# Buzz Lightyear of Barsoom? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 13, 2007, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buzz-lightyear-of-barsoom/422562 "2007-10-13T06:07:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2007, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buzz-lightyear-of-barsoom/422562/1 "2007-10-13T06:07:46Z")
[Pixar to do John Carter of Mars films.](http://www.darkhorizons.com/news07/071008g.php) > [@](#): > > Directors Andrew Stanton, Mark Andrews and Pixar executive Jim Morris all attended and confirmed the first John Carter film, which will be part live-action, would hit theaters before 2012. > > The movie will follow Civil War vet John Carter, who is transplanted to Mars, where he discovers a lush, wildly diverse planet whose main inhabitants are 12-foot tall green barbarians. I’m dreading to see how/if they “Disneyfy” things. If the film doesn’t have an R rating, there’s going to be no way to know why Dejah Thoris was incomparable. (I’m holding out for Scarlett Johannsson, Kirsten Dundst, Morena Baccarin, Jewel Staite, or Summer Glau as Dejah.) I hope they crib from Michael Whelan for the art direction for the film. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2007, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buzz-lightyear-of-barsoom/422562/2 "2007-10-13T15:37:19Z")
Lush? I admit to only having read one Barsoom novel but I remember it being depicted as a dry, dying world. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2007, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buzz-lightyear-of-barsoom/422562/3 "2007-10-13T15:48:21Z")
[QUOTE=DocCathode] Lush? I admit to only having read one Barsoom novel but I remember it being depicted as a dry, dying world. [/QUOTE] But nevertheless home to [an astonishing range of life-forms](http://www.tarzan.org/pics/juskomars.jpg). ---
**Author:** ![Danalan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/76d3ee/32.png) [@Danalan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Danalan)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2007, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buzz-lightyear-of-barsoom/422562/4 "2007-10-13T16:11:22Z")
Mmmmmmm, Summer Glau. Yes. ---
**Author:** ![shy\_guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a6a055/32.png) [@shy\_guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shy_guy)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2007, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buzz-lightyear-of-barsoom/422562/5 "2007-10-13T22:37:15Z")
Summer Glau? Really? She looks the opposite of how I picture Dejah Thoris, who I picture as more curvy and exotic-looking. I see someone more like Morena Baccarin, though I’m blanking on what her body is like. At any rate, I think it’s a really difficult part to cast, since I think anyone will fall short of what is supposed to be Thoris’ otherworldly beauty. Filming the books wouldn’t even just be R, it’d be NC-17. Both John Carter, Thoris, and side-characters spend almost the entire thing naked. Assuming the art direction is up to par (and it should be top-notch), I don’t think the story would really be hurt by the addition of a few loin-clothes and chain-mail bikinis. Aside from attire, I can’t think of any way in which these books would really need to be Disney-fied. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2007, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buzz-lightyear-of-barsoom/422562/6 "2007-10-13T22:56:41Z")
I’d really like to see this happen, but as has been recently and repeatedly demonstrated, when it comes to John Carter of Mars media projects, 'tis many a slip twixt cup and the lip. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2007, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buzz-lightyear-of-barsoom/422562/7 "2007-10-14T01:31:53Z")
I just hope they don’t try to “update” anything about the story. Keep the Edwardian flavor! Beautiful women are prizes to be won! Real Men fight each other to the death to win them! ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2007, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buzz-lightyear-of-barsoom/422562/8 "2007-10-14T03:01:17Z")
[QUOTE=BrainGlutton] I just hope they don’t try to “update” anything about the story. Keep the Edwardian flavor! Beautiful women are prizes to be won! Real Men fight each other to the death to win them! [/QUOTE] Sounds pretty creepy to me. I bet you like John Norman’s disgusting Gor novels too. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2007, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buzz-lightyear-of-barsoom/422562/9 "2007-10-14T03:17:19Z")
[QUOTE=shy guy] Aside from attire, I can’t think of any way in which these books would really need to be Disney-fied. [/QUOTE] It does get a bit bloody at times, maybe too much for what sounds like a kid’s film. My hopes for this are sinking. Live action women except for animated boobs, no doubt. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2007, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buzz-lightyear-of-barsoom/422562/10 "2007-10-14T04:03:43Z")
I wonder if the movie would, or would have to, make some nod to modern knowledge of the utter discrepency between “Barsoom” and the real Mars. In the novel John Carter somehow magically wishes himself to Mars- or what he _thinks_ is Mars. Did anything in the novels ever confirm that he was indeed on the same planet as humans called Mars? Did anyone else from Earth ever visit, or did he ever return? ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2007, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buzz-lightyear-of-barsoom/422562/11 "2007-10-14T04:23:01Z")
[QUOTE=Big Bad Voodoo Lou] Sounds pretty creepy to me. I bet you like John Norman’s disgusting Gor novels too. [/QUOTE] I bet you’re the sort of person who thinks Huckleberry Finn would be a much better book without all those disgusting “n” words in it. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2007, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buzz-lightyear-of-barsoom/422562/12 "2007-10-14T05:46:10Z")
[QUOTE=Lumpy] I wonder if the movie would, or would have to, make some nod to modern knowledge of the utter discrepency between “Barsoom” and the real Mars. In the novel John Carter somehow magically wishes himself to Mars- or what he _thinks_ is Mars. Did anything in the novels ever confirm that he was indeed on the same planet as humans called Mars? Did anyone else from Earth ever visit, or did he ever return? [/QUOTE] He returned all the time, and a buddy, Ulysses Caxton, went there also. It was Mars alright. It can be another dimension, like Mongo in the current Flash Gordon, but why not play it straight? ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2007, 8:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buzz-lightyear-of-barsoom/422562/13 "2007-10-14T08:48:34Z")
[QUOTE=shy guy] Summer Glau? Really? She looks the opposite of how I picture Dejah Thoris, who I picture as more curvy and exotic-looking. [/quote] Well, sadly, Gold Metal Bikini Carrie Fisher[sup]TM[/sup] would no longer work in the part, if you know what I mean. > [@](#): > > I see someone more like Morena Baccarin, though I’m blanking on what her body is like. > > At any rate, I think it’s a really difficult part to cast, since I think anyone will fall short of what is supposed to be Thoris’ otherworldly beauty. The _best_ actress for the role would, IMHO, be someone who isn’t necessarily well known, but _is_ hot, not in the Follywood, lots of plastic surgery way so many actresses are, but someone who has an inner beauty which matches their outer appearance, and is also of a mixed race heritage, to give them that, oh so exotic, feel. I’m sure we’ve all met people who just have an utterly charming personality, no matter what their physical appearance is. For some reason, not too many actors seem to have that. > [@](#): > > Filming the books wouldn’t even just be R, it’d be NC-17. Both John Carter, Thoris, and side-characters spend almost the entire thing naked. Not necessarily true. The MPAA doesn’t have too much trouble these days (and if you _haven’t_ seen it, I highly recommend the documentary _This Film is Not Yet Rated_ which shows the MPAA to be a load of useless bloody loonies) with _female_ nudity, it’s when you put a sausage on the screen that they tend to get a bit uppity, and I’m sure I speak for 50% of the movie going audience when I say if the film’s _not_ shot in Weinerama[sup]TM[/sup], that’s fine by me. (And before one of our gay Dopers says, “Speak for yourself!” allow me to point out that the lesbian members of the audience have as much desire to see John Carter’s wang as I do.) Also, it seems that the _more_ money you have, the less likely the MPAA is to slap you with an NC-17 rating. > [@](#): > > Assuming the art direction is up to par (and it should be top-notch), I don’t think the story would really be hurt by the addition of a few loin-clothes and chain-mail bikinis. IIRC, the males tended to wear a “cup” a lot of the time, and the women would wear jewelry which served a similar purpose. > [@](#): > > Aside from attire, I can’t think of any way in which these books would really need to be Disney-fied. As has been pointed out, the books were really violent and gory (many of the fight scenes have vivid descriptions of JC & Co. being covered in ichor). ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2007, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buzz-lightyear-of-barsoom/422562/14 "2007-10-14T14:53:06Z")
[QUOTE=Evil Captor] I bet you’re the sort of person who thinks Huckleberry Finn would be a much better book without all those disgusting “n” words in it. [/QUOTE] No, it’s probably the greatest American novel of all time, but the Gor books are just cringe-worthy by any standards. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2007, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buzz-lightyear-of-barsoom/422562/15 "2007-10-14T16:23:13Z")
[QUOTE=Big Bad Voodoo Lou] No, it’s probably the greatest American novel of all time, but the Gor books are just cringe-worthy by any standards. [/QUOTE] The Barsoom novels were among the first, if not the very founder, of the sword and babe fantasy genre. Where Gor went overboard was the whole “society built around women who adore being slaves” deal. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2007, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buzz-lightyear-of-barsoom/422562/16 "2007-10-14T17:27:42Z")
[QUOTE=Big Bad Voodoo Lou] Sounds pretty creepy to me. I bet you like John Norman’s disgusting Gor novels too. [/QUOTE] In the Barsoom novels, sexual sadism is displayed only by the bad guys. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2007, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buzz-lightyear-of-barsoom/422562/17 "2007-10-14T20:23:44Z")
[QUOTE=Big Bad Voodoo Lou] No, it’s probably the greatest American novel of all time, but the Gor books are just cringe-worthy by any standards. [/QUOTE] If you would not change Huckleberry Finn for the sake of racial egalitarianism, I don’t see how you can advocate changing the Barsoom novels for the sake of sexual egalitarianism. Remember, they were written, most of them, before women gained the right to vote. It would be amazing indeed if they reflected the sexual mores prevalent a century after they were written. And of course, the attitudes displayed toward women in the Barsoom stories is, well, not very Gorean at all. I mean, when a Barsoomian warrior put his life in the line to defend the honor or person of a princess of whomever (it always seemed to be princesses in the stories) he hoped to win her heart. When a Gorean warrior put his life in the line to win a slavegirl, he hoped to win the whole darned thing. As for the Gorean novels being cringe-worthy by any standard – not by mine, baby! But that’s a different thread. ---
**Author:** ![shy\_guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a6a055/32.png) [@shy\_guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shy_guy)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2007, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buzz-lightyear-of-barsoom/422562/18 "2007-10-14T20:49:33Z")
Would the violence really need that much toning-down considering that it’s pretty much all against weird-looking aliens? Probably, although I wouldn’t think to that great a degree. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2007, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buzz-lightyear-of-barsoom/422562/19 "2007-10-14T20:53:42Z")
[QUOTE=shy guy] Would the violence really need that much toning-down considering that it’s pretty much all against weird-looking aliens? [/QUOTE] It isn’t. John Carter spends a lot of time fighting/killing Martians who look just like Earth humans except for their skin color, mainly the Red Martians (Dejah Thoris’ race); the giant four-armed Green Martians are an exception. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2007, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buzz-lightyear-of-barsoom/422562/20 "2007-10-14T21:00:32Z")
No matter what, they will have to dump massive amounts of the novel to get it down to a practical length, so I’d guess that most of the gore (pun, however weak, intended) would get tossed out in the interest of the plot. One or two fights against the Reds, a skirmish and then major battle with the Greens, and off into the sunset with Dejah Thoris. Who really needs to be a curvy delight. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/buzz-lightyear-of-barsoom/422562.md?page=2)