# Bored of the Rings **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** middle-earth\ **Created:** [February 13, 2020, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/847888 "2020-02-13T18:40:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim_r.mortiss/32/142_2.png) [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2020, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/847888/41 "2020-02-16T00:22:05Z")
I’ve read it many times, and it always cracks my ass up. When I’m watching the movies and Gandalf tells Frodo how “pity stayed his hand,” I always lose it. I suspect millennials might not get the product name references and that would diminish it a bit for them. The rest of the humor seems pretty timeless, though. We had a thread here many years ago where we tried to cast the movie version of BOTR. Might be time to try that again! ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2020, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/847888/42 "2020-02-16T00:23:01Z")
“As Goodgulf stepped onto the bridge the passage echoed with an ominous dribble, dribble, and a great crowd of narcs burst forth. In their midst was a towering dark shadow too terrible to describe. In its hand it held a huge black globe and on its chest was written in cruel runes, “Villanova.” “Aiyee,” shouted Legolam. “A ballhog!”” ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2020, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/847888/43 "2020-02-16T00:24:38Z")
> [@Andy\_L](#): > > Same as me. Inspired by the Rankin-Bass Hobbit in 1977? I was. I think I had just finished the Hobbit in time for that. I feel like I read the Hobbit in September, maybe into October and was reading the LotR when The Hobbit aired. I also got into D&D right in the time period. I ripped through the [Prydain Chronicles](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Chronicles_of_Prydain) before Christmas also. My reading speed wasn’t all that fast back then, I had jumped from a below grade reader to 12th grade level in that school year. Thanks to Tolkien & Heinlein especially. ---
**Author:** ![Andy\_L](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c67d28/32.png) [@Andy\_L](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andy_L)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2020, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/847888/44 "2020-02-16T00:28:52Z")
> [@What\_Exit](#): > > I think I had just finished the Hobbit in time for that. I feel like I read the Hobbit in September, maybe into October and was reading the LotR when The Hobbit aired. I also got into D&D right in the time period. I ripped through the [Prydain Chronicles](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Chronicles_of_Prydain) before Christmas also. My reading speed wasn’t all that fast back then, I had jumped from a below grade reader to 12th grade level in that school year. Thanks to Tolkien & Heinlein especially. I read Prydain around the same time and The Dark is Rising series (I had to wait for the last one because it wasn’t published yet when I finished the next-to-last one) and the Narnia books, too, as well as a fair amount of Asimov, Anderson and Heinlein. Twas a good year. ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2020, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/847888/45 "2020-02-16T02:00:04Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > “As Goodgulf stepped onto the bridge the passage echoed with an ominous dribble, dribble, and a great crowd of narcs burst forth. In their midst was a towering dark shadow too terrible to describe. In its hand it held a huge black globe and on its chest was written in cruel runes, “Villanova.” “Aiyee,” shouted Legolam. “A ballhog!”” I seem to recall the line “dribble, dribble…” was followed by “pass, missed basket, dribble…” ---
**Author:** ![E-DUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/e-dub/32/403_2.png) [@E-DUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-DUB)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2020, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/847888/46 "2020-02-16T02:12:29Z")
By coincidence I recently acquired a copy, having lost my original decades ago. The pop culture reference are, of course, extremely dated. The humor is, as others have noted, sophomoric. (Hey, I read it as a sophomore . ) But it’s amusing enough. ---
**Author:** ![Andy\_L](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c67d28/32.png) [@Andy\_L](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andy_L)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2020, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/847888/47 "2020-02-16T02:24:24Z")
> [@Musicat](#): > > I seem to recall the line “dribble, dribble…” was followed by “pass, missed basket, dribble…” Lengthy discussion of the ballhog scene [The One Ring Forums: Tolkien Topics: Reading Room: The Unofficial Bored of the Rings Discussion: Chapter V, "SOME MONSTERS" part III](http://newboards.theonering.net/forum/gforum/perl/gforum.cgi?do=post_view_printable;post=302954;guest=26481648) ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2020, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/847888/48 "2020-02-16T03:17:40Z")
I was actually at Villanova when I read it, and found that line hilarious just for how dated it was. At the time, the star of our team (Kerry Kittles) was remarkable for just how much of a team player he was, while the worst Balhog in the NCAA was at our archrival Georgetown (it turned out that they actually played _better_ when Iverson was benched). ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2020, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/847888/49 "2020-02-16T13:49:24Z")
An excerpt from [The Lay of Nimrodel](http://www.kulichki.com/tolkien/cabinet/svod/nimrodel/texts/bored.html), BOTR version. Full poem in the link. > [@](#): > > An elven-mail there was of old, > A stenographer by day; > Her hair was fake, her teeth were gold, > Her sent was that of cheep sachet. > > She thought that art was really ‘keen’, > The top ten she could hum; > Her eyes were full of Maybelline, > Her mouth, of chewing gum. > > Her head was full of men and clothes, > Her hair, of rattled curls; > Her legs she wrapped in fine Sup-Hose, > For nights out with the girls. > > She met one morn an elvin-lad, > Who took her to the fights, > And said he owned a spacious pad, > And went to law school nights. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2020, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/847888/50 "2020-02-16T14:12:15Z")
I remember reading it while working at a summer job in a paper mill somewhere around 1984. Someone had left it behind so I picked it up. I’d never read any Tolkien, though I was a little familiar with the lore, and I remember thinking it was hilarious. It probably had something to do with being eighteen years old and reading a book whose main character was named “Dildo”. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2020, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/847888/51 "2020-02-16T14:12:24Z")
It was re-issued a few years ago. ---
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2020, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/847888/52 "2020-02-16T18:28:50Z")
My contributions from a thread almost lost in the mists of time. “Hairy toes, I love hairy toes!” “They melt in your brain, not in your hands!” “Argle bargle morble whoosh.” “O Dragonbreth! Gilthorpial!” “A esso sysanon decca hi hawaya.” “O movado silvathin nytol nicetaseeya.” “Fear not, I have come to make _peas_ with you!” ---
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2020, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/847888/53 "2020-02-16T18:41:51Z")
Link to the thread, started in 2003, re-animated every so often. > **[Remember Bored Of The Rings?](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=153081)** > > Long ago, when I first read the LOTR trilogy, there was a brilliant parody called Bored of the Rings . It was connected somehow to the Harvard Lampoon. It started with the feast at Dildo Bugger’s house. The depiction of Hobbits showed them as... ---
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2020, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/847888/54 "2020-02-16T19:10:12Z")
The current edition has **footnotes** to explain (more or less) the references! :eek: I feel old! ☹ The audiobook is available on Hoopladigital, read by Jim Meskimen. Sample from the foreword, about the Boggies: > [@](#): > > It is nevertheless clear from their heavy accents and fondness for dishes cooked in Brylcreem that somewhere in the past they went west in steerage. {note: Brylcreem was a men’s hair styling product back in the days when it was culturally acceptable for men to have hair.} Their legends and old songs, which deal mainly with oversexed elves and dragons in heat, make passing mention of the area around the Anacin River, between Plywood and the Papier-mache Mountains. {note: a combination of caffeine and aspirin, Anacin is an effective headache relief and a terrible Halloween favor. One popular variant, Anacin Skywalker, was recalled after the destruction of Alderaan.} ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2020, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/847888/55 "2020-02-16T19:31:19Z")
> [@rowrrbazzle](#): > > The current edition has **footnotes** to explain (more or less) the references! :eek: I feel old! ☹ > > The audiobook is available on Hoopladigital, read by Jim Meskimen. > > Sample from the foreword, about the Boggies: I gotta have this! ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2020, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/847888/56 "2020-02-16T20:56:02Z")
I like it. And it was written decades before I was born. A lot of the humor feels… I’m not really sure how to to word this. It reads like a bunch of college kids on a sugar-high stayed up until three in the morning shouting “Hey, I know! What if they rode sheep? Sheeeep!” As opposed a guy sitting at the computer, ticking off plot points and trying to think of the next part to tweak into something lolrandom. Like, at one point I bought a book called “The Sillymarillion” because I thought that was the title of an actual BotR sequel. And it starts off in the first paragraph with that sort of manic energy, and then it kind of petered out. I mean, still kind of funny for the first few chapters, but it was a predictable kind of funny. Eventually it became basically “obligatory plot point, swap in something silly like making Huan a ferret, add a few running gags, next obligatory plot point”. There’s a certain method to BotR’s madness that’s hard to capture. (To be fair, the Silmarillion is an entirely different sort of book than LotR, and the BotR-style of parody doesn’t work unless you make significant changes). ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2020, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/847888/57 "2020-02-17T00:30:29Z")
I think there’s a balrog in the woodpile here. I made the error of virtually memorizing BOTR before I tried reading LOTR. Actually I tried to start with The Hobbit. I couldn’t get past the first chapter. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2020, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/847888/58 "2020-02-17T04:11:32Z")
The knob! :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Myglaren](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f1d935/32.png) [@Myglaren](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myglaren)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2020, 10:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/847888/59 "2020-02-17T10:42:08Z")
Must dig my copy out and read again. My grandson will probably like it. ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2020, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/847888/60 "2020-02-17T16:52:39Z")
Just reading this thread is making me giggle. I read it in 1970 and it’s alarming how much of it is still committed to memory. Whenever Villanova turns up in March Madness the phrase “cruel runes” pops into mind, followed by “aiyeee! A ballhog!” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/847888.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bored-of-the-rings/847888.md?page=4)