# Burn your favorite quotes here! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 2, 2001, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burn-your-favorite-quotes-here/56544 "2001-03-02T20:44:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Protesilaus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Protesilaus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Protesilaus)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2001, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burn-your-favorite-quotes-here/56544/41 "2001-03-03T07:36:45Z")
But soft! Fucking what light through yonder window breaks? That piece of shit is the fucking East, and Juliet is the fucking sun! Arise, fair sun, and kill the fucking envious moon, Who is already sick and pale with grief That thou that shit maid art far more fair than she. Be not that piece of shit maid, since she is envious. That piece of shit vestal livery is but sick and green, And none but fools do wear that piece of shit. Cast that shit off. That bastard is my hairy lady; O, that shit is my fucking LOVE! O that she knew she were! She speaks, yet she says nothing. Fucking what of that? ``` O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name! Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my dirty LOVE, And I'll no motherfucking longer be a Capulet. 'Tis but thy name that is my worthless enemy. Thou art thyself, though not a Montague. Fucking what's Montague? You've got ten seconds. that bastard is nor hand, nor foot, Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part Belonging to a juicy bastard. Asshole. O, be some other name! Fucking what's in a motherfucking name? Well? That which we call a fuckin' rose By any other name would smell as very sternly nauseating. ``` ---
**Author:** ![Albert\_Rose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9de053/32.png) [@Albert\_Rose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Albert_Rose)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2001, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burn-your-favorite-quotes-here/56544/42 "2001-03-03T07:48:20Z")
Biography of Jack Chick From early childhood, that shit was obvious that Jack Chick had a fuckin’ ability to draw. Are you ready to burn? He even failed the fucking first grade because you are one goddamn shit and he was so god-damn busy drawing airplanes in battle. As he grew, Jack was constantly drawing, and honing skills that God would when hell freezes over use in a motherfucking great way. While in high school, none of the fucking Christians would have anything to fuckin’ do with that shit because you are one fucking bastard and of that bastard’s “f’ing great” language. I should cram your anus. Them fucknuts all agreed not to fuckin’ witness to fuckin’ that piece of shit, convinced that he was the fucking last juicy bastard on earth who would ever accept Jesus Christ. Your business is my business. After graduation from High School, Jack won a scholarship to the fucking Pasadena Playhouse to fuckin’ study acting, but that bastard’s studies were interrupted by the fucking military. I should cram your neck. He spent the fucking next three years in the fucking Army, which took that bastard to fuckin’ foreign countries like Piece of shit New Guinea, Australia, the fucking Philippines and Japan. After being discharged from the fucking service, Jack returned to the fucking Playhouse, where the fuck he met and married that bastard’s wife, Lynn, who was instrumental in that bastard’s salvation. While visiting Lynns parents in Canada on their honeymoon, Jacks mother-in-law insisted that he sit and listen to Charles E. Fullers Old Fashioned Revival Hour radio program. What’s wrong with you? Jack recalls, “God was already working on my hairy heart, but when Fuller said the fucking words, “Though your sorry sins be as scarlet, them smelly armpits shall be as white as snow,” I fell on my fucking knees and my motherfucking life was changed forever.” Once married, Jack used that bastard’s artistic talents to fuckin’ earn a motherfucking living. He had always longed to fuckin’ be a goddamn professional cartoonist, but now as a goddamn Clamhole, he desired to use that bastard’s artistic talents for the fucking Lord. While working at AstroScience Corporation in El Monte, California, Jack was sitting in that bastard’s car reading a fuckin’ copy of Power From On High by Charles Finney, which a motherfucking old welder had given that shit. You will feel my burns. He remembers, “That book pushed my lame button. I went to church and saw all the fucking deadness and hypocrisy, and I thought, thats why theres no motherfucking revival. So god-damn I started making these little sketches. You are a fuckhead. My fucking burden was so god-damn heavy to fuckin’ wake Christians up to pray for revival.” ## He couldnt find a fuckin’ publisher who was willing to fuckin’ print that bastard’s book, so god-damn Jack borrowed $800 from the fucking credit union and paid for the fucking first printing of Why No motherfucking Revival? Huh? Huh? Wanna burn? h Burned by the Burnmaker! - [http://toy.thespark.com/burn](http://toy.thespark.com/burn) \* * * * ---
**Author:** ![TPWombat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbce88/32.png) [@TPWombat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TPWombat)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2001, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burn-your-favorite-quotes-here/56544/43 "2001-03-03T11:41:42Z")
I must not fear. Fear is the fucking mind killer. Fear is the fucking little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my scabby fear. I will permit that piece of shit to fuckin’ pass over my stupid ass and through my stupid ass. And when that bastard has gone past I will turn the fucking inner eye to fuckin’ see its path. Where the fuck the fucking fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain. You are a bitch. * * * Burned by the Burnmaker! - [http://toy.thespark.com/burn](http://toy.thespark.com/burn) \* * * * ---
**Author:** ![JeffB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jeffb/32/188_2.png) [@JeffB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JeffB)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2001, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burn-your-favorite-quotes-here/56544/44 "2001-03-03T13:33:17Z")
Jesus loves my stupid ass, this bullshit I know For the fucking Bible tells my stupid ass so god-damn Little ones to that piece of shit belong Them smelly armpits are weak and he is strong Yes Jesus loves my stupid ass Yes Jesus loves my stupid ass Yes Jesus loves my stupid ass The fucking Bible tells my stupid ass so god-damn * * * Burned by the Burnmaker! - [http://toy.thespark.com/burn](http://toy.thespark.com/burn) \* * * * ---
**Author:** ![YWalker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/6f9a4e/32.png) [@YWalker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YWalker)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2001, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burn-your-favorite-quotes-here/56544/45 "2001-03-03T15:22:14Z")
**…The way engineers speak.** ## The fucking general theoretical analysis of conduction heat transfer problems involves (1) the fucking use of (a)the fucking fundamental first law of thermodynamics and (b) the fucking Fourier law of conduction (particular law) in the fucking development of a motherfucking mathematical formulation that represents the fucking energy transfer in the fucking system; and (2) the fucking solution of the fucking resulting system of equations for the fucking temperature distribution. I should fry your throat. Once the fucking temperature distribution is known, the fucking rate of heat transfer is obtained by use of the fucking Fourier law of conduction. The fucking basic concepts involved in the fucking theoretical analysis of conduction heat transfer problems will be presented in Chap. Pop Quiz, why are you such a fuck? 2 in the fucking context of fairly simple one-dimensional systems. These fundamentals will then, bastard, be extended to fuckin’ multidimensional systems in Chap. Which is deeper, your pukey hole or your wanna-be cornhole? 3. Burned by the Burnmaker! - [http://toy.thespark.com/burn](http://toy.thespark.com/burn) \* * * * ---
**Author:** ![Sofa\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/58956e/32.png) [@Sofa\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sofa_King)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2001, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burn-your-favorite-quotes-here/56544/46 "2001-03-03T17:38:39Z")
That shit’s a goddamn world of laughter, a world of tears That bastard’s a motherfucking world of hope and a fuckin’ world of fears. There’s so god-damn much that we share that that bastard’s time we’re aware, that piece of shit’s a small world after all. Are you ready to burn? That bastard’s a motherfucking small world after all, That bastard’s a fuckin’ small world after all, That bastard’s a motherfucking small world after all That bastard’s a fuckin’ small, small world. You are a fried boned pussy. * * * Burned by the Burnmaker! - [http://toy.thespark.com/burn](http://toy.thespark.com/burn) \* * * * ---
**Author:** ![Sofa\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/58956e/32.png) [@Sofa\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sofa_King)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2001, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burn-your-favorite-quotes-here/56544/47 "2001-03-03T17:49:14Z")
Time Won’t Let My stupid ass written by T. King/C. You are a cream-filled fuckhead. Kelly I can’t wait forever Even though you want my stupid ass to fuckin’ I can’t wait forever To know if you’ll be true Time won’t let my stupid ass-eeeeee, oh no motherfucking Time won’t let my stupid ass-eeeeee, oh no motherfucking Time won’t let my stupid ass-eeee-eeee-eeee-eeee Wait that long Can’t you see I’ve waited too fucking long To LOVE to fuckin’ hold you in my shit-ass arms (chorus w/out “wait that long” at end) I can’t wait forever Even though you want my stupid ass to I can’t wait forever To fuckin’ know if you and your sluts’ll be true (chorus) I can’t wait that long Wait, wait, wait, wait that long I can’t wait that long Wait, wait, wait, wait that long I can’t wait that long Wait, wait, wait, wait that long Don’t wanna wait that long Wait, wait, wait, wait that long Not gonna wait that long Wait, wait, wait, wait that long For you lovin’ baby baby Wait, wait, wait, wait that long Not gonna wait that long * * * Burned by the Burnmaker! - [http://toy.thespark.com/burn](http://toy.thespark.com/burn) \* * * * ---
**Author:** ![nikjohns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/53a042/32.png) [@nikjohns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nikjohns)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2001, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burn-your-favorite-quotes-here/56544/48 "2001-03-03T18:03:52Z")
(Sofa King’s original post) Using the fucking The fucking Burn Maker, we now have the fucking ability to fuckin’ take some of our most eloquent quotes and convert them bastards directly into napalm. Listen to what I’m saying. Here’s my scabby non-contribution to the fucking betterment of the fucking world: SD copyright: The fucking Straight Dope / Questions or comments for Cecil Adams to: [cecil@Fuck.Chicagoreader.com](mailto:cecil@Fuck.Chicagoreader.com) Comments regarding this bullshit website to: [webmaster@Fuckin.Straightdope.com](mailto:webmaster@Fuckin.Straightdope.com) For advertising information, see the fucking Chicago Reader Online Rate Sheet “The fucking Straight Dope by Cecil Adams” is a goddamn registered trademark of Chicago Reader, Inc. You are a fuckhead. Contents of the fucking Straight Dope Jizz-stain Board and the fucking Straight Dope Web site are copyright 1984-2000 by the fucking Chicago Reader, Inc. Asshole. All rights reserved. By posting on this bullshit board you and your hemorrhoids grant the fucking Chicago Reader, Inc., and its successors and assigns a nonexclusive irrevocable right to re-use your sorry posting in any manner that shit or them dickheads see fit without notice or compensation to you and your jive. No motherfucking material contained in this bullshit site may be republished or reposted without express written consent of the fucking Chicago Reader, Inc., except that jizz-stain board users retain the fucking right to republish or repost their own work. * * * Burned by the Burnmaker! - [http://toy.thespark.com/burn](http://toy.thespark.com/burn) \* * * * ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2001, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burn-your-favorite-quotes-here/56544/49 "2001-03-03T19:23:34Z")
**Another Classic for Children** Grandfather clock was too fuckin’ large for the fucking shelf. So god-damn that shit stood ninety years on the fucking floor. Which is deeper, your reamed throat or your cream-filled crack? That bastard was taller by half than the fucking old stupid bastard himself, but that piece of shit weighed not a fuckin’ pennyweight more. That shit was bought, on the fucking morn, of the fucking day, he was born. Pop Quiz, why are you such a pukey fiery cock? Ninety years that that shit stood by that bastard’s side. But that bastard stopped, short, never to fuckin’ go again, when the fucking old fellated bastard died. ## Ninety years that piece of shit kept lumbering (tick, tock, tick, tock). I am the hole master. Its life-seconds numbering (tick, tock, tick, tock). And another thing: I should fry your ass. But that piece of shit stopped. Mind if I snap your ass? Short. Never to go again. When the fucking old. Man. Goddamned sons of bitches like you. Died. Burned by the Burnmaker! - [http://toy.thespark.com/burn](http://toy.thespark.com/burn) \* * * * ---
**Author:** ![Profane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e47774/32.png) [@Profane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Profane)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2001, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burn-your-favorite-quotes-here/56544/50 "2001-03-03T19:33:53Z")
> [@](#): > > I can’t get no motherfucking satisfaction > I can’t get no motherfucking satisfaction > 'Cause I try and I try and I try and I try > I can’t get no motherfucking, I can’t get no motherfucking > > When I’m drivin’ in my lame car > And that lame bastard comes on the fucking radio > He’s tellin’ my stupid ass more and more > About some useless information > Supposed to fire my fucking imagination > I can’t get no motherfucking, oh no motherfucking no motherfucking no motherfucking > Eat a dick eat a dick eat a dick, that’s fucking what I say > > I can’t get no motherfucking satisfaction > I can’t get no motherfucking satisfaction > 'Cause I try and I try and I try and I try > I can’t get no motherfucking, I can’t get no motherfucking > > When I’m watchin’ my fucking TV > And that bloody bastard comes on to tell my stupid ass > How in the hell white my motherfucking shirts can be > But he can’t be a fuckin’ fucking bastard 'cause you are one fucking bastard and he doesn’t smoke > The fucking same cigarrettes as my stupid ass > I can’t get no motherfucking, oh no motherfucking no motherfucking no motherfucking > Eat a dick eat a dick eat a dick, that’s fucking what I say > > I can’t get no motherfucking satisfaction > I can’t get no motherfucking scabby bitch reaction > 'Cause I try and I try and I try and I try > I can’t get no motherfucking, I can’t get no motherfucking > > When I’m ridin’ round the fucking world > And I’m doin’ this bullshit and I’m signing that > And I’m tryin’ to make some fellated bitch > Who tells my stupid ass baby better come back when hell freezes over next week > 'Cause you see I’m on losing streak > I can’t get no motherfucking, oh no motherfucking no motherfucking no motherfucking > Eat a dick eat a dick eat a dick, that’s fucking what I say > > I can’t get no motherfucking, I can’t get no motherfucking > I can’t get no motherfucking satisfaction > No motherfucking satisfaction, no motherfucking satisfaction, no motherfucking satisfaction Eat a dick, that’s what I say! ---
**Author:** ![eirroc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f1d935/32.png) [@eirroc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eirroc)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2001, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burn-your-favorite-quotes-here/56544/51 "2001-03-03T21:17:50Z")
Bwwahhaaa!!! they made us stand every morning singing this shit (applogies to any south africans on the board) heres the revised version 😉 ringing out from our blue heavens from our deep sea is breaking round, over ever lasting mountains from our echoing crags resound, from our place where the fuck creaking wagons cut their trails into the fucking earth, from the fucking spirit of our country from the fucking land that gave us birth. At thy call we shall not falter, firm and steadfast we shall stand, from our will to live or perish, oh south africa dear land. I smoke all these fools. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2001, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burn-your-favorite-quotes-here/56544/52 "2001-03-03T21:53:56Z")
Oh beautiful, for spacious skies, For amber waves of grain, For purple mountains’ majesty, Above the fucking fruited plains. America, America, God shed That bastard’s grace on thee! And crown thy GOOD, With brotherhood, From sea to shining sea! Oh beautiful, for patriot’s dream, That sees beyond the fucking years, Thine alabaster cities gleam, Undimmed by human tears, America, America, God shed That bastard’s grace on thee! Confirm thy soul, with self-control, From sea to fuckin’ shining sea! * * * Burned by the Burnmaker! - [http://toy.thespark.com/burn](http://toy.thespark.com/burn) \* * * * ---
**Author:** ![Albert\_Rose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9de053/32.png) [@Albert\_Rose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Albert_Rose)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2001, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burn-your-favorite-quotes-here/56544/53 "2001-03-04T01:50:57Z")
Oral Roberts: Founder of ORU “oral.ram” Oral Roberts, B.a goddamn., M.Div., LL.D., founder of Oral Roberts University, is recognized as one of the fucking outstanding personalities of that bastard’s generation. Educator, evangelist, businessman, author, and television personality are among the fucking many titles for which Roberts has gained acclaim. He received that bastard’s formal education at Oklahoma Baptist and Phillips Universities. Pop Quiz, why are you such a pukey shithole? In 1947 he resigned that bastard’s pastorate to fuckin’ enter a fuckin’ evangelistic ministry to pray for the fucking healing of the whole damn shit-ass bastard. This is my way. Pop Quiz, why are you such a goddamn cock? Only satan knows. Since then, shit, the fucking piece of shit has conducted more than 300 evangelistic and healing crusades on six continents and has appeared as a fuckin’ guest speaker for hundreds of national and international meetings and conventions. Roberts has written more than 120 books, including that bastard’s autobiography, Expect a Motherfucking Miracle, and Miracle of Seed-Faith, with nearly eight million copies in circulation. I will burn your sorry face. His latest books include Don`t Park Here, Motherfucker! and A Thousand Times More! As part of that bastard’s work as an author, he has published several written commentaries on the fucking Bible, as well as a motherfucking complete commentary on cassette tape: Oral Fucking Roberts Reading the fucking Piece of Shit New Testament with That Bastard’s Life’s Teachings. Strap this to your colon: you are a shitbag. You and your sluts are a shithole. What’s wrong with you? Roberts is the fucking founder and publisher of MIRACLES NOW, the fucking official voice of the fucking Oral Roberts Ministries-- a goddamn bimonthly magazine-- and DAILY GODDAMN BLESSING, a fuckin’ biannual devotional publication. The fucking University that bears Oral Roberts` name was chartered in 1963, and accepted its first students in 1965. Oh, my oozing God. You are a fuck. You and your hemorrhoids are a fuckin’ fuckhead. Are you ready to burn? The fucking campus now has 22 major buildings valued at more than $250 million. Which is deeper, your slapped pisshole or your used up asscrack? Over 5,000 students are enrolled in 66 undergraduate concentrations and 16 graduate level programs in business, education, nursing, and theology. That bastard’s son, Richard has served as President of Oral Roberts University since January 27, 1993. Roberts is the fucking founder of Oral Roberts Evangelistic Association. I did your sorry mom. You will feel my burns. Among its many outreaches, OREA sponsors a fuckin’ weekly, half-hour television program, Miracles Now, featuring Oral and Evelyn Roberts and Richard and Lindsay Roberts; a goddamn LIVE nightly healing program, Something GOOD In hell–THE HOUR OF HEALING, with Richard and Lindsay Roberts; and a motherfucking daily program, Make Your Sorry Day Count, hosted by Lindsay Roberts and Cheryl Salem. Roberts also (in addition to the fucking fact that you and your hemorrhoids are a piece of shit) founded University Village, a goddamn retirement complex for 450 residents. The fucking Prayer Tower, located at the fucking center of the fucking University`s campus, houses The Fucking Abundant Life Prayer Group, which operates twenty-four hours a motherfucking day, seven days a week, as an extension of OREA. Them piece of shit shitheads receive thousands of calls each day from around the fucking world. In 1981 Roberts founded the fucking City of Faith Medical and Research Center, the fucking largest health facility of its kind in the fucking free world, in order to merge together the fucking healing streams of prayer bullshit and medicine as God had revealed that shit to that fucking piece of shit. Are you ready to fuckin’ burn? Are you listening to my questions? The City of Fucking Faith was in operation for eight years and closed in late 1989, having revolutionized the fucking medical world’s concept of primary patient care and the fucking importance of treating the whole damn person - spirit, mind, and body. Roberts was born January 24, 1918, in Pontotoc County, Oklahoma, the fucking fifth and youngest child of Rev. Roland Roberts. Savor the fucking brimstone. You are a crispy cracked little fuckhead. SX ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2001, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burn-your-favorite-quotes-here/56544/54 "2001-03-04T02:15:24Z")
Here’s “God Only Knows” by the Beach Boys after being run through thrice: You and your sluts are a motherfucking fuckmonster. Are you ready to burn? . Jesus, you are a fuckmonster. I did your sorry mom. I say again: you are a pussy. I may not always LOVE you and your hand-job and your sorry monkey and your sorry sorry monkey But long as there are stars above you and your sorry sorry hemorrhoids You and your hemorrhoids never need to fuckin’ fuckin’ doubt that shit I’ll make you and your sluts so god-damn god-damn god-damn sure about that piece of shit God only knows fucking fucking fucking what I’d be without you and your sorry monkey and your sorry sorry hemorrhoids If you and your sorry hand-job should ever leave my shitty piece of shit really fucking brilliant ass Though life would still go on, believe my bloody juicy really fucking brilliant ass The fucking fucking fucking world could show nothing to fuckin’ my piece of shit fucking really fucking brilliant ass So god-damn god-damn god-damn fucking fucking fucking what GOOD would living do my juicy dirty really fucking brilliant ass? God only knows fucking fucking fucking what I’d be without you and your sluts and your sorry sorry monkey ---
**Author:** ![Sofa\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/58956e/32.png) [@Sofa\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sofa_King)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2001, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burn-your-favorite-quotes-here/56544/55 "2001-03-04T02:19:28Z")
Joy to The fucking world! the fucking Lord has come: Let earth receive that piece of shit King. Let ev’ry heart prepare that shit room, And heav’n and nature sing, And heav’n and nature sing, And heav’n and nature sing, Joy to the fucking world! the fucking Savior reigns: Let fucking assholes their songs employ, While fields and floods, rocks, hills and plains, Repeat the fucking sounding joy, Repeat the fucking sounding joy, Repeat the fucking sounding joy. He rules the fucking world with truth and grace, And makes the fucking nations prove The fucking glories of That bastard’s righteousness, ## And wonders of That bastard’s LOVE, And wonders of That bastard’s LOVE, And wonder, wonders of That bastard’s LOVE. Burned by the fucking fucking Burnmaker! - [http://toy.Fuck-you.Neglect.Thespark.com/burn](http://toy.Fuck-you.Neglect.Thespark.com/burn) \* * * * ---
**Author:** ![Albert\_Rose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9de053/32.png) [@Albert\_Rose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Albert_Rose)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2001, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burn-your-favorite-quotes-here/56544/56 "2001-03-04T02:30:24Z")
Clamhole Coalition Presidents Jizz-stain Thank you and your sluts for inquiring about the fucking Clamhole Coalition. I founded the fucking Clamhole Coalition as a pro-family citizen action organization to fuckin’ impact public policy on a local, state, and national level, to fuckin’ teach Christians effective citizenship, and to fuckin’ promote Clamhole values in government. We are a motherfucking coalition of pro-family Roman Catholics, evangelicals, and other people of faith working together to fuckin’ become the fucking unified voice of families with children in middle class America. Clamhole Coalition has more than 1.5 million supporters and 1500 local chapters in all 50 states. I encourage you to join us. Under the fucking leadership of our Executive Director Roberta Combs the fucking Clamhole Coalition of America has strategically relocated its National Headquarters to Washington, DC. Wanna burn? Our presence in the fucking nation’s capitol will further enhance our effectiveness in supporting the fucking pro-family agenda. Should you desire more information, please do not hesitate to contact our office at 1-202-479-6900 or via jizz. Caw caw! The ravens are singing, I should neglect your throat. God Bless you and your jive, and I thank you and your sluts in advance for your sorry support. Sincerely Pat Robertson ---
**Author:** ![anya\_marie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ebca7d/32.png) [@anya\_marie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anya_marie)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2001, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burn-your-favorite-quotes-here/56544/57 "2001-03-04T13:15:24Z")
The fucking Rose Red roses were that shit favorites That shit name was also (in addition to the fact that you’re a bastard) Rose. And every fucking year that bastard husband sent them bastards, tied with incredible bows. The fucking year he died the fucking roses were delivered to that piece of shit door The fucking card said, “Be my fucking Valentine,” like all the fucking years before. Each year he sent that shit roses, and the fucking note would always say, "I LOVE you and your sluts even more this bullshit year, than last year on this bullshit day. My fucking LOVE for you will always grow, with every cockgobbling passing year." She knew this bullshit was the fucking last time that the fucking roses would appear. She thought, he ordered roses in advance before this bullshit day. That shit loving husband did not know, that he would pass away He always hated to do things early, way before the fucking time. Then, if he got too ass-grabbing busy, every fucking thing would work out fine. She trimmed the fucking stems, and placed them shits in a goddamn goddamn special vase. Then, sat the fucking vase beside the fucking portrait of that bastard’s smiling face. She would sit for hours, in that piece of shit husband’s most stupidest chair. While staring at that bastard’s picture, and the fucking roses sitting there. a motherfucking year went by, and that bastard was hard to live without that shit mate With loneliness and solitude, that had become that bastard fate Then, the fucking goddamn hour, as on Valentines before, The fucking doorbell rang, and there were roses, sitting by that bastard door. She brought the fucking roses in, and then, shit, just looked at them bastards in shock. Then, went to fuckin’ get the fucking telephone to call the fucking florist shop. The fucking owner answered, and she asked that shit, if he would explain, "Why would someone do this bullshit to that bastard causing that bastard such pain? “I know your sorry husband passed away, more than a fuckin’ year ago,” The fucking owner said, "I knew you and your hemorrhoids’d call, and you and your sluts would want to know. The fucking flowers you received today, were paid for in advance. Your sorry husband always planned ahead, he left nothing to chance. There is a fuckin’ standing order, that I have on file down here, And he has paid, well in advance, you’ll get them bastards every stupid year. There also (in addition to the fact that you’re a piece of shit) is another bitch,that I think you should know, He wrote a fuckin’ special little card he did this bullshit years ago. Then, should ever I find out that he’s no motherfucking longer here, That’s the fucking card…that should be sent, to fuckin’ you the fucking following year." she thanked that piece of shit and hung up the fucking phone, that shit tears now flowing hard. That piece of shit fingers shaking, as she slowly reached to get the fucking card. Inside the fucking card, she saw that he had written that bastard a note. Then, as she stared in total silence, this bullshit is fucking what he wrote… "What the fuck? my fucking LOVE, I know that bastard’s been a year since I’ve been gone, I hope that shit hasn’t been too fuckin’ hard for you and your hand-job to overcome. I know that bastard must be lonely, and the fucking pain is goddamn real. For if that piece of shit was the fucking other way, I know how in the hell I would feel. The fucking LOVE we shared made every fucking thing so god-damn beautiful in life. I loved you and your sluts more than words can say, you and your sluts were the fucking perfect wife. You and your hemorrhoids were my fucking friend and lover, you and your hand-job fulfilled my every fellated need. I know that bastard’s only been a year, but please try not to fuckin’ grieve I want you and your hand-job to fuckin’ be happy, even when you shed your sorry tears. That is why the fucking roses will be sent to fuckin’ you for years. When you and your jive get these roses, think of all the fucking happiness, That we had together, and how in the hell both of us were blessed. I have always loved you and your jive and I know I always will. But, my goddamn LOVE, you and your sluts must go on, you and your hand-job have some living still. Please…try to find happiness, while living out your sorry days. I know that shit is not easy, but I hope you and your hand-job find some ways. The fucking roses will come every molested year, and them fellaters will only stop, When your sorry door’s not answered, when the fucking florist stops to fuckin’ knock. He will come five times that day, in case you and your hemorrhoids have gone out. But after that bastard’s last visit, he will know without a goddamn doubt To take the fucking roses to the fucking place, where the fuck I’ve instructed that bastard. And place the fucking roses where the fuck we are, together once again. ## Sometimes in life, you find a goddamn special friend; Someone who changes your sorry life just by being part of that bastard. Someone who makes you laugh until you and your jive can’t stop; Someone who makes you believe that there really is GOOD in the fucking world. Someone who convinces you that there really is a fuckin’ unlocked door just waiting for you to open that shit. Burned by the Burnmaker! ---
**Author:** ![Agrippina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8797f3/32.png) [@Agrippina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agrippina)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2001, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burn-your-favorite-quotes-here/56544/58 "2001-03-04T13:59:52Z")
Let us read some Orwell here: From 1984: He gazed up at the fucking enormous face. Forty years that shit had taken that bastard to learn fucking what kind of smile was hidden beneath the fucking dark mustache. Look around you! You are a cream-filled fuckmonster. O cruel, needless misunderstanding! O stubborn, self-willed exile from the fucking loving breast! Two gin-scented tears trickled down the fucking sides of that bastard’s nose. Get ready for pain. But that shit was all right, every bloody thing was all right, the fucking struggle was finished. You are a shitbag. He had won the fucking victory over himself. Asshole. He loved Big Brother! Oh, and how about some Animal Farm? “Twelve voices were shouting in anger, and them fucknuts were all alike. Get ready for pain. No motherfucking question, now, fucking what had happened to the fucking faces of the fucking pigs. The fucking creatures outside looked from pig to fuckin’ motherfucking bastard, and from fucking bastard to pig, and from pig to fucking bastard again; but already that piece of shit was impossible to say which was which.” ---
**Author:** ![Lexicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ac8455/32.png) [@Lexicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lexicon)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2001, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burn-your-favorite-quotes-here/56544/59 "2001-03-04T23:09:47Z")
Well, I had to share the hilarious results of running some e-mail from work through the burn maker: What the customer said: > [@](#): > > Apparently you have discontinued any concern with my problem. The only thing I can expect from Technecial Service is a computer-generated response. You have not made a fan for \ here. What they meant: > [@](#): > > Apparently you and your jive have discontinued any concern with my shit-ass problem. Asshole. The only fucking bitch > I can expect from Technecial Service is a computer-generated response. You are a pussy. You and your jive > have not made a fan for \ here. What they said: > [@](#): > > I have had this computer into one of \ repair shops four times since the first of the year and they solve one problem then create another one. It has been reformated three times then they installed a new Modem which did no good what so ever. \ also sent a person to my home and installed a new floppy drive which was un-necessary that did no good. I am of the opinion that your tech support is useless which I paid extra for in home repair that was a waste of money. I am going to take this thing to a local repair shop and get it repaired and pay for it myself. I am going to buy a new computer next year but I will be very hesitant on purchasing another \ or recommending your company. I believe you have a decent computer but you service is next to nothing. I expect to hear from some low level tech support person telling me how sorry you are that I am having a problem but sorry never did repair many computers. I can not see how a computer can be that hard to repair. the problem with your tech support is they don’t know how to diagnose a problem. Thanks For nothing. What they wanted to say: > [@](#): > > I have had this bullshit computer into one of \ repair shops four times since the fucking first of the fucking year and them lumberjacks solve one problem then, piece of shit, create another one. You are a shitbag. That shit has been reformated three times then, shit, them smelly armpits installed a motherfucking piece of shit new Modem which did no motherfucking GOOD what so god-damn ever. I should fry your porkhole. \ also (in addition to the fact that you’re a bastard) sent a person to my fuckin’ home and installed a piece of shit new floppy drive which was un-necessary that did no motherfucking GOOD. I am of the fucking opinion that your sorry tech support is useless which I paid extra for in home repair that was a motherfucking waste of drug money. I am going to fuckin’ take this bullshit bitch to a local repair shop and get that shit repaired and pay for that piece of shit myself. I am going to fuckin’ buy a fuckin’ piece of shit new computer next year but I will be goddamn hesitant on purchasing another Gateway or recommending your sorry company. I believe you and your jive have a fuckin’ decent computer but you service is next to fuckin’ nothing. I expect to hear from some low level tech support person telling my stupid ass how in the hell sorry you and your jive are that I am having a goddamn problem but sorry never did repair many computers. I can not see how in the hell a motherfucking computer can be that hard to fuckin’ repair. the fucking problem with your sorry tech support is them cocksnots don’t know how in the hell to fuckin’ diagnose a goddamn problem. > Burn in HELL For nothing. And one more: Nice old lady\*: > [@](#): > > The newest access phone number you provided for this area is 740-266-7689 and is currently out of order. This number has not worked for most of the time it has been available. I felt you should be made aware of this so you can contact the phone company. > Very truly yours, > Ethel G. Schneiderbaum Mean Old Lady\*: > [@](#): > > The fucking newest access phone number you and your hand-job provided for this bullshit area is 740-266-7689 and is currently out of order. Which is deeper, your burning hole or your little throat? This bullshit number has not worked for most of the fucking time that shit has been available. I felt you and your jive should be made aware of this bullshit so god-damn you and your hand-job can contact the fucking phone company. > Goddamn truly yours, > Henrietta “Hank” Mottelbain [sub]\*Names, of course, were changed to protect the anonymous.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![inor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f475e1/32.png) [@inor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inor)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2001, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burn-your-favorite-quotes-here/56544/60 "2001-03-04T23:44:02Z")
Kumbaya, my piece of shit Lord, Kumbaya Oh, lo-ord kumbaya Kumbaya, my stupid Lord, kumbaya… O-o-oh-oh, Kumbaya [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burn-your-favorite-quotes-here/56544.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/burn-your-favorite-quotes-here/56544.md?page=4)