# Britney Spears owes me ten bucks--and a blank morality check. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 11, 2002, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/britney-spears-owes-me-ten-bucks-and-a-blank-morality-check/118366 "2002-07-11T04:27:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Sofa\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/58956e/32.png) [@Sofa\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sofa_King)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2002, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/britney-spears-owes-me-ten-bucks-and-a-blank-morality-check/118366/1 "2002-07-11T04:27:36Z")
Look, I’m not one of those rabid anti-Britney people, at least not for the purposes of this exposition, where I am attempting to establish the credibility and objectivity of my narrative. Hey! What’s that behind you? Ahem. Now that my credentials are fully established, let me further say that I think the jury is still out on whether or not Ms. Spears is a genuine artist, simply because in this era of marketing, Photoshop, pitch-rectifying soundboards, and post-Milli-Vanilli cynicism, we have yet to see anything of the young lady’s true talents. Still, I’d do her, especially when she’s in that big-boobie marketing cycle. It really shows off her smile. I’d do Britney because she’s old enough in the eyes of the law. But what I saw tonight was not. I would like to blame the Metro, but to be honest I think the mistake was my–no, Britney’s–fault. See, I was coming back from the bar, minding my own business. These days I have to pass under the Playground of the Damned and change to the Blue line at Rosslyn in order to return to my new home, the Belfry. There were delays. Not uncommon, I thought, so I sat down and read a book for a while. Then, this train finally came. Something forced me to squeeeeze my way aboard. That something was a train packed like a can of sardines with young nubiles, in halter tops and tied-off tee-shirts and little butts the size of a paperback on end, back from a Britney Spears concert in DC. Sweaty young girls, brimming over with the chatter of barely suppressed sexuality. And–I’m not making this up–I clearly read “BLUE LINE” on the train’s signs. I really did. Or I really thought I did. It wasn’t until I got aboard when I realized that, while I was indeed attracted to the contents of the train, those contents were clearly off limits to me. I was a man among a sea of learner’s permits and the occasional preoccupied milf, and those chaperons were clocking me like a South Carolina highway cop at the end of the month. “Are you a Britney Spears fan?” asked one girl who I would have happily bounced on my knee five years ago. In another three years I’d have her bouncing again, all right. “No, I’m more of a Burning Spear fan.” That made no sense to the nymphette, and she went back to conversing with her extraordinarily well-developed friends about Britney’s incredible nacho diet that the star of the evening apparently enjoys. At some point, I took the time to glance out the window. And you know what? I was right back where I started, at Ballston, on the Orange line. I exited with a hundred princesses, yet to be defiled by my penis, and I directed some of them to the taxi stand I was heading for myself. I took a cab home–alone–and it cost me ten bucks I really didn’t want to spend. The cab driver got pissed at me when I told him the trains were all fucked up and little girls were going to be lost all over town. I’ll bet he was pissed at me because he was _just like me_. Hands pressed against the glass at the candy store. I never realized I was such a sick bastard, or that other, seemingly normal guys like my cab driver are as well. Once he understood what I was saying, it was eighty all the way home, and I was out ten bucks. Maybe he was just chasing the money, but I doubt that was the whole story. Anyway, there’s no point to this vaguely incriminating narrative, except to say that I’m sorry I want to screw your little Britney fan. I promise I won’t do it. And Britney, I still think you owe me ten bucks. But maybe we can discuss it over a plate of nachos sometime. ---
**Author:** ![Atreyu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@Atreyu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atreyu)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2002, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/britney-spears-owes-me-ten-bucks-and-a-blank-morality-check/118366/2 "2002-07-11T04:41:39Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally written by Sofa King_ > **"Are you a Britney Spears fan?" asked one girl who I would have happily bounced on my knee five years ago. In another three years I’d have her bouncing again, all right.** You are my god.\* I bow down before you. An OP like yours is a thing of wonderous beauty. 🆒 \*[sub]For this week, at least.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Deadly\_Nightlight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Deadly\_Nightlight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Deadly_Nightlight)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2002, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/britney-spears-owes-me-ten-bucks-and-a-blank-morality-check/118366/3 "2002-07-11T05:07:08Z")
I am a chick and I hate Britney, but after reading that post I want to fuck her and her little fan too 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2002, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/britney-spears-owes-me-ten-bucks-and-a-blank-morality-check/118366/4 "2002-07-11T05:09:32Z")
“Of course I want to sleep with Teenage girls, all guys do. That’s why there’s a law.” - Marc Maron ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2002, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/britney-spears-owes-me-ten-bucks-and-a-blank-morality-check/118366/5 "2002-07-11T07:36:47Z")
“Sometimes the having is not so fine a thing as the wanting.” - somebody, more or less ---
**Author:** ![GSV\_Consolation\_of\_Dreams](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f1d935/32.png) [@GSV\_Consolation\_of\_Dreams](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GSV_Consolation_of_Dreams)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2002, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/britney-spears-owes-me-ten-bucks-and-a-blank-morality-check/118366/6 "2002-07-11T07:44:49Z")
I think that was Spock in Amok Time, the one where he fights Kirk on Vulcan anyway. At least, that was the **last** place I heard it. ---
**Author:** ![Silentgoldfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Silentgoldfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silentgoldfish)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2002, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/britney-spears-owes-me-ten-bucks-and-a-blank-morality-check/118366/7 "2002-07-11T07:49:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dijon Warlock \* > \*\*“Sometimes the having is not so fine a thing as the wanting.” - somebody, more or less \*\* Pfft. Yeah right. There’s nothing quite so disturbing than realising I’ve just checked out a 12 year old. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2002, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/britney-spears-owes-me-ten-bucks-and-a-blank-morality-check/118366/8 "2002-07-11T07:58:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\*Deadly Nightlight: \*\*…after reading that post I want to fuck her and her little fan too 😃 Did you _intend_ for me to “hear” that in Margaret Hamilton’s voice?[ul][Wicked Witch of the West] I’m going to _fuck_ you, Britney, _and your little fan, too!_ Eeh hee hee hee hee hee hee! [/Wicked Witch of the West][/ul] I’m with you, **Silentgoldfish**. How ironic is it that it makes me want to put out my eyes like [ol’ Oedipus](http://www.users.globalnet.co.uk/~loxias/oedipus.jpg)? ---
**Author:** ![TheOtherOne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dbc845/32.png) [@TheOtherOne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheOtherOne)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2002, 8:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/britney-spears-owes-me-ten-bucks-and-a-blank-morality-check/118366/9 "2002-07-11T08:03:59Z")
Ahh, those yummy little prostetoddlers…Thank Gods for self control… ---
**Author:** ![sandalfeet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@sandalfeet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandalfeet)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2002, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/britney-spears-owes-me-ten-bucks-and-a-blank-morality-check/118366/10 "2002-07-11T08:12:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sofa King \* > \*\* > “Are you a Britney Spears fan?” asked one girl who I would have happily bounced on my knee five years ago. In another three years I’d have her bouncing again, all right. > > \*\* god, i’m laughing so hard, i can barely type 😃 😃 😃 ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2002, 9:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/britney-spears-owes-me-ten-bucks-and-a-blank-morality-check/118366/11 "2002-07-11T09:25:16Z")
And so for this little glimpse of fantastical pleasure, don’t you think that YOU should be sending money to Warlord Spears, and not the other way around? ---
**Author:** ![Critical1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@Critical1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Critical1)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2002, 9:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/britney-spears-owes-me-ten-bucks-and-a-blank-morality-check/118366/12 "2002-07-11T09:41:50Z")
## move to canada, most of them are leagal there… quote: Originally posted by Sofa King ## “Are you a Britney Spears fan?” asked one girl who I would have happily bounced on my knee five years ago. In another three years I’d have her bouncing again, all right. Holy shit thats classic. whats more disturbing? the fact that you just checked out a 12 yr old or the fact that she seems to really like it? just happened to me, friggin asian girls could ALL be any age from 12 -37 and I would never know the difference til they open their mouths. ---
**Author:** ![Bob\_Scene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Bob\_Scene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bob_Scene)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2002, 10:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/britney-spears-owes-me-ten-bucks-and-a-blank-morality-check/118366/13 "2002-07-11T10:53:24Z")
Am I the only one who’s noticed that the Olsen Twins, who looked so tragically deformed as little kids on “Full House,” are _quickly_ looking less and less tragically deformed as the years go by? Their eighteenth birthday is June 13, 2004, by the way. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2002, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/britney-spears-owes-me-ten-bucks-and-a-blank-morality-check/118366/14 "2002-07-11T12:16:09Z")
OH MY GOD, THE OLSON TWINS HAVE THE SAME BIRTHDAY AS ME!!! Now I want to put a gun in my mouth… ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2002, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/britney-spears-owes-me-ten-bucks-and-a-blank-morality-check/118366/15 "2002-07-11T12:20:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bob Scene \* > \*\*Am I the only one who’s noticed that the Olsen Twins, who looked so tragically deformed as little kids on “Full House,” are _quickly_ looking less and less tragically deformed as the years go by? > > Their eighteenth birthday is June 13, 2004, by the way. \*\* [703 days and counting](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=120192) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Neidhart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Neidhart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neidhart)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2002, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/britney-spears-owes-me-ten-bucks-and-a-blank-morality-check/118366/16 "2002-07-11T13:04:43Z")
Pfft. I refuse to feel guilty about any desire I never act on. What day was this - in case I ever get a time machine? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![welby1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@welby1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby1)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2002, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/britney-spears-owes-me-ten-bucks-and-a-blank-morality-check/118366/17 "2002-07-11T13:28:06Z")
I had a similar experience. Went to pick up my 15 year old daughter and some of her friends at the mall. As I pull up out front I see a nice ass belonging to what I’m sure is a beautiful hardbody. When she turned around, I recognized that the nice ass belonged to my daughter’s best friend. I hate getting old. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2002, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/britney-spears-owes-me-ten-bucks-and-a-blank-morality-check/118366/18 "2002-07-11T13:31:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Osiris \* > \*\*“Of course I want to sleep with Teenage girls, all guys do. That’s why there’s a law.” - Marc Maron \*\* Ain’t _that_ the truth? Especially as the nymphettes put more of their worldly goods, so to speak, prominently on display. I’m married, so it doesn’t bother me in the least that they’re too young to boink: I wouldn’t be boinking them if they _were_ legal. But if they’re old enough to enthusiastically show off their boobs, midriffs, and what have you, then they’re old enough to ogle. ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2002, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/britney-spears-owes-me-ten-bucks-and-a-blank-morality-check/118366/19 "2002-07-11T15:40:59Z")
I gotta agree with **RT** here, as long as they’re showing off, I’m gonna look. The only reason I feel a little guilty is cause a lot of these girls are about the same age as my sister. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2002, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/britney-spears-owes-me-ten-bucks-and-a-blank-morality-check/118366/20 "2002-07-11T16:15:00Z")
Question: How would any of you react (mentally/viscerally, not physically) to a 30-year-old man obviously watching a group of 14-year-old boys playing shirts&skins basketball and appearing to take more of an interest in the boys than the game? I’m not saying this to condemn anyone. I’ll admit that, even as a gay man, my visceral reaction is an oogy kind of gut feeling (even while admitting that I would probably be that 30-something gay man watching them (very discreetly)). I do wonder what causes this difference in reaction, outside of basic societal disapproval of homosexuality. jayjay [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/britney-spears-owes-me-ten-bucks-and-a-blank-morality-check/118366.md?page=2)