plow through a set of novels as a completed set. Like I did with his _Red-Riding Quartet_. Yet in this case he seems to have lost interest in the project and shows no sign of writing the third novel. ---
**Author:** ![Kyrie\_Eleison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kyrie_eleison/32/7682_2.png) [@Kyrie\_Eleison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyrie_Eleison)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-never-written/761958/52 "2016-08-09T00:28:45Z")
_Winds of Winter._ :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Sangahyando](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f14d63/32.png) [@Sangahyando](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sangahyando)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 9:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-never-written/761958/53 "2016-08-09T09:45:41Z")
> [@bonzer](#): > > On **Sangahyando** ’s point about Fraser never writing the US Civil War novel, I’ve been pretty comfortable with that. It was surely always in the nature of the project that his death would leave gaps. Which could always fit the conceit of the meta-narrative he had constructed around the discovery of the papers. Deliberately leaving an obvious major gap, while dropping lots of hints, then seems entirely in his style. He teased. I maybe didn’t put things very well in my post – I just feel that the interview quote as cited there, puts Fraser in a bit of an unpleasant light: seems rather, that he’s deliberately spitting in the faces of his fans. I feel that it would have been kinder of him to keep his intentions to himself: going on dropping tantalising hints, while in fact not planning ever to write the American Civil War book, which he didn’t want to write. He’d had been aware that his own death, or his going totally senile, would ultimately let him off the hook. ---
**Author:** ![TheseGoToEleven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/848f3c/32.png) [@TheseGoToEleven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheseGoToEleven)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-never-written/761958/54 "2016-08-09T17:03:03Z")
> [@Mahaloth](#): > > Buttercup’s Baby, the sequel to the Princess Bride. Seconded. ---
**Author:** ![NoCoolUserName](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5fc32e/32.png) [@NoCoolUserName](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NoCoolUserName)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2016, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-never-written/761958/55 "2016-08-09T17:53:15Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > …_Scouting For Trolls_ and _Raising Taxes_ by PTerry… 100 Walks in the Ramtops 130 Days of Pseudopolis Achmed the I Just Get These Headaches’s Book of Humorous Cat Stories Adventures with Crossbow and Rod Almanack And Booke Of Dayes Almanack de Gothic Along the Ankh with Bow, Rod and Staff with a Knob on the End An Introduction to Escapology Ancient and Classical Mythology Anecdotes of the Great Accountants Anima Unnaturale Annotated Directory of Streets, Alleys, Roads Lanes and Yards of Ankh-Morpork Art of War (One Tzu Sung or possibly Three Sun Sung or maybe even some unsung genius) Back Street Pins Battle Call Battle Cry Beginning Pins Bestiary The Boke of the Filme Bonfire of the Witches Book of Going Forth Around Elevenish Book of St Ossory The Book of Staying in The Pit Book of the Magick of Alberto Malich the Mage Boris von Trappe Bu-Bubble Bumper Fun Grimoire Civics Compendium of Odours Concordat Cordati Dangerous Mammals, Reptiles, Amphibians, Birds, Fish, Jellyfish, Insects, Spiders, Crustaceans, Grasses, Trees, Mosses, and Lichens of Terror Incognita Demonylogie Malyfycorum of Henchanse thee Unsatyfactory The Dictionary of Eye-Watering Words Discourse on Historical Inevitability Discourses (Ibid) Diseases of the Dragon Diseases of the Sheep Dykeri Ectopia The Effluence of Reality Ego Video Liber Deorum Elephant Road Essay on a form of wit Felicity Beedle Five Hours and Sixteen Minutes Among The Goblins of Far Uberwald Fletcher’s Avian Nausea Index Fullomyth Gardening In Difficult Conditions Ge Fordge’s Compenydyum of Sex Majick Geometries (Legibus) Girls, Giggles and Garters Goatberger Golem Spotter Weekly The Goode Childe’s Booke of Faerie Tales Greville-Pipe Grim Fairy Tales Grimoire Happy Tales The Harem Frescoes of Old Klatch, Interesting Customs Among the N’Kouf The History of Hats Household Medicine, Hair-Care and Simple Surgery How to Dynamically Manage People for Dynamic Results in a Caring Empowering Way in Quite a Short Time Dynamically Howe To Kille Insects I spy…Demons Inne Juste 7 Dayes I wille make you a Barbearian Hero! Iyt Gryet Teymple hyte Tsort, Y Hiystory Myistical The Joy of Tantric Sex with Illustrations for the Advanced Student,by A.Lady The Joye of Snacks Koom Valley Codex Lady Waggon’s Book of Household Management The Lady’s Home Companion The Laws and Ordinances of the Cities Ankh and Morpork Legendes and Antiquities of the Ramtops Liber Immanis Monstrorum The Little Folks’ Book of Flower Fairies Little Pieces for Tiny Fingers Mallificarum Sumpta Diabolicite Occularis Singularum Martial Arts Mechanics (Grido) Meditations (Didactylos) Monster Fun Grimoire Mr Bunnsy Has An Adventure Names of the Ants Necrotelicomnicon Necrotelicomnicon Discussed for Students, with Practical Experiments Nosehinger on the Laws of Contract Octarine Fairy Book Octavo The Omega Conspiracy On Religion On the Nature of Plants On The Use of Pliers in Warfare, Boots and Teeth: A Soldier’s Life Path of The Scorpion Platitudes (Aristocrates) Practical Siege Weapons Principia Explosia Principles of Ideal Government Principles of Navigation Principles of Thaumic Propagation Pseudopolis Herald Reflections Res Centum et Una Quas Magus Facere Potest Ritual Aggression in Pubescent Rats The Shuttered Palace Some Little Known Aspects of Kuian Rain-making Rituals The Speech of Trolls Sto Plains Dealer Stripfettle’s Believe It Or Not Grimoire The Summoning of Dragons The Noble Art Theologies (Hierarch) Total Pins Travels in the Dark Hinterland True Art of Levitatione Twurp’s Peerage Unadorned Facts Unhealthy and Unsafety Regulations Governing the Lifting and Moving of Large Objects Veni Vidi Vici: A Soldier’s Life Walking in the Koom Valley Walnut’s Inoffensive Reptiles of the Sto Plains Wasport’s Lives of the Very Dull People Wellcome to Ankh-Morporke, Citie of One Thousand Surprises What Gallows What I Did On My Holidays Whom’s Whom Why Men Get Under Your Feet With Wand and Broomstick Across the Great Nef Desert Woddeley’s Basic Gods Woddeley’s Occult Primer Wrencher’s Snakes of All Nations ---
**Author:** ![wanderer2575](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/2acd7d/32.png) [@wanderer2575](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wanderer2575)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2016, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-never-written/761958/56 "2016-08-10T03:11:40Z")
“Hamster Huey and the Gooey Kablooie” from _Calvin and Hobbes_. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2016, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-never-written/761958/57 "2016-08-10T03:31:20Z")
A previous thread on nonexistent books we’d like to read: [Help me stock the ultimate (fictional) library - Cafe Society - Straight Dope Message Board](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=705108) ---
**Author:** ![Major\_Matt\_Mason](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Major\_Matt\_Mason](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Major_Matt_Mason)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2016, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-never-written/761958/58 "2016-08-19T02:34:03Z")
“Dr. Fegg’s Second Book Of Nasty Knowledge”. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d78d45/32.png) [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2016, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-never-written/761958/59 "2016-08-19T03:42:32Z")
> [@NoCoolUserName](#): > > 100 Walks in the Ramtops > … Of course, all of these can be found in the University Library. Good luck with getting past the Librarian, however. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-never-written/761958.md?page=2)