# Brown Bunny Sperm **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 11, 2005, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brown-bunny-sperm/330527 "2005-11-11T03:44:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2005, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brown-bunny-sperm/330527/21 "2005-11-12T14:13:00Z")
Moderator explains and apologies for confusion: You will see that there are some gaps in the fabric of reality. We had a “sock puppet” who had posted several times, and who has had several different identities on our boards. We have therefore caused his posts to disappear. This is our standard practice with trolls and sock puppets. If they see that their efforts vanish into smoke, we hope that they will go away and stop pestering us. Unfortunately, this causes some hiccoughs in the logic of the thread. That seems a small price to pay, but sorry about it anyway. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2005, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brown-bunny-sperm/330527/22 "2005-11-12T23:13:47Z")
With apologies to [M. Palin & Terry Jones](http://www.serve.com/bonzai/monty/songs/EverySpermisSacred) – There are cranks in the world, there are weirdos, There are pervs and nutters and then There are those that follow a party, but I’ve never been one of them. I’m a right Straight Doper, And have been since before I was born, And the one thing they say about Dopers is They’ll take you as soon as you’re warm. You don’t have to be a rich yuppie, You don’t have to ever get laid, You don’t have to have a degree, You’re a Straight Doper the moment you paid, because – Every post is special, Every post is great. If a post is wasted, Mod gets quite irate. Let the trollers waste theirs On the message board. Mod will make them pay for Each post that can’t be stored. Every post is wanted, Every post is good, Every post is needed, In your online neighborhood. Sex pervs, sports fans, l337-freaks, Post theirs just anywhere, But Mod loves those who treat their Missives with more care. Every post is sacred, Every post is great, If a post is wasted, Mod gets quite irate. ---
**Author:** ![Love\_Rhombus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/love_rhombus/32/10694_2.png) [@Love\_Rhombus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Love_Rhombus)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2005, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brown-bunny-sperm/330527/23 "2005-11-12T23:45:06Z")
Hah, an explanation of how the Straight Dope works, followed with an example of why it is so great. Well done! And Mr. Gallo is a little TOO interested in himself. Why the high rate he’s charging? Is each little sperm equipped with a camera to make a little award-winning movie? ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2005, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brown-bunny-sperm/330527/24 "2005-11-12T23:55:09Z")
> [@SmartAleq](#): > > And Rocco Siffredi would mop the floor with Gallo’s schlong… He could? Oh my he _is_ well-endowed. ---
**Author:** ![SmartAleq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smartaleq/32/163_2.png) [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2005, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brown-bunny-sperm/330527/25 "2005-11-13T23:17:35Z")
> [@saoirse](#): > > He could? Oh my he _is_ well-endowed. Isn’t he just, though? I was watching some porno featuring Mr. Siffredi, the title of which escapes me at the moment, in which he was–how to say this delicately?–_anally engaged, doggy style_ with a young lady. At some point I surmise Rocco felt that the level of lubricant involved was insufficient, at which time he pulled out (in my mind’s ear I hear a loud _pop_ which I don’t think actually appeared on the soundtrack) dropped a large wad of saliva right down into the young ladies nether orifice and plugged himself back in without using his hands or missing a stroke. That is a level of competency and savoir faire seldom seen in the adult film industry… I also must send a heartfelt golf clap out to any young lady willing to engage Mr. Siffredi in such a manner, lacking the bravery (or foolhardiness!) to do so myself. Brava, indeed! ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Sam\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Stone)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2005, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brown-bunny-sperm/330527/26 "2005-11-13T23:23:04Z")
So… He can thrust and drool at the same time. The Academy better not rob him of the Oscar this year, that’s all I can say. ---
**Author:** ![SmartAleq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smartaleq/32/163_2.png) [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2005, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brown-bunny-sperm/330527/27 "2005-11-14T00:06:22Z")
> [@Sam Stone](#): > > So… He can thrust and drool at the same time. The Academy better not rob him of the Oscar this year, that’s all I can say. You must not watch much porn if you don’t think being able to do two things of this nature at once puts an actor into star territory. Besides, the man’s kinda scenic in a vaguely scary way… ---
**Author:** ![Rainbowthief](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/4bbf92/32.png) [@Rainbowthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rainbowthief)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2005, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brown-bunny-sperm/330527/28 "2005-11-14T03:04:49Z")
> [@C K Dexter Haven](#): > > We had a “sock puppet” who had posted several times, and who has had several different identities on our boards. We have therefore caused his posts to disappear. > > This is our standard practice with trolls and sock puppets. I know what a troll is, but what’s a sock puppet? ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2005, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brown-bunny-sperm/330527/29 "2005-11-14T03:14:05Z")
> [@Rainbowthief](#): > > I know what a troll is, but what’s a sock puppet? A sock puppet is someone who has more than one user name here. ---
**Author:** ![Rainbowthief](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/4bbf92/32.png) [@Rainbowthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rainbowthief)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2005, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brown-bunny-sperm/330527/30 "2005-11-14T03:22:44Z")
Ah, thank you. ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brown-bunny-sperm/330527/31 "2005-11-15T04:46:07Z")
> [@Dewey Finn](#): > > Another article about this including the following disturbing sentence. It’s so outrageous that I went to his website to verify it, but wasn’t able to find the offer there. > > > [@IMDB Movie & TV News](#): > > > > Gallo says that his offer is not open to “those of extremely dark complexions” and offers a $50,000 discount to any woman who is blonde, blue-eyed, or related to “any of the German soldiers of the mid-century.” and > [@rodgers01](#): > > Nah, I don’t believe it’s real. I really don’t want to check out the website, but it’s too over the top to be believable. Maybe I could believe him offering his sperm for sale, but advertising this…just sounds like a parody to me. I came to the Boards tonight to ask this very question: Is Vincent Gallo for real, or is his whole persona some sort of cultural troll? **Dewey Finn** said he couldn’t find the offending phrase on Gallo’s website, but it is indeed there, under the [miscellaneous](http://www.vgmerchandise.com/misc.html) part of the merchandising section of the website. Here are some other gems from that page > [@Vincent Gallo](#): > > Mr. Gallo maintains the right to refuse sale of his sperm to those of extremely dark complexions. Though a fan of Franco Harris, Derek Jeter, Lenny Kravitz and Lena Horne, Mr. Gallo does not want to be part of that type of integration. In fact, for the next 30 days, he is offering a $50,000 discount to any potential female purchaser who can prove she has naturally blonde hair and blue eyes. Anyone who can prove a direct family link to any of the German soldiers of the mid-century will also receive this discount. Despite his racial preferences, however, he is willing to give his potential offspring a leg-up in Hollywood: > [@Vincent Gallo](#): > > Under the laws of the Jewish faith, a Jewish mother would qualify a baby to be deemed a member of the Jewish religion. This would be added incentive for Mr. Gallo to sell his sperm to a Jew mother, his reasoning being with the slim chance that his child moved into the profession of motion picture acting or became a musical performer, this connection to the Jewish faith would guarantee his offspring a better chance at good reviews and maybe even a prize at the Sundance Film Festival or an Oscar. In his [music](http://www.vincentgallo.com/music/) section he also gives us some further insight into his brilliant mind, particularly on the question of race: > [@Vincent Gallo](#): > > By the way, did you ever notice the smell of redheads? I think that’s why a lot of redhead girls have Black boyfriends. They smell compatible. and > [@Vincent Gallo](#): > > When I was 16, I went to New York City. I got in a band right away with Jean Michel Basquiat called Gray. We did gigs at Max’s, CBGB’s, Hurrahs, and a famous one at the Mudd Club. The Mudd show was packed. It felt really good. After that gig though we broke up. It was Jean’s fault. Anyway, a month later he was a millionaire art star. Sometimes it’s good to be Black. and > [@Vincent Gallo](#): > > I played drums which I acquired from another Jew friend by trading his parents my cleaning, gardening and handyman skills for the summer. Along with the drums, I got a brace face blow job from my Jew friend’s fat older sister. It was my first one. I also fingered her. It was a cheap drum set bought by cheap Jews, but it made sound and I loved it. and > [@Vincent Gallo](#): > > My second band, Zephyr. Danny Rowland on guitar. Barry Height on drums. And me looking very Chris Squire on bass. A perfect band – no Jews, no redheads. I’m just having trouble believing this guy is for real. I mean, even if the whole website is just an attempt at irony, it’s awful and not funny at all. Does anyone know enough about this loser to hazard a guess as to whether this shit is serious? ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brown-bunny-sperm/330527/32 "2005-11-15T05:01:12Z")
> [@mhendo](#): > > and I came to the Boards tonight to ask this very question: Is Vincent Gallo for real, or is his whole persona some sort of cultural troll? > > **Dewey Finn** said he couldn’t find the offending phrase on Gallo’s website, but it is indeed there, under the [miscellaneous](http://www.vgmerchandise.com/misc.html) part of the merchandising section of the website. Here are some other gems from that pageDespite his racial preferences, however, he is willing to give his potential offspring a leg-up in Hollywood:In his [music](http://www.vincentgallo.com/music/) section he also gives us some further insight into his brilliant mind, particularly on the question of race:andandandI’m just having trouble believing this guy is for real. I mean, even if the whole website is just an attempt at irony, it’s awful and not funny at all. Does anyone know enough about this loser to hazard a guess as to whether this shit is serious? He looks [like this](http://www.vincentgallo.com/) and women get moist just being near him. He got Chloe Sevigny to blow him on camera. He’s incredibly obnoxious, but as seriously as he took his amazingly bad film The Brown Bunny I’m betting it’s or real. ---
**Author:** ![sleeepy2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@sleeepy2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sleeepy2)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 10:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brown-bunny-sperm/330527/33 "2005-11-15T10:50:28Z")
As odd as he looks, I believe he _was_ a model for a bit. Go figure. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/brown-bunny-sperm/330527.md?page=1)