# British Petroleum has not sucked my cock yet **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 25, 2010, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/british-petroleum-has-not-sucked-my-cock-yet/558288 "2010-10-25T15:29:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![kidchameleon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@kidchameleon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidchameleon)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2010, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/british-petroleum-has-not-sucked-my-cock-yet/558288/41 "2010-10-26T14:00:02Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > Perhaps he had some dental work in England? Drives an English car? Dental work in England? Isn’t that like a rain forest in Chad? ---
**Author:** ![Wallenstein](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5a626/32.png) [@Wallenstein](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wallenstein)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2010, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/british-petroleum-has-not-sucked-my-cock-yet/558288/42 "2010-10-26T14:11:32Z")
> [@Try2B\_Comprehensive](#): > > … you caused the worst environmental catastrophe in practically anyone’s experience\*, […] uncorking _200+ million fucking gallons of oil into the Gulf of Mexico_. The [Ajka alumina plant accident](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2010_Hungarian_sludge_spill) involved a similar (some argue greater) volume of toxic material, and in both cases the overall impact doesn’t seem to be as bad as first feared. ---
**Author:** ![Ace309](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ace309/32/1050_2.png) [@Ace309](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ace309)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2010, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/british-petroleum-has-not-sucked-my-cock-yet/558288/43 "2010-10-26T15:29:45Z")
> [@Try2B\_Comprehensive](#): > > The ‘I hate Brits thing’ is getting old? Well boo-fucking-hoo. Maybe the reputation of Brits is just one more casualty in this mess. The destruction of the Gulf is pretty fucking old if you ask me. FWIW, it is probably a mis-characterization to use the word ‘hate’. And I suppose I have at least narrowed it down. When I hear people speaking in Irish or Scottish accents, I don’t seem to perceive those as ‘The Tones of Deceit.’ It seems like it is more accurately the English I suspect of plotting and scheming their next screwing-over of somebody. And not all of them either. The hooligan types (is that a stereotype or a reality? Maybe let us skip that question for now) may appear drunken idiots, but all the same they seem innocent to me. It is the House of Lords types I feel are _enjoying_ the harm they have caused our country. And the ones circulating around British Petroleum’s headquarters in London? well, let’s take a break. Tell me, how do you feel about the French? ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2010, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/british-petroleum-has-not-sucked-my-cock-yet/558288/44 "2010-10-26T16:37:12Z")
Invented oral sex. Lest we forget. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Nader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Darth\_Nader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Nader)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2010, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/british-petroleum-has-not-sucked-my-cock-yet/558288/45 "2010-10-26T17:07:34Z")
> [@SanVito](#): > > When are you popping in to give me some much deserved cunnilingus? I could probably drop by if he doesn’t make it, let me know, okay? ---
**Author:** ![amanset](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8dc957/32.png) [@amanset](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amanset)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2010, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/british-petroleum-has-not-sucked-my-cock-yet/558288/46 "2010-10-26T18:16:32Z")
I went to a private school. Not a hyper-posho Public school, but private nevertheless. However, my Mother is from Scotland. Does this qualify me for Mr Comprehensive’s hatred? Please let me know, these things are _important_. ---
**Author:** ![Claverhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/13edae/32.png) [@Claverhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Claverhouse)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2010, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/british-petroleum-has-not-sucked-my-cock-yet/558288/47 "2010-10-26T20:34:41Z")
> [@amanset](#): > > I went to a private school. Not a hyper-posho Public school, but private nevertheless. However, my Mother is from Scotland. > > Does this qualify me for Mr Comprehensive’s hatred? Please let me know, these things are _important_. If she’s from the Gorbals he will give you a pass; if she’s from Morningside, then _nae chance_… ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2010, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/british-petroleum-has-not-sucked-my-cock-yet/558288/48 "2010-10-26T20:51:35Z")
> [@Claverhouse](#): > > If she’s from the Gorbals he will give you a pass; I love the Gorbals. Lovely couple, lots of fun. (Obscure?) ---
**Author:** ![straight\_man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/straight_man/32/3027_2.png) [@straight\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/straight_man)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2010, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/british-petroleum-has-not-sucked-my-cock-yet/558288/49 "2010-10-26T21:04:38Z")
> [@Dissonance](#): > > It’s just my opinion, but I think you’re a complete fucking idiot. > Really? Not to downplay 9/11 and the war in Afghanistan, but the BP oil spill was worse than the violent death of 5,000 people? Uh-huh.Funny. Didn’t you say [that](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=12976779&postcount=65)You seem not to be following through on this at all young grasshopper. If I may nitpick, I think you mean 5000 _Americans_. There have been, one would expect, a hellofalot more than 5000 _people_ killed in the war in Afghanistan. (Sorry if I’m being pedantic. Pet peeve.) ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2010, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/british-petroleum-has-not-sucked-my-cock-yet/558288/50 "2010-10-26T21:40:03Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > I love the Gorbals. > > Lovely couple, lots of fun. > > (Obscure?) Blackadder’s Christmas Carol? ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2010, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/british-petroleum-has-not-sucked-my-cock-yet/558288/51 "2010-10-26T21:49:04Z")
> [@SanVito](#): > > Sadly, I’m a gay girl, so cock sucking is out. I could drop by and give your nipples a tweak if that helps? Oh, and while we’re at it, my girlfriend and I both lost our jobs as a direct result of the Sub-prime fiasco in America. When are you popping in to give me some much deserved cunnilingus? Never been down on a gay girl, but I don’t mind keeping my _membrum virile_ safe under wraps just this once for the sake of the experience. You ok with beards? ---
**Author:** ![Dissonance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/85f322/32.png) [@Dissonance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dissonance)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/british-petroleum-has-not-sucked-my-cock-yet/558288/52 "2010-10-27T01:27:34Z")
> [@straight\_man](#): > > If I may nitpick, I think you mean 5000 _Americans_. There have been, one would expect, a hellofalot more than 5000 _people_ killed in the war in Afghanistan. > > (Sorry if I’m being pedantic. Pet peeve.) Nah, it’s not really pedantic. I deliberately went with people rather than Americans because it’s 4,300 or so Americans in 9/11 and Afghanistan. That and I was being lazy with the wording. The 2,000 (well, 2,172 to be precise) in Afghanistan is all non-Afghan soldiers combined; only 1,352 are American. The country with the next highest deaths in Afghanistan being of course [the UK](http://icasualties.org/oef/) with 341. ---
**Author:** ![straight\_man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/straight_man/32/3027_2.png) [@straight\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/straight_man)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/british-petroleum-has-not-sucked-my-cock-yet/558288/53 "2010-10-27T03:08:50Z")
> [@Dissonance](#): > > Nah, it’s not really pedantic. I deliberately went with people rather than Americans because it’s 4,300 or so Americans in 9/11 and Afghanistan. That and I was being lazy with the wording. The 2,000 (well, 2,172 to be precise) in Afghanistan is all non-Afghan soldiers combined; only 1,352 are American. The country with the next highest deaths in Afghanistan being of course [the UK](http://icasualties.org/oef/) with 341. Ah, okay. “Westerners” then, I suppose. ---
**Author:** ![Uzi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/91b2a8/32.png) [@Uzi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uzi)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/british-petroleum-has-not-sucked-my-cock-yet/558288/54 "2010-10-27T04:04:45Z")
> [@Try2B\_Comprehensive](#): > > The harm caused to the US by the wars seems to a large degree self-inflicted, so I suppose I am not factoring that in. Uh, self inflicted? Because BP was drilling in the gulf and somewhat of a British company did you think the oil produced from the well was going to be tankered to England or Saudi Arabia? Where the hell did you think the oil was going? Of course, the US. And which people allowed the drilling in the first place so they could roll in the large gobs of money from royalties and taxes? And for the booby prize, which people put in place the regulations that drilling companies are required to follow when they drill and enforce them? Frankly, the last people you should be blaming are the people at BP as they are just providing your ‘self-inflicted’ crack whore like addiction to oil. Bitch at yourself and your compatriots for driving hummers rather than civics. ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/british-petroleum-has-not-sucked-my-cock-yet/558288/55 "2010-10-27T08:12:16Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > Never been down on a gay girl, but I don’t mind keeping my _membrum virile_ safe under wraps just this once for the sake of the experience. You ok with beards? Considering some of the women I’ve seen on the gay seen, beards are not a bar to a fulfilling lesbian sex life. ---
**Author:** ![Try2B\_Comprehensive](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/try2b_comprehensive/32/65_2.png) [@Try2B\_Comprehensive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Try2B_Comprehensive)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/british-petroleum-has-not-sucked-my-cock-yet/558288/56 "2010-10-27T14:05:33Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > Dear Mr. Comprehensive, > > Our apologies that we have not been timely in fellating you as expected. > > A man will be along shortly to complete this function. > > Yours sincerely, > > British Petroleum Mr Chimera, While I appreciate your results-oriented contribution, I think you are missing the point. Please send away your _fellateur_, this smacks of prostitution and therefore would be like getting head from a marionette. You see the problem immediately. British Petroleum itself couldn’t give even a simulacrum of the blowjob a marionette-stage Pinnochio could provide(assuming Pinnochio stayed a marionette past the age of consent, let’s not make this worse than it is). Yes, being a corporation BP is a sort of marionette (and without 14th Amendment rights it is bought, sold, and controlled like one too), and apparently it has free speech rights just like a real person with which it can use its money to attempt to turn the US government into _its_ marionette and thus probably extract its string-holders from the bulk of their responsibility. But it has no mouth with which to blow me. So the request is necessarily lyrical. Rude slang if you will. But thanks again! ---
**Author:** ![villa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/bc79bd/32.png) [@villa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/villa)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/british-petroleum-has-not-sucked-my-cock-yet/558288/57 "2010-10-27T14:31:02Z")
I assume you mean 13th. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/british-petroleum-has-not-sucked-my-cock-yet/558288/58 "2010-10-27T16:07:52Z")
I don’t know what your problem is. I don’t seem to be able to go two days in a row without a BP representative knocking on my door, asking if I require a compensatory BJ. I’ve finally had to put up a sign: “No solicitors or offers of oral sex, please”. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/british-petroleum-has-not-sucked-my-cock-yet/558288.md?page=2)