# Brian Urlacher, why must you break my heart **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 24, 2003, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569 "2003-09-24T16:49:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2003, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/21 "2003-09-25T02:00:17Z")
I’m just imagining milroyj, that (while maybe not Paris), he probably found out that 75% of the women in this town want to give him a good rutting, and the wife and kid were becoming a burden for his dick’s needs. Hell, I’d ride him six ways from Sunday and would tell him that to his face. I suspect his wife was tired of putting up with such shit. BUT, I could be wrong. I hope I’m wrong. I still want to like him. I don’t want him to be Jeremy Shockey. ---
**Author:** ![elf6c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c57346/32.png) [@elf6c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elf6c)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2003, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/22 "2003-09-25T02:04:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > \*\*She’s the heir to the Hilton Hotel fortune and, like Zsa Zsa Gabor, she’s famous for being famous. She’s fucked everything that moves in hollywood and beyond and is notoriously drunk and stumbling and thrown out of bars and parties for being an idiot. > > search [images.google.com](http://images.google.com) Paris Hilton for pics. If slutty Christina Aguilera is your thing, you may like her \*\* [Skywalker] She’s riiiiiiich [Skywalker] 😉 ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2003, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/23 "2003-09-25T02:06:41Z")
Urlacher has a contract for $70 fucking million dollars. What does he need a rich girl for? ---
**Author:** ![Conflict\_of\_Interest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/57b2e6/32.png) [@Conflict\_of\_Interest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Conflict_of_Interest)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2003, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/24 "2003-09-25T02:13:07Z")
Always the guys fault, is that what you’re saying? I don’t recall seeing why they seperated. Maybe it was because She didnt like being alone for close to half a year and so she was “stepping out” on him. I’ll bet women cheat on their husbands just as much as the husbands cheat on their wives. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2003, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/25 "2003-09-25T02:17:06Z")
Nope, never said it’s always the guys fault. But I do know this particular guy is a very good looking, very VERY popular, well revealed professional athlete and their reputation with the ladies isn’t always Golden Boy caliber. Like I said above, I hope I’m wrong. I hope they just realized they got married too soon or something…but still, I feel bad for that little girl. ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2003, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/26 "2003-09-25T02:23:02Z")
Geez **jarjarbaby** , you make “all access skank” sound like a bad thing. Hold onto the thought that when she is 35, she’ll be a drilled out skank who only has her inheritance to fall back on. ---
**Author:** ![milroyj](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@milroyj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/milroyj)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2003, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/27 "2003-09-25T02:44:01Z")
I hope you’re wrong too, **jarbabyj**. That said, his discretion leaves a lot to be desired. He’s not exactly an unknown person, and Paris Hilton, c’mon. Like it wouldn’t get into the gossips rags, and thus back to Chicago and his wife. Not very smart. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2003, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/28 "2003-09-25T02:44:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > **Sigh. First of all, why do hot guys have such terrible fucking taste?** Why do hot girls always date assholes? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5ac83/32.png) [@The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mad_Hermit)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2003, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/29 "2003-09-25T04:33:03Z")
And I thought this was going to be a rant on the team. Hell, I haven’t stopped laughing from the announcement that the Bears picked up Kordell. Maybe Urlacher is trading up? There’s a lot of money involved, potentially, and linebackers don’t get the top dollar… ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2003, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/30 "2003-09-25T13:45:57Z")
HE HAS A CONTRACT FOR $70 MILLION, and a thousand endorsements. It’s not money, it’s the attraction of strange pussy. ---
**Author:** ![Waverly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@Waverly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waverly)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2003, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/31 "2003-09-25T13:55:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > It’s not money, it’s the attraction of strange pussy. This would make a great marketing campaign. _Vacation in Bangkok. It’s not money, it’s the attraction of strange pussy._ ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2003, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/32 "2003-09-25T14:51:29Z")
Rich, hot, and horny. Da-amn. Why can’t all women be like her? (ducks and runs) ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2003, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/33 "2003-09-25T17:46:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by adam yax \* > \*\*Geez **jarjarbaby** , you make “all access skank” sound like a bad thing. Hold onto the thought that when she is 35, she’ll be a drilled out skank who only has her inheritance to fall back on. \*\* Well, i’m coming up on 35, and i wish that “all” i had to fall back on was the Hilton fortune! ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2003, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/34 "2003-09-25T21:53:45Z")
Imaginary scene of Urlacher coming home to his wife, paraphrased from The Last Boy Scout: _Laurie finds out that Brian hooked up with Paris Hilton_ Brian: It just kinda happened, honey! Laurie: Sure it just happened! You tripped, fell on the floor, and accidentally stuck your dick into her! “Gee, I’m sorry, honey, this just isn’t my week!” ---
**Author:** ![EllisDee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellisdee/32/4531_2.png) [@EllisDee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EllisDee)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2003, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/35 "2003-09-25T23:27:28Z")
JarbabyJ, I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that you’re not one of those women who complains about the double-standard of women being labeled “sluts” while men get no flak for sleeping around. The fact that you cannot comprehend _why_ Urlacher would want to fuck Paris merely confirms that you are not a guy. As a Giants fan, I usually grimace and ignore it every time I hear something about Shockey from the tabloids. But I would remind you…Shockey never left a wife and kid behind to do his skirt chasing. He’s a 22 year old millionaire with a high profile career. Even the friggin’ Dalai Lama would be looking for some play in his situation. All in all, I have more respect for Shockey’s personal life than Urlacher’s. > [@](#): > > If slutty Christina Aguilera is your thing, you may like her mmmm, Christina… ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/36 "2003-09-26T02:15:29Z")
Did you miss the part where I’m giving Urlacher flak for sleeping around? I’m blaming him completely. I wouldn’t care if he fucked a young, nubile virgin who granted him three wishes, URLACHER is the ass in this situation, and I’ve said that from the beginning. Don’t accuse me of double standards. However, Shockey saying he wouldn’t play with a homosexual on his team and calling his boss a homo is not really my bag, respect him all you want. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Raven\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@The\_Raven\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Raven_1)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/37 "2003-09-26T02:17:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by adam yax \* > **…drilled out skank…** Do I need to say it? -Rav P.S. I’m surprised no one has pitted the Hilton sisters AFAIK… ---
**Author:** ![Beagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Beagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beagle)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/38 "2003-09-26T02:56:16Z")
Urlacher is turning from the nice defensive player on Playmakers into the partying running back. Life imitates sports soap opera. ---
**Author:** ![minty\_green](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@minty\_green](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minty_green)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/39 "2003-09-26T04:09:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > I’m just imagining milroyj, that (while maybe not Paris), he probably found out that 75% of the women in this town want to give him a good rutting, and the wife and kid were becoming a burden for his dick’s needs. Hell, I’d ride him six ways from Sunday and would tell him that to his face. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > It’s the leaving his wife and kid to get pussy that bugs me the most. I dunno, it’s the complete and utter hypocrisy on your part that bugs me the most. Maybe if Ms. Hilton looked vaguely Germanic and dug humiliation, then maybe this would be okay with you? Oh, wait, is that a mote in your eye? ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569/40 "2003-09-26T14:48:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The\_Raven \* > \*\*Do I need to say it? > \*\* Yes, I think you do need to say it because I have no idea what you mean. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brian-urlacher-why-must-you-break-my-heart/203569.md?page=3)