# Bored of the Rings **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 11, 2003, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/218337 "2003-12-11T12:29:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/218337/21 "2003-12-11T20:44:52Z")
Sorry. The second “The top ten she could hum” should read: “Her mouth of chewing gum” ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/218337/22 "2003-12-11T22:56:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ddgryphon \* > \*\*Dribble, dribble, fake, dribble, fake, dribble, dribble. > \*\* Aiiieee! A ballhog! On which, I believe, were inscribed the cruel runes “Villanova”. Great stuff. \*Either Arglebargle I or somebody else. ---
**Author:** ![OttoDaFe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ottodafe/32/356_2.png) [@OttoDaFe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OttoDaFe)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/218337/23 "2003-12-12T05:25:56Z")
O uncool bush! Unloose this passle Of furry cats that you hassle! Tho’ by speed my brain’s destroyed, I’m not half _this_ paranoid! So cease this bummer, down the freakout, Let caps and joints cause brains to leak-out. These cats are groovy here among us, So leave 'em be, you uptight fungus! _Tim, Tim, Benzedrine! Hash! Boo! Valvoline! Clean! Clean! Clean for Gene! First, second, neutral, park, HIE THEE HENCE, you leafy narc!_ (I’m somewhat ashamed to admit that the foregoing was from memory. . . . ) ---
**Author:** ![Skeezix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/839c29/32.png) [@Skeezix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skeezix)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 9:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/218337/24 "2003-12-12T09:01:11Z")
Dere Freetoad, Sorri yuu copped out so erly lazt nite. Here’s sum magik beens to tide yuo over. ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 9:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/218337/25 "2003-12-12T09:29:48Z")
I still prefer _Doon_. But _Bored of the Rings_ has its moments. To wit: > [@](#): > > Through the leaves he saw a dark, shadowy bulk in the distance. It moved slowly and carefully along the rise of the Path, looking like a tall, black rider on some huge and bloated beast. Outlined against the setting sun, Frito held his breath as the ominous figure’s red eyes searched the land… The others awoke and froze with terror. As they watched, the evil hunter goaded his mount, emitted one great and sour fart, and passed on. He had not seen them. That’s a scene you definitely don’t want to leave out of the movie version. ---
**Author:** ![E.T.Bass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9fc29f/32.png) [@E.T.Bass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E.T.Bass)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 11:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/218337/26 "2003-12-12T11:10:47Z")
I tried to watch the first movie, even under the influence of marijuana, and still I could not get much from it. It is a beautifully made picture. It had some cool qualities, it just requires someone who has read the books first who is a real “nerd” on the “LOTR” series. LOTR takes more available brain cells to understand than Star Trek movies. And really except for II and IV, getting high on a ST movie is a waste of your buzz. If you are interested in LOTR, read the books. A friend of mine tried to get me to read the books 15-20 years ago, but I refused saying that I prefer real Medieval history over anything made up. This is why I like movies like “The messenger” by Milla Jovovich that covers the life of the Joan of Arc. That’s good stuff to me, not make believe crap like elves. But I love a lot of Science Fiction, so yes, I am somewhat of an artistic hypocrite. SENOR ---
**Author:** ![Silentgoldfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Silentgoldfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silentgoldfish)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/218337/27 "2003-12-12T11:51:43Z")
Are you aware, **E T Bass** , that this is not actually a Lord of the Rings movie review thread? _Bored of the Rings_ sounds like a perfect xmas gift for a Tolkien-geek friend-of-the-family. Ta, all! ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ccd318/32.png) [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/218337/28 "2003-12-12T12:07:36Z")
A bunch of mean and nasty men who all think Sorhed’s numba ten! What need we the strength of thirty? We can win by fighting dirty! ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/218337/29 "2003-12-12T14:38:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Silentgoldfish \* > \*\*Are you aware, **E T Bass** , that this is not actually a Lord of the Rings movie review thread? \*\* I suspect that **E T Bass** was probably still under the influence of marijuana when he posted in this thread. Ah, Pepsi and Moxie, the Dingleberry twins. Haf Gangree and his son Spam. Serutan spelled backwards is mud! And who can forget “the land of the knee-walking turkeys”? ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/218337/30 "2003-12-12T14:49:34Z")
Me must not forget the Balrog brandishing a faggot… ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/218337/31 "2003-12-12T14:50:37Z")
“We” must not…I’m sitting too close to Bass. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![NoCoolUserName](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5fc32e/32.png) [@NoCoolUserName](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NoCoolUserName)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/218337/32 "2003-12-12T15:25:46Z")
I loved how much food appeared in BotR. Since they wrote it while eating junk food–and hoping to earn enough for an actual meal, I suppose it’s to be expected. Along with our heros, Frito and Spam, we have their friends Moxie (now revealed to be a soft drink) and Pepsi. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CalMeacham \* > **the hot fudge sundae in Moxie or Pepsi’s dream while on forced march by the Oma-Ha and the Otto-wa** And on to Poland water, King at Ribroast, and I forget what all else. But when they throw the sheep into the mouth of the Thesaurus…well! ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/218337/33 "2003-12-12T15:56:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by carnivorousplant \* > \*\*Me must not forget the Balrog brandishing a faggot… \*\* “You dieth, GI” said the faggot… ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/218337/34 "2003-12-12T16:18:23Z")
> [@](#): > > …and any slow or dim-witted creature who turned his back on a pack of boggies was looking for a stomping. My only quibble about BOTR is that the funniness quotient peaks at the beginning and goes straight down. I truly believe the map and the Prologue are the best stuff; that line about “shadow falling on the land so the potatoes grew no more” makes me giggle just typing it. ---
**Author:** ![CaptEgo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/43a26b/32.png) [@CaptEgo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaptEgo)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/218337/35 "2003-12-12T17:56:05Z")
I have very fond memories of my first reading of _BotR_. We had stopped in Bemidji, Minnesota after a field trip to the Twin Cities and I ensconced myself back with the luggage (there was one sitting spot available). As we proceeded homewards I suspect I was freaking out my classmates as I cackled with deranged glee reading at warp speed. Prologue, ‘a half drowned rat could take a boggie best two out of three’, Tim, Goodgulf, The Ballhog, The Green Giant, The V8s, Sorehed and the Roitanners. At the time I could scarce conceal my dismay at the audacity and perfect pointedness of all the jibes. Sure there were reams of juvenile silliness but the ‘love’ in the piece was oh so evident. I even snorted at the ‘authors note’ wherein they point out if you hear the distant sound of bells…“that’s us sucker! CHING!” ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/218337/36 "2003-12-12T18:22:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by carnivorousplant \* > \*\*Me must not forget the Balrog brandishing a faggot… \*\* To nitpick, it was the lead narc: > [@](#): > > All at once a large body of narcs burst into the hail from the passage the company had followed and charged at them, waving hammers and sickles. > “Yalu, Yalu,” shouted their leader, brandishing a huge faggot. Some other favorite passages of mine" > [@](#): > > No sooner had he finished eating than the dwarf sitting to his right turned to him and proffered an extremely scaly hand in greeting. “It’s at the end of his arm”, thought Frito, nervously shaking it, “it’s got to be a hand”. > [@](#): > > . . . as Frito was preparing to enter, Lavalier drew him aside and brought him to a sheltered vale nearby, in the center of which stood a soiled birdbath in which a pair of sparrows were floating upside down. . . In a moment the water cleared, and there came scenes of elves and dwarves dancing in the streets, wild revels in Minas Troney, happy debauches in the Sty, a large bronze statue of Sorhed being melted into tie clips, and finally Frito himself sitting on a pile of costume > jewelry and smiling broadly. > > “This bodes well,” declared Lavalier. Frito rubbed his eyes and pinched himself. “Then it is not all black?” he asked. “The bath of Lavalier never lies,” said the Lady sternly, and leading Frito back to the rest of the company, disappeared in a heavy haze of Jungle Rape perfume. . . > > The surface of the basin remained black for a while, then flickered and showed the triumphant reception of the S. S. “Titanic” in New York Harbor, the repayment of the French war debt, and > the inaugural ball of Harold Stassen. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/218337/37 "2003-12-12T18:43:50Z")
Groin, to Frito: “May you buy cheap and sell dear!” Frito: “Thank you. May your hemorrhoids shrink without surgery!” ---
**Author:** ![NoCoolUserName](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5fc32e/32.png) [@NoCoolUserName](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NoCoolUserName)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/218337/38 "2003-12-12T19:02:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Qadgop the Mercotan \* > \*\*Frito: “Thank you. May your hemorrhoids shrink without surgery!” \*\* Why do I hear this in a Johnny Carson voice? ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/218337/39 "2003-12-12T19:05:22Z")
Of course you guys all knoiw that by getting the love ‘n’ beads era references (Harold Stassen, Clean for Gene, Goodgulf), you’re all dating yourselves. I was in 2nd grade when BOTR was published . . . **35 years ago**! That said, my favorite line from BOTR is, “Any small, slow, stupid creature that turned its back on a crowd of boggies was looking for a stomping.” followed by "The water was nowhere more than a few feet deep, and the boggies had little difficulty making their way across. “This is indeed a queer river,” said Bromosel, as the water lapped at his thighs." ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/218337/40 "2003-12-12T19:53:31Z")
OK, I’m 42 years old, and oddly enough, re-read “Bored of the Rings” a week _prevoius_ to this thread. So I feel special. Anyway, I get dang near all the jokes and references but the Riders of **RoiTanners** is eluding me. What’s the reference? 😕 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/218337.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/218337.md?page=3)