# Brilliant reviews for crappy movies.
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brilliant-reviews-for-crappy-movies/318403
**Category:** Cafe Society
**Created:** [August 24, 2005, 11:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brilliant-reviews-for-crappy-movies/318403 "2005-08-24T11:11:27Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2005, 11:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brilliant-reviews-for-crappy-movies/318403/1 "2005-08-24T11:11:27Z")
Some movies are good, some are average and some are so bad that they should never see the light late night direct to cable.
But it those films that often give reviewers the greatest freedom to really express themselves.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you [Supercross](http://www.rottentomatoes.com/click/movie-1148656/reviews.php?critic=columns&sortby=default&page=1&rid=1428134).
> [@](#):
>
> There’s an old adage that if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything. Okay.
😃
What’s your favourite?
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### Author:  [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2005, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brilliant-reviews-for-crappy-movies/318403/2 "2005-08-24T12:30:21Z")
There was a review in **Newsday** of **Species II** where the reviewer said not only was he not giving the movie any stars, but he was automatically subtracting a star from the next movie in the series if it was released.
For books, there [this.](http://www.ookami.co.uk/html/atlanta_nights.html).
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### Author:  [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2005, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brilliant-reviews-for-crappy-movies/318403/3 "2005-08-24T12:39:24Z")
I believe it was in Roger Ebert’s _[I Hated, Hated, Hated This Movie](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0740706721/qid=1124887293/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/104-1770650-6563137?v=glance&s=books)_ that he mentions how easy it is to write about very, very good movies and very, very bad ones. It’s the middle-of-the-road films that give reviewers trouble. After all, how many way can you come up with to say “Meh…it was ok, I guess”?
One of my favorites was from _North_ – the review that inspired the title for Ebert’s book: “I hated this movie. Hated hated hated hated hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it.”
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### Author:  [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2005, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brilliant-reviews-for-crappy-movies/318403/4 "2005-08-24T12:42:17Z")
There was a one column list of reviews in a Sydney paper a few years ago. The reviews were restricted to a few lines. The one that caught my attention was:
**Blow** sucks.
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### Author:  [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2005, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brilliant-reviews-for-crappy-movies/318403/5 "2005-08-24T12:53:31Z")
Reportedly there was once a review for the play “Bang!” that went like this:
“Ouch!”
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### Author:  [@DeadlyAccurate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeadlyAccurate)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2005, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brilliant-reviews-for-crappy-movies/318403/6 "2005-08-24T12:56:44Z")
> [@Hal Briston](#):
>
> I believe it was in Roger Ebert’s _[I Hated, Hated, Hated This Movie](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0740706721/qid=1124887293/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/104-1770650-6563137?v=glance&s=books)_ that he mentions how easy it is to write about very, very good movies and very, very bad ones. It’s the middle-of-the-road films that give reviewers trouble. After all, how many way can you come up with to say “Meh…it was ok, I guess”?
I can confirm this, though when you write reviews of great movies (or games in my case), you can’t help but feel like a company shill. The last bad game I reviewed, I wrote about 50% more than I was paid to write (online review, no big deal), because I was ranting and didn’t want to stop.
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### Author:  [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2005, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brilliant-reviews-for-crappy-movies/318403/7 "2005-08-24T13:15:27Z")
[Here’s](http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20050811/COMMENTARY/50808002) an article by Ebert summarizing some of his “favorite” worst films, with links. (Including the famous “North” review.) The category headings are great: “Sex, romance, music, drama and other crap”. One stop bad-movie review shopping!
He had just given two films 0 stars in the same week: “Duece Bigelow II” and “Chaos”. The creators of both films objected strongly, so it was discussion time all around.
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### Author:  [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2005, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brilliant-reviews-for-crappy-movies/318403/8 "2005-08-24T13:41:23Z")
I still remember the one-word review given to the late '70s cheesy disco movie \*Xanadu \* (I forget by whom):
Xanadon’t.
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### Author:  [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2005, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brilliant-reviews-for-crappy-movies/318403/9 "2005-08-24T14:16:34Z")
There was a grade-Z sci-fi flick called “It Came From Hell” to which a reviewer answered
“And to Hell it can go!”
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### Author:  [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2005, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brilliant-reviews-for-crappy-movies/318403/10 "2005-08-24T14:23:18Z")
It’s hard to pick out a specific favorite, between some of the pro review and the snark sites like Jabootu and
The Agony Booth. If I had to pick one, I’d go for the Agony Booth Batman & Robin review. (Yes, I’m still bitter about paying full price to see this in a theater.)
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### Author:  [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2005, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brilliant-reviews-for-crappy-movies/318403/11 "2005-08-24T14:40:22Z")
> [@](#):
>
> There was a grade-Z sci-fi flick called “It Came From Hell” to which a reviewer answered
>
> “And to Hell it can go!”
nitpick – it was **From Hell it Came** , a fond memory from my childhood. It’s about killer reincarnated as an ambulatory tree. He looks like one of the talking trees from The Wizard of Oz gone horribly wrong. Laughably, wonsderfully bad. IIRC, the quoted review was supposed to be from The New York Times.
> **[From Hell It Came (1957) - IMDb](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0050414/)**
>
> From Hell It Came: Directed by Dan Milner. With Tod Andrews, Tina Carver, Linda Watkins, John McNamara. A wrongfully accused South Seas prince is executed, and returns as a walking tree stump.
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### Author:  [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2005, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brilliant-reviews-for-crappy-movies/318403/12 "2005-08-24T15:30:28Z")
James Agee’s 4-word review of the film _You Were Meant for Me_:
“That’s What You Think”
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### Author:  [@awldune](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/awldune)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2005, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brilliant-reviews-for-crappy-movies/318403/13 "2005-08-24T15:34:16Z")
Leonard Maltin’s review for _Hamburger: The Motion Picture_ (1986) reads:
Anyone who watches a movie with this title deserves what he gets.
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### Author:  [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2005, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brilliant-reviews-for-crappy-movies/318403/14 "2005-08-24T16:36:38Z")
I can’t recall which actress it was, or which movie, but it was in the long-ago 1970s when Gene Shalit started a review with something like:
“It seems that , in every movie, the worse (actress) acts, the prettier she looks. She has never been prettier than in this film.”
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### Author:  [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2005, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brilliant-reviews-for-crappy-movies/318403/15 "2005-08-24T16:46:19Z")
My favorite review was of an album, not a movie. It was for (IIRC) Men Without Hats. The review was:
"Well, _you_ can dance if _you_ want to, but I’ll sit this one out.
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### Author:  [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2005, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brilliant-reviews-for-crappy-movies/318403/16 "2005-08-24T16:46:19Z")
> [@awldune](#):
>
> Leonard Maltin’s review for _Hamburger: The Motion Picture_ (1986) reads:
>
> Anyone who watches a movie with this title deserves what he gets.
I’ve never heard of it, but it might be a good double-feature with _Hot Dog: The Movie_.
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### Author:  [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2005, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brilliant-reviews-for-crappy-movies/318403/17 "2005-08-24T17:17:32Z")
My favorite review title was a gaming website’s review for a real stinker. The title was
> [@](#):
>
> Dungeons and Dragons Movie Fails Saving Throw Against Sucking Ass
Daniel
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### Author:  [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2005, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brilliant-reviews-for-crappy-movies/318403/18 "2005-08-24T17:20:33Z")
A friend told me about a wonderful review for a bad book:
“This Book Fills a Much-Needed Gap.”
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### Author:  [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2005, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brilliant-reviews-for-crappy-movies/318403/19 "2005-08-24T17:26:59Z")
Here’s one of my favorite movie reviews. It wasn’t an “official” movie review, just someone’s sig on Usenet:
> [@Greg Rea](#):
>
> ObMovieReview: Don’t go see Mission to Mars. It sucks on a scale heretofore unknown to mortal man. It crosses beyond the metaphysical plane to reach new transcendental heights of suckfulness. It’s one small suck for man, one giant vacuum cleaner hose up the wazoo for mankind. I disliked it.
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### Author:  [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2005, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brilliant-reviews-for-crappy-movies/318403/20 "2005-08-24T18:02:58Z")
I rather liked Ebert’s summary of _Pearl Harbor_: The story of a Japanese sneak attack on an American love triangle.
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