# Bright Bulb, Dim Wit. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 2, 2002, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bright-bulb-dim-wit/139904 "2002-12-02T05:26:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bright-bulb-dim-wit/139904/1 "2002-12-02T05:26:16Z")
Suck the balls of a syphilitic shit-eating monkey, you simian piece of festering effluvium. You have my command to ram a leaking can of castor oil up your ass sideways. Yes, I’m talking to you, you who insist on keeping your brights on as you follow me into and through town tonight. You who have a solitary neuron, swimming alone in the festering cerebrospinal fluid filling the expanded sinus you call a skull. You who have disregarded the lights placed out by the city, bright mercury vapor lamps which obviate the need for Sunrise on Mercury headlamps, and instead choose to blast my retina with a pure white light. You who are sending ice picks into my optic nerves, inch by inch, millimeter by millimeter, begging me to turn around and redefine pain in terms of pounds of rocks shoved into your lower large intestine. Certain people in this world deserve tabasco high colonics. Take the next turn-off and you will barely rise to their level. Fuckfoon. ---
**Author:** ![apotheosis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ba8739/32.png) [@apotheosis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/apotheosis)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bright-bulb-dim-wit/139904/2 "2002-12-02T05:40:48Z")
Flipping one’s rearview mirror can sometimes indicate annoyance to such a driver; but failing that, nothing gets their attention like rear-facing trunk-mounted 2,000,000-candlepower spotlights. ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bright-bulb-dim-wit/139904/3 "2002-12-02T05:47:01Z")
**apo** : I doubt anything short of the Second Coming would have registered with this Confirmed Twatrash. His mental processes barely met the level of `ooh… light!’ I have a feeling this Shitguzzling Choadsniffer would gladly walk out of the crapper with monstrous clingons holding on to his brainstem for dear life. He uses his IQ Quota for the year by watching an episode of Wheel of Fortune, and he thinks Jerry Springer is deep, heavy literature. He’s the kind of shit Klanmembers and Scientologists hold up as a cautionary tale. ---
**Author:** ![Desmostylus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c57346/32.png) [@Desmostylus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Desmostylus)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bright-bulb-dim-wit/139904/4 "2002-12-02T05:51:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by apotheosis \* > \*\*but failing that, nothing gets their attention like rear-facing trunk-mounted 2,000,000-candlepower spotlights. \*\* I tried that, years ago. But, after an encounter with some seriously crazy people, I realised it wasn’t such a good idea. ---
**Author:** ![apotheosis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ba8739/32.png) [@apotheosis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/apotheosis)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bright-bulb-dim-wit/139904/5 "2002-12-02T05:52:59Z")
Question: was it regular old annoying high-beams, or those blue-white SDI-inspired ocular blowtorches that strip paint at 1000 yards? Those fuckers can be every bit as obnoxious on low-beam, if they’re affixed to an SUV. ---
**Author:** ![apotheosis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ba8739/32.png) [@apotheosis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/apotheosis)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bright-bulb-dim-wit/139904/6 "2002-12-02T05:54:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Desmostylus \* > \*\*I tried that, years ago. But, after an encounter with some seriously crazy people, I realised it wasn’t such a good idea. \*\* Well, there’s no need to get all realistic and practical, here. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bright-bulb-dim-wit/139904/7 "2002-12-02T06:11:32Z")
**apo** : It was on a pickup, and I don’t think it was anything by plain old highbeams. They weren’t blue-white, just plain white. ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bright-bulb-dim-wit/139904/8 "2002-12-02T06:34:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Desmostylus \* > \*\*I tried that, years ago. But, after an encounter with some seriously crazy people, I realised it wasn’t such a good idea. \*\* [Steve Irwin] Today on _The Crocodile Hunter_, we’re riggin up the truck with a nice 2,000,000 candlepower spotlight and trackin’ down the elusive Moth Clan of West Walamaloo. [/Steve Irwin] ---
**Author:** ![Desmostylus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c57346/32.png) [@Desmostylus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Desmostylus)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bright-bulb-dim-wit/139904/9 "2002-12-02T06:42:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sublight \* > \*\*[Steve Irwin] > Today on _The Crocodile Hunter_, we’re riggin up the truck with a nice 2,000,000 candlepower spotlight and trackin’ down the elusive Moth Clan of West Walamaloo. > [/Steve Irwin] \*\* Yeah, well I found the fuckers. I was just lucky that the truck they were in couldn’t keep up.