I didn’t give him permission to “make any unfair trade” he wanted to, and I didn’t promise not to interfere, either. I don’t know where you’re getting that.
But you’re right, I shouldn’t expect good behavior from other people’s kids. I’m not convinced age has anything to do with it.
As for kids his age, Alex is the youngest non-preschooler in the neighborhood. The next youngest, an 8 year old, never shuts up about God so I was having to explain stuff like “Mom, did you know the rain is God’s tears?” and other nonsense.
This sounds like an episode of “Everybody Loves Raymond.” LOL
C’mon, kids will trade, and some will make bad trades. Really you don’t do your kids any favours by protecting them from trading worthless things. The “no trading rule” oh that’s gonna help a lot when the kid goes to buy a car as an adult.
Kids need to learn to get along in the world. Part of that is dealing with others.
Alex can’t go out without asking. Do you live in the hood or some other highly dangerous place? Then I can see it.
As for the kid coming over you don’t tell other people’s kids what to do, you tell YOUR kid what is acceptable and tell HIM to enforce it.
For example if you have a rule, no phone calls during dinner and you always eat between 6pm and 7pm if your kid’s friends call you don’t tell the friend of the child, not to call. You tell your kid “Look you need to tell your friends, we don’t take calls at that time. And YOU need to tell your friends this.”
The onus goes on the child to tell his friends what the rules are not the parent.
Let’s lighten this up a bit. Did you notice, “Dick Van Dyke,” “Leave It To Beaver,” “Andy Griffith” all have done shows about kids and trading. The kid gets a bad trade, but the parent makes the KID deal with it. Not by doing it themselves.
IT sounds inequitable, but your kid needs to learn how to deal with that sort of thing. make sure he understands that if he doesn’t want to trade, he can say no. It’s important to learn to say no.
You need the neighbor kid to understand that you rule your house. When you say it’s time to go home, it’s time for him to leave. he’s old enough to tell time, so tell him he can come back in two hours, or tomorrow, or whenever it’s convenient for you. You’re the boss at your house.
And it also will probably help when school starts again and your son has kids to play with at school, has homework after school. I’d limit his play time with the kid. That will be a good reason.
Unless you think that there’s true bullying going on (which would be threatening your kid if he doesn’t play the way the older kid wants), let your kid work it out as much as possible. He needs to stand up for himself. That will build his confidence for future encounters with kids, co-workers and bosses.
What? No, he’s seven. He cannot go outside or to somebody else’s house without asking first and if he says he’s going Here and he winds up There without letting me know first, he’s in trouble. It’s not unreasonable to want to know where your kids are. It’s not necessarily a level of danger thing, it’s a “I’m not going to want to guess at where he is if I need to account for him for whatever reason or leave in a hurry or if it’s dinner time or whatever” thing.
I’ve never seen any of those shows. Even so, I’m not dealing with what I feel are his bad trades.
Can you have them play at your home instead of the other kid’s so at least you can keep an eye on them? It does sound like you should trust your radar.
Oh, COME ON. Everybody knows that you can get all the parenting information that you need from 1950s TV sitcoms. This is in the basic parenting manual that was issued to you when you brought your kid home from the hospital. Don’t people read these days?
They play outside. The other kid stays with his grandma so I don’t want Alex over there (extra noise or whatever; I just think it would be a bother for her) but it hasn’t come up yet but, when the weather changes and they do want to play together, I probably would suggest they play over here.
I think it is really difficult in these kinds of situations to write out the scenario and have people be able to honestly judge whether you are over reacting or not. Kids say and do crazy stuff and a lot of it comes down to context and being there to see it go down.
Also, what is disrespectful behavior on one house might be allowed in another. The kid may just be acting in what he/his family consider a normal way and not trying to misbehave/be disrespectful of you. There is a difference between odd/annoying traits in kids and defiant/dangerous ones. I see a wide array of behaviors in my son’s friends, a lot of it is parenting style and some of it is cultural. I don’t get too upset unless I feel a child is acting out of defiance - then I lay down our law. If a kid is just acting out of the range of my own preferences, I usually let it go. Really only you can make that call.
You of course are perfectly right to ask this boy to comply with your rules when he plays with your son. I would give him a chance to get used to your rules though before he gets banned from playing or whatever.
I can sympathize though…boys in general can just get on your nerves I know some kids in my son’s class that I silently hope he doesn’t get too close to just because I find them personally annoying
This kid sounds like he needs limits. Maybe since he lives with Grandma, she’s too busy being “grandma” and spoiling the kid. So set limits with your son, and by proxy, there will be limits with him. No whispering. No scratching. Ask directly. And so on.
Also, does your son have any cousins his age? Invite your siblings and their kids (his cousins) to come visit and play. It’ll help to have him around other kids and how they play.
It is so not a BFD. That is how kids communicate. They do not say “I will be bored and lonely while you are engaged in activities that do not include me. Please take your time, as your feelings and wishes are important to me, but please note that I eagerly await your return.” They say “Hurry up!” My friends and I used to say that to each other all the time.
For serious. And sometimes kids will dick try to dick each other out of stuff, with no hard feelings. Kids just like trying to get away with stuff.
I also wondered if part of his problem is grandma. His mom lives at the opposite corner, so he sees her, but she is apparently unfit in whatever way because he doesn’t stay there longer than a quick lunch, or whatever.
The only boy cousin Alex has is 13 and it’s not like girls aren’t fun to play with, but boys are different. The girls, with the exception of a 16 year old, are all under 4 years old.
I didn’t say anything to anybody about the trades. I didn’t complain openly about the trades. I haven’t made anybody trade back.
I think it’s shady. I think the kid wasn’t being fair. That doesn’t mean I hovered in there like some weird ass helicopter parent and fixed everything I thought was wrong.
Relax. And, IME, overreacting moms didn’t get toys or whatever banned at school; thieving, asshole kids did.
Sure. Except you missed the part where he told ALEX to hurry up AFTER he said, in response to ME, that Alex and I “better not be long” because he and Alex “were having fun”.
needscoffee’s original post wrongly said that I promised I would not interfere. I was just correcting that. What I did say (to you guys after the fact) is that, since I told them all trades were final and everything, it felt wrong to go in and reverse everything I decided I didn’t like. He’s seven and they’re his cars. I don’t have to do that for him anymore. He agreed to the trade, even IF the kid was fast-talking or being a dick about it (and I’m not even sure he was but it really does seem like some totally unfair trading was going on), so too bad.
If you WANT to INSIST that this kid is being manipulative so you can feel RIGHT about being worked up over something so entirely STUPID, then have AT it. Even in your clarification, you said after you said you didn’t know how long it’d take the kid yelled “Hurry up!” to ALEX, but that you did not LIKE his TONE. Apparently to you, that MEANT he was TRYING to be CONTROLLING, when to planet sane, it’s just how KIDS talk.
Why is coming out on top in a trade bad behavior? I’m 51 years old. If your kid approaches me in the back yard and wants to trade his Krugerrands for my rusty whisk, I’d do the trade in a heartbeat.
Don’t argue with a 9 year old! Especially with your 7 year old as an audience. Get to know the parents if you don’t already. Kids get their way of talking from their family and he may just have inherited an abrupt manner.
The age difference seems a little to great to me too. An aggressive 9 year old is just going to find ways to push a younger kid that you are not going to like.
My guess is that the kid has no experience with a household where the grown-ups are in charge.
Your son is in the process of figuring out what it is like to have a friend. Either they will both mature and the relationship will develop into something more nearly resembling friendship, where he doesn’t get bossed around and cheated out of his stuff, or only your son will mature and the relationship will come to an end.
Nine years old is sort of like two years old - a transition age, with the stress that involves. Two year olds throw tantrums, nine year olds get mouthy.
ISTM that what you want to enforce is the “my house, my rules”. Don’t scratch on the door, knock; we will be back when we are back - that kind of thing. The uneven trade I would chalk up to a learning experience, unless it becomes a pattern or unless it seems your son is being intimidated into stuff.
“Some people are assholes” is a lesson your son is going to learn sooner or later.
I know some kids in my son’s class that I silently hope he doesn’t get too close to just because I find them personally annoying 
:D:p:)