# Broken heart, crushed dreams **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 24, 2010, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broken-heart-crushed-dreams/551324 "2010-08-24T19:08:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broken-heart-crushed-dreams/551324/21 "2010-08-25T01:20:20Z")
> [@Gordokins](#): > > I have to be back at work tomorrow. I don’t think I will be able to hold it together. I have to tell everyone “Oh hey, by the way, I am not moving.” And then everyone is going to want to know why.. I will probably start balling again. I bartend and wait tables, and as a bartender everyone knows my business. I’d probably just say something like “It just didn’t work out. I don’t want to go into the details right now” and let that be the end of it. Sorry to hear that this happened to you. I agree with the others that someday you’ll look back on this and realize it was for the best. There’s another guy out there who will be even better for you. ---
**Author:** ![MoodIndigo1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@MoodIndigo1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MoodIndigo1)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broken-heart-crushed-dreams/551324/22 "2010-08-25T01:43:06Z")
It hurts like the devil right now, and you don’t see how you can go on living–that’s only natural. Once the really bad bawling has stopped, take good care of yourself, plan activities, see your friends. It’s hard to believe that you’re going to get over this, but you will. I remember the pain well, even though it’s been over 40 years since that heartbreak. As for your co-workers, I second lavenderviolet’s suggestion. ---
**Author:** ![Electric\_Warrior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Electric\_Warrior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electric_Warrior)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broken-heart-crushed-dreams/551324/23 "2010-08-25T02:23:59Z")
I remember that feeling. It was awful. It does get better - I promise it does. I think the first immediate good thing is that you now get to make all your life decisions based solely on what _you_ want and need, and what makes you happy. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broken-heart-crushed-dreams/551324/24 "2010-08-25T02:24:00Z")
For what its worth, my hugs and best vibes heading your way. ---
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broken-heart-crushed-dreams/551324/25 "2010-08-25T03:12:22Z")
> [@Gordokins](#): > > Also, we had a dog together . I LOVE this dog but he stayed with him since I already have a dog. He gave me the option of keeping him. Should I? I don’t want to be taking him away. But then again, I don’t want to lose him either. Just remember that you don’t owe him anything. He gave you the option to take the dog - if you want to keep the dog, keep it. If he didn’t want you to take it, he shouldn’t have offered. As for the birthday present, I’d say a big no on that one. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broken-heart-crushed-dreams/551324/26 "2010-08-25T03:37:25Z")
Just offering best wishes for you. The situation is probably every bit as awful as it sounds. There’s lots of good advice in this thread already, and I hope it benefits you with time. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broken-heart-crushed-dreams/551324/27 "2010-08-25T04:10:22Z")
Sorry to hear about that. It’s a terrible feeling, huh? For some reason, reading scientific studies about the chemicals involved in love helped me through my last heartbreak. In many ways, a lot of what you are feeling is good old fashioned chemical withdrawal. ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broken-heart-crushed-dreams/551324/28 "2010-08-25T04:23:18Z")
That is a terrible feeling. You have all my sympathy. Hang in there. ---
**Author:** ![Mosier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ea924/32.png) [@Mosier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mosier)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broken-heart-crushed-dreams/551324/29 "2010-08-25T04:32:17Z")
That feeling sucks. I’m sorry. Good news is you didn’t have a family or (I assume) a mortgage with him. Better to know now, than when you’ve had 3 kids and are up to your eyeballs in debt. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broken-heart-crushed-dreams/551324/30 "2010-08-25T04:39:23Z")
What’s the other girl’s name? ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broken-heart-crushed-dreams/551324/31 "2010-08-25T11:50:24Z")
Really, this isn’t the time for that. ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broken-heart-crushed-dreams/551324/32 "2010-08-25T13:16:47Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > ^^Yes. > > And no matter what people say, you are not lame for crying, and/or listening to Simply Red’s “Holding Back the Years” over and over again. Definitely - wallow in the pain for a while, but give yourself a cut off date. I would give him the present now, and not take the dog. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broken-heart-crushed-dreams/551324/33 "2010-08-25T13:41:58Z")
Fuck no I would not give him a birthday present! Screw him and his stupid face! As for the dog, its a matter of whether you can take care of it and want to. Think about what would be best for the dog and for you, in that order. Start caring about yourself and let him take care of himself. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broken-heart-crushed-dreams/551324/34 "2010-08-25T14:29:31Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > What’s the other girl’s name? Was this necessary? **Gordokins** , I’m sorry this happened to you. I know how much it sucks, but things will slowly start to get better. Just pamper yourself and give it as much time as it needs to heal. You’re better off without him. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broken-heart-crushed-dreams/551324/35 "2010-08-25T15:43:32Z")
(I’m getting paranoid since all of these stories seem to involve California.) Gordokins, it sucks. I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broken-heart-crushed-dreams/551324/36 "2010-08-25T17:48:42Z")
> [@faithfool](#): > > > [@Bob Ducca](#): > > > > What’s the other girl’s name? > > Was this necessary? Sure, why not? It wasn’t said to be malicious or insensitive. The excuses he gave her were flimsy and vague and there’s a very likely possibility that he has eyes for someone new. It happens, and doesn’t reflect poorly on the OP. If anything, it should give her something to think about instead of wondering why he would be “seeing cracks” in the relationship when she thinks everything is going great. She said that maybe she pushed him away but really it might not have made any difference what she did or didn’t do - the guy’s a tool. ---
**Author:** ![Cyningablod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc29f/32.png) [@Cyningablod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyningablod)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broken-heart-crushed-dreams/551324/37 "2010-08-25T18:11:31Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > > [@faithfool](#): > > > > Was this necessary? > > Sure, why not? > > It wasn’t said to be malicious or insensitive. […] **Bob** , dude…I know it’s “just the Internet” and all, but if you _weren’t_ meaning to be a jerk, you **SERIOUSLY** need to work on those communication skills. **Godorkins** , I’m so very sorry. We’ve all been through heartbreak, and it SUCKS. Royally. But you’ll get through it, and be happier in the long run. Keep your chin up. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broken-heart-crushed-dreams/551324/38 "2010-08-25T19:17:05Z")
> [@Cyningablod](#): > > > [@Bob Ducca](#): > > > > Sure, why not? > > > > It wasn’t said to be malicious or insensitive. […] > > **Bob** , dude…I know it’s “just the Internet” and all, but if you _weren’t_ meaning to be a jerk, you **SERIOUSLY** need to work on those communication skills. > > **Godorkins** , I’m so very sorry. We’ve all been through heartbreak, and it SUCKS. Royally. But you’ll get through it, and be happier in the long run. Keep your chin up. You’re right… I probably should have said that with more tact. That’s what I get for posting too late at night. I do think it was worth saying, but probably with more explanation on why I said it. I really think that it would have helped the OP to look at it from a different angle that would help it not seem so random, and wondering what she did wrong. Apologies to Godorkins for my tactlessness. I do wish you the best. ---
**Author:** ![Snickers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Snickers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snickers)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broken-heart-crushed-dreams/551324/39 "2010-08-25T19:37:01Z")
Take the present back and use the cash to buy \*yourself \*something \*you \*want. Even if it’s just ice cream at this point. Do not, under any circumstances, give it to him. And take the dog too. I’m sorry you’re hurting, and I hope that you get to a place where you can feel better soon. ---
**Author:** ![rowe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e68b1a/32.png) [@rowe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowe)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broken-heart-crushed-dreams/551324/40 "2010-08-25T19:42:16Z")
Is he still going to CA? That’s really the best case scenario at this point. Even if he’s staying local, don’t expect or hope that he’ll suddenly change his mind and come flying back into your arms. And birthday present? Don’t even contact him…the guy just broke your heart. The only reason you want to give him a present is to show him how much you care, bring him back to you, etc, and it’ll just lead to more heartbreak for you. You’re 24 and have years of love ahead of you with the RIGHT person. Get over this loser and you’re that much closer to finding someone better for you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/broken-heart-crushed-dreams/551324.md?page=1)