# Broadway!! What Role Do YOU want to Play? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 22, 2004, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529 "2004-10-22T01:47:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/1 "2004-10-22T01:47:59Z")
The Emcee in _Cabaret_–there’s no reason the character has to be male. I’d play her as a tough-middle-aged ex-Tiller Girl; Sally Bowles’ future. Ever see Marlene Dietrich in _The Blue Angel_? I’d play the Emcee like Rosa Valetti in that movie: a bitter old raspy-voiced broad, with a bad, red perm. God, I’d kill to play that role. I’d also like to play Sadie Thompson in _Rain_, but I’m 20 years too old and a _really_ bad dramatic actress. ---
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/2 "2004-10-22T02:08:32Z")
Riff in **West Side Story**. Two fun songs, some cool dancing, no mushy stuff, and you die halfway through. Not that I’m remotely qualified to pull off such a thing, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/3 "2004-10-22T02:20:52Z")
I want to play the title role in _Oklahoma_. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/4 "2004-10-22T02:31:16Z")
With my pipes, I’d be perfect for Joe in _Show Boat_. ---
**Author:** ![Mehitabel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@Mehitabel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mehitabel)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/5 "2004-10-22T02:46:36Z")
Kate One or Alice in TITANIC. Mrs. Strauss in 20 years. Elphaba in WICKED! ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/6 "2004-10-22T02:52:29Z")
Horton in _Seussical_. ---
**Author:** ![zev\_steinhardt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/97f17d/32.png) [@zev\_steinhardt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zev_steinhardt)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/7 "2004-10-22T03:05:10Z")
Either Jean Valjean or Javert in Les Miserables Beautiful introspective numbers from both parts (which often mirror each other anyway), both from characters that are so opposite yet so alike… I suppose I’d prefer Javert (I always liked his character better), but I’d do Valjean as well. Zev Steinhardt ---
**Author:** ![ouryL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ouryl/32/6067_2.png) [@ouryL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouryL)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/8 "2004-10-22T03:12:15Z")
How can I hope to make you understand Why I do what I do, Why I must travel to a distant land, Far from the home I love. Once I was happily content to be As I was, where I was, Close to the people who are close to me, Here in the home I love. Who could see that a man could come Who would change the shape of his dreams. Helpless now I stand with him, Watching older dreams grow dim. Oh, what a melancholy choice this is, Wanting home, wanting him, Closing my heart to ev’ry hope but his, Leaving the home I love, There where my heart has settled long ago I must go, I must go, I must go, Who could imagine I’d be wand’ring so Far from the home I love Yet there with my lover, I’m home. :eek: :eek: 😃 ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/9 "2004-10-22T03:12:17Z")
> [@zev\_steinhardt](#): > > Either Jean Valjean or Javert in Les Miserables > > Beautiful introspective numbers from both parts (which often mirror each other anyway), both from characters that are so opposite yet so alike… I suppose I’d prefer Javert (I always liked his character better), but I’d do Valjean as well. > > Zev Steinhardt Go for a double role! Hey, it would make _Confrontation_ very, very interesting… ---
**Author:** ![Kizarvexius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/da6949/32.png) [@Kizarvexius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kizarvexius)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/10 "2004-10-22T03:15:51Z")
'enry 'iggins in _My Fair Lady_. Ben Franklin in _1776_. Tevye in _Fiddler On The Roof_. The Poet in _Kismet_. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/11 "2004-10-22T03:25:46Z")
Well, **Eve** took my first thought, which was the Emcee from _Cabaret_. If I couldn’t do that, I’d love to play Max Bialistock in _The Producers_. Or Seymour Crelborne in _Little Shop of Horrors_. I’d love the role of Bialistock, though. He’s just ideal. I love the role. Interestingly enough (for me, anyway), there’s a touring production that’s either just hit Indianapolis, or will be soon, that features Alan Ruck (Cameron from _Ferris Bueller_) as Leo Bloom, and Richard Kind (Mark from _Mad About You_) as Max Bialistock. They’ll be reuniting on-stage after working together on _Spin City_. ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/12 "2004-10-22T03:26:52Z")
Che in _Evita_. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/13 "2004-10-22T03:27:58Z")
I’d love to be Albin in _La Cage aux Folles_. The opportunity to sing “I Am What I Am” in character would be just too delicious. ---
**Author:** ![ccwaterback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@ccwaterback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ccwaterback)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/14 "2004-10-22T03:28:30Z")
Quasimodo in The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Meet at my house early Saturday morning. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/15 "2004-10-22T03:33:14Z")
I am I, Don Quixote, the lord of La Mancha. ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/16 "2004-10-22T03:52:49Z")
I’d love to play Sweeney Todd: AT LAST, MY RIGHT ARM IS COMPLETE AGAIN! If I got a suntan, I’d like to play Sportin’ Life in _Porgy and Bess_ just to sing “It Ain’t Necessarily So.” I could also play the Courier in _1776_; it’s a small role, but he gets a terrific showstopper, “Mama, Look Sharp.” ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/17 "2004-10-22T03:56:32Z")
Putting aside bagatelles like I’m too old and can’t sing or dance… Roger in Rent Raoul in Phantom Chris (or John!) in Miss Saigon Thenardiér in Les Mis Harry or Peter in Company Pseudolus in Forum Either Prince, the Baker, or Jack in Into The Woods Frederik in Night Music Freddie in Chess Alonso Quijana / Don Quixote OR Sancho in La Mancha the “Brother Trucker” in Working Seymour in Little Shop ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/18 "2004-10-22T03:59:23Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > Putting aside bagatelles like I’m too old and can’t sing or dance… > > Thenardiér in Les Mis Ooh…you can have _fun_ with Thenardier… ---
**Author:** ![Tracy\_Lord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@Tracy\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracy_Lord)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/19 "2004-10-22T04:49:33Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > I want to play the title role in _Oklahoma_. _grin_ What, cover yourself in grass and dirt and lie on the stage for two and a half hours? For my part: Desiree in _A Little Night Music_ Lola in _Damn Yankees_ Anita in _West Side Story_ (ah, “America!”) Lilli Vanessi in _Kiss Me, Kate!_ Martha Jefferson in _1776_ (although, with genderblind casting, I think my Dream Broadway Role Of All Time would be Richard H. Lee.) ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/20 "2004-10-22T05:18:53Z")
Which ones I wouldn’t want to play would take less space, but I’ll limit myself to five. John Adams in _1776_ Henry Higgins in _My Fair Lady_\* Tateh in _Ragtime_ Collins in _Rent_ (no law says he has to be white) Albin in _La Cage aux Folles_ \*Actually, I’d be just as happy to be Doolittle except for one line I’d love to deliver in a particular way: I’ve always thought the line “Eliza… not all men are… … … confirmed bachelors… … like me and the colonel” should be delivered as Higgins veiled and awkward coming out to Eliza [who in turn doesn’t get it] Incidentally, I was recently turned down for the role of Harold Hill for being “30 pounds too fat” (by a director who then cast his best friend). The Harold who was cast got thoroughly panned, but I got raves for Mayor Shinn [(pics)](http://gcsu206153.gcsu.edu/MusicManDress/pages/DSC_3929.html) who I played as less bumbling than sadistic, corrupt, intimidating and evil…fun role. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529.md?page=2)