# Break up via text - ever not bush? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 26, 2013, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/break-up-via-text-ever-not-bush/661969 "2013-06-26T17:29:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Hakuna\_Matata](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@Hakuna\_Matata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hakuna_Matata)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/break-up-via-text-ever-not-bush/661969/21 "2013-06-27T00:25:29Z")
My daughter broke up with her boyfriend that way–BUT she didn’t want to. He knew something was up and kept avoiding meeting her to discuss it. Finally after like 3 weeks of this bullshit she just sent him a nice text breaking up. Under those particular circumstances (ie. the person won’t meet with you!) I think that it is acceptable. But that is a very narrow ruling! I liked the kid, and couldn’t understand his reasoning. You think if you avoid your girlfriend she is going to stay with you? And by avoiding her aren’t you in essence broken up, since you aren’t WITH her? I couldn’t understand the disconnect there in his brain on this one. She was also in a bad situation in that she drove, he didn’t at the time. So anywhere she took him to break up with him she would have to give him a ride home, or she breaks up with him at his house. Talk about awkward! Luckily she didn’t have to do that. All in all, it was a good learning experience for her. It all ended well, they are just friends now which is the best you could have expected. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/break-up-via-text-ever-not-bush/661969/22 "2013-06-27T00:43:30Z")
It’s better than my method from college: the pocket breakup, where you just stop answering the phone. ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/break-up-via-text-ever-not-bush/661969/23 "2013-06-27T00:46:51Z")
I think it is not bush, by definition. ---
**Author:** ![LibrarySpy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f9ae1b/32.png) [@LibrarySpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LibrarySpy)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/break-up-via-text-ever-not-bush/661969/24 "2013-06-27T01:21:30Z")
I believe Ms. Manners says a distant breakup–ideally via email, so there can be an honest explanation–is ideal. Doing it in person doesn’t give the dumpee an appropriate venue to react, and doing it in public in person is even worse, either restrictive or humiliating. A text seems short and cruel, but as many people have mentioned here, it’s a primary method of communication. So I can see it replacing the Dear John letter, with a maximum of saving face, on both ends. ---
**Author:** ![Lobot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ce7236/32.png) [@Lobot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobot)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/break-up-via-text-ever-not-bush/661969/25 "2013-06-27T01:44:41Z")
A text message breakup is only valid if it ends in “kthxbye”. ---
**Author:** ![Simplicio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c37758/32.png) [@Simplicio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simplicio)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/break-up-via-text-ever-not-bush/661969/26 "2013-06-27T02:23:36Z")
Seems a bit gauche, but as texts have become more ubiqitous, I guess its basically the 21st century equivalent of breaking up via “Dear John letter”. Probably not the best way to do it, but if your stuck in a relationship and having trouble ending it face to face for whatever reason, probably best to send a text/email/letter then let it drag on. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/break-up-via-text-ever-not-bush/661969/27 "2013-06-27T02:32:12Z")
The _Bangkok Post_ recently ran an interview with Katy Perry, who said Russel Brand broke up with her by text in late 2011, and she hasn’t set eyes on him since. And they were _married_. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/break-up-via-text-ever-not-bush/661969/28 "2013-06-27T05:23:46Z")
> [@John\_DiFool](#): > > I think it is not bush, by definition. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![jackdavinci](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackdavinci/32/3259_2.png) [@jackdavinci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackdavinci)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/break-up-via-text-ever-not-bush/661969/29 "2013-06-27T06:08:57Z")
Break ups should always be in person in private. Unless the relationship is long distance in which case whatever is the most interactive and personal method available. Real break ups anyway. If you’ve been on just one or two dates, it is fine to decline further dates when asked, by whatever method the asker is using. ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/break-up-via-text-ever-not-bush/661969/30 "2013-06-27T10:59:35Z")
Previous threads on “bush league”: [Bush league or Busch league or either?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=548790) [Do you say, “In the bushes” to refer to small towns?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=652686) ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 11:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/break-up-via-text-ever-not-bush/661969/31 "2013-06-27T11:06:59Z")
Yet another reason to regret the demise of the singing telegram. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 11:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/break-up-via-text-ever-not-bush/661969/32 "2013-06-27T11:10:46Z")
Incidentally, I always assumed that “bush”, in this context, was short for “bullshit”. I never made the connection to baseball. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/break-up-via-text-ever-not-bush/661969/33 "2013-06-27T12:29:05Z")
Face-to-face is the classiest way to do it. If that’s not possible, then a phone call is acceptable. The only time where a text might be acceptable is if you’re breaking up with an abuser, but usually an injunction is more appropriate. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/break-up-via-text-ever-not-bush/661969/34 "2013-06-27T14:02:36Z")
> [@RealityChuck](#): > > Face-to-face is the classiest way to do it. If that’s not possible, then a phone call is acceptable. > > The only time where a text might be acceptable is if you’re breaking up with an abuser, but usually an injunction is more appropriate. Oh, if only Hallmark had a text font… _I won’t date you any further Won’t say it o’er Coke & Burger Or what you would have me order your personality disorder. Here’s a lovely restraint order (Go chat up the Process Server…)_ ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/break-up-via-text-ever-not-bush/661969/35 "2013-06-27T17:05:10Z")
I broke up with my last boyfriend by email. We were emailing back and forth when he casually divulged that he had just threatened to hit his brother with a mallet during an argument. I didn’t feel comfortable going there in person to explain that threats of physical violence against loved ones were a dealbreaker for me, so I emailed back that we were done. And that was that. Obviously this is the exception, but it goes to show that text-based breakups can be the best option in at least one situation. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/break-up-via-text-ever-not-bush/661969/36 "2013-06-27T17:12:05Z")
The young folks these days do most of their communication by text (even when they’re physically together) - why not break up via text? And yes, I am having a mind picture of a couple sitting together in a restaurant, with one texting the other that they want to break up. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![romansperson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/romansperson/32/17100_2.png) [@romansperson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/romansperson)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/break-up-via-text-ever-not-bush/661969/37 "2013-06-27T17:46:49Z")
I don’t have a texting plan on my phone, so I think I’d be pretty hacked off if someone did that - I’d not only be dumped, I’d have to pay 20 cents for the message! ---
**Author:** ![SecretaryofEvil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@SecretaryofEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SecretaryofEvil)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/break-up-via-text-ever-not-bush/661969/38 "2013-06-27T18:49:56Z")
I’ll admit, I mostly opened this thread to ask where the hell he got the expression “bush” from. But now that I’m here, why would you want someone to dump you in person? I understand if you’re getting a divorce or you lived together, then yeah, there’s stuff that needs to be talked about. But for less serious relationships, what benefit is there for the dumped party for it to occur in person? It’s just going to turn into an awkward waste of time. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/break-up-via-text-ever-not-bush/661969/39 "2013-06-27T18:53:01Z")
I’m 56, and I think breaking up by text is perfect. 1. If one doesn’t want to be ‘with’ another person, what is the purpose of getting together with them to break up with them? 2. Keeps one party from going psycho (at least, in the immediate). 3. Cheap, timesaving device. “Let’s get together. There’s something to talk about.” “OK” _[gets dressed up to go to the meeting, not sure what’s up.]_ \. Heave-ho happens. Drink/snack turns sour in stomach. Money spent to find out you’re getting the gate. Time spent to hear a lecture on why you ain’t no good. Could have been better spent looking thru OKCupid, or watching TV. 4. The relationship is dead. Why waste time and money to conform to some standard set by who-knows-whom? ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/break-up-via-text-ever-not-bush/661969/40 "2013-06-27T19:01:03Z")
“Dear John text” just doesn’t have the same ring to it as “Dear John letter.” I recall an episode of _Sex and the City_ where some broke up with Carrie by Post-It note. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/break-up-via-text-ever-not-bush/661969.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/break-up-via-text-ever-not-bush/661969.md?page=3)