# Bring Your Pet Conspiracy Theories To Work Day **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 14, 2007, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bring-your-pet-conspiracy-theories-to-work-day/400061 "2007-04-14T04:09:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2007, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bring-your-pet-conspiracy-theories-to-work-day/400061/41 "2007-04-14T19:38:49Z")
[QUOTE=Duck Duck Goose] I have heard the Tinfoil Hat Brigade loudly claim that the 16th Amendment sez you don’t have to pay taxes, but I’ve never been able to get one of them to 'splain precisely _how_ it says this. [/QUOTE] [This](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tax_protester_arguments) should cover the ground. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2007, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bring-your-pet-conspiracy-theories-to-work-day/400061/42 "2007-04-14T19:47:52Z")
And see also [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=407101) GD thread. ---
**Author:** ![Bill\_Door](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@Bill\_Door](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bill_Door)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2007, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bring-your-pet-conspiracy-theories-to-work-day/400061/43 "2007-04-14T20:23:11Z")
[QUOTE=Shoshana] Nuh _uh!_ It is _so_ the Jews! [/QUOTE] That’s what the Masons want you to think! ---
**Author:** ![kung\_fu\_lola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f4b2a3/32.png) [@kung\_fu\_lola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kung_fu_lola)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2007, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bring-your-pet-conspiracy-theories-to-work-day/400061/44 "2007-04-14T20:26:12Z")
Oh yeah, he has some good stuff about the Freemasons too. I told him to go to Jack Chick’s site, they have a lot in common. Him seeing the anti-Islam tracts would have been a bonus. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2007, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bring-your-pet-conspiracy-theories-to-work-day/400061/45 "2007-04-14T20:54:02Z")
Up the ante on him: see if you can weird him out with your own loopy conspiracy theories. “Energy drinks? Shit, that’s just the government offloading its Cold War stockpiles of cough medicine - they got millions of crates still stashed in the old NORAD shelters in the Rockies.\* They just mix 'em with instant coffee - course, they buy _that_ up to keep the price of joe artificially high - baristas are all Jews, you knew that, right? - and sell 'em to an unsuspecting public at two bucks a pop. You’re drinking sixty year old Benadryl everytime you crack open one of them. Course, the Russians got their own cough medicine stocks too, but that’s another story…” \*I am not wholly convinced this isn’t true, except for the Jewish barista bit. ---
**Author:** ![Billdo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/billdo/32/315_2.png) [@Billdo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billdo)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2007, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bring-your-pet-conspiracy-theories-to-work-day/400061/46 "2007-04-14T21:03:51Z")
[QUOTE=kung fu lola] “The Federal Reserve isn’t even a government institution, it’s a private bank run by a small group of means but does not actually say: “Jews” people who just print money, then loan it to you and charge you interest.” [/QUOTE] FYI, here’s the Straight Dope on [who owns the Federal Reserve](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a951124b.html). ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2007, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bring-your-pet-conspiracy-theories-to-work-day/400061/47 "2007-04-14T21:04:27Z")
[QUOTE=kung fu lola] Oh yeah, he has some good stuff about the Freemasons too. I told him to go to Jack Chick’s site, they have a lot in common. Him seeing the anti-Islam tracts would have been a bonus. [/QUOTE] I think you should very carefully send him links to Chick tracts, starting off with the ones he’s bound to agree with, and then hit him with the anti-Islam tracts all in one session. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2007, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bring-your-pet-conspiracy-theories-to-work-day/400061/48 "2007-04-14T21:27:25Z")
[QUOTE=Bill Door] That’s what the Masons want you to think! [/QUOTE] That’s right, **Bill!** That’s **exactly** right! Regards, **BrainGlutton** Public Relations Officer [Bohemian Grove](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bohemian_grove) ---
**Author:** ![zelie\_zelerton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/59ef9b/32.png) [@zelie\_zelerton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zelie_zelerton)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2007, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bring-your-pet-conspiracy-theories-to-work-day/400061/49 "2007-04-14T21:32:05Z")
Solution: Looooong stare a la Paddington Bear. “Man, you’re stupid” in the most dismissive tone you can muster. Back to work and ignoring any subsequent interruptions. Tada! ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2007, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bring-your-pet-conspiracy-theories-to-work-day/400061/50 "2007-04-14T21:38:41Z")
[QUOTE=kung fu lola] Don’t even get me started on his constant quoting of _Borat_. [/QUOTE] Does Ahmed bin Stupid know that the actor playing Borat is an [observant Jew](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sacha_Baron_Cohen#Israel_and_Judaism)? :smack: :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2007, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bring-your-pet-conspiracy-theories-to-work-day/400061/51 "2007-04-14T22:04:04Z")
[QUOTE=BrainGlutton] If you have more than two cats, sleep with the lights on. [/QUOTE] Lock three cats in a room overnight and you’ll get four new political parties. And a lot of shredded curtains and stained carpeting. ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2007, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bring-your-pet-conspiracy-theories-to-work-day/400061/52 "2007-04-14T22:32:56Z")
[QUOTE=Little Nemo] I figure if you’re going to go around proclaiming conspiracy theories, you owe it to the people around you to make them as interesting as possible. That’s why I like David Icke. Anybody can blame everything on the Jews or the Communists. But looking people straight in the eye and telling them that you know George Bush and Queen Elizabeth are secretly an extraterrestrial lizard in disguise? That’s entertainment. [/QUOTE] Wait, wait, wait–George Bush and Queen Elizabeth are the _ **same** _ extraterrestrial lizard? I mean, I could maybe buy that they were two different members of the same race of lizards from outer space, but saying it’s just one lizard who has to constantly swap out rubber face masks and beam back and forth across the Atlantic Ocean or something–that’s just too much. ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2007, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bring-your-pet-conspiracy-theories-to-work-day/400061/53 "2007-04-15T01:47:10Z")
Think about it. Have you ever seen George Bush and Queen Elizabeth in the same room? ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2007, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bring-your-pet-conspiracy-theories-to-work-day/400061/54 "2007-04-15T05:22:29Z")
I could claim it was sloppy editing. But the truth is much more sinister - all world leaders are actually clones of The One Great Lizard all praise his mighty snout. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2007, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bring-your-pet-conspiracy-theories-to-work-day/400061/55 "2007-04-15T05:27:08Z")
And I think he’s got a point on the 16th Amendment. It says, in its entirety: _“The Congress shall have power to lay and collect taxes on incomes, from whatever source derived, without apportionment among the several States, and without regard to any census or enumeration.”_ Do you see anything in there saying that Parliament has the power to lay and collect taxes in the several Provinces? Me neither. So while income taxes are legal in the United States, they’re clearly illegal in Canada. ---
**Author:** ![Schuyler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/54ee81/32.png) [@Schuyler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Schuyler)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2007, 7:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bring-your-pet-conspiracy-theories-to-work-day/400061/56 "2007-04-15T07:19:25Z")
[QUOTE=kung fu lola] [ul][li]“I’ve seen a picture of Sammy Davis Jr. shaking hands with Anton LaVey”[/li]Me: I’ve seen a picture of Richard Nixon shaking hands with Forrest Gump. [/ul] [/QUOTE] You had me going until here - are you really this quick-witted. 🙂 [QUOTE=Savannah] I do think that the price of oil is carefully manipulated by the oil companies and that the military-industrial complex really does run the world. [/QUOTE] That’s just what they want you to think! ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2007, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bring-your-pet-conspiracy-theories-to-work-day/400061/57 "2007-04-15T07:39:44Z")
[QUOTE=Little Nemo] And I think he’s got a point on the 16th Amendment. It says, in its entirety: _“The Congress shall have power to lay and collect taxes on incomes, from whatever source derived, without apportionment among the several States, and without regard to any census or enumeration.”_ Do you see anything in there saying that Parliament has the power to lay and collect taxes in the several Provinces? Me neither. So while income taxes are legal in the United States, they’re clearly illegal in Canada. [/QUOTE] Or more to the point, it’s illegal for Parliament to collect taxes in the US. Damn, there goes _that_ public financing scheme. And here I thought I’d found the mother of all backdoors. _closes urgent e-mail to Jack_ ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2007, 8:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bring-your-pet-conspiracy-theories-to-work-day/400061/58 "2007-04-15T08:24:06Z")
My two cats come in here and just… look at me. I know ther’re planning somthing. I think this this about the bluejay I woldn’t let them kill(yeah like they had a chance in hell but tell them them that). If they ever got together with the dog I’d be in big trouble, fortunatly he’s to much benieth them to even be their stooge… Oh that in’t what you meant? Well I’m still worried. ---
**Author:** ![kung\_fu\_lola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f4b2a3/32.png) [@kung\_fu\_lola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kung_fu_lola)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2007, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bring-your-pet-conspiracy-theories-to-work-day/400061/59 "2007-04-15T13:24:41Z")
[QUOTE=Schuyler] You had me going until here - are you really this quick-witted. 🙂 [/QUOTE] Actually, that is the ONLY response of mine in my original post that was NOT paraphrased. By that point I was so fed up with him that I wasn’t concerned with being nice, so I just said the first thing that came to mind. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2007, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bring-your-pet-conspiracy-theories-to-work-day/400061/60 "2007-04-15T17:18:15Z")
[QUOTE=Kat] Think about it. Have you ever seen George Bush and Queen Elizabeth in the same room? [/QUOTE] Seen it? I **taped** it! And I can discreetly mail you a copy in a plain brown rapper for $25.95! 🙂 (You may now reach for the brain bleach.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bring-your-pet-conspiracy-theories-to-work-day/400061.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bring-your-pet-conspiracy-theories-to-work-day/400061.md?page=4)