# Bush vs. Saddam one on one CAGE MATCH GRUDGE MATCH **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 26, 2003, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bush-vs-saddam-one-on-one-cage-match-grudge-match/150982 "2003-01-26T04:39:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Johanna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johanna/32/8318_2.png) [@Johanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johanna)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2003, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bush-vs-saddam-one-on-one-cage-match-grudge-match/150982/1 "2003-01-26T04:39:08Z")
The only fair way to settle this whole mess for once and for all. Let the two of them fight it out by themselves. Who will win? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2003, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bush-vs-saddam-one-on-one-cage-match-grudge-match/150982/2 "2003-01-26T04:57:38Z")
I don’t know, but I’d pay to see it. I wanted Bush and Gore to duke it out like that, but they never did. ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2003, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bush-vs-saddam-one-on-one-cage-match-grudge-match/150982/3 "2003-01-26T06:21:45Z")
Saddam is a pretty big guy. He’s gotta be like 6’3" 215+lbs. I actually have no idea how tall GWB is. I’d say he’s about 5’10" or so. Does anyone know for sure? If I had to bet right now I’d bet on Saddam but I’d have to have a little more information for a good bet. Surely someone has stats on these guys? ---
**Author:** ![Johanna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johanna/32/8318_2.png) [@Johanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johanna)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bush-vs-saddam-one-on-one-cage-match-grudge-match/150982/4 "2003-01-27T04:17:02Z")
**Guin** , of course you wanted to see that; there’s no question that Big Al would have seriously creamed Bush’s little pussy ass in no time. But gentlemen are above such boorishness. ---
**Author:** ![Spit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/76d3ee/32.png) [@Spit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spit)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bush-vs-saddam-one-on-one-cage-match-grudge-match/150982/5 "2003-01-27T04:28:06Z")
Well, this has been done before, (with Bin Laden) and I believe it came out overwhelmingly in favour of Bush. He is an ex-jock, who still works out- whereas Saddam is a soft, wussy kind of guy. ---
**Author:** ![tclouie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/838e76/32.png) [@tclouie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tclouie)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bush-vs-saddam-one-on-one-cage-match-grudge-match/150982/6 "2003-01-27T04:31:43Z")
**Heh. Remember Michael Moore’s “TV Nation” from the mid-90’s? They would give the results of real polls: "60% of Americans would pay to see orrin Hatch fight a big mean dog on television."** ---
**Author:** ![tclouie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/838e76/32.png) [@tclouie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tclouie)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bush-vs-saddam-one-on-one-cage-match-grudge-match/150982/7 "2003-01-27T04:33:43Z")
**Orrin is capitalized, of course. Sorry about the bolds, but the reply box seems to be acting up.** ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bush-vs-saddam-one-on-one-cage-match-grudge-match/150982/8 "2003-01-27T14:55:59Z")
The offer was on the table, and immediately rejected by our Commander-in-Chief. [www.cnn.com/2002/WORLD/meast/10/03/iraq.bush.duel](http://www.cnn.com/2002/WORLD/meast/10/03/iraq.bush.duel) Happy ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bush-vs-saddam-one-on-one-cage-match-grudge-match/150982/9 "2003-01-27T17:38:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Happy Lendervedder \* > \*\*The offer was on the table, and immediately rejected by our Commander-in-Chief. > > \*\* Bush loses by default then. What a wuss. ---
**Author:** ![Urban\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Urban\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urban_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bush-vs-saddam-one-on-one-cage-match-grudge-match/150982/10 "2003-01-27T18:26:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Happy Lendervedder \* > The offer was on the table, and immediately rejected by our Commander-in-Chief. > > [www.cnn.com/2002/WORLD/meast/10/03/iraq.bush.duel](http://www.cnn.com/2002/WORLD/meast/10/03/iraq.bush.duel) > > Happy Oh yeah, I remember that. There were threads on it too. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bush-vs-saddam-one-on-one-cage-match-grudge-match/150982/11 "2003-01-27T22:47:42Z")
## I think it was in Discourses that Machiavelli pretty much put to bed the idea of champions settling a military dispute. Bush wouldn’t stand a chance. How many people has he personally killed? That’s Saddam’s bread & butter. ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2003, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bush-vs-saddam-one-on-one-cage-match-grudge-match/150982/12 "2003-01-28T03:47:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by js\_africanus \* > \*\*Bush wouldn’t stand a chance. How many people has he personally killed? That’s Saddam’s bread & butter. \*\* Do you have a cite of Saddam personally killing people (not just pressing the button or giving the order)? And were they going to use guns in the duel? If it was a hand to hand or manual weapons duel then I could see experience giving an edge, not so much so with guns. ---
**Author:** ![Teebone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Teebone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Teebone)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2003, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bush-vs-saddam-one-on-one-cage-match-grudge-match/150982/13 "2003-01-28T05:05:34Z")
I think Saddam would come out throwing bombs. Bush would hang back a bit. Bush would go for the single leg, but Saddam would pancake out. But Bush would just move into guard position. Saddam would try to throw bombs from inside guard, catching a few on Bush’s head. Eventually though, Bush would do a reversal and gain Saddam back. Bush would then try for a rear naked choke. However, Saddam would spread him and then flip him over, gaining mount. Saddam would then immediately go for the arm bar but Bush would hold tight and escape. Both are stood up and then engage again. They circle around each other throwing thai kicks then Saddam bear hugs and throws Bush to the ground. Saddam controls in side mount and works for a keylock. Bush hips out and moves into guard again. Saddam too slow though so Bush goes for the triangle. Bush trying to put the squeeze on, but Saddam posturing up. Suddenly, Saddam grabs Bush dick and figure four it with his legs. Submission 1st round. Saddam wins by Cock Lock. ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2003, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bush-vs-saddam-one-on-one-cage-match-grudge-match/150982/14 "2003-01-28T05:58:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Cisco \* > \*\*Do you have a cite of Saddam personally killing people (not just pressing the button or giving the order)? And were they going to use guns in the duel? If it was a hand to hand or manual weapons duel then I could see experience giving an edge, not so much so with guns. \*\* History Channel. (Is that one “l” or two?) Regardless, he either killed or shot at a teacher when he was ten or eleven, the sources couldn’t agree, and he’s been in on at least one assissination (sp?) attempt where he got shot, IIRC. Evidently he grew up in an environment where venteddas and whatnot were common practice. I respect you if you decide to disagree on this, but I sincerely believe that someone who can have women raped and children’s eyes gouged out to motivate a scientist will be considerably more nasty in a fight than someone who makes money is a borederline fraudulent fashion. To paraphrase **Teebone** , did he get that name from George Costanza?, Bush goes for the single leg, Saddam grabs his ear with his left hand and gouges out Bush’s eye with his right. Fight over. ---
**Author:** ![Mehitabel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@Mehitabel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mehitabel)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2003, 8:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bush-vs-saddam-one-on-one-cage-match-grudge-match/150982/15 "2003-01-28T08:57:10Z")
OK, to be serious for a sec: Saddam used to be in good shape, but now he walks with a limp so pronounced that he doesn’t allow The People to see him very often; he swims every day and has pools everywhere he stays, but he’s sixty-five, has had a hard life, and has a slipped disk. Dubya’s 55 and can run a seven-minute mile. His energy is remarkable (physically at least) and he takes breaks for lifting weights and running every day if he can. I think in a fair fight he could easily take Saddam. Of course, the crafty Iraqi will either fight dirty or send one of his younger doubles. I’ve heard that if The People get to see Saddam up on the parapets firing a gun or something, it’s usually one of these guys. There’s at least three or four.