# Boy, do I feel like an idiot **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 16, 2017, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/boy-do-i-feel-like-an-idiot/804595 "2017-12-16T01:11:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2017, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/boy-do-i-feel-like-an-idiot/804595/81 "2017-12-18T17:42:41Z")
I had to return something to Amazon. They mailed me a padded bag to send it back in. The bag came in an envelope and the second I received it, I slashed it open with my knife, which of course sliced right through the padded return bag. :smack: I had to sheepishly email them to get another bag. ---
**Author:** ![bizzwire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/958977/32.png) [@bizzwire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bizzwire)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2017, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/boy-do-i-feel-like-an-idiot/804595/82 "2017-12-18T18:17:12Z")
This doesn’t concern me, but my tenant. Mrs. “C,” who lived on the first floor, wanted to rent a piano. The moving company told her that there would be an additional charge for each step they encountered. She called me at work to ask how many steps there were on our front stoop. “That’s funny,” I thought; “I walk up and down them every day, but never counted them.” However, I quickly remembered that Mrs. C was an idiot. “Where are you calling from?” I asked. As I suspected, she was calling from her first-floor apartment. “Why don’t you open the front door, and count them?” ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2017, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/boy-do-i-feel-like-an-idiot/804595/83 "2017-12-18T21:42:51Z")
I’ll repeat my [confession](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=3561566&postcount=134) from 2003 when we did this same kind of thing… > [@me](#): > > Razors, with the disposable-replaceable blade cartridges? Razors that come in a little snap-in holder thingie, a “razor caddie” sort of thing? > > So I had bought my umpteenth replacement pack of 5 or 10 razor cartridges and was packing for a trip, and decided to take the razor in the razor caddie, and was looking for the most space-economical way of also packing the little plastic case containing 5 replacement cartridges. And I flipped the razor caddie over on its back and there was this little hollow region and guess what, I got the plastic razor-cartridge case to fit right down there inside that little hollow region, am I efficient at packing or what?! > > Wow, it even fits so snugly it just stays right there, I don’t even have to tape it or rubber-band it to hold it in, it’s almost as if it were > > uh…meant to hold them? :o ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2017, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/boy-do-i-feel-like-an-idiot/804595/84 "2017-12-18T22:14:02Z")
I bought a new Hyundai Sonata back in May and just figured out a week or so that I have a “smart trunk” that will open automatically if I have the key in my pocket. I was digging through the glove compartment looking for something else and found this little card explaining how to use the smart trunk. It was buried under the window sticker and other papers the dealer had stuck in there. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2017, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/boy-do-i-feel-like-an-idiot/804595/85 "2017-12-18T22:21:10Z")
> [@Projammer](#): > > One bright summer day I stopped to get gas and discovered the LCD display on the pump to be completely blank. I reported the problem to the person on duty and he came out to check the pump with me and said it looked fine to him. It still looked blank to me so I pushed up my sun glasses for a closer look. Then it looked fine to me too. > > Apparently the polarization on my new sunglasses was 90° different to the mask on the pump. I have done that exact same thing. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Balthisar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/balthisar/32/2825_2.png) [@Balthisar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balthisar)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2017, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/boy-do-i-feel-like-an-idiot/804595/86 "2017-12-18T23:47:59Z")
> [@Toledo\_Jim](#): > > I started the car, it stuttered a bit, then ran just fine. Officer waved, left, and I picked up the can and walked back up the ramp to return the empty can and get my deposit back. As I returned the can, the attendant asked me where the car was, at which point it hit me. The car was still halfway up the ramp, quietly idling. This is my favorite so far! ---
**Author:** ![D.E.S.K.Top668](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f07891/32.png) [@D.E.S.K.Top668](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D.E.S.K.Top668)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2017, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/boy-do-i-feel-like-an-idiot/804595/87 "2017-12-19T00:43:35Z")
> [@melondeca](#): > > I can’t WAIT to tell my husband that I’m not the only one. I’m almost 50 and I’m proud to say that I knew about the twisting thing to get the safety cap BEFORE this thread. I figured it out…about 2 months ago:smack:☹ ---
**Author:** ![Annoying\_Buzz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Annoying\_Buzz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annoying_Buzz)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2017, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/boy-do-i-feel-like-an-idiot/804595/88 "2017-12-19T01:52:14Z")
I bought a semi-expensive pair of headphones last year - nice and comfy, cloth pads (no vinyl crumbs everywhere!), good sound. Each earpiece had a cable that plugged into the bottom. Fine, but when I got them home, the cables just weren’t connecting firmly; the sound would keep cutting out when I moved my head. I’d push the plugs back in, but they’d soon fall out again. So I bring the whole set back to the store. The clerk takes one look and: _twist_ _ **CLICK** _, _twist_ _ **CLICK** _ “How’s that?” :smack: In fairness, plugging them in all the way took a little more force than I usually like to apply to expensive electronics. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2017, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/boy-do-i-feel-like-an-idiot/804595/89 "2017-12-19T02:14:16Z")
I honestly wonder how many electronics I’ve returned as ‘‘broken’’ just because I couldn’t figure out how they worked. ---
**Author:** ![Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2017, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/boy-do-i-feel-like-an-idiot/804595/90 "2017-12-19T02:38:56Z")
> [@SeniorCitizen007](#): > > A rather dotty woman I know moved house. Her son dismantled many items of furniture, cupboards, etc … carefully labelling the bolts and screws and so on. Everything was easily transported to the new address in an afternoon. However … she’d thrown away the box the fittings were in … to her it was just a box of junk. No jury would convict him. ---
**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2017, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/boy-do-i-feel-like-an-idiot/804595/91 "2017-12-19T04:16:35Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > How many times have you awakened, got up, got dressed went to work or school only find out it was Saturday? I don’t admit to anything. Sounds familiar. Except, in my case, I can’t blame childhood ignorance—I was ~52yo when it happened to me. [Wake up and look at clock] \* …Damn, I’m late for work. \* [Take quick shower, shave and grab a handful of granola on the way out to my car. Gotta gun it to work so I don’t get too behind] _Jeez, the sky’s getting pretty dark. Did I miss a storm warning or something? At least traffic is pretty light for rush hour. Where is everybody?_ [Get to the clinic, realize I’m the first to arrive, disarm the alarm upon entering, go to my office to check charts of the days patients, then walk out to the reception area about 20 minutes later.] _Damn, where is my receptionist? Where is my office manager? Where are my patients?_ [Look out the window. It’s pitch black outside] _WTF, did I miss news of a total eclipse? Is this black-out the result of a massive ICBM attack that I somehow slept through?? Did the sun all of a sudden stop fusing hydrogen into helium (because, y’know, that would kinda suck)???_ [Then, something dawns on me] _…Oh, crap! Is this PM or AM?_ Turns out it was PM. _Oopsie, my bad._ I drove back home to get a few more hours of shut-eye before AM. I didn’t tell anybody about my idiotic mixup. It was a long day. ---
**Author:** ![ENugent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4af34b/32.png) [@ENugent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ENugent)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2017, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/boy-do-i-feel-like-an-idiot/804595/92 "2017-12-19T05:38:23Z")
When I was pregnant with my second, I decided to grab some Starbucks after dropping off the first at daycare. I came out of Starbucks, reached in my pocket, and didn’t feel my keys. Slightly alarmed, I started patting all my pockets and reaching in my purse, trying to find them. I was thinking, “Oh, crap, did I just lock my keys in my car?” But when I got to my car, it wasn’t locked. The keys were inside, in the ignition. The car was running. I had turned off the radio when I parked, and somehow in my mind that turned into turning off the ignition and I skipped that step. I was very lucky my car was still there. ---
**Author:** ![septimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/septimus/32/410_2.png) [@septimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/septimus)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2017, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/boy-do-i-feel-like-an-idiot/804595/93 "2017-12-19T14:12:30Z")
Thanks for the thread! It’s good to know I’m not alone. If I wracked my brain I could come up with many examples; I’d have to decide whether to pick stories for maximum humor, maximum embarrassment, or closest to fatality. Starting with innocuous: I once spent several minutes looking for my contact lens only to find it … in my eye. > [@ENugent](#): > > But when I got to my car, it wasn’t locked. The keys were inside, in the ignition. The car was running. I had turned off the radio when I parked,… I avoided this problem by making turning off engine, key removal and door opening a single _joint_ operation. Locking by finger-push and door closing was also a single joint operation. So when I stopped the engine but _remained sitting_ to think about my next move, I left the key inside … where it remained when I finally opened the door. I’ve only locked a car with keys inside twice in my life. The _second_ time was a few minutes after paying a locksmith to open the car the _first_ time: I then drove a short distance, parked and _remained sitting_ to think about my folly before opening the door. Not willing to risk a three-time loser “hat trick”, I left the car locked and checked into a motel. ---
**Author:** ![Pleonast](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pleonast/32/1183_2.png) [@Pleonast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pleonast)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2017, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/boy-do-i-feel-like-an-idiot/804595/94 "2017-12-19T16:57:12Z")
> [@septimus](#): > > I once spent several minutes looking for my contact lens only to find it … in my eye. One evening with the family after a meal at a busy restaurant, we were packing up to go. I always double check our table for misplaced belongings. Signed the check. Got wallet and purse. Got diaper bag. Got jackets. Got kids… oh my god, where’s the baby? I started looking around. Not in the high chair, not on a chair, not on the table (yeah, that sometimes happens), not crawling around. I was just starting to panic, when my spouse looked at me and said “you’re holding him”. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2017, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/boy-do-i-feel-like-an-idiot/804595/95 "2017-12-19T18:54:47Z")
Ooh, I thought of another one! I was starting grad school so I needed a car; an old beater suited my purposes fine so I bought one via the Pennysaver — a [1971 Toyota Corolla](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/13/1971_Toyota_Corolla_1200_Deluxe_rear.jpg). Needed some work: I had to replace the alternator immediately or the battery would not charge. But for $200, sure. Fair enough. Next day, I’m naturally taking it out for a test drive, using the flimsy excuse that I have to pick up some textbooks from my office. On the way back, I see the fuel gauge indicating car is thirsty, so I pull into the nearest service station. Hmm, \*\* pulls on license plate \*\* nope, that’s not it… \*\* walks along left side of car looking for filler cap \*\* \*\* walks along right side of car looking for filler cap \*\* :dubious: \*\* drops to knees behind car, glances up hopefully at underbelly, looking for structural signs of pipe leading to a filler cap \*\* \*\* walks around car slowly\*\* Bloody fucking hell, no wonder the damn car was being sold for only $200, there’s no way to put gas in it! … OK, let’s see if you do any better. It’s plainly visible in the photo I linked to. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2017, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/boy-do-i-feel-like-an-idiot/804595/96 "2017-12-19T19:26:53Z")
> [@AHunter3](#): > > Ooh, I thought of another one! > > I was starting grad school so I needed a car; an old beater suited my purposes fine so I bought one via the Pennysaver — a [1971 Toyota Corolla](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/13/1971_Toyota_Corolla_1200_Deluxe_rear.jpg). Needed some work: I had to replace the alternator immediately or the battery would not charge. But for $200, sure. Fair enough. > > Next day, I’m naturally taking it out for a test drive, using the flimsy excuse that I have to pick up some textbooks from my office. On the way back, I see the fuel gauge indicating car is thirsty, so I pull into the nearest service station. > > Hmm, \*\* pulls on license plate \*\* nope, that’s not it… > > \*\* walks along left side of car looking for filler cap \*\* > \*\* walks along right side of car looking for filler cap \*\* > > :dubious: > > \*\* drops to knees behind car, glances up hopefully at underbelly, looking for structural signs of pipe leading to a filler cap \*\* > > \*\* walks around car slowly\*\* > > Bloody fucking hell, no wonder the damn car was being sold for only $200, there’s no way to put gas in it! > > … OK, let’s see if you do any better. It’s plainly visible in the photo I linked to. WAG: It’s behind the piece of trim on the pillar behind the left rear window? ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2017, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/boy-do-i-feel-like-an-idiot/804595/97 "2017-12-19T19:52:18Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > Don’t use a power drill to drill a board on your lap. That’s all I’m saying about that. Dont stick your finger under a running lawnmower to clear a grass clog - enough said, just dont! ---
**Author:** ![TroutMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troutman/32/6721_2.png) [@TroutMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroutMan)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2017, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/boy-do-i-feel-like-an-idiot/804595/98 "2017-12-19T19:53:16Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > WAG: It’s behind the piece of trim on the pillar behind the left rear window? Nah, the circle under the Corolla logo on the front side spins around. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2017, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/boy-do-i-feel-like-an-idiot/804595/99 "2017-12-19T19:53:23Z")
> [@septimus](#): > > Thanks for the thread! It’s good to know I’m not alone. If I wracked my brain I could come up with many examples; I’d have to decide whether to pick stories for maximum humor, maximum embarrassment, or closest to fatality. Starting with innocuous: I once spent several minutes looking for my contact lens only to find it … in my eye. So, I was at the part of my eye exam when I put my lenses back in and sit back down for the final steps. I’ve done that and am thinking, but I still can’t see??! I get back up and cross the room to the sink. One lens is still in the case 😕 and one is stuck to a piece of paper towel in the trash can. I still don’t understand what I thought I was doing when I was supposed to be putting my lenses back in. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2017, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/boy-do-i-feel-like-an-idiot/804595/100 "2017-12-19T20:00:13Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > WAG: It’s behind the piece of trim on the pillar behind the left rear window? > [@TroutMan](#): > > Nah, the circle under the Corolla logo on the front side spins around. **cochrane** sussed it out. I’d never seen a filler cap so _high_ off the ground on a passenger car, and it looked like decorative trim akin to what zillions of other cars have. Just didn’t occur to me that that could be it until someone showed me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/boy-do-i-feel-like-an-idiot/804595.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/boy-do-i-feel-like-an-idiot/804595.md?page=6)