# brightpenny, you're a loathesome bitch **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 12, 2006, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brightpenny-youre-a-loathesome-bitch/339670 "2006-01-12T15:52:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![samclem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9a28c/32.png) [@samclem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samclem)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2006, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brightpenny-youre-a-loathesome-bitch/339670/121 "2006-01-13T04:46:22Z")
**Ogre**. My post wasn’t directed at you. You just happen to post something that I hooked onto. I was just talking about the irony in your post. When I posted about manners, I was in no way talking about you. I’m sorry that you took it that way. I was talking about the general manners of many posters starting in **brightpenny’s** original OP, and ending in this one. I was born in the South, and grew up there. My first ex-wife once said(she was from Richmond), that the art of being a good host(ess) was making your guest feel comfortable, even if they were in the wrong. I know that part of what makes this board one of the best on the web is it’s above-average intelligence level of the average poster. Too bad that manners and intelligence aren’t on a directly proportional level. Again, all this is said as a board member, not in an official capacity. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2006, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brightpenny-youre-a-loathesome-bitch/339670/122 "2006-01-13T04:47:53Z")
> [@wolf\_meister](#): > > **Excalibre** and **Left Hand of Dorkness** certainly liked to “pile on” a certain wolf\_meister in this thread: > [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=348356&page=4&pp=50](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=348356&page=4&pp=50) > Have I discovered a pattern here? Does this mean that Monty will be joining the insult-fest too? A pattern of you posting stupid things without having read the thread? Just put some clothes on before you run around the neighborhood shouting Eureka, okay? We don’t want to have two legendary discoveries remembered the same way. Daniel ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2006, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brightpenny-youre-a-loathesome-bitch/339670/123 "2006-01-13T04:49:39Z")
> [@samclem](#): > > **Ogre**. My post wasn’t directed at you. You just happen to post something that I hooked onto. I was just talking about the irony in your post. > > When I posted about manners, I was in no way talking about you. I’m sorry that you took it that way. I was talking about the general manners of many posters starting in **brightpenny’s** original OP, and ending in this one. > > I was born in the South, and grew up there. My first ex-wife once said(she was from Richmond), that the art of being a good host(ess) was making your guest feel comfortable, even if they were in the wrong. > > I know that part of what makes this board one of the best on the web is it’s above-average intelligence level of the average poster. Too bad that manners and intelligence aren’t on a directly proportional level. > > Again, all this is said as a board member, not in an official capacity. Ah, me. The Pit does indeed raise my dander occasionally. It’s just that most times, I have better sense than to post about it. I apologize for bristling. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2006, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brightpenny-youre-a-loathesome-bitch/339670/124 "2006-01-13T04:53:37Z")
> [@John Carter of Mars](#): > > Apparently that didn’t stop you from sending an email that, depending on the “eye of the beholder”, could have been considered harassment or threatening. I have no idea what he said but it was probably something along the lines of "I wanted to get in touch (AWWWW GERMS GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME) with you to say [THREATS!] that we can still be friends [DON’T TRY TO GET CLOSE TO ME RAPIST!]. **BrightPenny** was unstable in moment one of the original thread. It wasn’t even a question. It was a rant about how TSA employees were going to spread feces from other bags to hers and what were they going to DO about it. In the interest of fighting ignornace, people just pointed out that the risk just wasn’t even realistic. THe SDMB cannot tiptoe around irrational fears with a mission to fight ignornace. The second someone made the mildest joke, she freaked and demanded the thread closed because the thoughts were too vivid in her head. When people made more jokes, she freaked even more and started yelling for mods like a lunatic and seemed as visibly shaken (as much as you can on a MB). I understand these things better than most but you cannot cater to delusions like that. They already know something is wrong and they need to take steps to correct and get help. These cannot be isolated incidences with **BrightPenny**. I wish her the best and have complete faith that she will return to her full glory after these issues are addressed. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2006, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brightpenny-youre-a-loathesome-bitch/339670/125 "2006-01-13T04:53:49Z")
Y’know, if she’d said “You’re right, that was an over-the-top analogy but I was pissed” I’d have accepted that. Since that was not the response but instead she had to moan about how oh no, it was just like that, I felt it appropriate to add my semi-experienced opinion that no, the two events were not comparable. I don’t think “loathesome (sp) bitch” was really called for, but if people are going to be stupid and compare being picked on a little bit to things like gang rape (or the Holocaust, or child murder, etc.), then you’re bound to run into someone who’s actually experienced a similar horrible event who’s going to call you on it. I’ll also note that most of this “pile on” is people arguing about whether or not it’s a pile on and clarifying previous posts. A Pit thread goes meta, whoda thunk it? ---
**Author:** ![samclem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9a28c/32.png) [@samclem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samclem)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2006, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brightpenny-youre-a-loathesome-bitch/339670/126 "2006-01-13T04:57:41Z")
> [@Left Hand of Dorkness](#): > > The beholder would have to be squinting that eye to see it as harassment, and would have to be frankly unreasonable to see it as threatening. There was absolutely no threat in it. > > Daniel Would you agree that **Excalibre** would have been well advised to have left off his last sentence in his email…" I hope that, in doing so, I haven’t inadvertently raped you." Illegal, no. Out of character for him, no. But, Daniel, would you have even bothered to send an email to her, much less such a one as was sent by **Excalibre**? I doubt it. If you would have, then years of respect for your posts on this board have just tumbled to the ground in my eyes. Again, this is posted in my private capacity. ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2006, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brightpenny-youre-a-loathesome-bitch/339670/127 "2006-01-13T05:04:20Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > I have no idea what he said but it was probably something along the lines of "I wanted to get in touch (AWWWW GERMS GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME) with you to say [THREATS!] that we can still be friends [DON’T TRY TO GET CLOSE TO ME RAPIST!]. Had you read post #26, you would know what he said. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2006, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brightpenny-youre-a-loathesome-bitch/339670/128 "2006-01-13T05:06:19Z")
> [@samclem](#): > > Would you agree that **Excalibre** would have been well advised to have left off his last sentence in his email…" I hope that, in doing so, I haven’t inadvertently raped you." I agree that that sentence was pretty bad. I would not have sent the email, probably. Except for that sentence, I interpreted the email as an attempt to notify the pittee of the pitting, since she might not otherwise find out. Daniel ---
**Author:** ![Agent\_Foxtrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2006, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brightpenny-youre-a-loathesome-bitch/339670/129 "2006-01-13T05:15:51Z")
I think everything that’s needed to be said in this thread has been said. Perhaps the Gods see fit that a Mod give this thread a mercy killing. Just sayin’. Adam ---
**Author:** ![Excalibre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@Excalibre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Excalibre)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2006, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brightpenny-youre-a-loathesome-bitch/339670/130 "2006-01-13T05:18:30Z")
> [@John Carter of Mars](#): > > Apparently that didn’t stop you from sending an email that, depending on the “eye of the beholder”, could have been considered harassment or threatening. I sent an email as a courtesy since both threads in question were closed. It’s traditional to tell people when they’ve been pitted. I said something sarcastic in it, but I’m not sure in what world that constitutes “harassment” or “threatening”. > [@wolf\_meister](#): > > **Excalibre** and **Left Hand of Dorkness** certainly liked to “pile on” a certain wolf\_meister in this thread: > [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=348356&page=4&pp=50](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=348356&page=4&pp=50) > Have I discovered a pattern here? Does this mean that Monty will be joining the insult-fest too? Two people pointing out that you weren’t even close to making meaningful contributions to the thread constitutes a pile-on? I tried to be nice to you in those discussions; you were impervious to reason and frankly, if my insults drove you away, I’m glad, since it meant that the grown-ups could have a reasonable discussion. > [@wolf\_meister](#): > > This thread has gone on to a third page now and no one has mentioned the _title_ of the thread: > **brightpenny, you’re a loathesome bitch** > I realize this is the Pit, but do you think that’s a good way to promote any meaningful discussion? So I guess you wanted this to be a slugfest from the start. > People have been accusing **brightpenny** for alluding to “gang rape” in a rather cavalier fashion. Oh, but _start_ a Pit Thread by calling someone a “loathesome bitch” is totally acceptable. :rolleyes: You think I was trying to promote “meaningful discussion” here? Why would I have started a pit thread if I wanted that? > [@wolf\_meister](#): > > OR maybe I’ll be subject to a grammar correction in which I failed to use the pluperfect verb tense in a posting from 17 months ago. 😃 Actually, if you had ever paid attention to _any_ of my posts in those grammar threads, you would have figured out that I don’t engage in the silly sort of grammar correction that grade school teachers love so much. In fact, that’s the whole _point_ of my posts in those “nucular” threads, idiot. Do we have to go back to discussing your ability to read? > [@wolf\_meister](#): > > Not to be petty or small-minded but **Excalibre** - it is spelled **loathsome** > Cite ? > [Loathsome Definition & Meaning | Dictionary.com](http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=loathsome) Yeah, I figured that out after I posted it. But, uh, what would you call this if you’re not trying to be petty? Because from here, that’s about the only way to describe it. > [@Shagnasty](#): > > I have no idea what he said but it was probably something along the lines of "I wanted to get in touch (AWWWW GERMS GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME) with you to say [THREATS!] that we can still be friends [DON’T TRY TO GET CLOSE TO ME RAPIST!]. She posted the text earlier in this thread. Perhaps she gave you the impression (by claiming harassment) that I had sent more than one email. But I hadn’t. Just the one to alert her to the pitting. > [@samclem](#): > > Illegal, no. Out of character for him, no. I don’t think you have much basis to judge my character. ---
**Author:** ![Excalibre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@Excalibre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Excalibre)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2006, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brightpenny-youre-a-loathesome-bitch/339670/131 "2006-01-13T05:20:20Z")
> [@Left Hand of Dorkness](#): > > I agree that that sentence was pretty bad. I would not have sent the email, probably. Except for that sentence, I interpreted the email as an attempt to notify the pittee of the pitting, since she might not otherwise find out. > > Daniel I would have alerted her in one of the extent threads, but for the fact that they were locked. I thought it was common courtesy to notify people of pittings so that they can defend themselves. **samclem** , do you think it’s preferable to have a conversation without inviting her to hear it? Apparently so. ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_meister](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolf_meister/32/15202_2.png) [@wolf\_meister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_meister)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2006, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brightpenny-youre-a-loathesome-bitch/339670/132 "2006-01-13T05:56:41Z")
Rather than hang around here awaiting a return volley of insults (sure, I’ll admit I was asking for it), I decided to see what was happening in the other forums (fora?). Right after I hurled my invectives (and boy are my arms tired) I noticed someone needed some Excel™ assistance in GQ. Luckily I knew a pretty good solution to what the OP wanted. > **[Today's Excel Q: adding items in a column based on info in a row](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=353867)** > > I’m trying to help a co-worker tweak a spreadsheet. It contains information about appealed claims. It must be sorted by the patient’s name for use by the head of case management, but she would like to show totals for each insurance company at the... You might get a laugh out of my posting #4. (How was I to know part of an Excel formula would get converted into “the Big Grin”). (Posting #5 came out okay.) Anyway, is there a point to all of this? Yeah. We can expend a huge amount of time, energy, brain power, etc insulting the shit out of everyone, or _maybe_, we could actually do something more constructive. I’d like to think we’d be much better off doing the latter. (and anyone who disagrees with me is an incredible poopy-head LOL) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2006, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brightpenny-youre-a-loathesome-bitch/339670/133 "2006-01-13T06:04:23Z")
> [@samclem](#): > > But, Daniel, would you have even bothered to send an email to her, much less such a one as was sent by **Excalibre**? I doubt it. If you would have, then years of respect for your posts on this board have just tumbled to the ground in my eyes. Gosh, would you still let him borrow the car to drive to the prom, though? ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2006, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brightpenny-youre-a-loathesome-bitch/339670/134 "2006-01-13T06:09:49Z")
You people have thrown this blanket party for brightpenny for one reason only: because she exposed a weakness. She came here expecting the same kind of civil behavior you’d expect from strangers in the real world, commented on it, and before she could adjust her expectations you ganged up on her for no better reason than to indulge you own petty malice. So she used a hyperbolic metaphor. I know plenty of people who’ve never given such things any thought. Rather than assist her in her adjustment, and help her to learn that such lazy hyperbole is interpreted as offensive by others, you very nearly made her metaphor a self-fulfilling prophecy. If she had reasons to avoid such hyperbole before, she has fewer such reasons now. The fact is that her wide-eyed-innocence and expectation of considerate behavior provided you people with an excuse for a feeding frenzy. God forfuckingbid a new visitor to the Dope should expect civil behavior. What a bunch of assholes you people are. ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2006, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brightpenny-youre-a-loathesome-bitch/339670/135 "2006-01-13T06:14:59Z")
> [@](#): > > She came here expecting the same kind of civil behavior you’d expect from strangers in the real world, commented on it, and before she could adjust her expectations you ganged up on her for no better reason than to indulge you own petty malice. I used to think like this, but the fact is, the SDMB is not the real world. It has a completely different culture than any random real-world community. Smart-assedness is our milieu. We’re good at it. It’s a large part of the culture of the board. And you’re still wrong about _Showgirls_. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2006, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brightpenny-youre-a-loathesome-bitch/339670/136 "2006-01-13T06:15:05Z")
> [@](#): > > **Excalibre** : I thought it was common courtesy to notify people of pittings so that they can defend themselves. And as a matter of that same common courtesy you added, “I hope that, in doing so, I haven’t inadvertently raped you”? You say that in private email to someone that you know already takes offense easily and is unusually sensitive? How _kind_ of you. You wanted to make sure she had a chance to defend herself. Right. **brightpenny** , if you choose to stay, there is great opportunity for practicing self-control! You don’t have to respond to every loudmouth that criticizes what you have to say. Don’t take the labels they put on you seriously. There are always others who disagree with their silliness. (And then there are still others who disagree with _our_ silliness.) Just because they seem “loud” doesn’t mean that they are in the majority or that they are necessarily right. Sometimes they _are_ right. If you realize that you have over-reacted, it’s the right thing to do at the Dope to admit it and apologize. But only if _you_ really think that you didn’t handle something well. No one else can tell you what your feelings should be or whether or not you should be offended. You are absolutely right there. But it usually is helpful if you don’t put your feelings in terms of metaphors. Separate _thinking_ and _feeling_. (“I _feel_ exasperated and angry.” "I _think_ you are ganging up on me.) I really hope that you stay around. I have found your posts interesting and unique from the very first one that I read. I’ve also noticed in this thread that you have the encouragement of a very diverse group of people. ---
**Author:** ![zoogirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b9bd4f/32.png) [@zoogirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoogirl)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2006, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brightpenny-youre-a-loathesome-bitch/339670/137 "2006-01-13T06:20:32Z")
> [@Excalibre](#): > > Maybe I take that too seriously - my mother worked at a shelter for victims of domestic violence when I was a kid, and I guess I take references to violence against women pretty seriously. I’ve known more than one woman who was sexually assaulted; it’s upsetting to me to see rape trivialized this way. Then how do you justify the last sentance of your email? “I hope that in doing so I haven’t inadvertantly raped you.” is hardly an example of sensitivity. **BrightPenny** used a comparison that described how she was feeling at that moment. Maybe that comparison was way out of line, but it was _how she felt_ and posted without further thought. I might add, subsequently apologised for too. Your rape comment, on the other hand, was used specificly for effect and to attack. Sorry, **Excalibre** , you’re the one I lost respect for this time. ---
**Author:** ![Excalibre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@Excalibre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Excalibre)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2006, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brightpenny-youre-a-loathesome-bitch/339670/138 "2006-01-13T06:23:28Z")
> [@Lissener](#): > > You people have thrown this blanket party for brightpenny for one reason only: because she exposed a weakness. She came here expecting the same kind of civil behavior you’d expect from strangers in the real world, commented on it, and before she could adjust her expectations you ganged up on her for no better reason than to indulge you own petty malice. Do you expect your friends to never challenge anything you say? I expect a bit of smartassery among friends, and I certainly don’t expect everyone I know to agree with everything I say. But **brightpenny** did - she worried about something relatively minor, got a couple sarcastic (but not mean-spirited) responses, and began to lose it. She fished around for anyone who agreed with her and when they weren’t forthcoming, she first demanded that the thread be closed and then stalked off promising never to come back here. After that, of course, the real drama began in ATMB. I don’t know about _your_ circle, but I don’t expect everyone to agree with me. I expect my friends to joke around with me, especially when I’ve declared some faintly wacky opinion (something that we’ve all done from time to time.) I certainly don’t get mad and start yelling, or stalk off and say that I’m never speaking to them again. I guess your standards for “civil behavior” are a lot different from those I’m familiar with. > [@Zoe](#): > > And as a matter of that same common courtesy you added, “I hope that, in doing so, I haven’t inadvertently raped you”? > > You say that in private email to someone that you know already takes offense easily and is unusually sensitive? > > How _kind_ of you. You wanted to make sure she had a chance to defend herself. Right. Yeah, you’re right. I included a sarcastic comment in an email. How utterly wicked of me! ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2006, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brightpenny-youre-a-loathesome-bitch/339670/139 "2006-01-13T06:29:15Z")
> [@Ogre](#): > > I used to think like this, but the fact is, the SDMB is not the real world. It has a completely different culture than any random real-world community. Smart-assedness is our milieu. Where did I say otherwise? ---
**Author:** ![Hunter\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/50afbb/32.png) [@Hunter\_Hawk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hunter_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2006, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brightpenny-youre-a-loathesome-bitch/339670/140 "2006-01-13T06:33:35Z")
> [@lissener](#): > > The fact is that her wide-eyed-innocence and expectation of considerate behavior provided you people with an excuse for a feeding frenzy. God forfuckingbid a new visitor to the Dope should expect civil behavior. Yeah, and God forfuckingbid a new visitor to the Dope should lurk before posting to find out what the rhetorical style of the site is. :rolleyes: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brightpenny-youre-a-loathesome-bitch/339670.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brightpenny-youre-a-loathesome-bitch/339670.md?page=8)