# Books That Don't Exist **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 10, 2014, 6:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-dont-exist/695221 "2014-08-10T06:43:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2014, 6:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-dont-exist/695221/1 "2014-08-10T06:43:44Z")
“Sour Persimmons Are Not The Only Fruit”, by Daphne Duck “A Movable Fast: Karen Carpenter in Paris” “In Search Of Lost Time: Quality Control At The Strobe Light Factory” “Canadian Raising: My New Brunswick Vacation”, by Ed Gein ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2014, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-dont-exist/695221/2 "2014-08-10T12:45:01Z")
There was a “game” among H. P. Lovecraft and his fellow writers in the KaLeM club and elsewhere to make up new books for their shared “Universe”. The _Necronomicon_ (_Al Azif_) is obviously the most famous of these, invented by Lovecraft. Others include: The _Book of Eibon_, created by Clark Ashton Smith The _Book of Iod_, crerated by Henry Kuttner The _Celaeno Fragments_, made up by August Derleth _Cultes des Ghouls_ of Robert Bloch _De Vermis Mysteriis_, also from Bloch The _Dhol Chants_ from Lovecrafdt and Hazel Heald _Pnakotic Manuscripts_, created by Lovecraft _Unaussprechlichen Kulten_, created by Robert E. Howard as _Unspeakable Cults_, but titl;e translated (not quite correctly) into German by Lovecraft. Lovecraft also adopted into his universe Robert W. Chambers’ _The King in Yellow_, mentioned in the story collection of that name back in 1895. Lovecraft paid homage to his fellow writers by citing these works in his stories (and sometimes the authors’ names as well, as when he referred to the ancient Atlantean priest “Klakash-Ton” (Clark Ashton Smith), and they often returned the favor, as Howard, Derleth, and Kuttner certainly did. After Lovercraft’s death, other writers like Lin Carter and Brian Lumley added their own contributions to the list: > **[List of Cthulhu Mythos books](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cthulhu_Mythos_arcane_literature)** > > Many fictional works of arcane literature appear in H. P. Lovecraft's cycle of interconnected works often known as the Cthulhu Mythos. The main literary purpose of these works is to explain how characters within the tales come by occult or esoterica (knowledge that is unknown to the general populace). However, in some cases the works themselves serve as an important plot device. Thus, in Robert Bloch's tale "The Shambler from the Stars", a weird fiction writer seals his doom by casting a spell ... ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2014, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-dont-exist/695221/3 "2014-08-10T15:42:51Z")
- The Practical Handbook of Bee Culture \* by Sherlock Holmes - On polishing off the canonical hours \* (40 vols.) by Master Greedyguts ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2014, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-dont-exist/695221/4 "2014-08-10T15:49:23Z")
[On Pirates](http://subterraneanpress.com/store/product_detail/on_pirates) is proof positive the allegedly fictional poet William Ashbless is still alive and writing! It is, of course, unavailable. ---
**Author:** ![Reno\_Nevada](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Reno\_Nevada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reno_Nevada)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2014, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-dont-exist/695221/5 "2014-08-10T18:26:35Z")
> [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](#): > > [On Pirates](http://subterraneanpress.com/store/product_detail/on_pirates) is proof positive the allegedly fictional poet William Ashbless is still alive and writing! > > It is, of course, unavailable. I have a copy! When Jurgen argues before Grandfather Satan, he refers to Livonius, Rudigernus, and Zantipher Magnus. He does not mention the exact titles of the works, but his references are unanswerable. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2014, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-dont-exist/695221/6 "2014-08-10T18:34:43Z")
_The Princess Bride_ by S. Morgenstern ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2014, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-dont-exist/695221/7 "2014-08-10T18:46:13Z")
THE BOOK: [Chicago Mobs of the Twenties](http://en.memory-alpha.org/wiki/Chicago_Mobs_of_the_Twenties) ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2014, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-dont-exist/695221/8 "2014-08-10T19:55:58Z")
_French War Heros_ ---
**Author:** ![Sherrerd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sherrerd/32/8_2.png) [@Sherrerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sherrerd)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2014, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-dont-exist/695221/9 "2014-08-10T20:03:08Z")
The novel _The Club Dumas_ (by Arturo Perez-Reverte) centers on a fictional book called _De Umbrarum Regni Novem Portis ("Of the Nine Doors of the Kingdom of Shadows_"), purportedly written by one Aristide Torchia. In the movie version, _The Ninth Gate_, the book is called _The Nine Gates of the Kingdom of Shadows_ (again, by Torchia). ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2014, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-dont-exist/695221/10 "2014-08-10T20:05:20Z")
I’m a li’l confused about your OP, **Derleth**. Are you asking about: (1) completely made-up fictional books, like “Amana’s Handbook on How to Sell Refrigerators to Inuits”? or (2) “real” fictional books, like [the Necronomicon](http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/1934/was-h-p-lovecrafts-necronomicon-for-real) or _Chicago Mobs of the Twenties_ (Nice one, **Ancient Humanoid**!) – i.e., books that don’t actually exist, that appear in other sources? ---
**Author:** ![Johanna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johanna/32/8318_2.png) [@Johanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johanna)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2014, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-dont-exist/695221/11 "2014-08-10T21:10:00Z")
The _First Encyclopedia of Tlön_ is my favorite. And _History of the Land Called Uqbar_. Also, the innumerable books of sheer gibberish in the Library of Babel. _axaxaxas mlö_ ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2014, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-dont-exist/695221/12 "2014-08-10T21:20:10Z")
Austen Park by Janye Mansfield. Shakespeare’s Richard the IVth, the Snakes of Iceland, and The Life of Pope Boniface X. And all the books I’ve written. Dammit. ---
**Author:** ![jimbuff314](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c57346/32.png) [@jimbuff314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jimbuff314)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2014, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-dont-exist/695221/13 "2014-08-10T21:26:25Z")
Xpjkrtqylly (anonymous) I’m a simple, humor-impaired guy. ---
**Author:** ![Doug\_K](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5ac83/32.png) [@Doug\_K](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doug_K)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2014, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-dont-exist/695221/14 "2014-08-10T21:36:07Z")
_The Last_-Richard Stark _Canned Nuts_-Donald E. Westlake ---
**Author:** ![MsKaren](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a183cd/32.png) [@MsKaren](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsKaren)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2014, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-dont-exist/695221/15 "2014-08-10T21:42:52Z")
The fictional book “The Bone Collector” in “The Bone Collector.” :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2014, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-dont-exist/695221/16 "2014-08-10T21:47:01Z")
> [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](#): > > I’m a li’l confused about your OP, **Derleth**. Are you asking about: > (1) completely made-up fictional books, like “Amana’s Handbook on How to Sell Refrigerators to Inuits”? > or > (2) “real” fictional books, like [the Necronomicon](http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/1934/was-h-p-lovecrafts-necronomicon-for-real) or _Chicago Mobs of the Twenties_ (Nice one, **Ancient Humanoid**!) – i.e., books that don’t actually exist, that appear in other sources? Neither, really, but 1 is closest. It was mostly just a joke, but a joke with a more literary bent, so I thought it belonged here. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2014, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-dont-exist/695221/17 "2014-08-10T22:20:34Z")
> [@Johanna](#): > > The _First Encyclopedia of Tlön_ is my favorite. And _History of the Land Called Uqbar_. > > Also, the innumerable books of sheer gibberish in the Library of Babel. _axaxaxas mlö_ In which case, the _Book of Sand_ is your absolute must-read. And Pierre Ménard’s _Don Quixote_ would be worthwhile. ---
**Author:** ![Cunctator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/43a26b/32.png) [@Cunctator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cunctator)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2014, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-dont-exist/695221/18 "2014-08-10T23:00:22Z")
Hercule Poirot’s \*magnum opus \*discussing detective writers (referred to in _Third Girl_ by Agatha Christie). ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim_r.mortiss/32/142_2.png) [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2014, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-dont-exist/695221/19 "2014-08-10T23:26:59Z")
The twelve volume philosophical encyclopedia _Life_, by Unspiek, Baron Bodissey, provides epigraphs (of often dubious relevance) to many chapters in Jack Vance’s novels. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-dont-exist/695221/20 "2014-08-11T00:26:30Z")
Rhodomontade and piffle! (Another Jack Vance fan.) In the same vein, the whole of Howard Alan Treesong’s “The Book of Dreams.” (Yeah, I know: there are probably thousands of them, in junior-high-school kids dresser drawers.) (My Kindle e-reader is named “The Book of Dreams.”) (Oops; have I just opened myself up to hacking?) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-dont-exist/695221.md?page=2)