Sadly my wife won’t let me smoke. 
But will she let you shag, baby? 
Damn! That means all our restaurants are poor quality!
Not in the UK they’re not. As said, they’re specifically M&M-ish things (though in the last couple of months they released ‘Fruit Smarties’ which are like Skittles. And really horrible).
Whoever said that was either a raging sexist, or just taking the piss.
Heh heh heh.
It’s done in some places, but pretty unusual. You might find your waiter/waitress looking surprised, and find yourself taking home food in a completely improvised container.
10% - 15% is the norm for good service. However, unlike in the US, servers make minimum wage, so don’t rely on the tips to live.
Brits “hire” inanimate objects, like a car or a video; Americans rent them.
In America, to hire somebody is to employ them, to put them on the payroll. Hire people; rent things.
Smarties (the US candy) and Sweetarts are not the same thing. They’re both pretty much pure sugar with artificial flavor and pastel colors (no chocolate), but Sweetarts are larger than Smarties, and except for an experiment that didn’t last very long, Smarties are not very sour.
http://www.oldtimecandy.com/smarties.htm
http://www.candydirect.com/novelty/Sweetarts-Roll.html
Necco wafers are completely different from either Smarties or Sweetarts. They are not sour at all, and the same company and candy base is used to make Conversation Hearts for Valentine’s Day.
I was at an international market with a lot of British food products, and came across a Cadbury candy named Violet Crunch (or Crush?). Is it really violet flavored?
To Knock up over here simply means to rouse from sleep. Nothing rude.
We used to fill a form in, but everyone these days seems to fill one out unfortunately.
And in the earlier discussion about M&Ms and that, didn’t we use to have Treats, which melted in your mouth, not in your hand?
It might have been similar to a Violet Crumble, which is a chocolate bar available in Australia. It’s honeycomb, covered in chocolate and it’s absolutely delicious. I assume the name is derived from the violet-coloured wrapping.
AFAIK, knock up has both meanings. “They melt in your mouth, not in your hand” was the slogan for Minstrels, not Treats. And, yes, we did have them, they were like peanut M&Ms.
Yep. They’re called Crunchies over here and the wrapper is gold, not violet.
Maybe ivylass was referring to Love Hearts? Little sweet/sour tablets on which are embossed sentiments such as YOURS FOREVER and MY SWEETIE? The makers seem to have finally realised that it is no longer 1943, because they are now using come-ons that are only ten years out of date, like TEXT ME and NICE LAPTOP (I made that last one up, it’s been a while since I ate a whole packet of Love Hearts).
In other news, nobody in Britain spells it “connexion”, if they ever did. And “rent” and “hire” are nowadays pretty much interchangable in English-speaking Europe and mean the same as they do in North America.
It was Treets, not Treats, btw.
We have the gold-wrapped Crunchies too. Similar idea, but vastly inferior to Violet Crumbles.
Whatever happened to Treets? They were teh lovely, and I miss them. 
Ooh, just remembered one; ‘gotten’ has almost completely fallen out of use in the UK (I believe the USA has held on to the archaic form that the UK lost, rather than adding something) - we say ‘has got’ or ‘has become’ (depending on the context)
Speak f’yerself … s’still common 'uff 'round eer.
“Gotten” is just the past participle of “get” in (most dialects of) American English, where British English speakers would use “got”. I would say that the bigger difference is the British preference for “have got” over “have” (“he’s got a Maserati” vs. “he has a Maserati”).
…leading on to the different ways of expressing an event in the immediate past:
US: I just ate
GB: I’ve already eaten
In the US, the present perfect is not so common, if at all. The past simple combined with ‘just’ fulfils that function.
Speaking of which, fulfil (GB) = fulfill (US), is that right?
I couldn’t care less (GB) = I could care less (US).
Also, has anyone else been confused by ‘homely’? What sounds like a mild compliment in Britain is an insult in the US.
Homely in the US is a euphemism for ugly, similar to the GB ‘plain’.
Homely in the UK means cozy, home-loving.
I couldn’t care less (GB & US) = I could care less (ignorant people who don’t know what they’re talking about)
By the way, Treets was in fact the original name for Minstrels (I’m old, you see), just as a Marathon was changed to a Snickers - which is an awful name in over here because it sounds like “knickers”. Damn globalisation (with an s).
We tend to have a schwa for the final syllable of multi-syllable words like Birmingham, which Americans say Birming-HAM. Oddly, there is always a schwa at the end of “Manhattan” no matter where you come from.
And we use a short O at the end of Greek words like Cosmos and Kudos: I remember sniggering (i.e. not snickering) at the late Carl Sagan talking about the “Cos-Moze”. And also at people who think Kudos (“Koo-Doze”) is the plural of a putative monetary unit, the “Koo-Doe”. We say it like a computer programme: Q-DOS. Well, those of us who did Greek at Grammar school do, anyway, because we’re aware that it’s an omicron rather than an omega.
Oh, and a Grammar school - I think there may be a few left - is a selected entry school for pupils aged 11 and over.
Maths (Uk) - Math (US)
Sport (UK) - Sports (US) (no I don’t get it either).
Yanks are going to be terribly let down by the Norfolk Broads!
We also speak to someone not with someone.
Can I have? not, Can I get?