# Brian Urlacher, why must you break my heart **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 24, 2003, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569 "2003-09-24T16:49:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2003, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/1 "2003-09-24T16:49:21Z")
☹ ☹ ☹ Since he signed with the Bears I have been a huge fan of Brian Urlacher. Long before I realized I found him sexy, I found him humble, sweet, open to the press but a little shy, talented, and generally a good guy. Three years ago he took a lot of heat for leaving a game before talking to the press to be with his wife who was 8 1/2 months pregnant. She gave birth to a little girl named Pamela. Urlacher and his wife Laurie got matching tattoos right out of college and were married before he was signed with the Bears. Last weekend, Brian was seen in Vegas with icky, stank ass, VD riddled **Paris “all access” Hilton** , making out and giving piggy back rides. Sigh. First of all, why do hot guys have such terrible fucking taste? I bet there are fifty chicks he could have fucked a hundred ways and they would have fucking paid for it, in that one casino alone, but no, Paris Hilton. Then, today, my nice teddybear, cutey pie, cheek pinching good boy announced he and his wife are separated. Couldn’t resist all the pussy that’s out there, could you Brian? Just watch it, romeo. For as I see it, this is the first step down the Jeremy Shockey “I like to fuck everything and by the way you’re a homo” road. Yes, I had lurid fantasies about you…but I also stood up for you as one of the good guys, the nice guys, the ones that fame wouldn’t get to. Guess I was wrong. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Bruce\_Daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2003, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/2 "2003-09-24T16:57:44Z")
mmmmm. . . Paris Hilton. . . . ---
**Author:** ![The\_Wrong\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b782af/32.png) [@The\_Wrong\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Wrong_Girl)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2003, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/3 "2003-09-24T17:17:37Z")
ewww…Paris Hilton Seriously? That girl radiates skankitude. Sorry, jar. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2003, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/4 "2003-09-24T17:28:47Z")
It was in the New York Post and the Las Vegas Register. ☹ He’s goin’ skank. ---
**Author:** ![Ol\_Gaffer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Ol\_Gaffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ol_Gaffer)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2003, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/5 "2003-09-24T18:14:57Z")
I guess it is only the Bears _offense_ that can’t score. OK, OK, I stole it from TMQB ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2003, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/6 "2003-09-24T18:16:36Z")
Next time Chicago plays New York, I hope Urlacher makes Shockey his bitch. ---
**Author:** ![Bruce\_Daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2003, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/7 "2003-09-24T18:27:28Z")
I hope the next time Urlacher plays his bitch he gives her the shocker. ---
**Author:** ![EllisDee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellisdee/32/4531_2.png) [@EllisDee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EllisDee)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2003, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/8 "2003-09-24T18:33:17Z")
lieu, it ain’t gonna happen for a while. Unless Da Bears make the post-seaHAHHAH. Sorry, couldn’t even type it without laughing. When I first heard the story, my reaction was only slightly different: “Way to go, Brian!” mmmmmm. all-access Paris. Excuse me for a moment… ---
**Author:** ![elf6c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c57346/32.png) [@elf6c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elf6c)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2003, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/9 "2003-09-24T18:41:30Z")
Hey, he plays for the Bears- of course he took his first chance at scoring, he doesn’t get many chances. When the Cincinatti Bengals of rich billionaire heiress is on your schedule, you have to take advantage of it. Wonder how many Hilton Hotel points he scored for that? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![More\_Cowbell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@More\_Cowbell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/More_Cowbell)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2003, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/10 "2003-09-24T18:41:41Z")
Paris Hilton? The girl needs a sandwich, some penicilin and a chastity belt. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2003, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/11 "2003-09-24T18:58:07Z")
You want tough, good looking and loyal to the family? Jarbaby, come take a ride in our [Carr.](http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/players/profile?statsId=5887) ---
**Author:** ![Bruce\_Daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2003, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/12 "2003-09-24T19:04:24Z")
[Commercial] (Tourist types are shuffling through a nuclear power plant, snapping pictures. All of a sudden, sirens wail and red lights go off. A non-descript meter is falling to zero) Urlacher: Out of my way! (Urlacher races to a control panel, turns some knobs and adujsts some sliders. Suddenly, the sirens stop and the lights go back to green) Some woman, to Urlacher: Are you a nuclear scientist? Urlacher: No, but I did sleep with Hilton last night. [/commercial] I’m sorry, I really like them dirty, perty girz ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2003, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/13 "2003-09-24T19:58:21Z")
Don’t you guys get it? he’s not supposed to be dirty. He’s a big cuddly teddy bear ---
**Author:** ![Bruce\_Daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2003, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/14 "2003-09-24T20:09:37Z")
Now he’s a bad boy that’s probably going to get a spanking tonight! _giggle_ This is my fourth post in this thread and I really should stop before I become known as the “Hilton Freak”. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2003, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/15 "2003-09-24T20:52:57Z")
See, if anything I want HIM to be giving spankings, to bad little bears fans in Chicago… :: batting eyes:: ---
**Author:** ![BottledBlondJeanie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/0ea827/32.png) [@BottledBlondJeanie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BottledBlondJeanie)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2003, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/16 "2003-09-25T01:04:05Z")
I dunno, sometimes that skankitude can lure a man…and a woman, too for that matter… She looks like she’d gnaw the rivets off of your jeans and fuck you six ways from Sunday then walk out and never call again… mmm Paris ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2003, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/17 "2003-09-25T01:09:37Z")
He said today in a press conference that they’re just friends, and that he meets a lot of interesting people on the job. Yeah. “This girl wants to suck my dick in the middle of a casino! That’s so interesting!” It’s the leaving his wife and kid to get pussy that bugs me the most. ---
**Author:** ![Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/soul_brother_number_two/32/3515_2.png) [@Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soul_Brother_Number_Two)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2003, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/18 "2003-09-25T01:35:50Z")
I’ve heard the name a time or two, but who is this Paris Hilton person and why does she rate mention in the gossip columns and what has she done that is skanky please? ---
**Author:** ![milroyj](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@milroyj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/milroyj)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2003, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/19 "2003-09-25T01:47:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > \*\*It’s the leaving his wife and kid to get pussy that bugs me the most. \*\* To be fair, there is no evidence that he separated from his wife to get pussy, much less pussy from Ms. Hilton. According to the Tribune: > [@](#): > > Sources confirmed that Urlacher has been separated from his wife, Laurie, since last spring but the split has been amicable. Just saying. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2003, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/20 "2003-09-25T01:47:19Z")
She’s the heir to the Hilton Hotel fortune and, like Zsa Zsa Gabor, she’s famous for being famous. She’s fucked everything that moves in hollywood and beyond and is notoriously drunk and stumbling and thrown out of bars and parties for being an idiot. search [images.google.com](http://images.google.com) Paris Hilton for pics. If slutty Christina Aguilera is your thing, you may like her [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569.md?page=2)