# busted **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 24, 2001, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted/59316 "2001-03-24T15:50:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![pantom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/34f0e0/32.png) [@pantom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pantom)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2001, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted/59316/41 "2001-03-26T01:17:42Z")
TVeblen, can I take two of those “people who write checks in supermarket lines” so’s I can torture 'em? Just a little bit… ---
**Author:** ![fatherjohn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b2d939/32.png) [@fatherjohn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fatherjohn)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2001, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted/59316/42 "2001-03-26T02:21:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Esprix \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > _Originally posted by **fatherjohn** _ > > > > There ain’t nothin’ in the world like a sore loser. > > Sure there is - an ignorant moron who thinks he won. > > Esprix \*\* :rolleyes: pot? kettle? whatever. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2001, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted/59316/43 "2001-03-26T02:44:19Z")
That’s twice with the Pot & Kettle variant in one thread. Gonna set a record for unoriginality tonight, fatherjohnjohn? DNFTF ---
**Author:** ![Monster104](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Monster104](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monster104)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2001, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted/59316/44 "2001-03-26T03:11:36Z")
Whenever john gets called out on lies or twisted facts: "Blah blah blah I’m a fucking nitwit making up stupi-ass shit to make myself look like the idiot I am. Source: My pet shit-site" Whenever john cannot respond to someone without spluttering and drooling all over his keyboard: “Dur…Pot? Kettle? Whatever” When john posts something factual: “…” ---
**Author:** ![Bboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7ea924/32.png) [@Bboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bboy)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2001, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted/59316/45 "2001-03-26T03:35:19Z")
> [@](#): > > **pot? kettle? whatever.** Wow, what an inspiration…I’ve gotta get over to that ‘Proposed new Smilies’ thread, and submit a smilie with fingers in it’s ears. Thanks **fatherjohn**! Oh, and just for the record, sore losers, and morons who think they’ve won, are NOT the same. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2001, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted/59316/46 "2001-03-26T07:44:42Z")
> [@](#): > > There ain’t nothin’ in the world like a sore loser. It’s nice to see that you’re finally coming to grips with your personality, Ol’ John. > [@](#): > > pot? kettle? whatever. You were beaten as a child, weren’t you? No, wait… I have a better theory… you’re really just an automatic-response program that some pimply-faced loser set loose on the web. I mean, your responses obviously indicate a lack of sentience… If I recall, Ol’ John, there were a series of questions that you were asked, over and over, that you failed miserably to respond. Are you, or are you finally going to admit that you simply want to cause trouble? ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2001, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted/59316/47 "2001-03-26T14:21:47Z")
fatherjohn, boy you really tricked us. How cunning of you to complain about an Explorer driver and then watch us complain like you were making a broader statement about SUVs. Well, where would we ever get that idea? How dare we apply some common sense to our experience with you. Let’s see…you rant about SUVs…then you pop back in to complain about an SUV owner who finally got a ticket he deserved. Let me quote you from your OP so you can see where we get our whacky ideas: 🙂 You gotta laugh: Quoting fatherjohn: “You drive a big heavy SUV and therefore you’re more important than the rest of us, eh?” Well golly, fatherjohn, why does someone who drives a Toyota Camry and does something like riding my bumper do that? Like, the Explorer driver did it because he thought he was more important than the rest of us by proxy of his SUV…but the Camry driver who is on my bumper…he’s doing it because he feels more what? Oh, what’s that you say? He must be doing it because he’s an asshole? Oh…when a Camry driver does it, he’s an asshole for assholes’ sake, but when an SUV driver does it, he’s an asshole BECAUSE of the SUV, or he is in an SUV because he’s an asshole? And if it’s the latter, then why isn’t the Camry owner in an SUV? Could this explanation be a simpler, more likely, scenario?: Assholes drive all makes and models of automobiles. Your little thread OP might have been seen as a bitch about just a driver, but you couldn’t resist the little fatherjohn bitch session about SUVs, so you included the line, “You drive a big heavy SUV and therefore you’re more important than the rest of us, eh?” Step up to the plate and admit you weren’t being as objective as you thought you were. 🙂 Nuttin’ like a fatherjohn bitch session ™. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2001, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted/59316/48 "2001-03-26T14:27:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Philster \* > **Nuttin’ like a fatherjohn bitch session ™.** Sure there is. You could listen to an endless loop of a parrot with diarrhea of the mouth spewing forth a fountain of nonsense. That would be pretty close. ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2001, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted/59316/49 "2001-03-26T15:57:20Z")
FatherJohnny could only sing one note And the note he sang was this; SUVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! FatherJohnnyOneNote sang out with gusto And tried overloading the place Ol’ JohnnyOneNote yelled willy nilly Until he was blue in the face For holding one note was his ace Didn’t go GQ Or I-M-H-O He had topics few And his thoughts were slow Poor FatherOneNote Claims that SUVs Are the devil’s own tools that we drive He took his one note Howled like the North Wind Brought forth wind that brought tears to our eyes And claimed that he’d won, while we sighed Couldn’t make a case Couldn’t argue well Wouldn’t shut his face It was auto-hell “Ford Explorers all are e-vil Honda Passports too” John said, jealous of their mighty thrill “SUV’s make men psycho: Their driving turns to crap once inside” you could hear Johnny shrill He screamed 'bout Kia ones Honda ones Chevy ones Lexus ones All SUVs that he’d just like to kill! Shriek FatherOne-note Shriek out with gusto and Try overwhelming the crowd! So shriek FatherOne-Note out loud! FatherJohnOne-note! Fenris ---
**Author:** ![Protesilaus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Protesilaus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Protesilaus)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2001, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted/59316/50 "2001-03-26T16:03:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mr. Cynical \* > \*\*Sure there is. You could listen to an endless loop of a parrot with diarrhea of the mouth spewing forth a fountain of nonsense. That would be pretty close. \*\* But if you put a blanket over the parrot’s cage, it’ll stop talking and go to sleep. ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2001, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted/59316/51 "2001-03-26T17:19:34Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Protesilaus_ > **But if you put a blanket over the parrot’s cage, it’ll stop talking and go to sleep.** Ooh ooh ooh! Can we use a blanket with scary animals on it like in the Far Side cartoon? ---
**Author:** ![WolfpackJeep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpackjeep/32/2921_2.png) [@WolfpackJeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WolfpackJeep)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2001, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted/59316/52 "2001-03-26T21:25:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Protesilaus \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Mr. Cynical \* > > \*\*Sure there is. You could listen to an endless loop of a parrot with diarrhea of the mouth spewing forth a fountain of nonsense. That would be pretty close. \*\* > > But if you put a blanket over the parrot’s cage, it’ll stop talking and go to sleep. \*\* Only if it’s nailed to its perch. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2001, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted/59316/53 "2001-03-26T21:50:57Z")
> [@](#): > > Could this explanation be a simpler, more likely, scenario?: Assholes drive all makes and models of automobiles. Good luck… he’s been told that exact same thing a dozen times in a dozen different ways, and he just doesn’t get it. Y’know, those latter five words pretty much sum up his entire personality. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2001, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted/59316/54 "2001-03-26T22:53:41Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **Protesilaus** _ > > But if you put a blanket over the parrot’s cage, it’ll stop talking and go to sleep. So this guy decides he wants a pet. Cats are nice, but kind of aloof, and dogs are fun, but they’re a lot of work, and goldfish, well, you can’t really play with one. So he finally decides on a parrot - easy to take care of, can show them off for friends, relatively low maintenance. So he goes to the pet store and the owner has this beautiful parrot - blue, yellow, green, the works, just stunning. So he buys it and brings it home, sets it up in its cage, the whole shebang. He takes the cover off the cage, looks at the bird, and says, “Who’s a pretty bird, then?” Well, this parrot lets loose with the most vile, profane stream of obscenities you’d ever heard - enough to make a sailor blush. The guy, of course, is horrified - what if his little old mother were to come over and hear this? Figuring he’d take it back in the morning, he decides to just throw the blanket over the cage for the night. Well, the parrot doesn’t like that, and starts again with the swearing, except, if you can believe it, this time it’s _worse_. The guy starts to panic, thinking he’s never going to get any sleep with all this racket, so he grabs the bird by the neck and throws it into the closet. This, of course, makes the bird _even worse_, and the guy is at his wit’s end. Finally, in a fit of desperation, he throws the parrot in the freezer. He slams the door shut on arguably the worst stream of profanities ever to grace this earth, when suddenly everything gets quiet. The guy’s about to go to bed, thinking he’s finally going to get some peace, but then realizes that perhaps leaving the bird in the freezer overnight he might not be able to get his money back from the pet shop. He figures that if the parrot is quiet now he’ll stay quiet, so he carefully opens the door to the freezer. The parrot hops out of the freezer onto the man’s arm, and says, “Sir, I am terribly, terribly sorry for my actions earlier. I promise you it will never, ever, _ever_ happen again, and I hope you can accept my apology. May I go back to my cage now, please?” The guy is clearly surprised at this turn of events, but is relieved things have settled down. He puts the parrot back into the cage, closes the door, and is about to put the blanket over it when the parrot says, “Excuse me, sir? But before you retire for the evening, may I ask one small question?” “What did the chicken do?” Esprix ---
**Author:** ![fatherjohn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b2d939/32.png) [@fatherjohn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fatherjohn)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2001, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted/59316/55 "2001-03-27T01:18:45Z")
As long as we’re on the subject of SUVs . . . So, what did I see the other day, but a Toyota Mallrunner, complete with brush guards and 'roo bar. I’m sure you run into a lot of dangerous flora & fauna on the way to the Garden State Plaza, asshole. :wally ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2001, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted/59316/56 "2001-03-27T01:27:19Z")
Why don’t you tell that to the person driving the SUV? Could it be because you’re a pussy? Thought so. ---
**Author:** ![reprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@reprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/reprise)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2001, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted/59316/57 "2001-03-27T01:51:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mr. Cynical \* > **Could it be because you’re a pussy?** Pussy **Cyni**? Come on, you can do better than that. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![KP235](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9de0a6/32.png) [@KP235](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KP235)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2001, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted/59316/58 "2001-03-27T04:29:57Z")
Good one **Esprix**! ---
**Author:** ![Freedom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Freedom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freedom)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2001, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted/59316/59 "2001-03-27T04:43:05Z")
> [@](#): > > Garden State Plaza Are we talking Jersey here? Please oh Please let us be talking about New Jersey. If so, I may have had the pleasure of pissing off fatherjohn. I have lived here my whole life, and I drive like a nut. I cut down exit lanes, entrance lanes, weave in and out of traffic and drive in a manner that is considered “assertive”🙂 While most of you here may not appreciate my driving, at least you may hold hope above all other hope that a fellow doper may have pissed off fatherjohn in real life. Fatherjohn, If you drive on RTs 46, 17, 22, 287, 280, 10, 80, The GSP, or the Turnpike with any frequency, then you should always wonder if I just passed you by. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2001, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted/59316/60 "2001-03-27T05:18:43Z")
> [@](#): > > So, what did I see the other day, but a Toyota Mallrunner, complete with brush guards and 'roo bar. Yeah? Well, just an hour ago, I saw a Ford Expedition rush into a burning apartment building and save 6 children, 2 adults, and a dog. God bless you, SUV’s! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted/59316.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/busted/59316.md?page=4)