# Breaking up with long term girlfriend- The best way **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 5, 2003, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/breaking-up-with-long-term-girlfriend-the-best-way/193209 "2003-08-05T21:38:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/breaking-up-with-long-term-girlfriend-the-best-way/193209/1 "2003-08-05T21:38:04Z")
Inspired by this thread: [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=3801872#post3801872](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=3801872#post3801872) I am considering creative options for breaking up with a girlfriend of some years: Some possible non-confrontational options: -Act aloof and distant until she breaks up with me -A Post-it[sup]TM[/sup] note (worked very well for Ron Livingston on Sex in the City) -Move to a new state without telling anyone -Fake my own death -Pretend as if she never existed ("yes, this is he…who did you say you are?) -Bring her to a nice dinner, give her a ring-box as if I were proposing - she opens it to a note that says “Bye”. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/breaking-up-with-long-term-girlfriend-the-best-way/193209/2 "2003-08-05T21:59:02Z")
Why are you doing this? More info would be helpful. ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/breaking-up-with-long-term-girlfriend-the-best-way/193209/3 "2003-08-05T22:02:16Z")
I like the last option except the note should read ‘Yeah, right.’ ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/breaking-up-with-long-term-girlfriend-the-best-way/193209/4 "2003-08-05T22:05:04Z")
Having been on the other end of that story, if you want to cause her the minimum of emotional distress, be short and to the point. Unless I’m being whooshed or something, the options you have listed all seem a tad passive/aggressive. Of course, if the whole relationship is so burnt out that you don’t care what she thinks, I guess anything goes. ---
**Author:** ![Iteki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/eada6e/32.png) [@Iteki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iteki)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/breaking-up-with-long-term-girlfriend-the-best-way/193209/5 "2003-08-05T22:16:54Z")
Passive aggressive? How about just plain mean. Unless she shagged your mother you might want to just tell her it’s over. ---
**Author:** ![Marvel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marvel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marvel)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/breaking-up-with-long-term-girlfriend-the-best-way/193209/6 "2003-08-05T22:56:14Z")
Thiis may sound cowardly, but I began the “breaking up” process of one relationship by writing him a note. Some people prefer the face-to-face approach, but knowing how he was and how he would take it, I felt that starting off with a written word - where I could say what needed to be said without him interupting me - was the way to go. It sorta worked. For three months he kept trying to woo me back, I’d tell him no and he’d get mad at me for not playing along. But at least I said everything I needed to say in the letter, even if he didn’t believe me right away. Patty ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/breaking-up-with-long-term-girlfriend-the-best-way/193209/7 "2003-08-05T23:03:59Z")
For your own sake, it’s best to do it in a way that allows both of you to preserve your dignity. Dignity matters. ---
**Author:** ![DdDHellspawn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5e925/32.png) [@DdDHellspawn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DdDHellspawn)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/breaking-up-with-long-term-girlfriend-the-best-way/193209/8 "2003-08-05T23:09:33Z")
I’m hoping this isn’t a whoosh. I would definately like to read some details to give you the best strategic way possible. If you don’t care about the aftermath than you can be as rude or as cruel as you want (although I’m not saying this should be the way but it is an option) It’s always best to be up front and blunt. State that you don’t want to be in the relationship. Give a short reason why( if too elaborate you might leave room for rebutle or begging and pleaing). Say that you wish her luck and then get the heck out of dodge. Please give us some more info to further suggest. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/breaking-up-with-long-term-girlfriend-the-best-way/193209/9 "2003-08-05T23:16:34Z")
Destroy all evidence. This is critical. ---
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/breaking-up-with-long-term-girlfriend-the-best-way/193209/10 "2003-08-05T23:31:21Z")
"Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You" ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/breaking-up-with-long-term-girlfriend-the-best-way/193209/11 "2003-08-05T23:35:36Z")
Just be honest, playing head games so that YOU don’t have to deal with any “hassle” is mean and childish. If she’s been a long term girlfriend you must have some feeling for her right? So do her a favor, just tell her. You don’t have to be insulting about it, like “sorry you’re not good enough”. Just tell her, something like “I’m sorry, it’s over, I need to {fill in the blank} and you’re not part of that plan”. Be definite, and matter of fact, and above all, do NOT play some game as in the suggestions you put in the OP. Yeah, she’s likely to cry, and it’s likely to be painful and/or a hassle for you. But if you do it in some "sneaky’ way, designed to get you out of it without a hassle, all that’s going to do is leave her with no “closure”. And guess what? Lacking that closure she’s liable to keep coming back to you trying to figure out why, to get answers as to why it ended etc etc. So, I guess the question is, do you want a quick, (albeit probably painful scene, that likely WILL be a “hassle” at the time) or do you want it to be a long drawn out thing where she keeps calling for weeks or months afterward trying to figure out “what happened”? ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/breaking-up-with-long-term-girlfriend-the-best-way/193209/12 "2003-08-05T23:44:24Z")
Well, you could always leave yourself logged on to the SDMB under your account name ([http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=3713227#post3713227](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=3713227#post3713227)) ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/breaking-up-with-long-term-girlfriend-the-best-way/193209/13 "2003-08-05T23:45:58Z")
Come on fella, be a man about it …tell her you’re gay. ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/breaking-up-with-long-term-girlfriend-the-best-way/193209/14 "2003-08-05T23:58:39Z")
Be an adult. Tell her it’s over, and as gently as possible, tell her why. And give her a fair head’s-up that it’s coming: “Honey, we need to talk.” Failing that, drop hints that you’d like to do a three-way with her and her best cute girlfriend. That’ll probably end the relationship. Worst-case scenario? You’ll have a three-way with her and her best cute girlfriend! ---
**Author:** ![sleepytimebaby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9e8a1a/32.png) [@sleepytimebaby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sleepytimebaby)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2003, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/breaking-up-with-long-term-girlfriend-the-best-way/193209/15 "2003-08-06T00:30:51Z")
Please tell me the OP is not a wuss. Those are all wuss ways to get out of a relationship. A person who does something like that needs to get some balls fast! Be honest with her but be firm about it. Don’t go back for break up sex. Just cut the lines cleanly. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2003, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/breaking-up-with-long-term-girlfriend-the-best-way/193209/16 "2003-08-06T01:13:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Manda JO \* > For your own sake, it’s best to do it in a way that allows both of you to preserve your dignity. Dignity matters. \*\* Did you not read the one about faking my own death? Would attempting to date as many women at once as I could and then having the whole shebang blow up in my face be “dignified”? JuanitaTech - I like the last option except the note should read ‘Yeah, right.’ and it should be delivered in a jack-in-the-box’s mouth _SPROING!_ ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2003, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/breaking-up-with-long-term-girlfriend-the-best-way/193209/17 "2003-08-06T01:17:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Finagle \* > Well, you could always leave yourself logged on to the SDMB under your account name ([http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=3713227#post3713227](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=3713227#post3713227)) \*\* :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Rabid\_Squirrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Rabid\_Squirrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rabid_Squirrel)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2003, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/breaking-up-with-long-term-girlfriend-the-best-way/193209/18 "2003-08-06T01:47:45Z")
My advice, be gentle and tell her that it’s over. With a sock puppet. Make sure it’s the one with the googly eyes that jiggle around though, I forgot that one time and whhooo! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2003, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/breaking-up-with-long-term-girlfriend-the-best-way/193209/19 "2003-08-06T12:51:40Z")
Tell her that you consider it imperative to introduce threesomes with other women into the relationship. She agrees, you get to have fun. She disagrees, you get to break up. This is the ultimate in a win/win scenario. ---
**Author:** ![freetobeme](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@freetobeme](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freetobeme)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2003, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/breaking-up-with-long-term-girlfriend-the-best-way/193209/20 "2003-08-06T16:25:01Z")
With any luck she reads the board and you’re all set. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/breaking-up-with-long-term-girlfriend-the-best-way/193209.md?page=2)