# Books that will never be written! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 4, 2000, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-will-never-be-written/39632 "2000-11-04T01:09:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Ludo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Ludo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludo)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2000, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-will-never-be-written/39632/1 "2000-11-04T01:09:18Z")
Well, I just thought it was an interesting idea for a thread… I should start it off, but at the moment I’m pulling a blank. I think the title says it all, run with it! ---
**Author:** ![3waygeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/e95f7d/32.png) [@3waygeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3waygeek)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2000, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-will-never-be-written/39632/2 "2000-11-04T01:13:52Z")
_How to Succeed with Women_, by yours truly. ---
**Author:** ![Wood\_Thrush](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b38774/32.png) [@Wood\_Thrush](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wood_Thrush)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2000, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-will-never-be-written/39632/3 "2000-11-04T01:18:19Z")
_The Art of the O.P. Example_ by **Ludo** ---
**Author:** ![Ludo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Ludo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludo)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2000, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-will-never-be-written/39632/4 "2000-11-04T01:20:13Z")
heehee… ---
**Author:** ![Welfy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e56c9b/32.png) [@Welfy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Welfy)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2000, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-will-never-be-written/39632/5 "2000-11-04T01:20:51Z")
_Welfy’s Guide to Getting an A+ in Calculus_. ---
**Author:** ![Ambumax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/2acd7d/32.png) [@Ambumax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambumax)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2000, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-will-never-be-written/39632/6 "2000-11-04T01:27:09Z")
How about these… Why _dianetics_ is wrong by L. Ron Hubbard How to disarm a mail bomb. by Theodore Kazinski Long live Slavery! by Abraham Lincoln How to disband a union. By Jimmy Hoffa How to speak eloquently in public by Dan Quayle ---
**Author:** ![Ludo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Ludo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludo)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2000, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-will-never-be-written/39632/7 "2000-11-04T01:30:47Z")
_My life as a Bum_ by Bill Gates ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2000, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-will-never-be-written/39632/8 "2000-11-04T01:32:55Z")
to be followed by: \* My Life as a Bunny\* by Janet Reno ---
**Author:** ![Ludo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Ludo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludo)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2000, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-will-never-be-written/39632/9 "2000-11-04T01:38:18Z")
to be followed by: _Foriegn Poicy 101_ by George W. Bush ---
**Author:** ![Ludo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Ludo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludo)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2000, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-will-never-be-written/39632/10 "2000-11-04T01:40:16Z")
_Spelling 101_ by Ludo ---
**Author:** ![Wood\_Thrush](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b38774/32.png) [@Wood\_Thrush](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wood_Thrush)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2000, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-will-never-be-written/39632/11 "2000-11-04T02:07:43Z")
_Believable Noms de Plume_ by Chickenscratch Q. Tofuman, Ph. D. _A Guide to Consice Writing: How to Prevent Pamphlets, Essays, Novellas, Reports, Plays, Billboards, The Backs of Cereal Boxes, and Hundreds of Other Works from Becoming Unimaginably Longwinded, Volume XXVI_. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2000, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-will-never-be-written/39632/12 "2000-11-04T02:20:11Z")
_Zee Krate Djurrrmen Booke of Hjoomur_ I’m sure you’ll figure the accent out. ---
**Author:** ![racinchikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@racinchikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racinchikki)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2000, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-will-never-be-written/39632/13 "2000-11-04T02:27:32Z")
_I Love New York_, by racinchikki ---
**Author:** ![Ambumax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/2acd7d/32.png) [@Ambumax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambumax)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2000, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-will-never-be-written/39632/14 "2000-11-04T03:11:23Z")
1001 whale recipies by greenpeace A laypersons guide to rational thought by any “cristian scientist” The art of Courteous Warfare by William T. Sherman How to paint pictures of people who look comfortable by Fransisco DeGoya ---
**Author:** ![Booker57](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Booker57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Booker57)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2000, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-will-never-be-written/39632/15 "2000-11-04T03:30:20Z")
Great Jews I have known by A. Hitler ::sorry:: ---
**Author:** ![OrcaChow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e47c2d/32.png) [@OrcaChow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OrcaChow)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2000, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-will-never-be-written/39632/16 "2000-11-04T03:38:19Z")
_African-American Hockey Stars_. _My Dinner with Malcolm X_, by George Lincoln Rockewell. _A Surefire Guide to Picking Up Women_, by Emo Phillips. _The Book of Good, Clean Mormon Living_, by Keith Richards. _Make Friends Wherever You Go_, by Sadaam Hussein. _Three Best Actress Oscars on My Fireplace Mantel_, by Pia Zadora. _The Rocky Horror Picture Show Guidebook_, by Pat Buchanan. _The Art and Science of Surgical Airstrikes_, by Edward Teller. ---
**Author:** ![Ambumax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/2acd7d/32.png) [@Ambumax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambumax)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2000, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-will-never-be-written/39632/17 "2000-11-04T04:47:26Z")
How to win a battle by Ambrose Burnsides 500 weight gaining tips by Calista Flockhart 500 weight loss tips by Dom Delouise ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Zero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c4cdca/32.png) [@Saint\_Zero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Zero)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2000, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-will-never-be-written/39632/18 "2000-11-04T05:32:22Z")
_A Critical Work on the Evolution of Philosopical Thinking in Western Civilization._ and _Women, Minorities and the Mentally Challenged I Admire._ Howard Stern. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2000, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-will-never-be-written/39632/19 "2000-11-04T05:50:21Z")
How To Avoid Being an Ephemeral and Superficial Singer- Britney Spears Why People Who Read Horror Novels are Morbid and Dangerous- Stephen King (in less than 400 pages!) Maybe Life **Isn’t** All About Sex…- Sigmund Freud Be A Team Player!- Vince Lombardi How to Keep your Mouse in your House- William Clinton 🙂 The Book To Make Women Over the Internet Abhorr and Loathe You- Gunslinger Why the Grinch Decided to Get Stoned Christmas Eve- Dr. Seuss I could go on for hours here. This IS therapeutic! ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2000, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-will-never-be-written/39632/20 "2000-11-04T06:06:20Z")
_The Rock Climber’s Guide Book_ by oldscratch _The Art of Good Taste_ by Liberace _Hollywood Respect_ by Ed Wood _Ebony and Ivory_ by Louis Farrakhan _Biodegradeable Schmiodegradeable_ by Ralph Nader Whoopee, this is fun. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/books-that-will-never-be-written/39632.md?page=2)