# Broadway!! What Role Do YOU want to Play? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 22, 2004, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529 "2004-10-22T01:47:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/61 "2004-10-22T18:30:30Z")
When I was a little girl, I really, really, really wanted to be Nancy in _Oliver!_. But I look dead wrong for it (even though it’s in my range). Rita in _Lucky Stiff_ (for which I also look dead wrong, but I love belting out “Fancy Meeting You Here”.) The Witch in _Into the Woods_ Adelaide in _Guys & Dolls_ (I was a hot box dancer in college…) Roxie in _Chicago_ Nickie in _Sweet Charity_ Erzulie in _Once on This Island_ Ilona in _She Loves Me_ Whoever gets the solo in _Downtown_ in _Little Shop of Horrors_ ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/62 "2004-10-22T19:23:11Z")
Don Quixote. If we move the action to the present, I can provide my own suit of bizarre techno armor made from junk. The veterinarian in BatBoy-The Musical. (Technically, I suppose this is off broadway) Trinculus in Starmites (umm, ditto) ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/63 "2004-10-22T19:43:23Z")
Riff Raff. I’ll even bring my own laser capable of emitting a beam of pure anti-matter. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/64 "2004-10-22T20:18:27Z")
A few of my dream roles have already been mentioned, but they include: [ul] [li]Martha Jefferson in _1776_[/li][li]Florence in _Chess_[/li][li]The Baker’s Wife in _Into The Woods_[/li][li]Sarah Brown in _Guys & Dolls_ (I played her when I was a senior in high school, and would love to reprise that role sometime)[/li][li]The Referee/Arbiter in _Chess_ (several years ago I saw a production with a female arbiter, and it worked quite well)[/li][li]Anita in _West Side Story_[/li][/ul] :sigh: 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/65 "2004-10-22T21:37:44Z")
I’ve always wanted to play the Emcee in _Cabaret_ too! He’s just so wink-wink-nudge-nudge **sleazy!** 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/66 "2004-10-22T21:47:22Z")
I’d like to play **Berger** in _Hair_. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/67 "2004-10-22T21:54:38Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > Oh, I didn’t specify “musical”—in fact, I named _Taming of the Shrew_ and _Rain_ as two shows I’d like to do. > > So, Big Daddy away! Oh… duh… In that case: Martin Dysart in _EQUUS_ Salieri in _Amadeus_ Arnold in _Torch Song Trilogy_ (although Fierstein’s never allowed anybody else to do the play to my knowledge) Henry in _The Lion in Winter_ Shylock in _The Merchant of Venice_ (not that it’s exactly B’way) King Lear (in 17th century “Louis XIV” style- the big hair and heels and velvet will make it all the more striking when he appears stripped later on) Roy Cohn in _Angels in America_ Judge Haywood in _Judgment at Nuremberg_ ---
**Author:** ![TeaElle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8491ac/32.png) [@TeaElle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TeaElle)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/68 "2004-10-22T22:25:00Z")
So, so many! I’m a sucker for one great song, so a lot of my choices (Norma Cassidy, Gloria Thorpe, Fastrada) are based on that. [ul][li]Mama Rose in _Gypsy_[/li][li]Ado Annie or Aunt Eller in _Oklahoma_[/li][li]Princess Puffer in _The Mystery of Edwin Drood_[/li][li]Miss Adelaide in _Guys and Dolls_[/li][li]Elphaba in _Wicked_[/li][li]Norma Cassidy in _Victor/Victoria_[/li][li]Gloria Thorpe in _Damn Yankees_[/li][li]Marta or Amy in _Company_[/li][li]Eileen Sherwood in _Wonderful Town_[/li][li]Matron Mama Morton in _Chicago_[/li][li]Anna in _The Rink_[/li][li]The Witch in _Into the Woods_[/li][li]Fastrada or The Leading Player (another character who need not be male) in _Pippin_[/ul][/li] I’m sure there are others I’m foretting, but those are the big ones. ---
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/69 "2004-10-22T23:33:57Z")
The title role in **Pippin** One of the comedic but not very big male roles in **A Chorus Line** … maybe the guy who thought he had Gonnorhea. Some role from **The Fantasticks** , although I’m not quite sure which one. Actually, one of the highlights of my life was conducting the pit orchestra for **Pippin** , so perhaps I can just be the conductor in the Great Doper Production of **Les Miz** , **West Side Story** or **Rent** (although I suppose **Rent** doesn’t really need a conductor) ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/70 "2004-10-22T23:49:56Z")
I always thought I was born to be Lucy in _You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown_, so if there’s ever a geriatric version, I’m set! ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/71 "2004-10-22T23:57:12Z")
Keeping in mind that I _am_ the triple threat (I can’t sing, dance or act). Sky Masterson in _Guys and Dolls_. The single _coolest_ character ever in a Broadway musical. Or Nicely-Nicely, 'cause he gets two of the three best songs. Plus, either way, I get to speak Runyonese. And for that matter, I’d wanna be either of the two thugs in _Kiss Me Kate_–purely to talk (and sing–“Brush Up Your Shakespear”) in Runyon. Henry Higgins would be a hoot to play. So would Lancelot in _Camelot_ (But Arthur has better songs) I’d love to be Adams in _1776_. Moon-Face Mullins(?) from _Anything Goes_ is a fun role, even if his only solo number is feeble (“Be Like The Bluebird” Bleh) The thought of me in this role is atrocious (more than the others–this one _requires_ a top-notch singer/dancer/actor), but the Ben Vereen MC-ish character in _Pippin_ would be an incredible role to do. But Charlemange would be fun too. Albin in _La Cage_ (but I’d be the ugggg-liest damned ZaZa _ever_. And in my case, if that was what I was, I might want to rethink it! 😃 😉 ) I could go on and on, but if I could _only_ play one role, it’d be Don Quixote in _Man of La Mancha_. I shall…impersonate a man. Come. Enter into my imagination and _see_ him. His name? Alonzo Quihana, a country squire. No longer young: boney, hollow-faced, _eyes_ that _ **burn** _ with the fire of inner-vision! Being retired, he has much time for books. He studies them from morn to night and often through the night as well. And all he reads _oppresses_ him–man’s murderous ways towards man. He broods. And broods. And broods. And finally, from so _much_ brooding, his brains dry up! He lays down the melancholy burden of sanity and concieves the strangest project ever imagined: to become a knight errant! No longer shall he be plain Alonzno Quihana-but a dauntless knight: \*\*\*DON QUIXOTE DE LA MANCHA!! \< trumpets \> Hear me now, O thou bleak and unbearable world Thou art base, and debauched as can be! But a knight with his banners all bravely unfurled Now hurls down his gauntlet to thee! I am I, Don Quixiote! The lord of La Mancha! My destiny calls and I go And the wild winds of fortune Shall carry me onward Oh withersoever they blow Onward to glory I go! Best. Opening. Number. Ever. The Fenris of La Mancha! ---
**Author:** ![Saltire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saltire/32/553_2.png) [@Saltire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saltire)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/72 "2004-10-23T00:16:12Z")
Mordred or maybe Merlin/Pellinore in _Camelot_. _"The Seven Deadly Virtues,_ _Those ghastly little traps,_ _Oh, no, my lord, they were not meant for me!"_ Oh, what the heck, I’d play Arthur or Lancelot as well. Or any of the knights. Or Tom of Warwick. I kind of like this play. I’d also be happy to play Don Quixote in _Man of La Mancha_. Or Sancho. Or the Innkeeper. _To Dream the Impossible Dream…_ ---
**Author:** ![choie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/choie/32/7829_2.png) [@choie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/choie)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/73 "2004-10-23T02:34:27Z")
I dunno, **Eve** , having a female Emcee causes some problems with the “Two Ladies” number! 😃 Unless the lyrics are changed to something like, “Three Ladies (deedle-lee dee-dee-dee) … and we don’t need no man, ja!” If we’re talking roles I could realistically play (at least at one time): - Maria in _West Side Story_ is probably the role I’ve always wanted most; in my youth I had the perfect look and voice for her. Ended up playing Anita, which was fun, but my heart lay elsewhere. Now I’m too old. Sob! - Christine in _Phantom of the Opera_. - Johanna (though I’d be hard-pressed to pull off the blonde wig) or Mrs. Lovett in _Sweeney Todd_. - Anna in _The King and I_ (already played her, but it’s such a kickass role I’d be delighted to do it again); also, Lady Thiang, just for the opportunity to sing what to me is the most beautiful song Broadway’s ever produced, “Something Wonderful.” Wouldn’t kvetch about playing Tuptim either, since she gets three lovely songs (“I Have Dreamed,” “My Lord and Master,” and “We Kiss in the Shadows”). - The Julie Andrews double-header: Maria in _Sound of Music_ and Eliza in _My Fair Lady_ - The Shirley Jones trifecta: Laurey in _Oklahoma_, Julie in _Carousel_, and Marian in _The Music Man_. It’d be fun to play _Oklahoma_’s Ado Annie, too. - Aldonza in _Man of La Mancha_ - Reno Sweeney in _Anything Goes_ - Evita in … y’know. - Leading Player in _Pippin_ - Mama Rose in _Gypsy_ - Annie Sullivan in _The Miracle Worker_, and Shakespeare’s Kate, Juliet, Desdemona and Lady MacBeth. In the “Roles I’d kill to play but would never be able to, due to a) gender, b) race, or b) lack of specific talent” department … - Sweeney Todd - Jesus, Judas, Pilate, Caiaphas, Herod … oh, the whole darn cast of _Jesus Christ Superstar_, except the only role I’m gender-appropriate for. - Cassie in _A Chorus Line_ (can’t dance well enough). - Serena, Bess and ummm, Clara? (“Summertime” singer) from _Porgy and Bess_. - Any of the men in _1776_, but particularly Adams, Franklin and Rutledge. - Curly in _Oklahoma_, Billy in _Carousel_, and Harold Hill in _The Music Man_ (aka The Guys Playing Opposite Shirley Jones Trifecta) - The Phantom Oh man, just too many to name. Depressing to think of all the roles I’ll never get to do! And we haven’t even mentioned operas… ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/74 "2004-10-23T03:13:22Z")
I want to play Godot. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/75 "2004-10-23T03:32:50Z")
Vernon Gersch in _They’re Playing Our Song_ despite the fact I can’t act or sing or play piano. I’ve only seen ultra-low budget local theater versions of the play, but I really enjoyed them. I choose Vernon because, like him, I have always fascinated by women with quirky personalities. There’s a scene where he and Sonia are supposed to record a song. Vernon is sitting in the recording studio waiting for Sonia to arrive and lay down her vocal track. She’s late. One day and 20 minutes late. Vernon comments that the one day doesn’t bother him, but the 20 minutes does. (pathetic name dropping time) The first time I saw this was in 1987 or '88. It was a production at a hole in the wall “theater” (located in a strip shopping center). You’ve heard of dinner theater? This was “dessert theater”. During the intermission, they served ice cream and cake. Anyway, the woman playing Sonia was Isabel Keating. A very popular and talented local actress who (unsurprisingly) has gone on to greater things: playing Judy Garland in _The Boy From Oz_ with Hugh Jackman. ---
**Author:** ![koeeoaddi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/koeeoaddi/32/408_2.png) [@koeeoaddi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/koeeoaddi)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/76 "2004-10-23T03:52:09Z")
**Pirate Jenny**! But I don’t want to suffer through Threepenny Opera night after night. I just want to clock in, belt out her song and ship off. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/77 "2004-10-23T04:04:39Z")
> [@Fenris](#): > > Sky Masterson in _Guys and Dolls_. The single _coolest_ character ever in a Broadway musical. Or Nicely-Nicely, 'cause he gets two of the three best songs. Plus, either way, I get to speak Runyonese. You can be Nicely, and I’ll be Sky. I’ve already been Benny Southstreet in one production; it’s time for me to move up in the world. But we’ll both have fun with Runyonese. But if I can’t be Sky, I’ll settle for being Orin Scrivello, the dentist in _Little Shop of Horrors_. Or the guy who sings “I’m watchin’s Sis go pit-a-pat…I can do that” in _Chorus Line._ Or the John the Baptist/Judas character in _Godspell_. Or Harold Hill in _The Music Man_. _sigh_ ---
**Author:** ![Tracy\_Lord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@Tracy\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracy_Lord)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/78 "2004-10-23T05:05:40Z")
> [@choie](#): > > I dunno, **Eve** , having a female Emcee causes some problems with the “Two Ladies” number! 😃 Unless the lyrics are changed to something like, “Three Ladies (deedle-lee dee-dee-dee) … and we don’t need no man, ja!” I’ve seen a production with a female Emcee – for the “Two Ladies,” they used two men in vampy drag. Very clever, I thought! ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Nader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Darth\_Nader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Nader)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/79 "2004-10-23T05:17:13Z")
**Liberal** beat me to it. I wouldn’t mind playing Claude, though. Or Woof. Or just being part of the Tribe. I’ll bring my own hair! Ohh! And how about Pharoh in _Joseph_? Thankoovermuch. ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529/80 "2004-10-23T07:05:06Z")
My dream roles are from two play probably no one (except **Eve** , of course) has heard of: Lizzie from _The Rainmaker_ and Mrs. Savage for \* Curious Savage\* I’m not too old to play Lizzie (I have young skin) and Mrs. Savage is an older woman, so if I’m not discovered until I’m sixty, I’m still good to go. I’d also like the chance to paly mrs. Antrubus (?) from _By The Skin of Our Teeth_, but mostly because I should have had the role in high school but got cast as the baby dinosaur because i was so good at getting the laughs. In college, my friends once forbid me to read Tennessee Williams because I channelled the characters, and life in college is melodramatic enough without adding a southern accent. I’d loved to play Blanche or Maggie the Cat, Laura or Amanda–almost any of his women. The same goes for Ibsen, and I wouldn’t turn down a role in a Eugene O’Neil work, although I don’t think he does women as well as Williams and Ibsen–I’d be Hickman from _the Iceman Cometh_ in a heartbeat (this all supposes that I am the greatest actor of my time, of course). I’d like to be King Arthur in _Camelot_, but that’s not really a role that could be re-written as a woman. I’d be Fanny Brice in _Funny Girl_ and Dolly in _Hello, Dolly!_, and Auntie Mame in either the musical or non-musical version of the play. I vacillate between my desire to be the finest dramatic actress the stage had ever seen and my great love (and ability) of getting the laugh. Of course, if I don’t start auditioning again, my great talent will remain undiscovered–I owe it to my hometown community theater to grace them with my performances. I thought I’d try to get the ego down first, then do some actual acting, don’t you know. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broadway-what-role-do-you-want-to-play/270529.md?page=5)