# Break up via text - ever not bush? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 26, 2013, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/break-up-via-text-ever-not-bush/661969 "2013-06-26T17:29:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/break-up-via-text-ever-not-bush/661969/41 "2013-06-27T19:01:37Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > And yes, I am having a mind picture of a couple sitting together in a restaurant, with one texting the other that they want to break up. 🙂 Reminded me of a time my son and daughter were waiting for a bus to go to the mall. My wife and I were talking to one of them on the phone, that kid was complaining about the other kid, who proceeded to send us a text offering their side of events. None of which we were at all interested in hearing! I’m not sure why I think text inappropriate - or even that I do. A lot would depend on the circumstances, the parties, the relationship, and the text. There is a part of me that thinks if a relationship passed a certain level of intimacy, then it is desireable to show a certain degree of personal respect in ending the relationship. When I think about it, I’m not sure a text is any worse than a letter. But I think a phone call is generally preferable to either. I guess a conversation - either in person or over the phone - allows the other person to express themself and/or ask questions. Which I guess is just a measure of respect owed a human with whom I’ve been intimate. ---
**Author:** ![fjs1fs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9e8a1a/32.png) [@fjs1fs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fjs1fs)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/break-up-via-text-ever-not-bush/661969/42 "2013-06-27T20:44:04Z")
> [@Red\_Barchetta](#): > > I think it depends on the circumstances; in my case it would have been preferable. I had to drive all the way out to my now ex-girlfriend’s only to have her tell me she was breaking up with me (which I knew), then drive all the way back. > > Text would have been easier for everyone. I agree with this as opposed to calling a breakup via text “cowardly.” Why waste both people’s time? I especially believe this in a short term dating situation; the OP’s example was just a few months, so I don’t see why it was referred to as a 'significant other." Perhaps a breakup of a multi-year relationship warrants greater discussion, and perhaps it’s better in person, but I still don’t think doing so in person leaves the breakup-ee feeling any better about it. ---
**Author:** ![fjs1fs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9e8a1a/32.png) [@fjs1fs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fjs1fs)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2013, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/break-up-via-text-ever-not-bush/661969/43 "2013-06-27T20:46:37Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > It’s better than my method from college: the pocket breakup, where you just stop answering the phone. I agree with this x100! Now that is true cowardice (the “pocket breakup”). ---
**Author:** ![KermitTheFrig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/47e85d/32.png) [@KermitTheFrig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KermitTheFrig)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2013, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/break-up-via-text-ever-not-bush/661969/44 "2013-06-28T01:34:38Z")
Why does it matter at all? You’re breaking up. What reason is there to care one way or another what either party thinks of the other? ---
**Author:** ![Lobot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ce7236/32.png) [@Lobot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobot)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2013, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/break-up-via-text-ever-not-bush/661969/45 "2013-06-28T01:43:05Z")
Well, it’s not really about caring about “what either party thinks of the other”. It’s about showing some compassion to a fellow human being. Of course, if you find out your significant other has been banging your brother-in-law and then bragging about how you’re so stupid that you’ll never find out, all bets are off. But if it’s just general incompatibility, surely their prior investment in the relationship is worth a little bit of caring in return? ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2013, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/break-up-via-text-ever-not-bush/661969/46 "2013-06-28T02:10:59Z")
> [@Rysler](#): > > I believe Ms. Manners says a distant breakup–ideally via email, so there can be an honest explanation–is ideal. Doing it in person doesn’t give the dumpee an appropriate venue to react, and doing it in public in person is even worse, either restrictive or humiliating. > > A text seems short and cruel, but as many people have mentioned here, it’s a primary method of communication. So I can see it replacing the Dear John letter, with a maximum of saving face, on both ends. My ex-wife told me she wanted a divorce via email after a 15 year relationship. Since I was in Iraq at the time my chances of reacting badly seemed much more likely than if we were face to face. I may kindly suggest that Miss Manners take a flying fuck at herself. > [@KermitTheFrig](#): > > Why does it matter at all? You’re breaking up. What reason is there to care one way or another what either party thinks of the other? In a short term dating relationship I agree. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/break-up-via-text-ever-not-bush/661969.md?page=2)