# Brief history, with scores and commentary, of French Warfare. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 16, 2003, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brief-history-with-scores-and-commentary-of-french-warfare/155361 "2003-02-16T02:34:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2003, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brief-history-with-scores-and-commentary-of-french-warfare/155361/21 "2003-02-16T16:05:53Z")
Oh, for the love of God. To the Pit, if only for the pure stupidity of the OP. **The\_Stranger** , you’ve been here for almost 3 years. Is this all you can do? A copied-and-pasted inflammatory piece, not checked for facts, surely aimed at those evil French for not wanting to play along with GWB? The mind boggles. It’s taking longer than we thought indeed. Off we go, hang on to yer hats. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Stranger\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@The\_Stranger\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Stranger_1)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2003, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brief-history-with-scores-and-commentary-of-french-warfare/155361/22 "2003-02-16T17:11:40Z")
Coldfire- My apologies. It was indeed cut and pasted from a very laughable email I received from a VERY far right individual; an individual I love to debate because his ideas are so far removed from the norm. I never intended this to be a historically accurate piece, and indeed did state that it was NOT my writing. I did not check it for facts, as the _facts_ in the OP are so obviously incorrect I thought everyone would catch on immediately. In retrospect, I should know on a board with as many diverse members as this one, to Specifically state my intentions. Which in this case was not to be a nasty troll, but to share the humor, at the original author’s expense, of such a blatantly ignorant missive. Stranger OUT ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2003, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brief-history-with-scores-and-commentary-of-french-warfare/155361/23 "2003-02-16T17:25:58Z")
Apology appreciated. FWIW, your OP doesn’t read like you’re trying to make fun at the author’s expense at all. But I’ll take your word for it. ---
**Author:** ![Beagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Beagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beagle)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2003, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brief-history-with-scores-and-commentary-of-french-warfare/155361/24 "2003-02-16T18:09:25Z")
Charlemagne, though Germanic, was a pretty successful [King of the Franks](http://www.chronique.com/Library/MedHistory/charlemagne.htm). Digging deep for my French amis. ---
**Author:** ![smiling\_bandit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@smiling\_bandit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smiling_bandit)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2003, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brief-history-with-scores-and-commentary-of-french-warfare/155361/25 "2003-02-16T18:18:04Z")
> [@](#): > > French troops were in Afghanistan. Sadly, only after the real fighitng was over and, as I recall, some of them refused to do their duty. Anyway, this OP is nasty, degrading, and crude - and terribly funny. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2003, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brief-history-with-scores-and-commentary-of-french-warfare/155361/26 "2003-02-16T18:19:23Z")
Oh how fun. ANOTHER “The French are incompetent” OP. Well, at least the OP didn’t attribute a French victory to how they smell, or the lack of tasty cheese on the opposition’s side… ::rolleyes:: ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2003, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brief-history-with-scores-and-commentary-of-french-warfare/155361/27 "2003-02-16T23:36:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tamerlane \* > \*\*I’m tired right now and busy tomorrow. However if anyone insists, this entire silly list can be dissected piece by piece without great difficulty and I’d be happy to do so Monday or Tuesday. Needless to say it is mostly ahistorical exaggerations and half-truths. > > However, I’m hoping nobody would take this kind of crap seriously in the first place. > > - Tamerlane \*\* Please do. As I understand it, the French were winning Indochina until the world community found out who had joined their Foreign Legion after a previous war and they got hammered on the P.R. front. I was also given to the impression that the French gave Algeria a vote and respected it–which would make them pretty intelligent and enlighteded. I’d be curious to read a discussion of the rest. ---
**Author:** ![Scruloose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e68b1a/32.png) [@Scruloose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scruloose)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2003, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brief-history-with-scores-and-commentary-of-french-warfare/155361/28 "2003-02-17T00:25:04Z")
Well, since we’re just [funnin’](http://www.pizzaladifference.com/Google.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2003, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brief-history-with-scores-and-commentary-of-french-warfare/155361/29 "2003-02-17T01:51:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kipper \* > **Read a little bit more about the First World War. France had more troops fighting than either the English or the tardy Americans.** And the Russian Empire had more troops fighting than all those countries combined. Did they win, too? And what’s with saying “the tardy Americans”? Were we somehow obligated to join the fighting in 1914? \*\* > [@](#): > > Anglo-French forces would have won with or without the US. > \*\* Really? Then why didn’t they? \*\* > [@](#): > > The US contribution to the War was largly an economic one. > \*\* So, the 113,000 Americans who died directly as a result of their participation in WWI for less than a year were. . . .what? A statistical anomaly? An accident? That’s more casualties than suffered in Vietnam and Korea combined, in 1/12 the time of engagement. \*\* > [@](#): > > Also go do a bit of reading about the Free French and the French Resistance before you run down the French in WWII. \*\* How about the Yugoslavian Resistance, which you really can’t read about much of anywhere. They liberated their country without any help from anyone. Did the Free French do that? So, to sum up **Kipper** , who writes your history? Agence France-Presse? ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2003, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brief-history-with-scores-and-commentary-of-french-warfare/155361/30 "2003-02-17T01:58:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kipper \* > \*\*The US contribution to the War was largly an economic one. > \*\* it didn’t occur to me until now, but I think this statement is a BLATANT insult to the 113,000 dead Americans I referred to in my post above. You’re a fucking dick, **Kipper,** without a thoughtful bone in your body. What happened? Did you take one history course from a left-leaning history prof and leave thinking you knew something? ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2003, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brief-history-with-scores-and-commentary-of-french-warfare/155361/31 "2003-02-17T02:02:26Z")
It’s a sad, sad day when someone can’t make fun of the French without being lambasted for it… where’s Al Bundy when you need 'im?!? ---
**Author:** ![Jeu\_D\_esprit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/67e7ee/32.png) [@Jeu\_D\_esprit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeu_D_esprit)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2003, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brief-history-with-scores-and-commentary-of-french-warfare/155361/32 "2003-02-17T02:49:37Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally cut and pasted by The\_Stranger (you still get the heat for this stuff since you brought it here) \* > \*\* > Hundred Years War – > Mostly lost, saved at last by a female schizophrenic who Inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare: “France’s armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman.”_\* Really? Here I thought it was the English loss of the Burgundians as allies and the French learning\*\* not \*\*to give the English time to make an invulnerable line before attacking them. Oh yeah, You forgot the Norman invasions. I guess that could be called a loss for both France and England. But, since people want dull witted history: France invaded and conquered England in 1066. \*\*Italian Wars – Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. \*\* Except for countries in the Balkans, the Middle East and and North Africa **The Napoleonic Wars – Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.** As far as I know, they beat Austria, Prussia, the billion six small German states, and Italy. When they retreated from Russia, everyone got back on the band wagon and declared war again. And the “Get America to do your fighting” rule is blown when the US can’t even slow England down with the war of 1812. **World War I – Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it’s like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn’t call her “Fraulein.” Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.** Flat out wrong. US doughboys do some good fighting but weren’t there in enough numbers. By the time any real number of US troops show up, it’s the wrap up offensive against Germany. England and mostly France were the ones who beat the Hun. The US did pick up the slack in the world economy and gave out lots of bank loans. Then we dropped the ball and plunged the world into the great depression- go US. Oh, about the condom use- Lenny Bruce you ain’t. Shut the fuck up. **World War II – Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel song.** You forgot to mention that the French beat the Italians (look up Olry and the invasion of southern France). **War in Indochina – Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu.** Ha, ha. Clubbed by your rapier like wit. Makes me proud that the US did better. What do you mean…we broke the second rule again? Ahh… gotta love it when people rely on their public High School education. ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2003, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brief-history-with-scores-and-commentary-of-french-warfare/155361/33 "2003-02-17T04:10:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The\_Stranger \* > **Wars of Religion – > France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots** Oh please. The Huguenots, some of whom were my ancestors, were nearly wiped out. The Edict of Nantes pretty much declared open season on them. To suggest somehow that they were “5-0 with four draws” against the _ancien regime_ is ridiculous. ---
**Author:** ![RobbieFal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c5a1d2/32.png) [@RobbieFal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RobbieFal)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2003, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brief-history-with-scores-and-commentary-of-french-warfare/155361/34 "2003-02-17T04:17:19Z")
“You forgot to mention that the French beat the Italians” congrats on beating Benito Mussolini. Greece did the same thing until Hitler had to step in ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2003, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brief-history-with-scores-and-commentary-of-french-warfare/155361/35 "2003-02-17T05:00:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jeu\_D’esprit \* > **Oh yeah, You forgot the Norman invasions. I guess that could be called a loss for both France and England. But, since people want dull witted history: France invaded and conquered England in 1066.** Did you watch the recent U.N. Security Council meeting? Roughly quoted, Jack Straw said, “…Great Britain, a very old country, founded in 1066 by the French.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2003, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brief-history-with-scores-and-commentary-of-french-warfare/155361/36 "2003-02-17T05:25:05Z")
**snopes** at the ULRPMB beat you to it by a while, just so you know. ---
**Author:** ![Kipper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Kipper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kipper)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2003, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brief-history-with-scores-and-commentary-of-french-warfare/155361/37 "2003-02-17T06:01:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lizard \* > \*\*it didn’t occur to me until now, but I think this statement is a BLATANT insult to the 113,000 dead Americans I referred to in my post above. You’re a fucking dick, **Kipper,** without a thoughtful bone in your body. What happened? Did you take one history course from a left-leaning history prof and leave thinking you knew something? \*\* No. The comment was made to point out how the US contributed to the war before it sent troops. It’s a bit sad that you can’t make a historical argument without resorting to personal abuse. ---
**Author:** ![Will\_Repair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a698b9/32.png) [@Will\_Repair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Will_Repair)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2003, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brief-history-with-scores-and-commentary-of-french-warfare/155361/38 "2003-02-17T06:25:31Z")
I found the OP amusing. Also the replies. I imagined the posters sitting in front of the TV screaming at Sienfeld, "The placement of the top button is entirely dependent on the number of buttons and the distance… Wonder if there is a .fr site with the same thing about US. Two possible entries come to mind: Vietnam War - Americans prove they can’t do better than French Granada - Americans prove their military superiority over someone one one-gazillionth their size. ---
**Author:** ![RexDart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b77776/32.png) [@RexDart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RexDart)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2003, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brief-history-with-scores-and-commentary-of-french-warfare/155361/39 "2003-02-17T06:33:19Z")
Whoohoo, it’s in the Pit now. Man, the French sure do suck at war. Even if the facts are a little bent in that rundown, it’s still not a stellar record. But then again, the Spanish have a pretty similiar record since the sinking of the Armada. The English lost control of half the world in the last 100 years. The Germans weren’t exacly big winners over that period either. Russia lost control of more territory recently then the entire size of anything France ever controlled twice over. Not exactly a century for Europeans. Hey, I could care less what _anybody_ in Europe thinks, winners or losers. They don’t make our policy, we do, and I’m fine with ignoring them. So I’m with the sentiment of this analysis, if that sentiment is “who cares about the French?” ---
**Author:** ![Protesilaus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Protesilaus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Protesilaus)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2003, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brief-history-with-scores-and-commentary-of-french-warfare/155361/40 "2003-02-17T07:13:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jeu\_D’esprit \* > **Oh yeah, You forgot the Norman invasions. I guess that could be called a loss for both France and England. But, since people want dull witted history: France invaded and conquered England in 1066.** Normandy was actually a completely different country which Vikings led by Rolf (Rollo) more-or-less conquered away from the Franks in the early 900s. It was officially recognized by Charles the Simple, king of the Franks, in 911. > [@](#): > > **As far as I know, they beat Austria, Prussia, the billion six small German states, and Italy.** Italy had not yet been unified into one country at this time. It was still a bunch of smaller nations. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brief-history-with-scores-and-commentary-of-french-warfare/155361.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brief-history-with-scores-and-commentary-of-french-warfare/155361.md?page=3)