# Burials. WTF? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 17, 2004, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burials-wtf/240494 "2004-04-17T06:23:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Poonther](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Poonther](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poonther)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2004, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burials-wtf/240494/21 "2004-04-17T15:11:49Z")
I’ve always wanted to be cremated since I can remember. I’ve already picked out the specific spot on the Gulf of Mexico where I want to be spread out. I visit that spot often (only accessible by boat) and take comfort in knowing this is where my ashes will spend eternity (or at least that is where they’ll begin their journey because of the tides.) I’ll probably have my ashes combined with my pets that have been cremated and maybe my husband’s ashes too. What I’ve never understood is why people want to be buried and have expensive head stones posted above. I find this a little selfish and a waste of valuable real estate because after 50 to 75 years…all those that have known you will be gone too and nobody will come around to visit this spot anymore…so why do it? Besides I prefer warm weather and would rather be burned up in warmth than freeze in the cold ground. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2004, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burials-wtf/240494/22 "2004-04-17T16:03:37Z")
Medical science, followed by cremation. I can’t fathom taking up a chunk of real estate that nobody will remember to visit in 50 years. ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2004, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burials-wtf/240494/23 "2004-04-17T16:38:58Z")
When my parish priest was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer he had a pine box made. Just a plain pine box. He put shelves in it and used it as a bookcase until he needed it for burial. We had a wake at the church. Fr. Cunningham smoked those vile unfiltered Camel cigarettes. Has his health declined, he went to live in the convent where the nuns could care for him. At first he was only allowed to smoke outside. Then he could also smoke on the sunporch. Finally he was smoking wherever he pleased. At his wake I saw one of the nuns tuck a pack of Camels under the pillow in his coffin. There was nothing morbid or self-pitying about his wake and funeral - it was a celebration of his life. When my father died, my mother bought a beautiful, expensive casket for him. Why? Not to show off to the mourners, but because it was beautifully crafted. My father worked with wood and she thought he’d appreciate it. He funeral, too, was sad but celebrated his life. It could be worse. I’m the sort that would just as soon die in a cave somewhere. The only problem there is it’s hard to donate organs from a cave. I’ve told my family I don’t want a public viewing. That’s just gross - if I can’t look back I don’t want people looking at me. Anything else that’s done I don’t care, because I won’t be there. StG ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2004, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burials-wtf/240494/24 "2004-04-17T16:43:04Z")
For years before my son died, we had talked about how I wanted to be disposed of, so I was privy to his feeling on the matter. He & his father had issues (not the least of which was the step-monster) My husband & I and father and step-monster arrived to make arrangement from opposite coasts. At the meeting with the mortuary, step-monster thought she should run the show. She wanted the most expensive of everything. When she finally took a breath, I spoke up, telling her, I was his mother, and I knew what he wanted. (cremation, no embalming, cheap as possible) His father then turned to step-monster and said “Please shut up just this once.” His father had insisted on paying for all arrangments. His bill went from $24,000 to $600. He and I walked through the memorial park together while my husband restrained step-monster. He thanked me for speaking up. Even though he would have and easily could have paid the huge expense, he was grateful for the savings and very glad to follow our son’s wishes. It actually subdued step-monster for the entire ordeal. ---
**Author:** ![laigle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ce7236/32.png) [@laigle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/laigle)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2004, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burials-wtf/240494/25 "2004-04-17T16:43:33Z")
I have a plan for an elaborate practical joke involving my remains, the lions at the zoo, elementary school visitng day, and a tape recorder of me yelling “Help! The lions are coming! Someone help me!” Well, not that elaborate really, but it would still be a good one. Unfortunately, due to my rabid misanthropy I don’t know anybody that would actually do me the favor. I think I’ll just leave a note in my will that they should “surprise me.” ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2004, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burials-wtf/240494/26 "2004-04-17T16:45:08Z")
I’m the first to bring up Jessica Mitford’s [American Way of Death](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0449205452/qid=1082218605/sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i1_xgl14/102-4662772-6743351?v=glance&s=books&n=507846)? Wow. You all must read it. It’s fascinating. > [@MLS](#): > > If you don’t want to be embalmed, in many places by law the only viable alternative is immediate cremation. I believe that’s not true. Jewish people are generally not embalmed, and I’ve never heard of there being any trouble in that regard. (Except for one unfortunate case where someone I know died in such a way and in such a place that he needed to be autopsied and transported. So he was embalmed and buried almost two weeks after his death. That really sucked extra-hard for the family, because not only was the death totally unexpected, but their whole ritual surrounding death was thrown into turmoil.) Anyway, I’d like to be donated to science if possible. If not, cremation would be good, though I am concerned about the energy needed to cremate me. They can scatter my ashes in the lower Youghiogheny river. That river’s kicked my ass eight ways to sunday. It can have my ass if it wants it that bad. Fortunately, even if my disposal doesn’t go according to any personal wishes and just defaults to the standard Jewish burial thing, I can rest assured (ha ha) that I’ll get no embalming, a modest coffin, and burial in a family plot on Long Island. > [@](#): > > Dad would have yelled at the funeral home guys because that damned box was still 100 bucks. I happen to have the ULine shipping supply catalog right here…let’s see… They don’t have anything 72 inches long that I can see. It seems the effective maximum dimension is 48". Since Uline has a pretty huge selection, I’d assume that longer than 48" is more of a specialty item and probably manufacturing, storage, and shipping of those boxes would drive the price up. I see only one that is bigger–a"1200 lb. capacity Double Wall" container that is 48x41x45 for $40.30. The 1100 lb. capacity triple wall, 48x40x36 is $34.80, and the 1300 lb. triple wall 43x36x29 is $50.00! There is a single-wall 41x29x25 with a load capacity of 500 lbs. for $14.10, but I don’t know if a single-wall box would really be suitable for the task. Especially since the body won’t provide any sort of internal structure to help support the box. So, all in all, I think your dad can rest easy, knowing that $100 for the box probably wasn’t too outrageous. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Tower\_Dweller](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@Tower\_Dweller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tower_Dweller)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2004, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burials-wtf/240494/27 "2004-04-17T18:15:46Z")
The only funerals I’ve attended were my father’s father and my mother’s mother. Both were simple cremations, and then the ashes were buried in a plot. No body to view, none of that creepy embalming. I want the same thing, but I don’t think I even need to be buried anywhere. I contracted hepatitis and countless bouts of malaria in Africa when I was a kid, so I don’t think I can donate any organs, which is too bad. I hadn’t really thought about donating my body to science, but I’ll definately consider it. **spooje** , I agree with you on the casket thing. It seems strange that we legally have little choice on what we can do with our loved one’s remains after they die (Viking funereal pile would be very cool, I think). ---
**Author:** ![Apricot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bcef8e/32.png) [@Apricot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apricot)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2004, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burials-wtf/240494/28 "2004-04-17T18:58:56Z")
When my dad died, we got the “Rental Casket”. Cremation caskets are pretty ugly. They have to be all wood construction, and the price shoot up pretty fast and they are STILL UGLY. So, a rental casket is a traditional looking wood casket, with metal handles and oak and stuff. But the end hinges open and they slide in a cardboard box with a satin lining. Well, they said satin. We DID NOT open the box, thank goodness. Looked good, cost $400, still got cremation. No problems. Most municipalities around here will do an autopsy in 24 hours to accomidate a religious need. I think that’s the least they could do in a situation where they are cutting the body open by court requirement. My husband’s family not only does open casket, they take pictures! Southern traditions that I will never understand or participate in. We only had one problem. My dad always expressed a desire for cremation, as it’s lots cheaper than a plot. But we didn’t know if that was because he was cheap or because he wanted cremation. So make that clear to your families, it you have a preference. I’ve clearly said cremation is the best alternitive to nasty burial for me. ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Girl)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2004, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burials-wtf/240494/29 "2004-04-17T20:18:02Z")
> [@Kyyrewyyoae](#): > > I think I’d like the old Viking treatment. Put me on a boat, surrounded by all my possessions, light the damn thing on fire, and send it out to sea. Wonder if that’s legal anywhere… **Cinnamon Girl** to **Norwegian Blue** upon reading the above: Yeah, a Viking funeral would be cool, wouldn’t it? **Norwegian Blue** : Only if you would get on the boat, too. Ba-dum-bum! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![dal\_timgar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e57/32.png) [@dal\_timgar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dal_timgar)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2004, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burials-wtf/240494/30 "2004-04-17T20:47:52Z")
I have been thinking about about all the land that will be used up as the baby boomers die off and get planted. Why not bury people on golf courses? Combine two stupid wastes of land into one. Only allow flat headstones except in certain locations that are called death traps. Dal Timgar > [@spooje](#): > > I attended the funeral of my Gandmother this week. Once again, it brought up the questions I always have regarding burial practices in general. > > My Grannie was placed in what seemed like a metal, airtight casket. Before they put it into the ground, _they encased the metal casket into another metal container!_ > > I asked my uncle why they would do this. He said it was to preserve the resale value. My family is filled with smartasses. > > I thought the purpose of burial, beyond the benefit of getting rid of the corpse, was to ‘return us to the earth from whence we came’. We’re buried, we rot, we become part of the soil, part of the grass, stay part of the circle of life and whatnot. Doesn’t seem like such a bad deal. > > But being locked in a metal casket to rot and liquify in an airless enviroment seems, well…kinda gross and counter-productive. Doesn’t it??? I myself, would rather be cremated. (actually, I’d rather go off into the woods and die and be left out there, but society frowns on that. God alone knows why.) > > What say you? How do you wish your mortal remains be treated? If buried, would you rather the airtight metal box, or the bio-degradable wooden box? Or no box at all? Do you really care where you’re buries, seeing as how you ain’t really gonna know?? ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2004, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burials-wtf/240494/31 "2004-04-17T22:08:45Z")
**Green Bean** You are correct. Jewish traditions and laws require that a corpse be buried and start decomposing as soon as possible. This means, no embalming. There is no wake. There is a short service in the synagogue or funeral home. Immediately after the service, everybody drives to the open grave. There is another short service and the coffin is lowered. Mourners drop a spadeful of soil on the coffin and leave. The same laws and traditions call for a plain wooden box. Fancy clothing or coffins are a reminder of worldly wealth and are forbidden. Both of my parents have made it clear that we are not to waste money on funeral or cemetery expenses. ‘What? You think maybe my body will be dead better in a fancy shmancy coffin with satin lining? Feh. You’ll need the money, not me. By the way, do you need money? It looks like those pants are wearing out. And have you been eating lately? Sit, I’ll make dinner.’ I plan to be buried in a cheap, plain pine box. Rather than waste a nice suit, I want to be buried in some well-worn jeans and a t-shirt. Since nobody will see my feet at the funeral, there’s no reason to waste a pair of shoes that may fit one of the folks getting my stuff. In accordance with my never being on time for anything, I want my coffin wheeled into the service late. My fine sense of direction will be commemorated by the procession driving in circles and getting lost on the way to the grave. Were it not for Jewish law, I’d go with an alternate plan for my corpse. First, I use plaster and lucite to make a hollow, and transparent cast of a certain part of my body. This would be kept in a safe place. Upon my death, I would be cremated and my ashes stuffed within. I would then begin a postmortem career in the adult film industry. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2004, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burials-wtf/240494/32 "2004-04-18T01:40:55Z")
If you think about it, the whole casket and embalming thing are pretty silly. We are trying to preserve what is _supposed_ to rot. And WILL rot, despite our best efforts. And even if the rot is postponed by years, we will not see it. ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2004, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burials-wtf/240494/33 "2004-04-18T03:40:00Z")
I like the Buddhist\* method of body-disposal. They cremate the body, then divide the ashes into three parts. One part is scattered on the ground, the other is sprinkled on the ocean or a river, and the third is tossed into the air. I’m thinking about having that done to me. Another “burial” I like is what my maternal grandparents are doing. When my grandmother died year before last, she was cremated and her ashes are being saved somewhere. When my grandfather dies, he’ll be cremated and his ashes will be mixed with hers. I thought that was sweet beyond words. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2004, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burials-wtf/240494/34 "2004-04-18T03:43:58Z")
> [@spooje](#): > > If you think about it, the whole casket and embalming thing are pretty silly. We are trying to preserve what is _supposed_ to rot. And WILL rot, despite our best efforts. And even if the rot is postponed by years, we will not see it. I thought ebalming was to make sure you’re dead. No more “buried alive” senerios. ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2004, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burials-wtf/240494/35 "2004-04-18T04:01:07Z")
Odd, what things spook out people, and why. I’m mentally in favor of donating my remains to medical research but can’t quite make the leap due to a bad experience with botched surgery. Hospitals scare me to death. (So to speak.) My sister can’t make the leap for cremation because she was burned as a child. None of this makes a lick of sense because we won’t know the difference…but there 'tis. Future archeologists will probably hate people like me, but I can’t see the sense in hogging real estate. The idea of rottitng isn’t exactly _attractive_ but it isn’t scary either. Burning just seems cleaner and more ceremonial somehow: ashes turn to ashes, sidestepping the icky process organic matter goes through on the way to dust. Both of my parents were cremated. Mom’s ashes were buried in in her family’s plot. True story: her deciding factor was _space_. It’s a tiny, country graveyard, on the top of a hill in southern Ohio. You have to dip down and back up–whoosh!–a steep holler just to get to it. Her last brother died shortly before she did (seems to go that way) and there wasn’t room for another full burial plot. So her ashes are snuggled into a small patch of ground among all her family. My dad died first, and was the trail-blazer (nyuk, nyuk) for cremation in our family. I’ve related the story before, but the tale of our scattering his ashes was the height of morbid comedy. Maybe it’s different now, but funeral homes did NOT like cardboard box cremations: negligible profit margins. They made us identify his (unembalmed) body three different times over four days, then kept “warning” us about identifiable bone fragments. _Very_ scary shit, when you’re wrung out and don’t know any better. It was pure bullshit, btw. My sister and I scattered his ashes according to his wishes, along the railroad tracks in a wild section of country he loved. He was a lifelong train fanatic and outdoor enthusiast. Very fitting, very right. No funeral, no service, donations to charities of choice. Where to scatter my ashes? Haven’t decided, not that it matters much. ---
**Author:** ![Tentacle\_Monster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba9def/32.png) [@Tentacle\_Monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tentacle_Monster)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2004, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burials-wtf/240494/36 "2004-04-18T04:04:14Z")
The coolest one I’ve heard of was from a maker of fireworks. He was cremated, packaged into a fireworks shell, and set off during a display. Me? I plan to get tattoos (don’t have any yet). Peel 'em off and tan the hide, and display 'em somewhere nice. The rest of me, cremate and throw in the faces of people I didn’t like. ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2004, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burials-wtf/240494/37 "2004-04-18T04:08:35Z")
I have always thought that I would like to be cremated and my ashes divided into a bunch of small vials. They could be distributed at my service to friends and loved ones, who could then scatter me when they go someplace cool. I could end up all over the place! Everest, Tibet, Costa Rica… Hubby wants a Viking funeral, I don’t know what the hell I’ll do… The relatives on my dad’s side (Methodist & Quaker) were cremated and scattered in the Pacific in front of our beach house. The relatives on my mom’s side (mostly Catholic) were buried, except for my uncle who wanted to be cremated. My Catholic aunt had his urn buried next to her when she died. She went the whole hog- embalmed, open casket. I’ll say this- she looked one hell of a lot better in that casket than she did while dying of cancer. Waste of money and kinda morbid- that’s my vote. The family part of my service will be simple- a foggy morning on the beach, a lone piper, a reading of _Across the Bar_ by Alfred Lord Tennyson (kind of a tradition in my family). Should be good. Sorry I’ll miss it. ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2004, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burials-wtf/240494/38 "2004-04-18T04:10:07Z")
Oops, that should be _Crossing the Bar_. My bad. ---
**Author:** ![Triss](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Triss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triss)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2004, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burials-wtf/240494/39 "2004-04-18T04:25:42Z")
IMO, the less fuss the better. Having our carcasses dragged out into the bush to be disposed of by bugs, birds & beasts seems more useful than putrefying in an airtight container. However, since funerals are for the living and all that (and having corpses scattered about the woods & fields would likely, in all reality, cause no small fuss) I guess I’ll be cremated. The truth is, I could probably only care less after I kick it than I do now. If they could find a use for the ashes, that would be okay with me. Plant food, in a bucket by the door for extinguishing cigarettes, something. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![DeVena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2004, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burials-wtf/240494/40 "2004-04-18T04:27:16Z")
I don’t want an open coffin viewing. I don’t want to be embalmed. And pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease don’t put me in a box and leave me in the ground. Re-use whatever parts still work - cremate me - and use my ashes to fertilize the roses. And vaults are necessary everywhere; desert areas don’t \*have \* to. My father-in-law was buried just in a coffin. My mother-in-law lives in fear of the day when she goes to the grave site and it has sunk about 18 inches below ground level. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burials-wtf/240494.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burials-wtf/240494.md?page=3)