# Busted: "The Masturbator" ran away screaming **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 16, 2012, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted-the-masturbator-ran-away-screaming/644177 "2012-12-16T11:41:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2012, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted-the-masturbator-ran-away-screaming/644177/1 "2012-12-16T11:41:37Z")
Whoo. What is it with me and hijinks on the CTA? Some background - which may make this a little long… There’s this guy I’ve seen frequently over the last year or so. He’s fairly normal-looking, seems clean, groomed, and not homeless, always wears khakis and a jacket, and decent shoes. Whenever I’ve seen him, it’s been on Saturday night (Sunday morning) after work on my way home, between 2am and 5am. He’s memorable because the first time he caught my attention, he was catching the attention of a bunch of other people (most drunk partiers on their way home) by sitting on the floor of the El car and masturbating through his pants. He did this over the course of a couple of stops, then left the train after he seemed to finish. I didn’t think all that much of it, he was openly mocked by the drunkards but otherwise nobody really thought that much of it. I saw him several more times after that. Sometimes he seemed like whatever, just a dude riding the train like everybody else. Sometimes he seemed odd and restless and would change train cars at different stops. It got so I recognize him easily and saw him just a month or so ago doing the masturbating thing, again, on the floor. I was like, “whaaat?” to myself and he left at the next stop so didn’t really give me any chance to do anything about it. He didn’t expose himself, and that time I’m not even sure the people around him quite realized what he was doing besides being a weirdo sitting on the floor. So there’s the background. Tonight, I get on the train. It’s crowded and I’m standing by the doors with about 6 other people. This guy comes through the emergency door, switching cars and entering ours. I recognize him right away and notice he’s in “weird mode” tonight. He stops right where our little crowd is standing and starts mumbling, “can I sit?” and moving around to where people are standing, crowding them out of their spot and mumbling “can I sit?” again. He finally backs into a corner where a short-skirted young woman is standing minding her own business and would have just smashed into her with his backpack if her friend hadn’t grabbed her arm and pulled her out of the way. Now he’s got everyone’s attention, because the girl yelped and people were looking over to see what was up. The nutter then sits down on his bag, assuming the position I had seen him do twice before. Only this time he was directly in front of me, at my feet. I was like “Oh, hell no,” because I could see he was staring directly at that girl and was just going to stare at her and whack off. The first thing out of my mouth? Well, I wasn’t thinking very far ahead and what popped out was, “Don’t you do it, or I will stab you.” Very loudly. When the girl and her friends made some noise, I looked over at them and said, “This guy’s a masturbator, I’ve seen him do this before, and he was going to get his rocks off right now while looking at her,” pointing at short skirt. I looked back at Masturbator and told him I would call the cops and that I recognize him if I ever see him again. Or something close to that. We were about 30 seconds from pulling into the next station, just enough time for Masturbator to scramble back to his feet, looking like a cornered mouse, and run to the wrong doors, realize he’s at the wrong doors, cross the car again, and run out. Screaming his fool head off. Just screaming and running down the platform while the doors closed and we were on our way in peace. Miss short-skirt and her three friends proceeded to call and tweet their friends about their new hero, and joke about feeling safer with me on the train (silly drunks). And seriously thanking me for “saving” them from the man (sheesh they were trashed). I guess they never heard a woman yell an empty threat about stabbing someone before! What a weird ride home. ---
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2012, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted-the-masturbator-ran-away-screaming/644177/2 "2012-12-16T14:21:30Z")
That beats all. ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2012, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted-the-masturbator-ran-away-screaming/644177/3 "2012-12-16T14:45:14Z")
Regardless of their sobriety status, it was nice of you to come to their aid. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2012, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted-the-masturbator-ran-away-screaming/644177/4 "2012-12-16T14:53:05Z")
> [@wedgehed](#): > > That beats all. The jerks off the train. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2012, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted-the-masturbator-ran-away-screaming/644177/5 "2012-12-16T14:57:22Z")
\*\*“The Masturbator” ran away screaming \*\* In fear of his arch-nemesis, “The Stabby Seadragon”. Not quite Joker versus Batman, but it’ll do. ---
**Author:** ![brainstall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/35a633/32.png) [@brainstall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brainstall)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2012, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted-the-masturbator-ran-away-screaming/644177/6 "2012-12-16T14:59:15Z")
My friend told me a story about seeing a guy jerking off on the streetcar and how she wasn’t sure what to do or how to deal with it. It ended with her telling me “and then he finally got off”. I looked at her horrified, “He ejaculated right there?” She looked at me like I was the weirdo and said, “No, it was his stop, he left the vehicle”. ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2012, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted-the-masturbator-ran-away-screaming/644177/7 "2012-12-16T17:58:36Z")
SeaDragon’s next encounter with the masturbator should be interesting. 😉 I bet he slinks in quietly and doesn’t make eye contact. Our local news reported some incidents at fast food drive thrus. Guys rubbing themselves and what not. Weird world out there. ---
**Author:** ![FlyByNight512](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/82dd89/32.png) [@FlyByNight512](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyByNight512)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2012, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted-the-masturbator-ran-away-screaming/644177/8 "2012-12-16T18:08:52Z")
Nicely done. Bet he avoids you in the future. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2012, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted-the-masturbator-ran-away-screaming/644177/9 "2012-12-16T18:28:26Z")
Wow, awesome bust of that guy. 😃 Never seen him myself but I’ll know what’s up now if I do! ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2012, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted-the-masturbator-ran-away-screaming/644177/10 "2012-12-16T20:14:12Z")
I’m a little curious what I’ll do when I see him again, too. What I think about doing in the meantime and what actually happens tend to be different things a lot of the time! I think I will try to get a pic or video next time, before yelling at him. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted-the-masturbator-ran-away-screaming/644177/11 "2012-12-17T02:43:43Z")
_Ride’n that train… Masterbating… Lady **SeaDragon** , she knows your game…_ ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted-the-masturbator-ran-away-screaming/644177/12 "2012-12-17T02:48:44Z")
Sitting on the floor of an el car in khakis is definitely creepy. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted-the-masturbator-ran-away-screaming/644177/13 "2012-12-17T03:07:52Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > Wow, awesome bust of that guy. Considering what a nut he was, that’s not a good thing to do on the subway. ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted-the-masturbator-ran-away-screaming/644177/14 "2012-12-17T05:03:33Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > Wow, awesome bust of that guy. 😃 Never seen him myself but I’ll know what’s up now if I do! > [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Considering what a nut he was, that’s not a good thing to do on the subway. I see what you did there, men. ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted-the-masturbator-ran-away-screaming/644177/15 "2012-12-17T05:33:32Z")
It was past time that someone brought the problem to a head. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted-the-masturbator-ran-away-screaming/644177/16 "2012-12-17T05:44:23Z")
Not “seed”, “seat!” Let a woman on a bus have your “seat.” ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted-the-masturbator-ran-away-screaming/644177/17 "2012-12-17T15:41:13Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > \*\*“The Masturbator” ran away screaming \*\* > > In fear of his arch-nemesis, “The Stabby Seadragon”. Not quite Joker versus Batman, but it’ll do. Next on Cinemax: “Hidden Boner, Crouching Sea Dragon” ---
**Author:** ![El\_Burro\_Buenmozo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@El\_Burro\_Buenmozo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Burro_Buenmozo)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted-the-masturbator-ran-away-screaming/644177/18 "2012-12-17T15:53:17Z")
**Hypno-Toad** for the win! ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted-the-masturbator-ran-away-screaming/644177/19 "2012-12-17T16:10:02Z")
> [@SeaDragonTattoo](#): > > I’m a little curious what I’ll do when I see him again, too. What I think about doing in the meantime and what actually happens tend to be different things a lot of the time! I think I will try to get a pic or video next time, before yelling at him. You may want to have a plan in case the only thing that he remembers is the “I’ll stab you” thing. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2012, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted-the-masturbator-ran-away-screaming/644177/20 "2012-12-17T18:21:59Z")
Be careful. This behavior could indicate meth use, and if so, he could get very dangerous very suddenly. Just sayin’. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted-the-masturbator-ran-away-screaming/644177.md?page=2)