# Cable Networks You'd Like To See **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 14, 2004, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730 "2004-12-14T04:25:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2004, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/81 "2004-12-26T23:26:47Z")
The 80s channel and the 90s channel Each channel could have 168 1 hour shows or 336 1/2 hour shows, or some of both. Once a week you get to see your favorite show from not-too-long ago, so buy a vcr or Tivo now. c’mon you know you want to see Herman’s Head and Picket Fences again too! Murdered by Fox channel See such favorites as Firefly, John Doe, The Lone Gunmen, Millennium, Pasadena, Wonderfalls and all the other unfortunate shows that died an early death merely because they were sold to Fox. I’d like to see the Horror movie channel, and how about a Comedy movie channel, as well. **Governor Quinn’s** radio show idea is completely do-able. We’ve got 40 channels of digital music on our cable right now, so why not radio shows and other spoken broadcasts as well, like comedy? ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2004, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/82 "2004-12-27T01:48:16Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > The 80s channel and the 90s channel > > Each channel could have 168 1 hour shows or 336 1/2 hour shows, or some of both. Once a week you get to see your favorite show from not-too-long ago, so buy a vcr or Tivo now. c’mon you know you want to see Herman’s Head and Picket Fences again too! Yeah, and it’s sister channels could be the nothing but VH1s I Love The Whatever Decade! Shows ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2004, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/83 "2004-12-27T02:03:07Z")
> [@Tuckerfan](#): > > Yeah, and it’s sister channels could be the nothing but VH1s I Love The Whatever Decade! Shows They could go into even more detail: “I Love the January 14th, 1980” ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2004, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/84 "2004-12-27T02:07:41Z")
> [@Mr. Blue Sky](#): > > They could go into even more detail: > > “I Love the January 14th, 1980” Shhh! Don’t give them any ideas! ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2004, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/85 "2004-12-27T02:12:07Z")
**The History Of…" Channel** Not “The History Channel”, but the history of everyday stuff. Anything you wanted to know about lightbulbs? Right here. The evolution of voting machines? Hermit crab racing? Staple guns? Artificial waterfalls? Laundry detergent through the ages? Squeaky toys? Umbrellas? Rose trellises? Lined notebook paper? All right here. **The Color Channel** All colors, all the time. Thrill as colors morph through all their tints and hues. Sit back and watch as deep magenta changes to brilliant sunset orange to lemon yellow to chatreuse to cyan and beyond. TiVo your favorites for later viewing at your convenience. And every Saturday at 11 pm: plaid. Parental discretion advised. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2004, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/86 "2004-12-27T02:17:31Z")
> [@screech-owl](#): > > **The History Of…" Channel** There was a British series that came pretty close. “The Secret Life of Machines” featured a different modern electronic device or appliance and gave its history. Pretty good. It pops up now and again on the Discovery Science Channel. ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2004, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/87 "2004-12-27T02:22:37Z")
Yeah, but did they ever do a full hour on the development of the three-hole punch? ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2004, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/88 "2004-12-27T02:34:16Z")
**The Construction Channel:** What can most people be counted on to just **watch,** for no apparent reason? A building under construction!\* No commentary, no interviews, no documentary presentation – just train the cameras on construction sites and broadcast the live feed. \*Or a fire or a traffic accident. But construction sites are easier to predict. ---
**Author:** ![EsotericEnigma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e274bd/32.png) [@EsotericEnigma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EsotericEnigma)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2004, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/89 "2004-12-27T02:44:03Z")
I would watch a channel dedicated to video games. Reviews, news articles, tournaments, movies like resident evil or animated shows similar to the old school legend of zelda cartoons. I wouldn’t watch it much, but it would be cool. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2004, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/90 "2004-12-27T02:55:07Z")
> [@screech-owl](#): > > **The Color Channel** > > All colors, all the time. Thrill as colors morph through all their tints and hues. Sit back and watch as deep magenta changes to brilliant sunset orange to lemon yellow to chatreuse to cyan and beyond. TiVo your favorites for later viewing at your convenience. Oooh, wow, the colors, man! ---
**Author:** ![archmichael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bb73d2/32.png) [@archmichael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/archmichael)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2004, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/91 "2004-12-27T17:33:09Z")
**Police Chase Channel** **Japanese Game Show Network** Translations of those wacky, ‘torture’ game shows **Asian Parliament Channel** In a lot of asian parliaments, fights break out on the floor. I could watch that all day, especially with Sports Center type highlights and stats on which political party got in the most slaps. ---
**Author:** ![Dark\_Side\_of\_the\_Floyd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bb73d2/32.png) [@Dark\_Side\_of\_the\_Floyd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dark_Side_of_the_Floyd)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2004, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/92 "2004-12-27T23:01:34Z")
**The Classic Rock Concert Channel**. _Concerts that you couldn’t watch, since you weren’t born yet._ This channel would be geared towards teens/children who like older music, especially since they weren’t born in the days the concerts were being shown. Especially since _certain_ bands won’t get back together for ONE last session together. I’m looking at you, Mr. Waters. Wishful thinking. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2004, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/93 "2004-12-27T23:51:48Z")
**TBN - The Barbie Network** All Barbie, all the time. Early morning programming would be for the young Barbie collector, including all those Barbie videos (‘Barbie’s Special Christmas’, ‘Barbie Explains Hanukka’, ‘Princess Barbie and the Pauper’, etc.), as well as all Barbie’s rock and exercise videos. Evening programming would aimed at the more mature collector, including release dates of the latest fashions and accessories (“Move Over, Bob Mackie! Barbie’s Got a New Coture”), the impact of Barbie on the domestic and international world economies and the problem of counterfeit products (“Is it Barbie, or actually a Brabie?”), restorations and repairs (“Your three-year-old chews off Midge’s feet - DIY or call a professional?”), gossip and entertainment (“G.I. Joe vs. Ken - The Officer or the Gentleman?”) - and announcements about the latest estate sales from renowned Barbie collectors. As with the news channels, there would be a slow crawl at the bottom of the screen detailing Barbie conventions (place, date and contact information) worldwide, and other up-to-the-minute news for the serious collector. (Note: I wouldn’t watch it, but I know folks who would be glued to the screen.) ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/94 "2004-12-28T00:02:35Z")
You forgot the long running show: _Barbie vs Malibu Stacey_. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/95 "2004-12-28T02:18:41Z")
[QUOTE=screech-owlEarly morning programming would be for the young Barbie collector, including all those Barbie videos (‘Barbie’s Special Christmas’, ‘Barbie Explains Hanukka’, ‘Princess Barbie and the Pauper’, etc.), as well as all Barbie’s rock and exercise videos.[/QUOTE] 😕 You made all that up, right? Please, please tell me those videos don’t really exist. Not even toy manufacturers would be that cynical, would they? Would they? ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/96 "2004-12-28T02:25:18Z")
[QUOTE=BrainGlutton] [QUOTE=screech-owlEarly morning programming would be for the young Barbie collector, including all those Barbie videos (‘Barbie’s Special Christmas’, ‘Barbie Explains Hanukka’, ‘Princess Barbie and the Pauper’, etc.), as well as all Barbie’s rock and exercise videos. 😕 You made all that up, right? Please, please tell me those videos don’t really exist. Not even toy manufacturers would be that cynical, would they? Would they?[/QUOTE] [Yes they would.](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B0002CHJZK/102-5321499-2792127?v=glance) ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/97 "2004-12-28T07:31:20Z")
Hey, at least they’re making an effort at telling a story. If they were _really_ cynical, it’d just be a Barbie head with some woman’s lips superimposed on it, ordering kids to buy Mattel® brand products, on an endless tape loop. That, or they’d release _Princess Barbie’s Crush-Fetish Adventure!_ just to prove that they could sell it. ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 10:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/98 "2004-12-28T10:41:04Z")
If (When) there really was (is) a Barbie channel, you can bet yer _dupa_ there would (will) be morning “educational” programming for the young’uns (gotta start them early). Personally, I think “[Barbie](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/stores/series/-/73272/dvd/ref=pd_serl_dvd/103-6059095-3345435) in the Nutcracker” just sounds so wrong. (\ Although Barbie in “Crossfire” could be interesting. (We used to use “Target Barbie” for archery practice - that could take care of the sports programming…) ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 11:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/99 "2004-12-28T11:35:57Z")
**The Upskirt Channel:** Lots and lots of genuine candid video looking up women’s skirts. Okay, maybe that’d get boring after a while. You can augment it with genuine candid shots of girls in bikinis rubbing on lotion. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2004, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/100 "2004-12-28T16:24:17Z")
**The Lord of the Rings Network** Just play the LotR movies back to back to back. Play the theatrical release, play the EE release. Play them with director commentary, the actor comentary, the production designer comentary. Have guest commentarires from English professors to film professionals to fans. You could even play the cartoon movies. **ESPN 8 The Ocho!** 'nuff said. **Ronco Fever Network** Nothing but the Ronco infomercials and ads. I want to see the ad for the pocket fisherman at every commercial break. Just set it, and FORGET IT! \*\*The Lindsey Lohan Network \*\* Film crews follow Lindsey Lohan everywhere she goes and records and broadcasts everything about her because God knows she doesn’t have enough media exposure. **PITF Network** Just footage of people getting a Pie in the Face. Stock footage, some live pieings. Celebrity pieings. All Pies, All Face, All the time. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730.md?page=6)