# Buddhism and Loneliness **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 10, 2019, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-and-loneliness/835273 "2019-06-10T00:14:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2019, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-and-loneliness/835273/21 "2019-06-11T19:17:49Z")
> [@lingyi](#): > > +1 to Beckdawrek’s advice to get out and meet/discuss with REAL people in person. Listen 90% and reply 5% and ask questions 5%. > > Barring that (which you seem so opposed to), head over to [somethingawful.com](http://somethingawful.com) where there’s several threads in the Ask/Tell forum that deals with Buddhism. Be sure to wear your big boy shorts though. If you think anyone here is brutal, it’s nothing compared to what’s posted there. > > That said, a couple of points. > > First, you may think you’re being highly philosophical and presenting deep thoughts, but you’re like a 10 year old asking about quantum physics and when told A, B, C, you say “I KNOW THAT!”. Then when told D, E. F, you say “I don’t care about that. Tell me about X, Y, Z!” :smack: > > Second, hate to break it to you, but no one here is your friend, peer, counselor or mentor. While many try to genuinely be helpful, you don’t know who’s being sincere and who’s just playing with you. You really don’t know about anyone you don’t know personally. For all you know, I could be a 15 year old white girl who embellishes stories from my friends grandparents. 🆒 > > Third, taking anything posted on any forum as the absolute truth or fact is one step above the guy saying “I did it because the voice in my head told me too!”:eek: I went to the site but there was nothing there. ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2019, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-and-loneliness/835273/22 "2019-06-11T19:34:02Z")
> [@Knowed\_Out](#): > > OK, if you’re so skeptical about Buddhism, why did you turn to it to combat loneliness? > > If you really want to overcome this problem, you have to be willing to change your mindset. You seem to already have a preset answer to any suggestion, rife with cynicism and reasons why you can’t do it. This is a difficult problem and easy answers don’t exist. You already think humans need to work together, so find some humans to work with. I have a complicated relationship with it. It’s not that I have a problem with it. Sometimes I get lonely and sometimes I’m not even when I am alone. But my problem is that instead of something that just happens and comes and goes, Buddhism makes it seem like something is wrong with me and that it’s some disease to cure. I also don’t think humans need to work together I KNOW they have to. A human infant is pretty much proof on how much we rely on each other. ---
**Author:** ![lingyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d2c977/32.png) [@lingyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lingyi)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2019, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-and-loneliness/835273/23 "2019-06-11T20:59:43Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > I went to the site but there was nothing there. [https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3548558](https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3548558) Edit: Best to register because sometimes the site won’t allow you view the forum posts. Don’t know why. ---
**Author:** ![lingyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d2c977/32.png) [@lingyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lingyi)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2019, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-and-loneliness/835273/24 "2019-06-11T21:14:01Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > I have a complicated relationship with it. It’s not that I have a problem with it. Sometimes I get lonely and sometimes I’m not even when I am alone. But my problem is that instead of something that just happens and comes and goes, Buddhism makes it seem like something is wrong with me and that it’s some disease to cure. Simple answer. It’s because you’re not Englightened and not Buddha! ---
**Author:** ![lingyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d2c977/32.png) [@lingyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lingyi)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2019, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-and-loneliness/835273/25 "2019-06-11T21:36:23Z")
Reminds me of when my second sister became a Christian and immediately after when she wasn’t hit with a ray of light and uplifting of all her woes said, “Okay, what now?”. Ummm…doesn’t work that say Sis! :smack: ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2019, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-and-loneliness/835273/26 "2019-06-11T23:34:41Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > I have a complicated relationship with it. It’s not that I have a problem with it. Sometimes I get lonely and sometimes I’m not even when I am alone. But my problem is that instead of something that just happens and comes and goes, Buddhism makes it seem like something is wrong with me and that it’s some disease to cure. The “problem” you have with buddhism is that you think it has inherent credibility, for no apparent reason. You give it unjustified credence that isn’t doing you any favors. When Buddhism tells me that I should give up on hope and become zen with having nothing, I can just roll my eyes and go back to doing productive things like arguing on the internet. You seem not to be able to look away. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2019, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-and-loneliness/835273/27 "2019-06-11T23:52:45Z")
Back in my mentally unwell days, I thought Buddhism spoke to me too. The idea that my suffering was the result of wanting too much kind of appealed to me. I didn’t want my suffering to be the result of chemical imbalances and neurological misfirings. I needed for it be an illusion so that I could be a female ubermensch–someone able to endure anything just by having the right mindset. I could never be that person if my brain was fucked up. But if I could see the illusion for what it is, nothing could ever hurt me. But then I read some tracts and started smelling the “sage on a mountain top” bullshit. ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2019, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-and-loneliness/835273/28 "2019-06-12T00:47:15Z")
> [@lingyi](#): > > [https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3548558](https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3548558) > > Edit: Best to register because sometimes the site won’t allow you view the forum posts. Don’t know why. Considering that my life took a nosedive since I looking into Buddhism out of pure curiosity I’m going to say no. Oddly enough most of my daily suffering can be attributed to Buddhism. Especially with Titles like “the myth of freedom” :[https://www.amazon.com/Myth-Freedom-Meditation-Shambhala-Library/dp/1590302893/ref=sr\_1\_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1367692167&sr=8-6&keywords=trungpa](https://www.amazon.com/Myth-Freedom-Meditation-Shambhala-Library/dp/1590302893/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1367692167&sr=8-6&keywords=trungpa) All that serves to do is screw me up even further. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2019, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-and-loneliness/835273/29 "2019-06-12T02:34:24Z")
If you find the water so distasteful stop going to the well! You very clearly have serious problems with most every facet of Buddhism. Often taking established concepts and applying to them an interpretation entirely individual and unique to yourself. If Buddhism is such an obvious bad fit for you, then why do you _insist_ on looking there for answers? ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2019, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-and-loneliness/835273/30 "2019-06-12T02:40:34Z")
> [@lingyi](#): > > [https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3548558](https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3548558) > > Edit: Best to register because sometimes the site won’t allow you view the forum posts. Don’t know why. Registering costs $10. ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2019, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-and-loneliness/835273/31 "2019-06-12T03:00:46Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > If you find the water so distasteful stop going to the well! > > You very clearly have serious problems with most every facet of Buddhism. Often taking established concepts and applying to them an interpretation entirely individual and unique to yourself. > > If Buddhism is such an obvious bad fit for you, then why do you _insist_ on looking there for answers? I think it’s more like seeing them for what they are. The thing is that it is hard to forget about them saying things like “there is no self”, “the world is an illusion”, “or that freedom is a myth”. ---
**Author:** ![Esprise\_Me](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprise_me/32/2947_2.png) [@Esprise\_Me](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprise_Me)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2019, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-and-loneliness/835273/32 "2019-06-12T03:02:06Z")
I’m not a Buddhist, but I’ve read a few books on the subject and found them intriguing. I do recall one of the central ideas being that all suffering is born of desire. That struck me as undeniably true, yet not all that useful. You can learn to let go of certain specific desires–for a particular person, place, or thing–but there are fundamental underlying desires–to be loved, to be safe, to have some measure of control over your life–that we can’t just enlighten our way out of. It’s interesting to compare this to the thread about whether the atheist worldview is depressing, in which several people seem to think that, regardless of the truth of the matter, it’s comforting and therefore useful to believe in something. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2019, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-and-loneliness/835273/33 "2019-06-12T04:34:26Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > It’s more like I just believed them because it’s “Buddhism”, and that’s pretty much it. Not because my experience mirrors what they say. I think following any religion or philosophy blindly will result in frustration. And lead to more serious psychological problems. Why don’t you stop trying to figure out religions and figure out yourself? You’re putting a lot of pressure on a philosophy, expecting it to be he perfect solution to every problem you have. I wish you could stop agonizing over why Buddhism doesn’t magically fix you, and just enjoy life. ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2019, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-and-loneliness/835273/34 "2019-06-12T05:17:16Z")
> [@digs](#): > > I think following any religion or philosophy blindly will result in frustration. And lead to more serious psychological problems. > > Why don’t you stop trying to figure out religions and figure out yourself? > > You’re putting a lot of pressure on a philosophy, expecting it to be he perfect solution to every problem you have. > I wish you could stop agonizing over why Buddhism doesn’t magically fix you, and just enjoy life. I would love to more than anything. If I could I would just forget Buddhism and leave everything about it behind, because it hasn’t done me any favors in this life. Alas that is not the case and it haunts me. Sort of saying that X is wrong or not true or you should be pursuing perma happiness. It just feels like they make it seem that not listening to them is a mistake and you are wrong for it. ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2019, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-and-loneliness/835273/35 "2019-06-12T05:46:33Z")
To quote from the forum that was linked on here: "However, this is still something important to consider. Buddhism is very much so a religion, rather than a simple philosophy. There are many great secular purposes that can be derived from buddhism- Psychology for example has recently found a ton of copacetic values within much of buddhist practise, or is arriving at what buddhism has been doing for centuries. Still, buddhism requires a good bit of practise and study, and it is more than a philosophy because it fulfills a spiritual role, soteriology and supernatural concepts aside buddhism is a praxis by which we arrive at abnegation of ego-differentiated self. It is a vehicle for mystic experiences as any long-term buddhist practioner will assure you. The great trouble here is what has been the biggest weakness of buddhism- It is a monastic faith at it’s heart. This means that among the laity a sort of “low” religion has emerged- You do things that make a good buddhist just because that’s what you do. You give food to monks and lamas, you say a few prayers, and that’s that. But these trappings and material clingings all have a purpose as a means of engaging the mind in certain activities. Take the tibetan prayer wheel for instance: On the surface you turn it and that gives you good merit, which means a better birth. But deeper than that, the wheel is a praxis by which you engage in the mental experience of having prayed without the activity of prayer, it is useful for not only illustrating the divide between participation and agency, but as well encourages that ego-death state by means of a tacit participation in compassion practise. The faith is built entirely around the idea that all that we percieve, and experience is mediated, often greatly, by language and learned or assumed concepts that have become a deep part of out intellectual processes: Cognition and Emotion. The mystic attainment in buddhism is that which allows one to enter a psychological state of consciousness capable of affording participation in an unmediated world. The mediated world, it is argued, leads to cognitive and emotive processes that are not ultimately desireable reactions to the stimuli of the world. The question of these religious trappings in relation to attaining this psychological ego-death is that many of means we might use to reach this unmediated state are forms and methods that are themselves mediators of the world. The low religious, or lay, application of this high religious pursuit becomes the application of those means which are ding-fur-sich: sometimes linguistic means like koan, sometimes cognitive ablations like mantra recitation, sometimes tactile methods of conditioning such as mala. It is generally acknowledge that the most efficient vehicle for attaining this kind of ego-death in any permanence is still that of meditation- the conditioning of the mind to guide it towards conditioning ego-death as a default measure to ensure a finality in the assumption of that mental-psychological state. However those means which function as ding-fur-sich do so and are done with the understanding that their practise and encouragement conditions the end-goal of nonmediated participation. Often buddhism avoids this kind of deep analytical discourse because it is not usually itself one of those means which encourages those conditions, being a linguistic and conceptual construction of dialectic that is reliant upon the assumption of those learned concepts that lead to mediated, rather than unmediated, participation. The dialectic becomes that which reifies mediative-mind." It’s stuff like that which makes me lose sleep at night and wish I could just forget. ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2019, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-and-loneliness/835273/36 "2019-06-12T15:55:15Z")
Why did you latch on to this particular worthless idiotic bullshit to obsess over instead of some other worthless idiotic bullshit? Don’t you realize that it is all just gibberish mental masturbation by people with way too much free time on their hands? It is better than being a conspiracy theorist, at least, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2019, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-and-loneliness/835273/37 "2019-06-12T17:34:14Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > I have a complicated relationship with it. It’s not that I have a problem with it. Sometimes I get lonely and sometimes I’m not even when I am alone. But my problem is that instead of something that just happens and comes and goes, Buddhism makes it seem like something is wrong with me and that it’s some disease to cure. Maybe what you copied and pasted gave you that idea, but you’re not properly experiencing Buddhist practice. Buddhism knows everyone has flaws and problems. They teach you how to cope with them without diagnosing you. You’re resorting to the cynical mindset and coming up with reasons why you can’t again. That needs to change. Go to a temple some day and sit in on a sermon. They welcome all faiths and disparage no one. You get to go barefoot. You think what you’re doing now is better? ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2019, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-and-loneliness/835273/38 "2019-06-12T17:40:12Z")
[quote=“Machinaforce, post:35, topic:835273”] To quote from the forum that was linked on here: > [@](#): > > It’s stuff like that which makes me lose sleep at night and wish I could just forget. Well that was a large pile of words, mostly large complicated words that try to sound important. When I read that (before my eyes glaze over) I find myself translating the terms from their original pompous psychobabble to equivalent pragmatic terms. For example that “ego-death” stuff is typically attained by doing drugs - but they think it’s cooler if you can mediate your way into a drug-addled state without the drugs, apparently because it lasts longer (and presumably is cheaper). This stuff isn’t being psychologically elevated, it’s staring at your hand because have you ever really _looked_ at your hand, man? _Woah._ I did get a bit of amusement from the fact that you quote was basically complaining about the lay people doing it all _wrong_ and how if you ain’t getting properly stoned you ain’t doin’ it right. I’m pretty sure either they or the lay people they’re complaining about are being hipsters; I’m just not sure which. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2019, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-and-loneliness/835273/39 "2019-06-12T19:10:42Z")
Another thing OP: What you’re doing is using Buddhism like Web MD. You’re searching through databases and collecting text. That won’t work. It’s like thinking you can do home repair by watching the YouTube. You have to actually have some experience doing home repair first. You should actually go to a service and experience it as a culture. You’ll get more of an understanding on how practitioners make Buddhism part of their lives, and how they see forsaking of material goods as relieving themselves of burden. Plus, you’ll be with other people. That’s the result of overcoming loneliness in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2019, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-and-loneliness/835273/40 "2019-06-12T19:55:21Z")
> [@Knowed\_Out](#): > > Maybe what you copied and pasted gave you that idea, but you’re not properly experiencing Buddhist practice. Buddhism knows everyone has flaws and problems. They teach you how to cope with them without diagnosing you. You’re resorting to the cynical mindset and coming up with reasons why you can’t again. That needs to change. > > Go to a temple some day and sit in on a sermon. They welcome all faiths and disparage no one. You get to go barefoot. You think what you’re doing now is better? I did once, years ago. It was about the same as what I am saying now. I think Buddhism puts in reincarnation so that people don’t take suicide as the logical step to their depression premises. I don’t think Buddhism knows the conclusion of what it is saying, I still don’t know how they get love and compassion but that is another matter. Mostly what they say is that my life is a lie. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-and-loneliness/835273.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-and-loneliness/835273.md?page=3)