# But you should have crumpled like a tin can! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 10, 2003, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/but-you-should-have-crumpled-like-a-tin-can/187547 "2003-07-10T19:55:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![SuaSponte](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/67e7ee/32.png) [@SuaSponte](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuaSponte)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/but-you-should-have-crumpled-like-a-tin-can/187547/1 "2003-07-10T19:55:17Z")
Two evenings ago, I got into a fender-bender. It was completely my fault; I was behind a car in the turning lane at a red light. The car in front made as if to make the turn and I, quite foolishly, took my foot on the brake and looked over to the left to prepare to make my turn. The guy in front had changed his mind about turning, and I hit him, at about 3-5 miles per hour. Now I called it a “fender-bender” but, as it turned out, no fenders were bent. The driver of the other car and I checked his bumper, his lights, and his trunk and latch, and there was no damage whatsoever. I apologized, he said “de nada,” and we went on our ways. In other words, I dodged a bullet. An accident that was completely my fault, and I got to drive away with no exchange of insurance info, no money out of my pocket, no police report, etc. So why am I posting a Pit thread, you ask? Well, here’s the thing: I drive a 1979 Cadillac Coupe D’Ville. It’s 85 tons of Detroit steel (approximately); I should have turned the other driver’s pissant little early-90’s Buick into a quivering hulk of aluminum and plastic. How the hell will I ever be recognized as god of the road and lord of all I survey if my car won’t total the cars it hits?!! Yeah, sure, I don’t have to pay any money or have my insurance premiums increased. Small compensation; couldn’t I at least have scratched his paint job? ☹ Sua ---
**Author:** ![Bruce\_Daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/but-you-should-have-crumpled-like-a-tin-can/187547/2 "2003-07-10T20:15:07Z")
I don’t 3-5 miles an hour would ruffle the elderly, much less bother aluminum and plastic. I ran into a fire hydrant at about 25 and my airbag didn’t go off. I was dissapointed. Oh yeah, in my own front yard. Don’t ask. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/but-you-should-have-crumpled-like-a-tin-can/187547/3 "2003-07-10T20:15:49Z")
Dude, my shitty little plastic-and-tinfoil 95 Prizm put a two-inch hole in a new Beamer when I bollocksed a parallel-parking job a couple years back. Trade ya! Daniel ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/but-you-should-have-crumpled-like-a-tin-can/187547/4 "2003-07-10T20:18:21Z")
Heheh, when I was a kid, my dad had this big old giant van. Driving down the highway one day, I pointed at some little Toyota or something and said, “Dad, if we hit that car, would we win the accident?” ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/but-you-should-have-crumpled-like-a-tin-can/187547/5 "2003-07-10T20:25:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SuaSponte \* > How the hell will I ever be recognized as god of the road and lord of all I survey if my car won’t total the cars it hits?!! Do what millions of Americans have already done and buy an SUV. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![fruitbat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58f4c7/32.png) [@fruitbat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fruitbat)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/but-you-should-have-crumpled-like-a-tin-can/187547/6 "2003-07-10T20:30:35Z")
I was in a similar fender bender with my Honda Civic. It was nearly totalled. I understand crumple zones and all those happy safety improvements. I am sure I am in the minority in saying that I would gladly trade an extra 5% chance of being seriously injured in an accident for a car that didn’t crumple like a slug sprinkled with salt. ---
**Author:** ![Arcite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/67e7ee/32.png) [@Arcite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arcite)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/but-you-should-have-crumpled-like-a-tin-can/187547/7 "2003-07-10T20:50:33Z")
Crumple? Where have you been? Everyone who has seen contemporary action movies knows that cars _explode_ when they collide. ---
**Author:** ![JeffyDMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9fc29f/32.png) [@JeffyDMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JeffyDMan)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/but-you-should-have-crumpled-like-a-tin-can/187547/8 "2003-07-10T21:03:29Z")
Not only do they explode, **Arcite** , but they fly dozens of feet into the air while doing amazing stunts! (Barrel rolls, end-overs, etc). And then when all is said and done - they land on another car that _doesn’t_ explode! Guess you have to cushion that impact. I think the OP has a dud for a car. ---
**Author:** ![Encinitas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Encinitas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Encinitas)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/but-you-should-have-crumpled-like-a-tin-can/187547/9 "2003-07-10T21:41:37Z")
Ha! I guess you not be as fly as you thought! 😉 [The SuaMobile is born](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=110300&highlight=suamobile) ---
**Author:** ![trabi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecae2f/32.png) [@trabi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/trabi)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/but-you-should-have-crumpled-like-a-tin-can/187547/10 "2003-07-10T21:52:02Z")
I used to drive a four-stroke Trabant. Made mostly of compressed cardboard and resin and designed to take a 650cc two-stroke engine, in the last two years of production some lunatic decided it would be a laugh to fit them with an East German copy of the VW Polo engine made under license. Being so light it had wicked acceleration and a top speed of 140km/h. Crumple zone? Just one, but that was the whole car. I found the best way to avoid serious injury or death was to avoid hitting anything, even at low speed. ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/but-you-should-have-crumpled-like-a-tin-can/187547/11 "2003-07-10T21:58:28Z")
My best friend rear-ended some guy’s Audi in his Jeep Grand Cherokee on the freeway. His front bumper? Caved in so much it smashed the fan/radiator to shit. The Audi? only had a _scratch_ on the bumper! :eek: It was very bizarre. The Jeep must’ve weighed 3 times as much as the Audi, it was at least that much BIGGER. I have no idea what they make Audis out of to smash an SUV like that. ---
**Author:** ![Antonius\_Block](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/51bf81/32.png) [@Antonius\_Block](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antonius_Block)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/but-you-should-have-crumpled-like-a-tin-can/187547/12 "2003-07-10T23:08:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Arcite \* > \*\*Crumple? Where have you been? Everyone who has seen contemporary action movies knows that cars _explode_ when they collide. \*\* Amen to that. Fortunately, you can easily outrun the ensuing fireball, as long as you remember to leap towards a camera at the last moment. ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/but-you-should-have-crumpled-like-a-tin-can/187547/13 "2003-07-11T00:28:30Z")
My Bug gets rear ended… well, not _frequently_, but about six times since I’ve owned her. Stop and go traffic, and a moron behind me. No, I’m not talking about me stopping short, I’ve even seen it once, they just gracefully ram a stopped car. I’ve got a pair of round scars from the front license plate, and that’s about it. ---
**Author:** ![Mercury](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e95f7d/32.png) [@Mercury](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mercury)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/but-you-should-have-crumpled-like-a-tin-can/187547/14 "2003-07-11T00:57:46Z")
I hit an ancient Mercury Topaz in my gigantic Taurus. The dude ran a red light, and by the time I saw him, I stepped on the brake. He had seen me to begin with and therefore was haulin’ ass. I rolled into him slowly, he bounced off of my front end, his car all crumpled. My car had a little tiny hole in its plastic. I _was_ the queen of the road. It was quite the legal headache, though. ---
**Author:** ![Ferris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ferris/32/11573_2.png) [@Ferris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferris)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/but-you-should-have-crumpled-like-a-tin-can/187547/15 "2003-07-11T01:29:51Z")
> [@](#): > > It’s 85 tons of Detroit steel Am I reading that right? An imperial ton isn’t too different from a metric tonne, is it? I thought cars generally weighed around one or two tonnes at most. 😕 (or possibly very :o) ---
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/but-you-should-have-crumpled-like-a-tin-can/187547/16 "2003-07-11T01:32:00Z")
You’re more than welcome to crumple my Kia Rio. Just make sure I’m not in it, m’kay? Or just crumple the back end while I’m in the front, so I can at least claim injury. I’ve really been wanting a Mini-Cooper;). Ava ---
**Author:** ![MysteryFellow63427](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e4f/32.png) [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/but-you-should-have-crumpled-like-a-tin-can/187547/17 "2003-07-11T01:56:19Z")
Hyperbole, **Fenris**. A US ton = 2000 pounds ~= 910 kg. Once I had a fender bender (my fault), my mid-size sedan vs. the SUV. My fender into his bumper, big dent on my end, not a scratch on his. He wanted my info and told me he’d give me a call if he detected any frame damage after he “put it up on the rack.” :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/but-you-should-have-crumpled-like-a-tin-can/187547/18 "2003-07-11T02:07:48Z")
Sua, you need a REAL Caddie, not that crappy little downsized one. Almost bought a '73 a few years ago–185 tons (hyperbole) and 500 cubic inches/8 liters (no hyperbole) of manly automobile. Or take my brother’s '55–FFF-cup armor-plated tits for bumpers and next to no brakes. Mo-fo’d take out the USS Missouri, much less an Explorer. THAT was a CAR! ---
**Author:** ![Dragonblink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Dragonblink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragonblink)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/but-you-should-have-crumpled-like-a-tin-can/187547/19 "2003-07-11T03:49:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mercury \* > **I hit an ancient Mercury Topaz in my gigantic Taurus.** I was in a Topaz that rearended a Buick at about 10 mph (someone else was driving, it had just started raining and the brakes didn’t catch). The Topaz crumpled like a cheap aluminum can, and the owner of the Buick was screaming and hollering about the inch-square piece of plastic that had broken off of part of her bumper. Of course, half the dents in that Topaz were from its owner’s Doc Martens … Tauruses on the other hand … well yeah, they’re huge. But my dad was in a fenderbender with an uninsured Mercedes (there are a _lot_ of uninsured luxury cars where I grew up, despite California’s Thou Must Have Auto Insurance law), and while the car still drove, the damage – combined with the low value of an '89 Taurus – led the insurance company to declare it totalled. To get the salvage title straightened out, we had to replace the one piece that had broken – the plastic bit the headlights attach to. You have to be able to properly aim the headlights, y’see. So, one part from a junkyard and an afternoon’s worth of work later, I was cursing whatever freakin’ genius decided to use both metric and non-metric bits on the same damn piece. ---
**Author:** ![SuaSponte](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/67e7ee/32.png) [@SuaSponte](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuaSponte)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/but-you-should-have-crumpled-like-a-tin-can/187547/20 "2003-07-11T14:20:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dropzone \* > Sua, you need a REAL Caddie, not that crappy little downsized one. Almost bought a '73 a few years ago–185 tons (hyperbole) and 500 cubic inches/8 liters (no hyperbole) of manly automobile. The '79 model year was the last of the Cadillac land yachts - the Suamobile is not downsized. Admittedly, it only has a 7 liter engine (no hyperbole), but otherwise it is quite the monster - the trunk is larger than most NYC studio apartments (OK, that’s a slight bit of hyperbole). And, of course, it is two-tone. 😃 Sua [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/but-you-should-have-crumpled-like-a-tin-can/187547.md?page=2)