# Buffy vs. Tarzan **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 23, 2010, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buffy-vs-tarzan/554726 "2010-09-23T02:30:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Pantani](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/87869e/32.png) [@Pantani](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pantani)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buffy-vs-tarzan/554726/41 "2010-09-23T20:42:43Z")
> [@filling\_pages](#): > > > [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > > I voted Tarzan, but with the understanding that I mean BOOK Tarzan, not MOVIE Tarzan. Book Tarzan is super-powered. > > Seriously. I’m pretty sure at one point in the first book he breaks a massive tiger’s\* neck with his bare hands. No, it could have been a massive ape - the tiger could have involved a knife. Anyway, also, he can take a serious beating and still win the fight, crawl off, lick his wounds for a week or two, and come back stronger. Book Tarzan all the way. > \*Let’s not talk about what a Tiger is doing in the African jungle to start with. “A tiger? In Africa?” “Well… It might have escaped from a zoo”. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buffy-vs-tarzan/554726/42 "2010-09-23T20:49:32Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > > [@filling\_pages](#): > > > > Seriously. I’m pretty sure at one point in the first book he breaks a massive tiger’s\* neck with his bare hands. No, it could have been a massive ape - the tiger could have involved a knife. Anyway, also, he can take a serious beating and still win the fight, crawl off, lick his wounds for a week or two, and come back stronger. Book Tarzan all the way. > > > > \*Let’s not talk about what a Tiger is doing in the African jungle to start with. > > In the first book, as a boy he’s attacked by a gorilla and by sheer dumb luck manages to stab it in the heart with a buckknife before it can tear him to pieces. He still is pretty badly hurt and his ape mother spends weeks caring for him until he recovers. As an adult, he defeats the alpha male ape of his tribe by managing to get it in a chokehold from behind; I don’t remember if he breaks it’s neck or merely chokes it into unconciousness. I don’t remember which book it took place in, but I know at one point he did kill a lion, but again with a knife not his bare hands. Still pretty damn impressive though. In the second book, a Russian nobleman whom Tarzan’s offended tries to arrange his death: Tarzan’s lured to an apartment in one of the worst sections of Paris, where he’s cornered by a gang of a dozen or more hired thugs, armed and intent on beating him to death. Five minutes of screaming later, the thugs who are still mobile run for their lives. Now THAT’S impressive. 😃 No way Tarzan needed five minutes to take 12 ordinary guys. ---
**Author:** ![TBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@TBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TBG)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buffy-vs-tarzan/554726/43 "2010-09-23T23:10:54Z")
Buffy vs Tarzan would be the most lopsided fight since Indy with a gun vs crazy sword guy. Now late Angel era Wesley vs Tarzan, that might be an interesting fight. ---
**Author:** ![Omi\_no\_Kami](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a88e4f/32.png) [@Omi\_no\_Kami](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omi_no_Kami)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buffy-vs-tarzan/554726/44 "2010-09-23T23:20:10Z")
> [@TBG](#): > > Buffy vs Tarzan would be the most lopsided fight since Indy with a gun vs crazy sword guy. Now late Angel era Wesley vs Tarzan, that might be an interesting fight. …because Wesley would shoot Tarzan? 🙂 (btw, which of the two did you think the fight would be lopsided in favor of, Buffy?) ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buffy-vs-tarzan/554726/45 "2010-09-23T23:28:04Z")
> [@Omi\_no\_Kami](#): > > > [@TBG](#): > > > > Buffy vs Tarzan would be the most lopsided fight since Indy with a gun vs crazy sword guy. Now late Angel era Wesley vs Tarzan, that might be an interesting fight. > > …because Wesley would shoot Tarzan? 🙂 > > (btw, which of the two did you think the fight would be lopsided in favor of, Buffy?) Angel would certainly shoot Tarzan. The virtue of hanging out with the world’s most dangerous vampire, Los Angeles’ most badass normal, and two different Vampire Slayers is to free you of illusions about fair play. ---
**Author:** ![Omi\_no\_Kami](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a88e4f/32.png) [@Omi\_no\_Kami](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omi_no_Kami)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buffy-vs-tarzan/554726/46 "2010-09-23T23:32:30Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Angel would certainly shoot Tarzan. The virtue of hanging out with the world’s most dangerous vampire, Los Angeles’ most badass normal, and two different Vampire Slayers is to free you of illusions about fair play. Speaking of fair play, I absolutely love Faith for her ability to be remorseless. One of my favorite parts of Buffy season 3 and onward is watching how (at least in my interpretation) we go from BuffyCo being good and Faith deviating between neutral and straight-out evil to Buffy and her friends being ignorant at best and deluded at worst, while Faith actually ends up being the better slayer. Dawn still gets the award for earning the most pragmatism points as the series went on, though. Spike: “Yea, whatever. By the way, when did your sister get unbelievably scary?” ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buffy-vs-tarzan/554726/47 "2010-09-23T23:39:20Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > [@Omi\_no\_Kami](#): > > > > …because Wesley would shoot Tarzan? 🙂 > > > > (btw, which of the two did you think the fight would be lopsided in favor of, Buffy?) > > Angel would certainly shoot Tarzan. The virtue of hanging out with the world’s most dangerous vampire, Los Angeles’ most badass normal, and two different Vampire Slayers is to free you of illusions about fair play. I should have written “Wesley would certainly shoot Tarzan,” of course. ---
**Author:** ![Omi\_no\_Kami](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a88e4f/32.png) [@Omi\_no\_Kami](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omi_no_Kami)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buffy-vs-tarzan/554726/48 "2010-09-23T23:44:44Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I should have written “Wesley would certainly shoot Tarzan,” of course. I don’t know, I don’t think Angel would have any problem shooting Tarzan if he thought it was the best choice, it’s just that he really seems to be a traditionalist, and he has a pretty big ego: if he knows it won’t make a difference, then it WILL be a sword. Actually though, now that you got me thinking about Angel, I think Connor, fresh out of Quor-Toth, would be a fair match vs. Tarzan. The symmetry is appealing. ^^ ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buffy-vs-tarzan/554726/49 "2010-09-23T23:47:02Z")
> [@Omi\_no\_Kami](#): > > > [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > > I should have written “Wesley would certainly shoot Tarzan,” of course. > > I don’t know, I don’t think Angel would have any problem shooting Tarzan if he thought it was the best choice, it’s just that he really seems to be a traditionalist, and he has a pretty big ego: if he knows it won’t make a difference, then it WILL be a sword. > > Actually though, now that you got me thinking about Angel, I think Connor, fresh out of Quor-Toth, would be a fair match vs. Tarzan. Angelus, certainly, though I think his basic ego and might prompt him to try hand to hand first. Other than threatening to shoot Fred :mad: with the gun she shot him and Jasmine with, I can’t recall Angel ever using a gun. ---
**Author:** ![Omi\_no\_Kami](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a88e4f/32.png) [@Omi\_no\_Kami](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omi_no_Kami)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buffy-vs-tarzan/554726/50 "2010-09-23T23:50:32Z")
Now I’m trying to remember. I believe he was the assigned shooter in the episode where Illyria went crazy and had to get shot with the Doc Brown Cannon lest she destabilize time itself. I think he had a gun in the episode where he and Spike pretended to be SS officers during WWII and infiltrated a German submarine as well, didn’t he? ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buffy-vs-tarzan/554726/51 "2010-09-23T23:53:32Z")
> [@Omi\_no\_Kami](#): > > Now I’m trying to remember. I believe he was the assigned shooter in the episode where Illyria went crazy and had to get shot with the Doc Brown Cannon lest she destabilize time itself. Nope. That was Wesley. Since Wesley had lied about the devices’ intended purpose (it would depower rather than kill her, though she deserved death and worse for murdering Fred), he obviously didn’t let anyone else use it. > [@](#): > > I think he had a gun in the episode where he and Spike pretended to be SS officers during WWII and infiltrated a German submarine as well, didn’t he? Only Spike was pretending to be an SS officer. Angel presented himself as an agent of the US government (which he was, albeit unwilling), and took command from the American crew who had commandeered the boat. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buffy-vs-tarzan/554726/52 "2010-09-23T23:53:52Z")
Angel “infiltrated.” Spike was already on board. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buffy-vs-tarzan/554726/53 "2010-09-23T23:57:06Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Angel “infiltrated.” Spike was already on board. Infiltrated implies deceit. Angel dove down, presented himself to the officer in charge, and took over. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2010, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buffy-vs-tarzan/554726/54 "2010-09-24T00:05:28Z")
It’s the term **Omi** used. That’s why I put it in quotes. Blame her! ---
**Author:** ![Omi\_no\_Kami](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a88e4f/32.png) [@Omi\_no\_Kami](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omi_no_Kami)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2010, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buffy-vs-tarzan/554726/55 "2010-09-24T00:14:47Z")
Him, but thanks for the clarifications-now I’m starting to remember. 🙂 The “Why are you working with a nazi?” “He’s not a nazi, he just thinks their uniforms are cool” episode. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![TBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@TBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TBG)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2010, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buffy-vs-tarzan/554726/56 "2010-09-24T23:04:00Z")
> [@Omi\_no\_Kami](#): > > Actually though, now that you got me thinking about Angel, I think Connor, fresh out of Quor-Toth, would be a fair match vs. Tarzan. The symmetry is appealing. ^^ Like a slayer, Connor is superhumanly strong, agile, etc, no way Tarzan beats him. He even grew up in a more hostile environment than Tarzy. > [@Omi\_no\_Kami](#): > > > [@TBG](#): > > > > Buffy vs Tarzan would be the most lopsided fight since Indy with a gun vs crazy sword guy. Now late Angel era Wesley vs Tarzan, that might be an interesting fight. > > …because Wesley would shoot Tarzan? 🙂 > > (btw, which of the two did you think the fight would be lopsided in favor of, Buffy?) lol, I wasn’t thinking of Wes using guns, more his hidden weapons up his sleeves and stuff like that. (and yeah, totally Buffy) ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2010, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buffy-vs-tarzan/554726/57 "2010-09-25T02:56:35Z")
Tarzan has an almost insurmountable handicap when facing someone like Buffy. The handicap is his penis. Tarzan simply cannot stand up to the girl power might of Buffy. ---
**Author:** ![Staale\_Nordlie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Staale\_Nordlie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Staale_Nordlie)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2010, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buffy-vs-tarzan/554726/58 "2010-09-25T12:32:07Z")
> [@filling\_pages](#): > > Seriously. I’m pretty sure at one point in the first book he breaks a massive tiger’s\* neck with his bare hands. No, it could have been a massive ape - the tiger could have involved a knife. Lioness. The ape got to live. > [@](#): > > With the quickness of a striking rattler he launched himself full upon Sabor’s back, his strong young arms seeking and gaining a full-Nelson upon the beast, as he had learned it that other day during his bloody, wrestling victory over Terkoz. > > With a roar the lioness turned completely over upon her back, falling full upon her enemy; but the black-haired giant only closed tighter his hold. > > Pawing and tearing at earth and air, Sabor rolled and threw herself this way and that in an effort to dislodge this strange antagonist; but ever tighter and tighter drew the iron bands that were forcing her head lower and lower upon her tawny breast. > > Higher crept the steel forearms of the ape-man about the back of Sabor’s neck. Weaker and weaker became the lioness’s efforts. > > At last Clayton saw the immense muscles of Tarzan’s shoulders and biceps leap into corded knots beneath the silver moonlight. There was a long sustained and supreme effort on the ape-man’s part–and the vertebrae of Sabor’s neck parted with a sharp snap. – [http://www.literature.org/authors/burroughs-edgar-rice/tarzan-of-the-apes/chapter-15.html](http://www.literature.org/authors/burroughs-edgar-rice/tarzan-of-the-apes/chapter-15.html) ---
**Author:** ![Dan\_Norder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4af34b/32.png) [@Dan\_Norder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dan_Norder)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2010, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buffy-vs-tarzan/554726/59 "2010-09-25T19:48:42Z")
They both defeated adversaries way beyond what could be expected of normal human limits, so whether Tarzan’s might was described as super-human or not doesn’t make a difference in any practical sense. What matters most is what their power represents. Tarzan was the embodiment of male power and British superiority, while Buffy represents girl power and the modern American way of life. Who would win would depend solely upon the philosophy being promoted by the writers. That’s blindly obvious, of course, but still true. I mean, just look at how Dracula was treated as insignificant as an enemy for Buffy. It’s clear that there’s more involved than just a comparison of known abilities. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Man\_In\_Black](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bcef8e/32.png) [@The\_Man\_In\_Black](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Man_In_Black)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2010, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buffy-vs-tarzan/554726/60 "2010-09-25T20:05:35Z")
> [@Dan\_Norder](#): > > That’s blindly obvious, of course, but still true. I mean, just look at how Dracula was treated as insignificant as an enemy for Buffy. It’s clear that there’s more involved than just a comparison of known abilities. I still hate that episode. SPOILER: She dusted him at the end, and he reformed. She dusted him again and as he was reforming, she told him she can to this all day or something, and he gave up. Does not make any since with the rest of the show. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buffy-vs-tarzan/554726.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buffy-vs-tarzan/554726.md?page=4)