# Bush Vs. Kerry in a straight up fist fight: who wins? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 22, 2004, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bush-vs-kerry-in-a-straight-up-fist-fight-who-wins/256314 "2004-07-22T05:41:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2004, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bush-vs-kerry-in-a-straight-up-fist-fight-who-wins/256314/41 "2004-07-23T07:04:12Z")
> [@aeropl](#): > > Bush starts the fight with some pre-emptive action. Kerry can’t make up his mind about whether to fight back or not. By that reckoning, Bush wouldn’t even show up for the fight, having arranged to get transferred to a “champaign arena” somewhere in Texas. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2004, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bush-vs-kerry-in-a-straight-up-fist-fight-who-wins/256314/42 "2004-07-23T18:45:48Z")
> [@](#): > > Gore jumped up off his stool and started hulking over towards Bush, and I remember for just a brief moment there was genuine fear in Bush’s eyes, like he fully expected Gore to start beating the shit out of him right there on the stage. I remember that moment as well, but only because there was a real twinkle of _amusement_ in Bush’s eyes. Gore sprang up and Bush did a double take, but there was definite amusement in his eyes, like, “Ooh, a menacing posture from the girly man.” It didn’t help that Al Gore, effeminate to begin with, was wearing way too much rouge that night. 😃 Oh, and in a fight with Kerry, I’d give it to Bush, hands down. I think he’s meaner AND he’s a Texan. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2004, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bush-vs-kerry-in-a-straight-up-fist-fight-who-wins/256314/43 "2004-07-23T20:04:39Z")
I remember that too, and I didn’t see any twinkling. Shrub had that same fearful, stupid, uncomprehending expression that he had when he was told about the 9/11 attacks. ---
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2004, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bush-vs-kerry-in-a-straight-up-fist-fight-who-wins/256314/44 "2004-07-24T03:53:42Z")
re Abe vs. Teddy, you are all forgetting how much younger Teddy was, when he was president, than Abe, Ike, or any of a number of other presidents who were no doubt quite tough in their (relative) youth. G. Washington, for instance, or US Grant. (Not to mention the whole parade of presidents who no one knows anything about. Maybe Franklin Pierce was a tough little mother! Not to mention Chester A. Arthur. The A is for Ass comma kick yours.) ---
**Author:** ![KidCharlemagne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed8c4c/32.png) [@KidCharlemagne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KidCharlemagne)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2004, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bush-vs-kerry-in-a-straight-up-fist-fight-who-wins/256314/45 "2004-07-24T13:11:13Z")
> [@aeropl](#): > > Bush starts the fight with some pre-emptive action. Kerry can’t make up his mind about whether to fight back or not. Cheney responds to the whole thing by selling hot dogs for $10 in the stands and making a killing. John Edwards sues him for price discrimination and related emotional damages. We don’t know who the winner is, but according to [Googlefight](http://www.googlefight.com) it’s Bush. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2004, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bush-vs-kerry-in-a-straight-up-fist-fight-who-wins/256314/46 "2004-07-24T15:00:51Z")
Who would win if Laura Bush and Theresa Heinz-Kerry threw down fisticuffs? ---
**Author:** ![beagledave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@beagledave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beagledave)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2004, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bush-vs-kerry-in-a-straight-up-fist-fight-who-wins/256314/47 "2004-07-24T16:24:25Z")
> [@HeyHomie](#): > > Who would win if Laura Bush and Theresa Heinz-Kerry threw down fisticuffs? More importantly…if the Bush twins did some oil wrasslin’, would it really matter who won? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![DWToml815](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DWToml815](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DWToml815)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2004, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bush-vs-kerry-in-a-straight-up-fist-fight-who-wins/256314/48 "2004-07-24T17:51:21Z")
Watch Cheney…Before Edwards got the first jab in someone would distract the ref. and Dick would pour a vile of Iraqi crude in his eyes… Then he’s go to war with Edwards home state and the records of the whole thing would be stored under his desk with Bush’s military records. ---
**Author:** ![Oy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bc8723/32.png) [@Oy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oy)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2004, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bush-vs-kerry-in-a-straight-up-fist-fight-who-wins/256314/49 "2004-07-24T20:20:36Z")
The fact that more people think Bush would win than Kerry is another example of Bush’s superb PR machine. Think about it. This guy has never had to fight for _anything_ in his entire life! The world has been his oyster from the moment he was born, and if he screwed up, as he did so many times, there was Daddy or Daddy’s friends to bail him out! W’s mettle has never been tested. Kerry’s has. W _might_ win, but the fact that so many people consider it the liklier outcome just tells me that damn! his PR people are _good_! ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2004, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bush-vs-kerry-in-a-straight-up-fist-fight-who-wins/256314/50 "2004-07-25T01:11:55Z")
> [@AvhHines](#): > > W _might_ win, but the fact that so many people consider it the liklier outcome just tells me that damn! his PR people are _good_! It’s easy to do great PR once you fully accept lying as normal behavior. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2004, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bush-vs-kerry-in-a-straight-up-fist-fight-who-wins/256314/51 "2004-07-25T05:56:51Z")
> [@Diogenes the Cynic](#): > > That’s a tough one. I think in a free swinging fight, maybe Kerry, but if the fight ends up on the ground, Abe’s got the wrestling experience. Lincoln came up the hard way too, so he’d be tough as nails to boot. > > I’d have to give the edge to Honest Abe but he’s have to be careful. Kerry might catch him with his hands down and take him out with a good roundhouse. > > Of course, we don’t know what kinds of jaws these guys have. Yeah, but Abe was sick (Marfan’s?) and in poor health generally during his presidency, IIRC. Harry Truman would put up a good fight-he was a real hot head. **HeyHomie** : > [@](#): > > Who would win if Laura Bush and Theresa Heinz-Kerry threw down fisticuffs? Heinz-Kerry, no contest. Laura Bush seems far too ladylike and miss-ish. Heinz-Kerry doesn’t take shit from ANYONE. Bush vs Kerry-I’d give it to Kerry. Bush is all talk and no action, although he might throw himself stupidly at Kerry, Kerry would eventually get him in a headlock and render the Shrub unconscious. Cheney vs. Edwards-all Dick would have to do is fake a heart attack, Edwards would pause, and then Cheney would go medieval on his ass. Cheney strikes me as a dirty fighter. ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2004, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bush-vs-kerry-in-a-straight-up-fist-fight-who-wins/256314/52 "2004-07-25T07:09:59Z")
Roosevelt? Lincoln? Kerry? Bush? I don’t care who it is, Aaron Burr’ll just show up and pop a cap in their punk asses. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bush-vs-kerry-in-a-straight-up-fist-fight-who-wins/256314.md?page=2)