# Cable Networks You'd Like To See **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 14, 2004, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730 "2004-12-14T04:25:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2004, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/101 "2004-12-29T02:09:07Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > **PITF Network** > > Just footage of people getting a Pie in the Face. Stock footage, some live pieings. Celebrity pieings. All Pies, All Face, All the time. Ooooh! And it’s sister channel can be ETP Network! Just footage of politicians getting hit by eggs. (With plenty of live, on the spot coverage of politicians speaking in hopes that someone will show up and egg the bastids.) ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2004, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/102 "2004-12-29T05:20:02Z")
You know, with a five dollar investment in some eggs and a willingness to spend time in a federal prison, anyone could convert CSPAN into the ETP Network. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2004, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/103 "2004-12-29T21:50:03Z")
> [@Little Nemo](#): > > You know, with a five dollar investment in some eggs and a willingness to spend time in a federal prison, anyone could convert CSPAN into the ETP Network. Good idea! 🙂 You go first. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/104 "2004-12-30T04:42:42Z")
Alas, I lack the required willingness to do time. ---
**Author:** ![Bumbazine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbazine/32/362_2.png) [@Bumbazine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbazine)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 6:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/105 "2004-12-30T06:46:13Z")
The model train channel – no, really. The different scales could each have a certain number of hours a day for product reviews, modeling workshops, visits to various layouts, etc. And when they didn’t have any of that stuff to show, they could show documentaries about trains, or just feed a camera pointed at various train stations or yards around the country. The garage sale channel. – people could send in video clips of all the stuff they were going to have at their garage sale, along with driving directions, etc. ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/106 "2004-12-30T07:17:12Z")
> [@Bumbazine](#): > > The model train channel – no, really. The different scales could each have a certain number of hours a day for product reviews, modeling workshops, visits to various layouts, etc. And when they didn’t have any of that stuff to show, they could show documentaries about trains, or just feed a camera pointed at various train stations or yards around the country. I was randomly channel-surfing at my Mom’s place over the holidays when I ran across something like this. all of a sudden, \*\*bam!_,_ a detailed discussion of some guy’s scale model train collection, the rarity of some of his set pieces, and lots and lots of footage of his very elaborate winter-themed layout. It’s either a model train channel or just a model train show, but it’s out there… ---
**Author:** ![TJdude825](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dec6dc/32.png) [@TJdude825](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TJdude825)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 8:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/107 "2004-12-30T08:04:17Z")
**The _Beginning_ of the Movie Channel** - Did you miss that great summer blockbuster, only to turn on the TV a couple years later, just in time to see the last 20 minutes of it on TNT? Now, you can see just the _first_ half that movie on BMC. “Finally, the exposition and back-story you’ve been wondering about for the past few weeks.” **The One-Liner Network** - Just shows the one-liners from sitcoms and movies, with no transitions or introductions. Some, if not most, of them won’t really make sense taken out of context, but that will just make them funnier. **Channel Surfing** - Shows you exactly what you would see if you were channel surfing, without you having to do anything. Those little green or white numbers in the corner would be included so you can flip directly to it when you see a show that looks good. It would be available in 10-second, 5-second, and 2-second. “Sick of waiting through commercials? Don’t waste the energy on channel surfing. Just flip to Channel Surfing.” I wonder what would happen when the channel gets to itself. ---
**Author:** ![RobuSensei](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/919ad9/32.png) [@RobuSensei](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RobuSensei)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/108 "2004-12-30T10:26:41Z")
> [@JThunder](#): > > I’d like to see the Test Pattern Channel. All test patterns, all the time! Not a network yet, but Bars & Tones got their own show: [http://www.tvland.com/shows/bars\_tones/](http://www.tvland.com/shows/bars_tones/) ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2004, 11:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/109 "2004-12-30T11:22:30Z")
> [@TJdude825](#): > > … **Channel Surfing** - Shows you exactly what you would see if you were channel surfing, without you having to do anything. Those little green or white numbers in the corner would be included so you can flip directly to it when you see a show that looks good. It would be available in 10-second, 5-second, and 2-second. “Sick of waiting through commercials? Don’t waste the energy on channel surfing. Just flip to Channel Surfing.” > > I wonder what would happen when the channel gets to itself. The visual equivalent of when you point a microphone at the speaker it’s routed through: MAJOR FEEEEEDBACK!!! Either that, or the universe would explode. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2005, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/110 "2005-01-07T16:04:56Z")
**The Cat Channel** This would be huge, just amongst Pussy Loving Dopers. For Local Broadcasts \*\* The Pet-rescue & adoption Channel\*\* rescue-no-kill shelters feature the animals at their shelters and talk up their good points and areas that need to be worked on. Kinda like a cable access channel only with better sound quality and camera work. **Kid Adoption Program** for the older kids who are lost in the system. **MidWest Trading Spaces** Look, there is an entire demographic between Calilfornia and New York. Our houses need help too! **Cops Channel** When you need to get your fix of wife beaters and drug abusers. **For Radio** An all kids format. Not just kiddie music, but stories and stuff to learn. And not on subscription radio. Some of us are luddittes, m’kay? ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2005, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/111 "2005-01-07T16:18:14Z")
**Gone To The Dogs** channel. All dogs, all breeds. Even mutts. All the time. 24/7. **Career channel** Featuring segments of what is involved to get a job at all levels of whatever industry you are interested in. From day to day mundania, benefits, wage/salary and whatever. From popular to obscure jobs. **Exotic Pet Program**. Educating people on having a cheetah as a pet and the pit falls of keeping a 500# gorilla for a companion. Hopefully encouraging people to make smart decisions in exotic pets and deter the rest of the idiots. **The Good News Channel** Nothing but good news and blowing sunshine up the asses of its watchers. **Fundie/Evangelical - MST3K Program** Get the thrills of a fundie church session with the laughs of Mike and Crowe. Non-stop entertainment! **Home Porn Channel** people sending in their home porn. Make it like Funniest Home Videos. Having a winner each week as voted upon by the home audience. Probably even funnier with MST3K. **Vacation Video Channel**. Nothing but shaky shots and muffled commentary of family vacations. ---
**Author:** ![gonzoron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a6a055/32.png) [@gonzoron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzoron)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2005, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/112 "2005-01-07T16:27:43Z")
> [@Governor Quinn](#): > > **The Old Time Radio Channel** > > So what if there’s no picture? We’re going to air it anyway! This could be combined with **Eve** ’s silent movie channel to save bandwidth. Want silent movies? Press mute! Want old time radio? look away from the TV! 😃 **NoClueBoy** beat me to the Star Trek channel. Let’s see. 10 movies \* 2hrs + 1 series \* 79 hours + 1 animated series \* 22 episodes \* .5 hours + 178 hours of TNG + 176 hours of DS9 + 172 hours of Voyager + 92 hours (announced so far) of Enterprise = … 728 hours. 30.3 Days of programming before it repeats. Add in stuff like Trekkies and Trekkies 2, and all the various behind the scenes specials and preview specials. Plus all the DVD extras. It’s quite a bit of stuff. (Maybe even have a weekly “star trek news” show with interviews and such.) Sigh… the fanboy’s dream… ---
**Author:** ![Thinks2Much](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@Thinks2Much](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thinks2Much)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2005, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/113 "2005-01-07T17:17:48Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > **Career channel** Featuring segments of what is involved to get a job at all levels of whatever industry you are interested in. From day to day mundania, benefits, wage/salary and whatever. From popular to obscure jobs. I had an idea similar to this, except that the point would be to focus on less known jobs and out of the way industries. I have worked for three companies so far that no one would have had any idea there was a market niche for them. They could alternate between careers and companies. Prime time would be the weird jobs people envy, like beer or ice cream tasters. It has to be said— **The Straight Dope Channel**. 🙂 Like the show that was on A&E back when, but all the time! There could be live panel discussions as well, either with some there in person or just phone ins, to simulate the message board side of things. (No one said the channels had to be existing fare.) ---
**Author:** ![Alonzo\_John\_Blitz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@Alonzo\_John\_Blitz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alonzo_John_Blitz)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2005, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/114 "2005-01-07T18:10:26Z")
The Time Channel – All time, all the time. Close-ups of different clocks from all over the world with current local times. Talking heads at News desks urgently spouting what time it is where they are RIGHT NOW! ---
**Author:** ![josejones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5fc32e/32.png) [@josejones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/josejones)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2005, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/115 "2005-01-07T20:11:29Z")
{and another network i’d like to see is the log channel. (on xmas day a bunch of the local channels around swo play the log show, which is just a looped shot of a burning log in a fireplace.) that, times 24hrs/365 would be awesomeness. [/QUOTE] my local cable channel shows something every weeknight called the 'wrangler jay" show. this old, nearly dead guy plays his collection of old cowboy country music. old, as in gene autry is probably an young’un for jay. the video is a shot of a log burning in a fireplace. the shot is so badly looped that it’s almost comical. * * * The Alf Channel. Alf all the time. Cockpit Camera Channel ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2005, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/116 "2005-01-07T20:59:20Z")
> [@](#): > > The Five Minute Movie Channel: Not a series of short flms, but regular movies stripped down to five minutes. **Bluesky** – you can get them down to one minute (in text, not video), on the web: [http://www.rinkworks.com/movieaminute/](http://www.rinkworks.com/movieaminute/) ---
**Author:** ![wrongz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/3ab097/32.png) [@wrongz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wrongz)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2005, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/117 "2005-01-08T01:21:18Z")
> [@](#): > > The Pilot Channel - nothing but failed pilots that were not turned into regular TV series. Was one called TRIO. Had brilliant but canceled shows and pilots. Now canceled itself. _59,000,000 people can’t be wrong_ ---
**Author:** ![Tenar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@Tenar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tenar)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2005, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/118 "2005-01-08T06:50:39Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > [For Local Broadcasts \*\* The Pet-rescue & adoption Channel\*\* rescue-no-kill shelters feature the animals at their shelters and talk up their good points and areas that need to be worked on. Kinda like a cable access channel only with better sound quality and camera work. Why only no-kill shelters? The need at public shelters is even greater, and it could help people get their lost pets back. They could check out the stock at the local pound every day for months if necessary, and they could peek in on shelters from adjoining localities, too, in case the pet crossed town lines or was picked up and then dumped by someone in another town. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2005, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/119 "2005-01-08T07:48:05Z")
> [@Tenar](#): > > Why only no-kill shelters? The need at public shelters is even greater, and it could help people get their lost pets back. They could check out the stock at the local pound every day for months if necessary, and they could peek in on shelters from adjoining localities, too, in case the pet crossed town lines or was picked up and then dumped by someone in another town. Ooooh, yeah, then on Halloween, they could air expose programs on all the bad shelters and pet owners in town! ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2005, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730/120 "2005-01-08T16:38:16Z")
**Cheerleader Channe;** All cheerleaders in short skirts, bouncing and cheering all the time. Sponsored by Trojan and Shout! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cable-networks-youd-like-to-see/279730.md?page=7)