# Business Ideas Certain to Fail **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 11, 2011, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/business-ideas-certain-to-fail/605802 "2011-12-11T04:33:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2011, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/business-ideas-certain-to-fail/605802/21 "2011-12-13T03:32:33Z")
Haha, these are great so far. **The Rapist Connection** - Matching vulnerable women with satisfied rapists since 1997! **Office Space - _The Experience_** - Ever wondered what it would be like to work in a place like in the movie Office Space? Now you can experience it for yourself, and the first 2 days are free! (Two week minimum, no refunds) **Driving with Nolte and Joel** - Enjoy a Sunday drive with hollywood celebrity Nick Nolte and singing sensation Billy Joel. (Participant’s survival cannot be guaranteed) ---
**Author:** ![Sodalite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@Sodalite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sodalite)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2011, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/business-ideas-certain-to-fail/605802/22 "2011-12-13T05:08:28Z")
> [@ralph124c](#): > > -a “Pet Leasing” business-want a mini poodle for a day, a week, a year? Lease one from us! That one [already exists.](https://www.google.com/#sclient=psy-ab&hl=en&safe=off&source=hp&q=pet%20rental&pbx=1&oq=&aq=&aqi=&aql=&gs_sm=&gs_upl=&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.,cf.osb&fp=d503594a676a1ad9&biw=1280&bih=648&pf=p&pdl=3000) (^\_^) ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2011, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/business-ideas-certain-to-fail/605802/23 "2011-12-13T05:29:02Z")
> [@JoseB](#): > > **Escargoghurt** - Combining two of the most popular foods in the world: Escargot and Yoghurt! **Escargo-to-go** The French fast food! ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2011, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/business-ideas-certain-to-fail/605802/24 "2011-12-13T05:33:28Z")
**The Bug Incinerators** - We kill it with fire! ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2011, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/business-ideas-certain-to-fail/605802/25 "2011-12-13T05:38:03Z")
> [@drewtwo99](#): > > **Skydiving with Dolphins** - When swimming with dolphins has lost its excitement. Been there, done that. > [@drewtwo99](#): > > **Cold Cuts Jewelry** - Sliced turkey necklaces, ham earrings, and pendants made of steak. Lady Gaga’s been there, done that. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2011, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/business-ideas-certain-to-fail/605802/26 "2011-12-13T05:42:06Z")
**Chernobyl: The Experience!** A Pripiyat-themed amusement park. Get a megadose of fun as you see, hear, and feel the excitement of containment failure. Garaunteed to leave you with a warm glow. FYI: reproduce _before_ visiting. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2011, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/business-ideas-certain-to-fail/605802/27 "2011-12-13T19:17:24Z")
**The Fat Injector** - This handy device collects all the fat that drips out of your food as you bake and fry it, and injects it right back in when it’s done cooking! ---
**Author:** ![cuberdon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/45deac/32.png) [@cuberdon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuberdon)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2011, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/business-ideas-certain-to-fail/605802/28 "2011-12-13T23:34:18Z")
VDZone: get infected with the VD of your choice! Herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, crabs! Ask about our two-for-one special! The least fun you can have with your clothes off! ---
**Author:** ![Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e4f/32.png) [@Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Digital_is_the_new_Analog)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2011, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/business-ideas-certain-to-fail/605802/29 "2011-12-14T01:29:44Z")
Misplace For You: We’ll come to your house, and hide your keys in an obscure location! -D/a ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2011, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/business-ideas-certain-to-fail/605802/30 "2011-12-14T02:51:47Z")
Stick It 'n Dick It - self-adhesive (velcro to pubes) condoms that can be worn for hours/days/weeks at a time and not fall off. Can also be used when driving long distances and don’t want to stop for restroom breaks. Dishwasher safe! Stinky Inky - ball point pens with ink that will stink enough to clear a room. Perfect for signing divorce papers, mortgages, checks to relatives. Odor guaranteed to permeate 2500 square feet for 72 hours. Warning: Causes vomiting and seizures within minutes if used in an enclosed room. UpChucky Wheeze Restaurants - watch as live cows, chickens and pigs are slaughtered at your table, chopped into piecers and then grilled on a George Foreman grill to your liking! Let the kids name the animals first! Fun for all! And everyone gets a souvenir animal eye to take home! ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2011, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/business-ideas-certain-to-fail/605802/31 "2011-12-14T02:57:57Z")
**Homelessness for the Home Owner** - For a small fee, we will burn down your house, freeze all of your financial assets, and get you fired from your job, soil all your clothes, get you addicted to booze and crack, and convince all your friends and family you are complete trash, all so that you can FINALLY enjoy the life of a homeless person. Months to years of entertainment guaranteed! ---
**Author:** ![Toxgoddess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Toxgoddess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toxgoddess)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2011, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/business-ideas-certain-to-fail/605802/32 "2011-12-14T03:15:31Z")
> [@China\_Guy](#): > > Shotgun bowling\* > \*Homer J Simpson No, this is great. Where do I sign up? ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/22080_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2011, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/business-ideas-certain-to-fail/605802/33 "2011-12-14T11:45:19Z")
> [@ralph124c](#): > > Good ideas. Here are my contributions: > -“Cookit Yerself” Restaurant (we supply the food, kitchen, and a foul-mouthed english chef, who will yell at you as you attempt to cook your food) There was (is?) a place near Deland, FL, where you make your own breakfast. My inlaws would drive 2 hours to go to this place. There was a griddle built into the table and patrons were supplied with a container of pancake batter and a spatula. We never went - the very idea was inane, but whenever the inlaws would have out-of-town guests, they’d haul them from Jacksonville to Deland. No yelling chefs, as far as I know. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/business-ideas-certain-to-fail/605802.md?page=1)