# C K Dexter Haven, can you help me? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 2, 2006, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/c-k-dexter-haven-can-you-help-me/338142 "2006-01-02T23:08:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Ensign\_Edison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ab992/32.png) [@Ensign\_Edison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ensign_Edison)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2006, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/c-k-dexter-haven-can-you-help-me/338142/1 "2006-01-02T23:08:36Z")
I got this warning in [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=351925&page=1): > [@C K Dexter Haven](#): > > Moderator coughs for attention: > **cthiax** , you will kindly refrain from personal insults in this forum. You may say what you will about the art/entertainment, the artists/entertainers, and so forth, but you may not make personal comments about other posters, nor question their motives. > > If you think someone is trolling, then hit the REPORT BAD POST button (the little exclamation point in the red triangle in the upper right corner of the post.) In this forum, we are polite and (reasonably) well-mannered. > > (PS - I don’t think there’s any hint of trolling here, but I’m just alerting you and everyone to the what-if.) Well, okay. I’d be happy to comply with that. But I don’t see how I personally insulted someone or questioned their motives. The guy came to a thread and said ‘I don’t care about what’s going on in this thread’. I thought it was funny and I was genuinely curious how he then ended up here, and I asked in a way I thought would be also funny. How was I being rude and unreasonably ill-mannered? If I was, how was I being so any more than **Zebra** was? I certainly wasn’t trying to imply that he secretly does care about people who care about whether Tom Cruise is gay. I definitely wasn’t calling him a troll; it never occured to me. I was just asking a question in a silly way. So I’m cool with the warning, but I need it explained to me better in what way I triggered it. Maybe my dumb little joke just came off the wrong way. There was no hostility in it, and if I offended **Zebra** I apologize. It almost seemed like his comment was a near-deliberate set-up for exactly that kind of jocular response, but I may have been mistaken. ---
**Author:** ![Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/96bed5/32.png) [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patty_O_Furniture)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2006, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/c-k-dexter-haven-can-you-help-me/338142/2 "2006-01-02T23:25:14Z")
I thought that was odd, too. I don’t see you making any kind of an insult nor would I consider your post the least bit discourteous. In fact, if you hadn’t posted that, I would probably have asked Evil Captor if we should assume that he cares deeply about each and every thread topic unless he posts otherwise. ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2006, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/c-k-dexter-haven-can-you-help-me/338142/3 "2006-01-02T23:53:29Z")
Maybe **Dex** is still hung over from New year’s. I agree that was an unnecessarily harsh warning for what was clearly a post meant in jest. C’mon, lighten up, **Dex**! Sheesh. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2006, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/c-k-dexter-haven-can-you-help-me/338142/4 "2006-01-03T00:04:51Z")
And **Zebra** seemed to get the gist of your post - replying with a joke in kind. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2006, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/c-k-dexter-haven-can-you-help-me/338142/5 "2006-01-03T00:12:12Z")
If the very same post had been made, with an attached big grin smilie, there would have been no warning. One can get away with a lot more on this board if one uses smilies than if one doesn’t, which is an excellent reason IMHO to abolish them. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2006, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/c-k-dexter-haven-can-you-help-me/338142/6 "2006-01-03T00:13:16Z")
> [@don't ask](#): > > And **Zebra** seemed to get the gist of your post - replying with a joke in kind. But only after Dex made his comment. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2006, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/c-k-dexter-haven-can-you-help-me/338142/7 "2006-01-03T00:15:50Z")
> [@Otto](#): > > If the very same post had been made, with an attached big grin smilie, there would have been no warning. One can get away with a lot more on this board if one uses smilies than if one doesn’t, which is an excellent reason IMHO to abolish them. “Smiley when you say that, Podnuh!” 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2006, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/c-k-dexter-haven-can-you-help-me/338142/8 "2006-01-03T00:18:41Z")
> [@Mr. Blue Sky](#): > > But only after Dex made his comment. Well, yeah. But **Zebra** ’s good people. Errr…striped equine, rather. I can see him making the same kind of off-the-cuff reply even if **Dex** hadn’t posted. ---
**Author:** ![Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/96bed5/32.png) [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patty_O_Furniture)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2006, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/c-k-dexter-haven-can-you-help-me/338142/9 "2006-01-03T00:19:28Z")
> [@](#): > > If the very same post had been made, with an attached big grin smilie, there would have been no warning. And isn’t that messed up, that the default assumption is malice unless it’s perfectly clear that it’s not. In such cases where it’s not that clear, maybe the moderator should have waited for Zebra to hit the REPORT BAD POST button in the event he was feeling aggrieved. ---
**Author:** ![Ensign\_Edison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ab992/32.png) [@Ensign\_Edison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ensign_Edison)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2006, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/c-k-dexter-haven-can-you-help-me/338142/10 "2006-01-03T00:26:55Z")
> [@Otto](#): > > If the very same post had been made, with an attached big grin smilie, there would have been no warning. One can get away with a lot more on this board if one uses smilies than if one doesn’t, which is an excellent reason IMHO to abolish them. Hmm. In that case, maybe I shouldn’t take any chances with this one here… > [@](#): > > Well, okay. I’d be happy to comply with that. 🙂 But I don’t see how I personally insulted someone or questioned their motives. 😕 > > The guy came to a thread and said ‘I don’t care about what’s going on in this thread’. :dubious: I thought it was funny and I was genuinely curious how he then ended up here, and I asked in a way I thought would be also funny. 😛 How was I being rude and unreasonably ill-mannered? If I was, how was I being so any more than Zebra was? 😉 > > I certainly wasn’t trying to imply that he secretly does care about people who care about whether Tom Cruise is gay. 😃 I definitely wasn’t calling him a troll; it never occured to me. ;j I was just asking a question in a silly way. So I’m cool with the warning, but I need it explained to me better in what way I triggered it. 😕 > > Maybe my dumb little joke just came off the wrong way. ☹ There was no hostility in it, and if I offended Zebra I apologize. It almost seemed like his comment was a near-deliberate set-up for exactly that kind of jocular response, but I may have been mistaken. :o 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Harborwolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Harborwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harborwolf)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2006, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/c-k-dexter-haven-can-you-help-me/338142/11 "2006-01-03T00:29:19Z")
I can kinda see where it looked like a dig. That said, I thought it was friggin’ hilarious. ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2006, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/c-k-dexter-haven-can-you-help-me/338142/12 "2006-01-03T00:34:52Z")
cthiax, please refrain from using so many smilies in a single post. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2006, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/c-k-dexter-haven-can-you-help-me/338142/13 "2006-01-03T01:52:32Z")
> [@Patty O'Furniture](#): > > And isn’t that messed up, that the default assumption is malice unless it’s perfectly clear that it’s not. In such cases where it’s not that clear, maybe the moderator should have waited for Zebra to hit the REPORT BAD POST button in the event he was feeling aggrieved. A. Maybe he did. B. This “no smileys = no humor” mindset is retarded ---
**Author:** ![Wolfian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/7ea924/32.png) [@Wolfian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolfian)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2006, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/c-k-dexter-haven-can-you-help-me/338142/14 "2006-01-03T02:05:13Z")
> [@cthiax](#): > > Hmm. In that case, maybe I shouldn’t take any chances with this one here… > 🆒 My eyes! The googles-- they do nothing! ---
**Author:** ![Bruce\_Daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2006, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/c-k-dexter-haven-can-you-help-me/338142/15 "2006-01-03T02:06:06Z")
> [@C K Dexter Haven](#): > > If you think someone is trolling, then hit the REPORT BAD POST button (the little exclamation point in the red triangle in the upper right corner of the post.) In this forum, we are polite and (reasonably) well-mannered. > > (PS - I don’t think there’s any hint of trolling here, but I’m just alerting you and everyone to the what-if.) Likewise, if anyone is stealing candies from the checkout line, don’t do that, it’s stealing. Not that anyone is, but I’m just saying. Also, should anyone be coveting their neighbor’s wife, I would advise against that as well. Not that anyone is, just covering the bases. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2006, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/c-k-dexter-haven-can-you-help-me/338142/16 "2006-01-03T02:25:35Z")
> [@Patty O'Furniture](#): > > I thought that was odd, too. I don’t see you making any kind of an insult nor would I consider your post the least bit discourteous. In fact, if you hadn’t posted that, I would probably have asked Evil Captor if we should assume that he cares deeply about each and every thread topic unless he posts otherwise. Actually, the comment was directed toward **Zebra** though I suppose I could be included there, too, by implication. Not that it matters. ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2006, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/c-k-dexter-haven-can-you-help-me/338142/17 "2006-01-03T02:32:42Z")
I deleted the post with the offensive comment, which was not directed at **Zebra.** Sorry if I was unclear: I thought that people could see a blank post that indicated it had been deleted. That must be only what Mods see. I have amended my comment to be more clear. I’m sorry for any confusion. ---
**Author:** ![Ensign\_Edison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ab992/32.png) [@Ensign\_Edison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ensign_Edison)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2006, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/c-k-dexter-haven-can-you-help-me/338142/18 "2006-01-03T02:39:32Z")
> [@C K Dexter Haven](#): > > I deleted the post with the offensive comment, which was not directed at **Zebra.** Sorry if I was unclear: I thought that people could see a blank post that indicated it had been deleted. That must be only what Mods see. > > I have amended my comment to be more clear. I’m sorry for any confusion. I made no deleted post directed at EC or anyone else. ---
**Author:** ![Harborwolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Harborwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harborwolf)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2006, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/c-k-dexter-haven-can-you-help-me/338142/19 "2006-01-03T02:42:34Z")
Seems to me that we can normally see any deleted comments as a “post deleted by…Reason:Duplicate Post” or something like that. ---
**Author:** ![Harborwolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Harborwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harborwolf)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2006, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/c-k-dexter-haven-can-you-help-me/338142/20 "2006-01-03T02:45:21Z")
> [@Harborwolf](#): > > Seems to me that we can normally see any deleted comments as a “post deleted by…Reason:Duplicate Post” or something like that. Yay me. Way to shut off the smileys. :smack: [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/c-k-dexter-haven-can-you-help-me/338142.md?page=2)