# Buddhism feels like a chain for me **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 13, 2019, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-feels-like-a-chain-for-me/833878 "2019-05-13T01:37:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2019, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-feels-like-a-chain-for-me/833878/21 "2019-05-13T14:40:44Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Have you sought professional treatment for your pattern of unhealthy obsessive thought behavior? Yes, religion is the least of the OP’s problems. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2019, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-feels-like-a-chain-for-me/833878/22 "2019-05-13T15:01:58Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > See it was quotes like that which kind of got me into this bind in the first place. This stuff doesn’t help or liberate me, it just hurts. > > I wasn’t interested in heaven, or enlightenment, or whatever spiritual endgame. I just wanted to live life. But I can’t shake the sense that Buddhism is “correct” and anything I do besides it is “wrong”. Truthfully I don’t really care much about the teachings or what they claim, but the fear of living a lie or being wrong is so great that it keeps drawing me back to this stuff even though deep down I don’t want to. It’s like I’m hostage in my own body. Several billion people get by without Buddhism every day. I truly don’t understand why you can’t, especially since you don’t actually care for it. What do you expect to hear when you post “Buddhism feels like a chain for me?” Do you expect someone will post something that will bring clarity and insight that will help you accept this particular faith? Or are you seeking permission to let it go? If I posted here that I’m so sick of Dancing With the Stars, and I don’t enjoy it one bit, but I try to watch each and every episode, people would rightfully tell me to just stop watching that stupid show. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2019, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-feels-like-a-chain-for-me/833878/23 "2019-05-13T15:20:27Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Have you sought professional treatment for your pattern of unhealthy obsessive thought behavior? > > Start there and put your time and energy to achieving healthier outcomes. Yes, this! Heavens, son, you make things wayyyyy more difficult than they need to be… ---
**Author:** ![Swampwolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8edcca/32.png) [@Swampwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swampwolf)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2019, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-feels-like-a-chain-for-me/833878/24 "2019-05-13T15:42:09Z")
Yeah, dude. I’m gonna join in with others here and say “Let it go.” Having read a fair number of your posts, it’s obvious to me that you’re a seeker. That’s great! It’s also a tough path, because there is no actual goal. Well, there **is** a goal, but as soon as you reach it, there’s another one right over the horizon. There’s nothing wrong with that, but you may discover that, for your own well-being, you’ll have to discard the seeking and replace it with satisfaction. I’m seeing a lot of intelligence, but also a lot of complexity. Some Buddhist philosophies promote simplicity. ISTM that’s something that could be of great benefit to you. Now, I’m just making this up as I go, so bear with me. Spirituality can be a lot like materialism: “I have knowledge, but there’s more out there. I just know it!” is, at its core, no different than “I have money and stuff, but I could have more. I just know it!” If you have the ability to be satisfied with what you have materially, or what can be obtained through the course of your life, you can translate that to your philosophical pursuits. As in, the same mindset of “I have money for bills, a roof over my head, food on my table, and can save for retirement. I don’t need to be a millionaire with three houses and a fleet of yachts” can turn into “I know a bit about how life works. I know how to ask for what I need, and to treat people well. I don’t need to know how consciousness evolved, or the mind of the creator.” Of course, if what you’re looking for is an overall meaning-of-life philosophy to live by, I’m gonna have to suggest the four words that have changed my life. “Don’t be a dick.” Every interaction with someone, ask yourself, “am I being a dick?” If the answer is yes, interact differently. See? Simplification. It’s a good way to shake off the chains. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2019, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-feels-like-a-chain-for-me/833878/25 "2019-05-13T15:59:52Z")
It sounds like you met the Buddha on the road and, instead of killing him, you’re now giving him a piggyback ride. There are no “right” answers to life, the universe and everything (Douglas Adams notwithstanding). Have a nice bowl of strawberries, maybe with some cream on. Enjoy them in the moment. That’ll bring you closer to Buddha than any article. ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2019, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-feels-like-a-chain-for-me/833878/26 "2019-05-13T16:06:27Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > Several billion people get by without Buddhism every day. I truly don’t understand why you can’t, especially since you don’t actually care for it. What do you expect to hear when you post “Buddhism feels like a chain for me?” Do you expect someone will post something that will bring clarity and insight that will help you accept this particular faith? Or are you seeking permission to let it go? > > If I posted here that I’m so sick of Dancing With the Stars, and I don’t enjoy it one bit, but I try to watch each and every episode, people would rightfully tell me to just stop watching that stupid show. I guess I’m looking for permission to let go. But it’s hard though, especially when people paint it as capital T truth. Makes it hard to let go. I mean the advice for loneliness makes it seem like making friends to relieve it is akin to an alcoholic getting a drink, it’s feeding the addiction. That’s just one case, but it makes me feel bad for wanting things or feeling things. Then I’m left in stasis wondering what to do. It’s like I can’t do anything I want without in the back of my mind thinking “Buddhism says this is wrong” (a gross generalization but I think that’s the general theme from what I read). ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2019, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-feels-like-a-chain-for-me/833878/27 "2019-05-13T16:13:28Z")
Ironically, “letting go” is one of the central tenets of Buddhism. You have permission from “Buddhism”. You need permission from yourself. I repeat - have some strawberries. Strawberries are nice. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2019, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-feels-like-a-chain-for-me/833878/28 "2019-05-13T16:17:08Z")
I’m sorry, but this constant religious/philosophical masochism you post on leads me to believe that even if we somehow convinced you to walk away from this current dilemma, you would immediately seek out another path that would vex you greatly. ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2019, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-feels-like-a-chain-for-me/833878/29 "2019-05-13T16:26:35Z")
> [@Swampwolf](#): > > Yeah, dude. I’m gonna join in with others here and say “Let it go.” Having read a fair number of your posts, it’s obvious to me that you’re a seeker. That’s great! It’s also a tough path, because there is no actual goal. Well, there **is** a goal, but as soon as you reach it, there’s another one right over the horizon. There’s nothing wrong with that, but you may discover that, for your own well-being, you’ll have to discard the seeking and replace it with satisfaction. I’m seeing a lot of intelligence, but also a lot of complexity. Some Buddhist philosophies promote simplicity. ISTM that’s something that could be of great benefit to you. > > Now, I’m just making this up as I go, so bear with me. Spirituality can be a lot like materialism: “I have knowledge, but there’s more out there. I just know it!” is, at its core, no different than “I have money and stuff, but I could have more. I just know it!” If you have the ability to be satisfied with what you have materially, or what can be obtained through the course of your life, you can translate that to your philosophical pursuits. As in, the same mindset of “I have money for bills, a roof over my head, food on my table, and can save for retirement. I don’t need to be a millionaire with three houses and a fleet of yachts” can turn into “I know a bit about how life works. I know how to ask for what I need, and to treat people well. I don’t need to know how consciousness evolved, or the mind of the creator.” > > Of course, if what you’re looking for is an overall meaning-of-life philosophy to live by, I’m gonna have to suggest the four words that have changed my life. “Don’t be a dick.” Every interaction with someone, ask yourself, “am I being a dick?” If the answer is yes, interact differently. > > See? Simplification. It’s a good way to shake off the chains. To be honest that’s how I felt before. I thought about the high life, but to be honest that sounded like too much for me. The older I got (still 27 but bear with me) the more I saw that the grand and the exceptional weren’t that important. That I reached for such things because I was told to. I just liked the every day. The mundane, the “ordinary”. I didn’t need some cosmic whatever or insight to the truth of reality. I knew enough and had some. The claims from Buddhism about suffering kind of fell on deaf ears originally since the stuff they said caused it, didn’t apply for me. I didn’t see it that way. The simple life sounded good and while part of me as a kid valued being like those all knowing and wise characters (who seemed to have everything under control) I can’t help but feel secretly that I envied the “fool” (since they were simple, Unconcerned about the capital T and just about the right now). But somewhere along the line madness descended and then it became a contest of who was happier. They seemed like they were happier than me and that meant I was wrong in some way. They said I was living a lie and what I valued wasn’t real and that terrified me. I guess that’s what chained me to it, and what keeps me from leaving. Fear. ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2019, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-feels-like-a-chain-for-me/833878/30 "2019-05-13T16:28:51Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > Ironically, “letting go” is one of the central tenets of Buddhism. You have permission from “Buddhism”. You need permission from yourself. > > I repeat - have some strawberries. Strawberries are nice. Strawberries are bitter for me but great in cake. As for let go, it’s more complex than that from what I hear. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2019, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-feels-like-a-chain-for-me/833878/31 "2019-05-13T16:33:08Z")
Have a moderate amount of cake then. And start by letting go of the little things. ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2019, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-feels-like-a-chain-for-me/833878/32 "2019-05-13T16:50:31Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > A calling isn’t rooted in fear and paranoia. > [@](#): > > The calling itself - no, not following it - yes, or at least it could be. The biblical story of Johan tells of a calling that someone was running from. > > Bear in mind I’m afraid I’m wrong and living a lie mostly because Buddhism says so. And there is a notion in the West of Buddhism as “different” from others. It’s what makes it hard to let go unlike other religions. One of the principals of Il Won Buddhism is that it is no different, it is not Dharma, but it is a door to it. They acknowledge other religions also are doors to it. So perhaps learning more about it will show you that, while it is different in ways, it is basically the same as all others. And it has to be, due to all religions point towards dharma for the seeker. > [@](#): > > I don’t know why either, the way their advice gets framed sometimes sounds like anything but compassion and makes you feel bad for just being human. > > Like this one part I read some where: “The cause are mental fabrications that fabricate loneliness. Stop fabricating mental fabrications that fabricate loneliness. In your case, if you’re using social media to ease loneliness, it’s like postponing the resolution of suffering to a latter date. Instead of focusing on the cause of your loneliness, you’re focusing on social media. You think you need social media to ease loneliness. In reality you most probably don’t need social media … you just need to get rid of loneliness. Once you’ll get rid of loneliness, you’ll probably stop spending time on social media. > What you’re experiencing is normal suffering due to loneliness. Ok, this one is easy, it’s basically you have to master it and not have it as your master. It does not mean no more social media, but there could be such a period of adjusting, but it has to be in it’s proper place. If you have identified the problem, loneliness and realized that your solution (social media) is not a long term solution, you need to seek a long term solution. > [@](#): > > Psychologists will tell you it’s normal as long as it does not interfere negatively on your physical or mental health. Most people do something to ease feelings of loneliness (make new friends, read, do sports, watch TV, …). But that’s not curing loneliness. It’s like having a disease and alleviating its symptoms. This is no different than being depressive and drinking alcohol to ease the depression. Off course it’s not dysfunctional as drinking alcohol, but the mechanism is the same: you suffer, and instead of resolving your main problems which are the cause of your suffering, you’re postponing their resolution to a later date.” > > It makes me feel bad for being lonely and wanting friends. Like that’s some kind of disease. It makes the assumption that my life sucked when really my life was pretty good before it. Ok, so what you are doing does not work, why repeat it (definition of insanity). Try something different. Perhaps a pilgrimage would help. Make a journey somewhere, somewhere where there are other people taking such a journey. Learn the life and ways of such a person, you might find a deeper level of conectiveness then you knew possible, and just might learn the real meaning of friendship and family along the way. ---
**Author:** ![Swampwolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8edcca/32.png) [@Swampwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swampwolf)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2019, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-feels-like-a-chain-for-me/833878/33 "2019-05-13T16:54:56Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > To be honest that’s how I felt before. > But somewhere along the line madness descended and then it became a contest of who was happier. They seemed like they were happier than me and that meant I was wrong in some way. They said I was living a lie and what I valued wasn’t real and that terrified me. I guess that’s what chained me to it, and what keeps me from leaving. Fear. Ahh, screw that noise. Pain and happiness are both subjective to a degree. It’s nobody else’s business whether you’re “happy enough.” Only yours. There’s no definite scale there. You don’t have to be happier than anyone else. Just happier than you were when you weren’t as happy as you are now. And as far as “They?” Are they the same “they” as “everybody?” as in “Everybody knows\_\_\_\_\_\_\_?” They’re idiots. You value what means something to you, not to them. They’re not intrinsically more worthy of determining what’s important than you are. To piggyback on a little philosophy: If we are all the same, all part of the same consciousness, et cetera, then your knowledge, your opinions, your values carry the same weight as everyone else’s. Or, to translate into “old southern man,” Screw ‘em. They ain’t livin’ your life. ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Hedonia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ann_hedonia/32/319_2.png) [@Ann\_Hedonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Hedonia)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2019, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-feels-like-a-chain-for-me/833878/34 "2019-05-13T17:26:02Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > I’d rather nothing think about anything metaphysical or religious really. I was born into it, but was better off without it. > > But it’s hard to just forget about what I have read. Including them saying that materialism is dated or wrong. What do you mean when you say you were born into it? Were your parents serious practioneers of some flavor of Zenlike Eastern philosophy or religion? ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2019, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-feels-like-a-chain-for-me/833878/35 "2019-05-13T17:44:35Z")
> [@Machinaforce](#): > > I guess I’m looking for permission to let go. Permission from who? The only person you need permission from is you. > [@](#): > > But it’s hard though, especially when people paint it as capital T truth. Makes it hard to let go. Given that people paint Christianity, Islam, Taoism, Hinduism, etc. etc. with the capital T Truth you can conclude that none of them is right. Here’s a capital T truth: 99% of what people tell you is bullshit, and the other 1% is correct in the sense that a stopped clock is correct twice a day. You don’t need a capital T truth, you need a pretty good truth, or good enough truth, that will not make you miserable. ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2019, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-feels-like-a-chain-for-me/833878/36 "2019-05-13T18:00:43Z")
> [@kanicbird](#): > > One of the principals of Il Won Buddhism is that it is no different, it is not Dharma, but it is a door to it. They acknowledge other religions also are doors to it. So perhaps learning more about it will show you that, while it is different in ways, it is basically the same as all others. And it has to be, due to all religions point towards dharma for the seeker. > > Ok, this one is easy, it’s basically you have to master it and not have it as your master. It does not mean no more social media, but there could be such a period of adjusting, but it has to be in it’s proper place. If you have identified the problem, loneliness and realized that your solution (social media) is not a long term solution, you need to seek a long term solution. > > Ok, so what you are doing does not work, why repeat it (definition of insanity). Try something different. Perhaps a pilgrimage would help. Make a journey somewhere, somewhere where there are other people taking such a journey. Learn the life and ways of such a person, you might find a deeper level of conectiveness then you knew possible, and just might learn the real meaning of friendship and family along the way. That’s actually not what I was getting at, more like how they make loneliness (a part of being a social animal) seem like a disease and that seeking friends (not social media, I don’t do that) is just a band-aid. ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2019, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-feels-like-a-chain-for-me/833878/37 "2019-05-13T18:02:12Z")
> [@Ann\_Hedonia](#): > > What do you mean when you say you were born into it? Were your parents serious practioneers of some flavor of Zenlike Eastern philosophy or religion? More like born into religion/spirituality. ---
**Author:** ![Machinaforce](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/aeb1de/32.png) [@Machinaforce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machinaforce)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2019, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-feels-like-a-chain-for-me/833878/38 "2019-05-13T18:05:24Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > Permission from who? The only person you need permission from is you. > > Given that people paint Christianity, Islam, Taoism, Hinduism, etc. etc. with the capital T Truth you can conclude that none of them is right. > Here’s a capital T truth: 99% of what people tell you is bullshit, and the other 1% is correct in the sense that a stopped clock is correct twice a day. You don’t need a capital T truth, you need a pretty good truth, or good enough truth, that will not make you miserable. True enough. It’s funny I keep telling myself that all the time. Everyone thinks they have capitial T truth. But for some reason I convince myself that Buddhism is somehow the exception. Maybe it’s the personal accounts of people who do it, or maybe it’s the serene sort of sureness they have, but I don’t know why I can say no to all the others but not them. ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2019, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-feels-like-a-chain-for-me/833878/39 "2019-05-13T18:09:22Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > I repeat - have some strawberries. Strawberries are nice. Yeah, that’s [just what a Buddhist would say](http://www.dailybuddhism.com/archives/903)! ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2019, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-feels-like-a-chain-for-me/833878/40 "2019-05-13T19:12:26Z")
For a guy who finds the water distasteful you sure go to the well a lot. Consider changing that. There is no ‘they’. It’s all YOU. If you don’t like Buddhism, quit looking there for answers. It’s not hard or complicated. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-feels-like-a-chain-for-me/833878.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buddhism-feels-like-a-chain-for-me/833878.md?page=3)