# Boyfriend has substance abuse issues **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 3, 2011, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/boyfriend-has-substance-abuse-issues/566281 "2011-01-03T23:25:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/boyfriend-has-substance-abuse-issues/566281/41 "2011-01-04T07:14:32Z")
> [@Green\_Rosetta](#): > > Thanks for the advice, everyone. I get what people are saying about already knowing what I need to do- I guess I just needed some more support and people to talk to since I don’t want to share this with many people IRL. You need to find people–real people, not anonymous strangers on a message board–who will confirm your impressions of the situation. Look for an Al-Anon or similar group to attend. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![kushiel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bbce88/32.png) [@kushiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kushiel)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/boyfriend-has-substance-abuse-issues/566281/42 "2011-01-04T17:22:35Z")
> [@Green\_Rosetta](#): > > Thanks for the advice, everyone. I get what people are saying about already knowing what I need to do- I guess I just needed some more support and people to talk to since I don’t want to share this with many people IRL. > > As far as thinking he would change, no, I never did, and I don’t- and I’m definitely not naive enough to think that “my love would fix him.” I knew he smoked a lot of pot but I didn’t realize just how much until we were serious, and I didn’t realize how much it would/does bother me until recently. It’s sad because he’s a very sweet, funny, generous person, but I have no idea what’s the product of drugs and what isn’t in his personality. Sometimes he’ll “clean up” for a day or two, and I really like that person, and I’ve told him as much. But it only lasts for a day or two and then it’s back to the same old thing. As much as I want it to, nothing I say or do is going to change this situation, and it really hurts me that I’m not as important as some stupid plant. > > If anyone has some personal stories I’d appreciate it. The hard part is getting up my gumption to break things off so I’d appreciate advice from people who’ve had to do it. It wasn’t a romantic relationship, but my dad is a recovering alcoholic. He started drinking when I was little and never stopped. In the end, I just grew up, got an education and moved out when I got a job. That’s how it stopped for me. Oddly enough, I moved out 3.5 years ago and he’s been clean for probably almost 2 years. I know - started drinking when I was little, stopped when I left. But I know it isn’t my fault, I know what his trigger was to start, and even if me leaving was a trigger to stop, it’s a good thing for my mom. Anyway, I simply had to cut the cord. That’s how I got out. I still am not very close to him, but I talk to Mom almost every day and as long as he’s sober when I come visit then things are good. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/boyfriend-has-substance-abuse-issues/566281/43 "2011-01-04T17:31:48Z")
How does your BF hold down a job being that high? ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/boyfriend-has-substance-abuse-issues/566281/44 "2011-01-04T17:36:40Z")
> [@Wilbo523](#): > > How does your BF hold down a job being that high? I’ve known a number of people who smoke dope from dawn to bedtime, who would wake and bake and go to work, and who were able to hold down technical, demanding jobs with no particular problem. ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2011, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/boyfriend-has-substance-abuse-issues/566281/45 "2011-01-04T17:45:45Z")
> [@Two\_Many\_Cats](#): > > He loves drugs more than you. Leave. Beat me to it. If you stick it out you will spend your time and money helping him be with his one, true love - drugs - and he isn’t going to kick that bitch out as long as he has you as a backup. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/boyfriend-has-substance-abuse-issues/566281.md?page=2)