# Brother-in-Law: Mentally ill, or irredeemably stupid? (long)
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brother-in-law-mentally-ill-or-irredeemably-stupid-long/789736
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [June 24, 2017, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brother-in-law-mentally-ill-or-irredeemably-stupid-long/789736 "2017-06-24T06:37:17Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)
#### Post date: [June 24, 2017, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brother-in-law-mentally-ill-or-irredeemably-stupid-long/789736/21 "2017-06-24T15:47:14Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#):
>
> I think it’s time for Mama to get a backbone. He might not be willing to work on his own problems, but she can certainly choose to work on herself.
This.
If you (OP) had a tough love chat to her about it, how open would she be to it? Hopefully BiL hasn’t ever been physically abusive.
ETA - somewhat ninja’ed by FloatyGimpy on the abuse front. And the niece still loving her dog after this…yeah must be pretty frustrating.
---
### Author:  [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)
#### Post date: [June 24, 2017, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brother-in-law-mentally-ill-or-irredeemably-stupid-long/789736/22 "2017-06-24T16:00:54Z")
> [@kambuckta](#):
>
> Dog bites person: dog gets put down. Simple.
It is never that simple.
---
### Author:  [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)
#### Post date: [June 24, 2017, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brother-in-law-mentally-ill-or-irredeemably-stupid-long/789736/23 "2017-06-24T16:02:55Z")
He is abusive to his family (and he’s certainly not doing right by the dog). I don’t know if he’s stupid or has a mental illness, but it doesn’t matter. It sounds like the problems go far beyond the dog.
In a perfect world, your sister would separate now and take the kids. All of them needs counseling. I say this as someone who grew up in an abusive home. Your sister and her children all deserve better and the help they need for a chance to get a better life.
As far as the dog, you and I have been on a few dog threads together. I hope he’s removed from the home and can be helped as well.
The entire thing is made of suck. I hope that your sister and her family are able to safely disentangle themselves from this man.
---
### Author:  [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)
#### Post date: [June 24, 2017, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brother-in-law-mentally-ill-or-irredeemably-stupid-long/789736/24 "2017-06-24T16:12:18Z")
BIL didn’t recently try to quit drinking, did he? There are people with depression, bipolar and anxiety issues who suppress them with alcohol, then quit drinking, because alcohol has “side effects”; the mental illness comes full-blown from the head of Zeus. A lot of people chalk up to withdrawal what needs to be treated with medication.
Is it possible anything like this is going on? You sister could be thinking that if she hangs on, things will get better because the drinking has stopped, when the fact is, that they are going to get worse.
---
### Author:  [@Happy\_Fun\_Ball](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Fun_Ball)
#### Post date: [June 24, 2017, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brother-in-law-mentally-ill-or-irredeemably-stupid-long/789736/25 "2017-06-24T17:05:44Z")
Wow, that is some seriously divorce level shit right there; what is up with your sister? If it was my sister, I would be counseling her on finding a good lawyer.
---
### Author:  [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)
#### Post date: [June 24, 2017, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brother-in-law-mentally-ill-or-irredeemably-stupid-long/789736/26 "2017-06-24T17:16:50Z")
I don’t care what your BIL thinks: A CHILD IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN A DOG. He’d rather lose his wife and daughter than a dangerous dog? SHIT!
I’d tell my sister to get rid of the dog. And the husband.
---
### Author:  [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)
#### Post date: [June 24, 2017, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brother-in-law-mentally-ill-or-irredeemably-stupid-long/789736/27 "2017-06-24T17:22:07Z")
> [@Tranquilis](#):
>
> The police report exists already - ER staff made sure of that. There’ll be a conference of the extended family later today on next steps. Calling CPS has consequences we need to be ready for.
And leaving a child in a house with a dangerous dog doesn’t?
I grew up in an abusive household. The children need to be protected first and foremost.
The father needs to understand that there are legal consequences for his actions.
---
### Author:  [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)
#### Post date: [June 24, 2017, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brother-in-law-mentally-ill-or-irredeemably-stupid-long/789736/28 "2017-06-24T17:30:49Z")
The consequences would likely be that he has to get rid of the dog. The system leans toward keeping families together, so if you’re worried Mom might lose custody, that seems unlikely.
It would probably end the marriage, though. I can’t see any compelling reason that would be a bad thing.
---
### Author:  [@Jeff\_Lichtman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeff_Lichtman)
#### Post date: [June 24, 2017, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brother-in-law-mentally-ill-or-irredeemably-stupid-long/789736/29 "2017-06-24T18:30:59Z")
Both parents are now aware that the dog is dangerous, so they could be in serious legal trouble if the dog injures the child again (or worse, kills her). They have a legal responsibility to look out for the welfare of their daughter, and also a responsibility to ensure their dog doesn’t injure anyone. They could be charged with child endangerment, or even manslaughter (I really hope it doesn’t lead to that). Are they aware of this?
**Tranquilis** , you said that your sister’s family has limited financial resources. Is there any way you could help her, like offering space in your home for her and your niece to stay (or maybe just your niece)? Do you have any other family members who could help?
The brother-in-law sounds like a first-class abuser. Even without the dog it would be a good idea for your sister to leave him.
---
### Author:  [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)
#### Post date: [June 24, 2017, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brother-in-law-mentally-ill-or-irredeemably-stupid-long/789736/30 "2017-06-24T18:41:00Z")
I’m surprised the dog hasn’t already been put down. Anyway, you should hug your niece, tell her she is loved, and let your niece know - possibly privately - that she is welcome in your house any time and if necessary you will come and pick her up. This will likely mean rehoming your current dog, but your niece is more important.
---
### Author:  [@Happy\_Fun\_Ball](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Fun_Ball)
#### Post date: [June 24, 2017, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brother-in-law-mentally-ill-or-irredeemably-stupid-long/789736/31 "2017-06-24T18:50:10Z")
It’s not only the dog and the defense of the dog, but turning into some kind of misogynistic lesson for the son and blaming “the women” is beyond fucked up. Fuck that guy! She and her daughter can do better.
---
### Author:  [@purplehearingaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehearingaid)
#### Post date: [June 24, 2017, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brother-in-law-mentally-ill-or-irredeemably-stupid-long/789736/32 "2017-06-24T19:04:34Z")
Didn’t the doctor report this to the police department b/c the dog should had to been quarantine ? The dog may had been put down if the ACO felt that dog was a danger to other people.
I really hate to saw this but I think the guy is a dickhead and not mentally ill and
I hope to hell people don’t bring their child to the house anymore . If the dog started acted strange he could be sick or have cancer . My hearing dog got cancer in his kidneys and he started to act strange by growling at me as if he didn’t know who I was . This happen 2 times and my granddaughter was a toddler and I didn’t want my dog growling at her or worst attacking her so I put my dog down. The cancer could had spread to his brain and causing my dog to act strangely.
---
### Author:  [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)
#### Post date: [June 24, 2017, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brother-in-law-mentally-ill-or-irredeemably-stupid-long/789736/33 "2017-06-24T21:26:18Z")
> [@TokyoBayer](#):
>
> Child protective services. This sucks.
That was my first thought. But would they act on such a situation?
---
### Author:  [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)
#### Post date: [June 25, 2017, 11:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brother-in-law-mentally-ill-or-irredeemably-stupid-long/789736/34 "2017-06-25T11:21:01Z")
> [@clairobscur](#):
>
> That was my first thought. But would they act on such a situation?
So what if they don’t? It’s not going to make the situation worse than living with a biting dog.
---
### Author:  [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)
#### Post date: [June 25, 2017, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brother-in-law-mentally-ill-or-irredeemably-stupid-long/789736/35 "2017-06-25T11:46:38Z")
> [@Tranquilis](#):
>
> The police report exists already - ER staff made sure of that. There’ll be a conference of the extended family later today on next steps. Calling CPS has consequences we need to be ready for.
>
> Sent from my SM-G386T using Tapatalk
This is unclear - if there’s a police report, why hasn’t the dog been quarantined? There might be another step that needs to happen, here?
Or maybe the family conference has made a difference?
---
### Author:  [@ThisIsTheEnd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThisIsTheEnd)
#### Post date: [June 25, 2017, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brother-in-law-mentally-ill-or-irredeemably-stupid-long/789736/36 "2017-06-25T12:57:17Z")
So they get rid of the dog he’ll get another one, or it’ll be something else.
Take the guy fishing out on the ocean when bad weather’s coming. Oops.
---
### Author:  [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)
#### Post date: [June 25, 2017, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brother-in-law-mentally-ill-or-irredeemably-stupid-long/789736/37 "2017-06-25T13:04:31Z")
> [@TokyoBayer](#):
>
> So what if they don’t? It’s not going to make the situation worse than living with a biting dog.
It can, by giving the abuser an excuse to claim that “they” (the wife and daughters) are attacking him. He doesn’t really need excuses, but having one makes things easier.
---
### Author:  [@Ruken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruken)
#### Post date: [June 25, 2017, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brother-in-law-mentally-ill-or-irredeemably-stupid-long/789736/38 "2017-06-25T13:37:06Z")
> [@Tranquilis](#):
>
> Need to vent. Don’t need solutions - _I_ know what needs to be done, but I can’t make anyone do what they need to be do.
> [@Tranquilis](#):
>
> Possibly. Unlikely, unfortunately, because emotional manipulation and abuse is harder to document and quantify. They don’t generally get involved in animal bite cases.
You said you know what needs to be done. So stop making excuses and do it. You can’t control what others do but you can control what you do. There is a child in danger and you can do something about that right now.
---
### Author:  [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)
#### Post date: [June 25, 2017, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brother-in-law-mentally-ill-or-irredeemably-stupid-long/789736/39 "2017-06-25T13:41:52Z")
> [@Tranquilis](#):
>
> _I_ know what needs to be done
Good. Stop reading this thread and go call child services.
Let me put it this way - I’m a mandated reporter in my state. If somebody I knew was telling me this story, I would be committing a felony by not making that phone call.
---
### Author:  [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)
#### Post date: [June 25, 2017, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brother-in-law-mentally-ill-or-irredeemably-stupid-long/789736/40 "2017-06-25T15:25:25Z")
I am going to “me-too” the suggestion to call CPS.
I have effectively done this as an anonymous informant, which you might consider because it will avoid making you the enemy in the family and also allow you to continue to observe the situation.
If you are going to report a problem anonymously it is crucial you give SPECIFIC information. For the benefit of others who might need to know what that means I’m going to belabor the point a bit. For example, in this situation:
- state the names and addresses of all involved (the kid, the father, etc.)
- the problem - dog bites girl, displaying aggressive behavior, lack of shots, girl in danger
- DATES AND DETAILS: on X day dog bit girl producing Y injuries which were treated at Z hospital. Names of treating physicians, nurses, etc. if you have any.
Keep it clear and concise, keep to _verifiable_ facts. Make it easy for a case worker to follow up.
[Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brother-in-law-mentally-ill-or-irredeemably-stupid-long/789736.md?page=1)
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brother-in-law-mentally-ill-or-irredeemably-stupid-long/789736.md?page=3)