Humph! I’ve been posing all night and no one has commented on my lovely new muff! (Just the thing for fighting off the chill outside, or in!)
Dolce Far Niente
< VB, dripping suds >
There; Miss Christina is well taken care of!
Miss Vogue! Darling! Your muff is simply ravishing! we’ll discuss it’s condition later, meanwhile tuck that lip back in and have a brandy; Lord B. didn’t pass all of it through his nose!
VB
Remember, you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish!
Lady Katy, I will thank you if you would be so kind as to avoid falsely accusing me of playing “Poor Puss”. In fact, my happy frolic is known as “Shabby Kitty”, and has no relation to the inferior version commonly enjoyed by varlets.
In “Shabby Kitty”, no riding crop is used, instead a wooden paddle is considered “de rigueur.” I will be glad to instruct you in the rules of the game in the drawing room. Kindly step this way.
Lord Winkelreid,
Sir, please pardon my presumptuousness. I am already familiar with that game, thank you very much. *::rubbing bottom:: *Please excuse me this go round… I must be off to correct the problems with Sir Firefly’s room.
::rushes away::
Lady de Garbage-Neurotique! How could I just watch when you’re involved?! I promise you, those eyes you saw were not mine…But feel free to join me tonight, if you wish.
I’m glad to see all of the new guests. If any of you wish to borrow any of my gowns, please, come up in a half hour. By then that stable boy with the smoldering eyes should be…sufficiently broken in…
Lady Pixoid, I apologise for the case of mistaken identity… I am not the stable boy; I merely walked through them… Still, after that, you can ‘break me in’ anytime! 
Please pardon me while I get some visine!
VB
Remember, you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish!
Why Mister Blue…I was flown in last night, along with a certain unnamed guest. And you are allowed to get Visine for your eyes, but just remember that your uniform is required dress for this evening.
Now, if you will excuse me, I must retire to my room to dress for tonight’s festivities. Lady Eve, what time shuold I arrive in the drawing room?
Your wish is my command Mistress Falcon…
VB
Remember, you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish!
Miss Christina wakes from blissful dreams to find herself lying somewhat askance on the settee in Lord Bucky’s parlor. She rises and straightens her skirts, and has the strange desire to be called “Lady de Medele”, because it occurs to her that “Lady of Strange Habits” sounds very intriguing, despite the fact that its unlikely any of her hosts speak Swabian. “Time to reintroduce myself.” She glides to the parlor doors, and gingerly lets herself out.
“…being normal is not necessarily a virtue. It rather denotes a lack of courage.”
I don’t think we wear the same size gowns, but thank you very much for the kind offer, Pixoid. However, if you wish, you could help me with my corset. It just needs to be pulled a little tighter.
Tighter…
Tighter…
Tighter…
That… is… sufficient. Thank… you… very…
(thud)
An infinite number of rednecks in an infinite number of pickup trucks shooting an infinite number of shotguns at an infinite number of road signs will eventually produce all the world’s great works of literature in Braille.
Bit of a tricky bit, eh, not unlike a sticky wicket. By my Sam, this is a bit hard, one leaves for a day to find one’s guests have run amuck about the place. Just have time for a quick missive now, I’ll have to get into the real chastisement later.
So many infractions:
- Lady de Garbage stole my cane,
- Katy’s impertinent suggestion that she be allowed to wear boots, when the dear thing knows that stilleto heels are required,
- Miss Jasmine’s audactity to pursue ME, the haughty young trollop (no relation to the writing Trollopes)
- My dear Lady Eve’s continued libel (or is it slander? Must call the barrister) about me snorting brandy. The only drinking problem I have is guests making free with my amontia, almon, hell with it, sherry without asking AND stealing my trowel while there at it.
- A certain “Lady de Medele” who, I suspect, is a bally imposter. I know Lady de Medele, and while this charming minx bears a slight resemblance, the real Lady has a particular birthmark. Well {taking the new arrival by the ear and frogmarching her to the study} we’ll soon see about this.
Off after the chambermaids’ annual hunt, darlings. Release the hounds!
Lord B
[yawning in a ladylike way and reaching for the plover’s eggs]
Did everyone have a restful night? I’m afraid I’m all in—Ike of Ukulele was battened down in his room with a selection of Naughty Postcards of Queen Victoria, and I convinced him to give me a look-see. I had to bribe him with my LAST vial of laudanum! I don’t suppose anyone brought some? It helps so when ones’ stays feel too tight after a night of fine dining.
I feel we won’t see Ike today; the combination of the laudanum and Our Queen’s Knickers may have proved too much for the old top.
—The Lady Eve
My dear Lady Eve, being fresh out of Laudanum, may I offer Ipecac?
And where is that saucy Miss Christina? I found the thought of skirts askew intriguing!
VB
Remember, you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish!
Oh, goodness! Lady de G-N! Oh, no…
::cuts the corset strings and opens a vial of smelling salts::
I’m sorry you’re in such disarray, dear, but you fainted. Here, sip this water, and I’ll call a maid.
Oui, Madamoiselle d’Garbage-Neurotique, I’ve brought the feather duster and riding crop. We’ll have you back up and feeling better in two shakes…no?
Ah, nothing like a bracing swim in the morning! Rupert (a remarkably well-proportioned young man) and myself are going down to the pond for some vigorous aquatic exercise. Cold water has a wonderful effect on a tired body. Please feel free to join us. I have a new, ingeniously constructed bathing costume that I am eager to try.
Lord B: Imposter, indeed. Interesting that you should mention my birthmark…you were peeking through the keyhole while the women were cleaning me up, were you not?
Vestal Blue: As did I…unfortunately, after having walked so long in the bitter cold, the bath and all the primping I received from the ladies lulled me to sleep. I’m most curious to know–exactly WHO was the last to leave me in the parlor?
“…being normal is not necessarily a virtue. It rather denotes a lack of courage.”
Indeed, Lady C; Hmmmmm… A fair question, and one that within recent months 'as been much on my mind!
VB
Remember, you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish!
My dear imitation Lady de M.,
Surely you hadn’t feasted so heavily on the loin of beef and the rather amusing imperial stout to have drifted off into a bit of delusion land? A gentleman of my carriage, education, and (dare I mention)breeding does NOT peek into rooms through tiny holes in the wall! By my Sam, you INVITED me in, you minx!
And the real Lady d M, always says, “Goodness, me, Headmaster, must I really be spanked just for cheating on a test?” You, on the other hand, said, “Goodness, me, Headmaster, would you please spank me rippingly hard on my smashing bare bottom for, oh, just make up an excuse, you magnificent bastard!”
Just setting that little matter straight.
Deal with you others later, mumble, harumph.
Lord B
:::stepping out of character for a moment:::
Bucky, dear, you really are hysterical! Marvelous post!
:::Back in character:::