Someone rang? batting eyes at VB and Firefly
And Lord B! I thought we had discussed this before, but from your post above, I see you are still unclear…I am a LADY, sir! Not a gentleman. Hmpf!
Trust me, Lord B., Falcon is certainly a Lady, AND most delightfully female.
Besides, if she were male, she’d be a hawk, not a falcon…speaking of birds and tarts, I’m feeling rather peckish, and fancy some fine canary ale and a cornish pasty or two! It’s off to the buttery with me! Care to join, Madamemoiselle Falcon?
VB
Tempus is fugiting all over the place! Carpe that diem!
Why certainly, Master Blue! All that running around this morning has given me quite an…appetite. winking at VB Shall we invite Master Firefly with us? After all, he DID manage to get Lord B’s cousin to leave…
Oh, the humanity.
Shortly after her most recent post, dear sweet Falcon was found by Bucky’s evil cousin who, not content with merely having his balls racked, yet suffering as did the entire family from nearly fatal myopia, absconded with the fair Falcon.
Evil cousin, who is named Chas Wm (not, not Charles William,just Cas Wm) then forced poor Falcon to dress as a boy–a rather fetching boy, but this is beside the point, as he then instructed what he took to be a trembling lad with a rather odd build (“a bit too much in the pectoral region with you, young sir!”) over his evil lap, evilly lowered what he thought were the boy’s jodphurs and nethergarments, and proceeded to whack away at what should have been obvious even in his nearsightedness to be the deliciously suacily rounded buttocks of Falcon. Then, he evilly spanked her until it was time for the evil cousin to put Falcon in the evil corner to cry not very evil at all tears.
Oh, and won’t someone rescue the poor girl?
Meanwhile, Pix was running extremely comically in bozo-like shoes, while Lord B and Katy desperately sought the snowfort.
Lord B
Ohhhh, alright; c’mon Firefly, but bring Phouka or another lady of your choice along, as I’ve staked out (so to speak) Lady F. for myself, at least for the time being. I can’t help it, but I’m a sucker for batting eyes, and with the practice they get, hers are quite muscular!
VB
Tempus is fugiting all over the place! Carpe that diem!
Leaping astride Chas Wm, VB strangles the filthy swine with his spare scarf, then turns to rescue the fair Falcon with the now rosy bottom. Kissing it all better, he helps her up with her nether garments and jhodpurs, and proceeds to escort back to the buttery where awaits Master Firefly with his Lady of choice.
My apologies for the dimunition of your family Sir Bucky, but even you must admit Chas has had it coming for a long time, and so good riddence to bad rubbish!
That is one bad penny which will not return!
After tea, I recommend a reenactment of the rape of the sabines.
VB
Tempus is fugiting all over the place! Carpe that diem!
Oh VB! My hero! Thank you kindly sir…I don’t know WHAT would have happened if you hadn’t been there. swooning from the excitement I suddenly feel a bit faint…care to help me to my room, Masters Blue and Firefly?
Vestal, old boy, surely you know that homicidal madmen such as yrs truly cannot simply be killed once and be done with. Egads, hardly be able to be much of a maniac if that were the case. By the w, I did catch on to Miss F’s femininity after a bit. Well, actually, it was after a bit of groping, but when one is omnisexual it makes things ever so much easier.
At any rate, old horse, I should flee with some expediency were I you, for I plan on murdering the lot of you. In rather chillingly cold blood, might I add? And blue blood at that!
If my hands don’t kill you, my awful puns shall!
Not sock puppetingly yours,
Cas Wm, Evil Cousin
Cas Wm, it’s a pity, the way you unscrupulously murdered that umbrella stand! You really should leave the furnishings alone…and seek the help of a qualified optometrist.
Lady Falcon, while the evil Cas Wm has VB occupied, I would be delighted to help you to your room, or mine, if you prefer. ::lewd wink::
Oh bloody hell. sigh.
Here we go again! how is any self respecting philanderer supposed to make any headway with homocidal psychopaths galumphing around this creaky old house, I’d like to know!
VB
Tempus is fugiting all over the place! Carpe that diem!
Why thank you, Master Firefly…I simply cannot IMAGINE where Master blus got himself off to. And as long as you have somewhere I can lay down in your room, that shall be fine…all this excitement is getting to me. fainting into RT’s arms
< VB, peevishly zipping up his flight suit >
Blast it all, Falcon I should have left your pants around your ankles! You flying fickle feathered floozy; I save your derriere from Cas Wm., Esq., Homocidal Maniac At Large, and this is how I’m repaid. Harrrummph!
VB
Tempus is fugiting all over the place! Carpe that diem!
::carries Lady Falcon upstairs to his room, puts her on the bed, shuts the door::
But Master Blue! sighing Oh bloody hell. I swear you have to treat these men with kid gloves. Hmpf.
batting eyes at VB I was only concerned that you would be running off again to do battle with the evil Cas. Wm., and felt in need of protection! I’m sure you gentlemen can work out an agreement. It certainly didn’t bother you the other evening, Master Blue…I do recall you being the one searching for Lord B in the middle of the night.
I don’t recall…Must have been the Laudanum!
Very well, if you must, you must. Just say that once I return from battle you’ll bind my wounds and patch the flight suit; meanwhile, enjoy!
RT old son, don’t stretch her too badly, else she’ll be no use to me later on, and boy do I have plans for her! 
VB
Tempus is fugiting all over the place! Carpe that diem!
As you well know, Master Blue, I am very good at caus…I mean BINDING wounds. 
Besides, after this, m’dear, you can punish me for being such a saucy wench!
VB stalks the evil Cas through the garden; suddenly, Cas whirls around! VB stands still in the shadows, the moonlight gleaming on the razor edge of his katana. Cas pauses, then turns and resumes his course toward the house, snuffling to himself.
VB, having been saved by Cas’s myopia, resumes his stalk.
Gliding up behind Cas, VB plunges his sword through his chest; Cas shudders and drops to his knees. VB pulls the sword free with wet sucking sound, raises it high above his head, and swinging it down with all the power in his mighty shoulders, cleaves Cas’s skull to the jaw; as the blood stops spurting, VB knows that the beast is truly dead this time, and will terrorize the party goers no more. Pulling his sword free, he wipes it clean, returns it to its’ scabbard and staggers back to the house, to the waiting arms of…
VB
Tempus is fugiting all over the place! Carpe that diem!
…Mistress Falcon, who has exclaimed over the wounds Master Blue has sustained.
No, you just stay right here. I’ve dispensed with the maids for the evening…(I do believe I saw them heading for Master Firefly’s and Lady G-N’s rooms) so I can play nursemaid. And I believe I know what will make you feel better…(leaning to whisper in VB’s ear.)
::alone in his room with Lady Falcon, hears her say strange things in her unconscious state::
(Bucky, you must have seen me running before.)
Oh, bloody…shoot. Now, I’m cold, I’m lost, and I’m alone. And it’s getting dark here in the forest (Bucky’s got a HUGE estate). I’m tired, my bosom is heaving, and these damned shoes–I swear, I’d go barefoot, but for the snow and the bugs and the creepy-crawlies…
Well, I think I came from back there…oh, hell. I can almost hear creepy animal noises, and feel thorns grab at my gown.
I’m lost! Somebody come riding up and save me!
You’ve got to be proud when you can’t even think of a category to nominate yourself in…