# Building The Super Spam© **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 21, 2003, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/building-the-super-spam/202905 "2003-09-21T03:06:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![eunoia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eunoia/32/97_2.png) [@eunoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eunoia)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2003, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/building-the-super-spam/202905/1 "2003-09-21T03:06:15Z")
Here are some recently “deleted unread” emails: Karlie Lloyd - Wanna get a drink? Cody Conklin - Hey Eunny Prudence H. Moss - Been busy lately? Jyoti Garcia - Fwd: the newest updates Giacinta Wilson - How was it lately? Marva Herbert - Hello there! Eunoia Izabel West - Do you need some? Observations: [list=1] [li]The people who write these may be running out of fake names[/li][li]Despite the familiarity, these people are usually strangers[/li][li]It’s been my sad experience that these emails are never from hot ex-college girlfriends[/li][li]I do not need the products they’re advertising. (Well, maybe once, but I was under a lot of pressure at work…:()[/li][/list=1] Rather than ask for sexy names, as seems to be a recurring FAQ on message boards including this one, shall we try to come up with new combinations that would be impossible to leave unread? Here are mine: The Classic: Tricia Boddington - Teach me to drive my new Ferrari Spam seems to follow the same format for me, a playful female with a vaguely waspish name has a request. I’m however very curious to know if the spam that female Dopers are receiving has any other discernable patterns. The Blown Whisper (Ostensibly Accidentally Sent) Todd “Burnout” Koharski - Did I leave my underwear on your roof? This type of spam appeals to our voyeuristic side, you know it doesn’t concern you, but could possibly contain stories of people who lead far more “interesting” lives. The Freebie Gates Muldoon - Free Cricket Bat Sure, you won’t open the Nigerian ones offering a cut of $800 million, or those for 10 cents off a can of cat food, but what about those in between? The next wave in Super Spam© is clearly the demarcation of the “plausibility/worth-the-effort” line. (Plus, for absolutely no reason, I’ve always wanted a cricket bat.) I actually hate spam and spammers, but I can’t help thinking we could do a far superior job. Please join me in this misguided quest to plumb the human psyche. All material proceeds from this venture will be donated to the SDMB Server Trust. ---
**Author:** ![eunoia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eunoia/32/97_2.png) [@eunoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eunoia)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2003, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/building-the-super-spam/202905/2 "2003-09-23T19:34:33Z")
I’d also appreciate any tips on how to make my threads more compelling. [Kittens!](http://www.blazerscats.com/kittens.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![dwc1970](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a183cd/32.png) [@dwc1970](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwc1970)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2003, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/building-the-super-spam/202905/3 "2003-09-23T20:41:52Z")
Apparently your spammers know how to type correctly. M0st of my spamm3rs wr!te l1ke th!$ kggfjpjasd sddffgqwqt. ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2003, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/building-the-super-spam/202905/4 "2003-09-23T23:28:06Z")
I have one word for spammers. FEERAGAWULLLFUGFARGLFAMM7G"!!!" I have no coherent words. ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2003, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/building-the-super-spam/202905/5 "2003-09-23T23:29:10Z")
whoops. I apologise for the post stretch. I don’t take it back though. ---
**Author:** ![eunoia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eunoia/32/97_2.png) [@eunoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eunoia)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2003, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/building-the-super-spam/202905/6 "2003-09-24T05:25:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dwc1970 \* > \*\*Apparently your spammers know how to type correctly. M0st of my spamm3rs wr!te l1ke th!$ kggfjpjasd sddffgqwqt. \*\* Good point. Super Spam© must appeal to the lowest common denominator, the illiterate clods who forward glurge and buy products from unsolicited sources. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lobsang \* > \*\*whoops. I apologise for the post stretch. > > I don’t take it back though. \*\* Bravo. This project needs more people who can think outside the box. ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2003, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/building-the-super-spam/202905/7 "2003-09-24T12:31:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lobsang \* > \*\*I have one word for spammers. > > FEERAGAWULLLFUGFARGLFAMM7G"!!!" > > I have no coherent words. \*\* Fhqwhgads! For reference, review: [www.homestarrunner.com](http://www.homestarrunner.com) ---
**Author:** ![Arcite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/67e7ee/32.png) [@Arcite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arcite)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2003, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/building-the-super-spam/202905/8 "2003-09-24T13:51:22Z")
John Derbyshire of National Review experimented with building the [Ultimate Spam](http://www.nationalreview.com/thecorner/03_08_17_corner-archive.asp#012465) email a few weeks ago. “Nigerian Nightmare.” Heh, heh. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2003, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/building-the-super-spam/202905/9 "2003-09-24T14:01:24Z")
How about the emergency: Tinky Carmines - URGENT: Oh dear Christ you’ve got to help me!!! ---
**Author:** ![eunoia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eunoia/32/97_2.png) [@eunoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eunoia)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2003, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/building-the-super-spam/202905/10 "2003-09-24T16:40:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jjimm \* > \*\*How about the emergency: > > Tinky Carmines - URGENT: Oh dear Christ you’ve got to help me!!! \*\* Forgot about that one. Why is it when someone’s trapped under heavy furniture, they email us? > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Unintentionally Blank \* > \*\*Fhqwhgads! > > For reference, review: [www.homestarrunner.com](http://www.homestarrunner.com) \*\* Good jorb on the link. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![skot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b782af/32.png) [@skot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/skot)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2003, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/building-the-super-spam/202905/11 "2003-09-24T17:04:11Z")
How about: **The Job Offer** Blim Rickets - Your Dream Job is Waiting! Tired of posting irrelevant threads on message boards? Need to interact with society (_well…sort of…_)? Want the job satisfaction of knowing you made a difference? Come stack pallets at the warehouse for a whole dollar more than minimum wage!! ---
**Author:** ![eunoia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eunoia/32/97_2.png) [@eunoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eunoia)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2003, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/building-the-super-spam/202905/12 "2003-09-24T17:33:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by sköt \* > \*\*How about: > > **The Job Offer** > > Blim Rickets - Your Dream Job is Waiting! > > Tired of posting irrelevant threads on message boards? Need to interact with society (_well…sort of…_)? Want the job satisfaction of knowing you made a difference? Come stack pallets at the warehouse for a whole dollar more than minimum wage!! \*\* Why take this job when “You Too Can Make Thousands From The Comfort Of Your Own Home!”? On the other hand, Blim, people would line up for this one if you’d sweeten the pot with a fancy-schmancy title, contact with exotic women from faraway lands, and the potential for spectacular forklift accidents. I’m off to buy more beer and lottery tickets. 😉