# But the Hedgehog Can Never Be Buggered At All **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 21, 2008, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/but-the-hedgehog-can-never-be-buggered-at-all/442287 "2008-03-21T23:30:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Celyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@Celyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Celyn)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2008, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/but-the-hedgehog-can-never-be-buggered-at-all/442287/1 "2008-03-21T23:30:47Z")
Some daft people just won’t trust the advice of Terry Pratchett. You’ll be glad to know that the hedgehog wasn’t hurt. 🙂 > [@](#): > > Zoran Nikolovic ? dubbed Mr Jiggywinkle ? claimed to be following the advice of a witch doctor when he injured himself on the animal’s pricks. > > The 35-year-old said he had not yet told his girlfriend about his spine romance and added: “God knows what she will think of me. > > “I don’t know whether she’s more likely to dump me for being some kind of pervert or for being such an idiot.” > > He explained: “I was so ashamed to go to a normal clinic to discuss sexual problems that I was ready to try anything. When the voodoo man suggested having sex with a hedgehog I walked out. > > “But he guaranteed me total discretion and 100 per cent success so I decided to try it.” > > A hospital spokesman in Belgrade, Serbia, said: “The animal was apparently unhurt. The patient came off much worse from the encounter. … [The Prick and the Hedgehog](http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article63566.ece) Well, then, so much for the 100% discretion and the 100% success. 😛 What a dreadful world we live in when one simply can’t find a trustworthy witchdoctor these days, eh? Sad, really. 😃 He can’t be _completely_ dim, though, 'cos he seems to have guessed that his girlfriend is going to dump him, the only question being whether for being a pervert or for being an idiot. There’s always option “C” - both. That’ll teach him to leave little Tiggywinkles alone. And the lesson (lesion?) today, friends, is to avoid urchins when you’ve got the urge. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2008, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/but-the-hedgehog-can-never-be-buggered-at-all/442287/2 "2008-03-21T23:57:42Z")
They have witch doctors in Serbia? ---
**Author:** ![Celyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@Celyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Celyn)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2008, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/but-the-hedgehog-can-never-be-buggered-at-all/442287/3 "2008-03-22T00:12:31Z")
Well, yes, I did wonder about that too, but the story amused me, so it’s mundane, pointless, and of doubtful veracity. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2008, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/but-the-hedgehog-can-never-be-buggered-at-all/442287/4 "2008-03-22T00:24:11Z")
[QUOTE=Sunspace] They have witch doctors in Serbia? [/QUOTE] No wonder Kosovo wanted out. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2008, 11:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/but-the-hedgehog-can-never-be-buggered-at-all/442287/5 "2008-03-22T11:20:38Z")
The problem was he went to a witchdoctor that took only half measures to help him. He needed a porcupine, not a tiny hedgehog. ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2008, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/but-the-hedgehog-can-never-be-buggered-at-all/442287/6 "2008-03-22T12:19:16Z")
I told the witch doctor I was in love with you I told the witch doctor I was in love with you And then the witch doctor, he told me what to do He said that … (Chorus:) Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2008, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/but-the-hedgehog-can-never-be-buggered-at-all/442287/7 "2008-03-22T14:00:50Z")
[QUOTE=Harmonious Discord] The problem was he went to a witchdoctor that took only half measures to help him. He needed a porcupine, not a tiny hedgehog. [/QUOTE] [They’re kinky, them porcupines.](http://paulding.net/porcupine.html) ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2008, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/but-the-hedgehog-can-never-be-buggered-at-all/442287/8 "2008-03-22T15:07:34Z")
> [@](#): > > You can bugger the bear, if you do it with care, > In the winter, when he is asleep in his lair, > Though I would not advise it in spring or in fall– > But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all. [http://sniff.numachi.com/pages/tiHEDGEHOG;ttDUNDEBON.html](http://sniff.numachi.com/pages/tiHEDGEHOG;ttDUNDEBON.html) ---
**Author:** ![hotflungwok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/edb3f5/32.png) [@hotflungwok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hotflungwok)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2008, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/but-the-hedgehog-can-never-be-buggered-at-all/442287/9 "2008-03-22T15:29:13Z")
[QUOTE=Sunspace] They have witch doctors in Serbia? [/QUOTE] There are witch doctors everywhere, they just go by different names in the more advanced countries. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2008, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/but-the-hedgehog-can-never-be-buggered-at-all/442287/10 "2008-03-23T00:46:19Z")
[QUOTE=Sunspace] They have witch doctors in Serbia? [/QUOTE] Igor: Witch doctor… Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Witch doctor? Igor: Which. Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Huh? Igor: Which one? Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Why are you talking that way? Igor: I thought you wanted to. Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: No, I don’t want to. Igor: Suit yourself. I’m easy… ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2008, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/but-the-hedgehog-can-never-be-buggered-at-all/442287/11 "2008-03-23T01:58:02Z")
[QUOTE=Qadgop the Mercotan] [http://sniff.numachi.com/pages/tiHEDGEHOG;ttDUNDEBON.html](http://sniff.numachi.com/pages/tiHEDGEHOG;ttDUNDEBON.html) [/QUOTE] Obligatory link to [bagpipe version.](http://www.whitethistle.net/musicfiles/music/files/bonnydundee.mid)😛 ---
**Author:** ![beanpod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9adbd/32.png) [@beanpod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beanpod)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2008, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/but-the-hedgehog-can-never-be-buggered-at-all/442287/12 "2008-03-23T03:23:59Z")
I wonder what it says about me that the first thing I thought of was this joke: (WARNING: it’s disgusting…I think I read it here first, actually.) Why do you wrap a gerbil in duct tape? So it doesn’t explode when you fuck it.