# Broke up with my girlfriend. She did not handle it well. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 8, 2009, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-she-did-not-handle-it-well/480349 "2009-01-08T06:41:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Influential\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Influential\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Influential_Panda)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2009, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-she-did-not-handle-it-well/480349/1 "2009-01-08T06:41:34Z")
So, I’ve been dating a girl for about a month. Seemingly, everything was perfect. I liked her, and she liked me. She was kinda nerdy, a total walking existential crisis. I could tell from the moment I met her that she was similar to me: a brain going a hundred miles per hour in every direction, relentlessly turned inwards and confused. From the moment we met, we were perfectly comfortable together. I felt like we’d known each other our entire lives. But that was just it. There was no spark. She felt like a roommate, and instant life-long best friend. Not a lover. I had to end it before things got too intense, and she didn’t take it well. There was a lot of crying, squirming, going back and forth between my apartment and her car. Wide-eyed with horror, she was utterly flabbergasted at how she was going to handle it in the morning. “I don’t know, I just don’t know.” She tried to cut her hair off. She said she was going to go home and take her sleeping pills. I know she has a prescription and never abuses it, but a part of me wonders if I’m going to wake up tomorrow with a dead friend. A part of me craves to help her, but another part knows that we’re not together now, she needs to solve her problems without me or I’m only going to increase any feelings of dependency. I’ve sent her best friend a message telling her to check up, but I don’t know if it went through. Fuck. ---
**Author:** ![Renee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/renee/32/287_2.png) [@Renee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Renee)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2009, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-she-did-not-handle-it-well/480349/2 "2009-01-08T06:55:16Z")
Well, I think it’s clear you did the right thing in breaking up with her. What a loon. Sorry you’re having to deal with this. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2009, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-she-did-not-handle-it-well/480349/3 "2009-01-08T07:07:24Z")
Read these current threads: > **[Borderline Personality Disorder -- Real disease or lazy, catch-all diagnosis?](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=499733)** > > At what point do relatively “normal” and/or commonplace undesired personality traits become a “mental illness”? Specifically, this thread is about Borderline Personality Disorder. I just finished reading the book Girl, Interrupted (and saw the... > **[How do people end up married to "the crazy"](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=500546)** > > Inspired by some replies to this thread: http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=499733 Whenever a seriously unpleasant mental illness or behavior is being discussed, there are always a few posters who tell their personal stories.... ---
**Author:** ![auRa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c4cdca/32.png) [@auRa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auRa)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2009, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-she-did-not-handle-it-well/480349/4 "2009-01-08T12:22:47Z")
She tried to cut off her hair and insinuated she was going to OD on sleeping pills after a _month_??! Yeah, I think it’s a pretty good thing you got out of it at this point. ---
**Author:** ![ShelliBean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@ShelliBean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShelliBean)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2009, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-she-did-not-handle-it-well/480349/5 "2009-01-08T15:04:28Z")
I don’t think this is a situation that will lend itself to remaining friends. You, my friend, dodged a bullet. ---
**Author:** ![manila](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e5b9ba/32.png) [@manila](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manila)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2009, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-she-did-not-handle-it-well/480349/6 "2009-01-08T15:14:09Z")
Dude you have handled this perfectly well. Even calling a mate of hers to comfort her. You have handled this with tact and compassion. Stick to your decision. Its a shock for her, hopefully her close girlfriend will help her get over the short term pain. Make yourself unavailable for a few days buddy- by that I mean no cell phone and stuff. If she is not what you want she deserves the chance to find someone who actually does want her in a lover romantic way as well as the lifelong buddy. You are doing both of yourselves a favour. happy new year ---
**Author:** ![Hockey\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a183cd/32.png) [@Hockey\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hockey_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2009, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-she-did-not-handle-it-well/480349/7 "2009-01-08T15:18:39Z")
It’s clear to me that you did the right thing: 1. By breaking up with her 2. By holding your ground and not letting her manipulate you with threats of suicide 3. By calling a friend of hers to check on her (because you aren’t a cold hearted bastard). It’s a good thing you ended this relationship, but don’t expect or even try to go the friends route. ---
**Author:** ![Karyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/fbc32d/32.png) [@Karyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Karyn)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2009, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-she-did-not-handle-it-well/480349/8 "2009-01-08T15:18:42Z")
I think that you did the right thing too and now you have to step back and let her deal with it. If you try to comfort her through this you’ll never fully break up and it isn’t going to get easier. I was a mandated reporter for years and I might be kind of cold about this but if she keeps threatening suicide, I would call 911 for a welfare check. If it’s just for attention she’ll get plenty but it won’t be from you, and if she’s serious then she needs that kind of help. ---
**Author:** ![Influential\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Influential\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Influential_Panda)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2009, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-she-did-not-handle-it-well/480349/9 "2009-01-08T15:41:24Z")
Hey guys, it wasn’t a manipulative thing. She’s had a rough couple of years. Apparently she’s had some pretty traumatic relationships in the past and was really looking forward to this one, and the breakup came as sort of a shock. Nonetheless, any doubts I may have had are cemented by this incident. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2009, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-she-did-not-handle-it-well/480349/10 "2009-01-08T16:11:58Z")
Sounds like you did everything right. And like she needs help. Hope she’s got good friends. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2009, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-she-did-not-handle-it-well/480349/11 "2009-01-08T22:48:12Z")
Not to get off topic or anything but: An instant life long best friend? And you broke it off with her? That’s exactly what I look for in a woman. Given the situation you did the right thing but still my heads spinning from your logic. (with respect) ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2009, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-she-did-not-handle-it-well/480349/12 "2009-01-08T22:56:24Z")
> [@Influential\_Panda](#): > > She said she was going to go home and take her sleeping pills. I know she has a prescription and never abuses it, but a part of me wonders if I’m going to wake up tomorrow with a dead friend. A part of me craves to help her, but another part knows that we’re not together now, she needs to solve her problems without me or I’m only going to increase any feelings of dependency. I’ve sent her best friend a message telling her to check up, but I don’t know if it went through. > > Fuck. Don’t allow yourself to be manipulated. Resist the urge. The longer you date her, the worse it will be. If it really went that way—if she killed herself with sleeping pills or some other way—you’d have to see that she was VERY messed up before she started seeing you. It would be tragic, but NOT your fault. ---
**Author:** ![Influential\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Influential\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Influential_Panda)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2009, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-she-did-not-handle-it-well/480349/13 "2009-01-08T22:57:02Z")
**SHAKES** , I understand where you’re coming from. But I’m young and with plenty of friends nearby, so maybe I’m just dumb. But there wasn’t a true emotional connection; it was almost entirely intellectual. For me, that’s not sustainable. I’m saying again, it didn’t seem manipulative to me–I’m very good at picking up on that–more like she was thinking out loud. It looked exactly like a psychotic episode. ---
**Author:** ![Telcontar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3bc359/32.png) [@Telcontar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telcontar)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2009, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-she-did-not-handle-it-well/480349/14 "2009-01-08T23:30:16Z")
Even great people can go a bit nuts after a string of bad relationships, especially if they get their hopes up about someone “saving” them from their troubles. Life sucks that way. Hopefully she’ll be able to reach a happy and stable place once she’s had some time and distance. Best of luck to you both. Did you hear anything from mutual friends that suggests whether she’s making it through okay? ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_fight\_the\_hypothetical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/59ef9b/32.png) [@Don\_t\_fight\_the\_hypothetical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_fight_the_hypothetical)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2009, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-she-did-not-handle-it-well/480349/15 "2009-01-09T00:33:52Z")
> [@ShelliBean](#): > > You, my friend, dodged a bullet. Not only dodged it but did that whole Matrixy bullet time dance as well. ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2009, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-she-did-not-handle-it-well/480349/16 "2009-01-09T01:19:19Z")
A great [man](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chuck_Woolery) once said, “sometimes, there just isn’t a love connection”. ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2009, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-she-did-not-handle-it-well/480349/17 "2009-01-09T02:13:08Z")
> [@Karyn](#): > > I was a mandated reporter for years and I might be kind of cold about this but if she keeps threatening suicide, I would call 911 for a welfare check. If it’s just for attention she’ll get plenty but it won’t be from you, and if she’s serious then she needs that kind of help. Yep. If you really think she might be serious about committing suicide, then you should alert the authorities. You definitely don’t need to try to handle a suicidal person’s issues yourself. I do have to agree with the observation that somethings friendship IS a pretty darn good foundation for a relationship though. If you can find that kind of good connection with a woman who isn’t prone to becoming emotionally unstable over a month-long relationship, you might really have hit the jackpot! ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2009, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-she-did-not-handle-it-well/480349/18 "2009-01-09T02:42:50Z")
> [@lavenderviolet](#): > > Yep. If you really think she might be serious about committing suicide, then you should alert the authorities. You definitely don’t need to try to handle a suicidal person’s issues yourself. > > I do have to agree with the observation that somethings friendship IS a pretty darn good foundation for a relationship though. If you can find that kind of good connection with a woman who isn’t prone to becoming emotionally unstable over a month-long relationship, you might really have hit the jackpot! I’m glad to see other people mention contacting the authorities. If she is suicidal, she’ll get help. If she’s using that as a thread to hold over someone, she’ll think twice about trying that again. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2009, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-she-did-not-handle-it-well/480349/19 "2009-01-09T03:15:24Z")
> [@](#): > > She tried to cut off her hair and insinuated she was going to OD on sleeping pills after a month??! Yeah, I think it’s a pretty good thing you got out of it at this point. My thoughts exactly. Ending up a relationship that’s only lasted a month barely qualifies as a break-up. Unless you’re not mentioning something major like she’s pregnant or she caught you in bed with her sister, this does not merit this amount of drama. ---
**Author:** ![Lust4Life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecc23a/32.png) [@Lust4Life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lust4Life)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2009, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-she-did-not-handle-it-well/480349/20 "2009-01-09T13:29:47Z")
Close call mate,you made the right decision and saved yourself a lifetime of emotional crisis and emotional blackmail. Make it a clean break and get on with your life. DONT,DONT try to “Just be friends” her or this will fester on and on. Hopefully soon she’ll find someone else to fixate on in the near future. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broke-up-with-my-girlfriend-she-did-not-handle-it-well/480349.md?page=2)